Entry 6

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

11:15pm. 

Dear Jennifer,

My husband told me this morning before he left for job that he would be leaving for a one-week benchmarking trip to China with his executive the following week. 

What is funny about this trip is not the period it will take but the nitty-gritties of the benchmarking. I did not want to sound so snoopy, but I was tempted to ask how a small county in a developing country could benchmark with a developed country of the likes of China. I mean, what is even common between the two geographical units. Or perhaps my education inadequacy denies me a better understanding of economic concepts and development methods.

That aside, I am still scrutinising the pieces of advice you gave me on phone in the course of the day. I wanted to know how to handle my husbands secretive and absolutist nature, and you told me three things. 

First, you told me to ignore and stop delving into issues that do not concern me. You said the gold ring was not an issue to bother me as long as my husband was not willing to talk about it. You said digging into mysterious issues would only give me a heart attack and create more tension in my family. Well, withdrawing my interest is sure such a hard thing to do, considering that I love Georgie and would not want to lose him to a competitor, but I am carefully considering it. 

Second, you told me to respect my husband's decisions. You said that arguing with my children's father is like looking into the eye of a king and telling him "your decisions are wrong". "What would you expect the bloody dictor to do but to have your head cut off," I still reckon the very words you used. You said I could reason with him like my senior to let him see the real side of things, but not to invalidate his decisions all the time. You said that sometimes I should just leave fate to teach him in order to avoid chaos in my marriage.

Third, you told me never to spy on my husband. You said that men value independence and secrecy and that as long as I want him to be my husband, I should not have an issue with these. You warned me to never look into my man's phone. You said it could create mistrust and open a mayhem in my family. 

I am trying to consider these pieces one at a time. Though the demands might seem tall, I am glad we spoke and I feel somewhat relieved. In fact, since I had good sex with my husband last night, I feel light and easy. The flexibility with which I now go about my daily activities is good and motivating. I hope my life will improve hereafter.

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