4.a RS

Remembering you made me suffer an invisible wound. It's poignant, but I love the thrill.

~May i go?

I opened my eyes but the reflexes closed back when I saw the light that was too bright. I opened my eyes again, this time slowly. Blink briefly to adjust the light.  I looked around to make sure I knew where I was lying. The white wall with the smell of drugs that sting my nose, as well as the infusion needle stuck in my right hand, is enough to explain where I am.


The place I hate the most in the world. 

'Ahh I'm going home.' 

 Just as the last sentence in my mind was spoken, the door opened, showing a woman with a daster motif of flowers and wrinkles on her pretty face.  I hate the wrinkles on her face. Because it's all because of me.

Quickly the woman I used to call mama came up to me with a worried expression that was already attached to her face every time I saw her. That affectionate woman started coming up with a lot of questions about my situation. I fell silent, not knowing what to explain why this happened to me. Seeing me just fell silent, mom stopped her questions from colliding. My mom looked me in the eye and as if to know what I was feeling, My mom  bent down to hug me who was lying in a hospital bed. Still hugging me without words, apparently mama's tears had spilled over my chest. My tears were slowly dripping, I felt so guilty for having to make my mother continue to grieve.

'I'm sorry, ma' 

I reciprocated hugging my mom, by wrapping my hand around mom's back.  


The door was opened roughly by my dad, maybe because he heard mom's crying, my dad became angry. My dad took my mom into his arms. Mom's crying voice is getting louder, making Dad hug my mom tightly and stroking mom's head to calm down. Feeling that my mom wouldn't calm down if it was still by my side, my dad took my mom out, I could only keep quiet looking at it, because I was very aware that all of my mom's sadness was due to thinking of me.

My dad stopped his move when he was in front of the door, 'At least if you want to act stupid, don't make anyone else worry about you!' 

Then my dad left without a single look at me.  I smiled in the middle of my tears, my dad and my mom cared deeply for me, even though my dad  didn't show it clearly. I closed both my eyes with my arms. I know, in dad's  words, that he want I don't do stupid things that makes them worry.

    Their worries remind me of someone lurking in my brain. Makes me remember the past that makes my heart feel more painful. Because at the end of the part, I have to be made aware of a fact that I still don't want to believe.

October 20, 2017 

'You can eat spicy food! Herein your ramyeon let me eat that.' -at that time in the school canteen.

'Iiih!! You can not eat fried food!! Give it to me!' -at that time in front of the schooll fence.

'Duh you're can not drink wheeled drinks.' -at that time in the cafe with our friends.

When I was at my house, my mom and my dad were still in the office. And my brother who I've guessed prefers to keep busy with games in his room, rather than having to look at his brother's romance and become a mosquito repellent.  

'What are you try to doing today?' I asked when we just got to the door with hef who just got off my bike.  

'It's okay, really. What's wrong?'  

'That was-'

'Let's go in.' She said while holding me to get into the house.  When I just sat down on the living room couch, she went straight into the kitchen.  Soon she came with a tray containing peeled apples and melons and cut into pieces, as well as some oranges, and two glasses of water. She put everything on the table, then sat next to me.  'Aaaa.... the train is ready to slide..' she said while thrusting a small piece of melon.

I took the fruit. I grab the fork she's holding to feed her too.  'Why have you been paying attention to my food lately?' I asked her the question I wanted to ask in front of the house.  

'Don't you and your band want to be in the competition next week?'   

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