Chapter 1: The Mistake

**LUCIEN**

Late nights that never end. That's what my life is. 

The smell of stale beer, warm liquor, and cheap perfume filling through the air. Nothing but slutty shewolves walking around in tight or hardly any clothing. Men with no mates, dead mates, or who don't care about their mates. slowly wasting away.

Constantly churning in my stomach, sticking to me like a second skin. Embedding it's stench to me.

I've literally spent my whole life trying to be the best of the best. Just to be told that it was for nothing. That it was just to be a backup plan. Number is what I'll always be.

"Lucien, you need to head back to the pack house. Your brother is trying to mind link you. He needs you there now." The bartender Chris tells me. I'm a regular here now. Everyone knows me because I'm the Alpha's second son. And the New Alpha's baby brother.

"Tell my brother, the Alpha, I said to fu.ck off. I'm closing this place down tonight." I said with a slight slur and a chuckle. 

His eyes go wide in fear. I know he won't actually tell my brother to fu.ck off, but he will tell my brother what I said in a more respectable way. 

Since I know he won't serve me anymore. I reach over the bar and grab two bottles of my favorite alcohol. Peach Crown Royal and Jack Daniels Honey. The two together with a little sprite is magical. 

The atmosphere is stiff. But this is the life I chose. Three years ago, when I was 22. I thought that would be the day I’d be announced Alpha. I thought growing up all my hard work would lead to that day. My dad pulled me and my brother into the office. Said that it was the day that the new Alpha would take over. 

He looked directly at my brother and asked him if he was ready. I was shocked. Dumbfounded. 

It was like it wasn’t even a question. Like it was just supposed to be him all along. And when I asked about it, my father looked me dead in my face and said, “It was never going to be you, Lucien. Your brother has always been the rightful Alpha. We just needed you to be close in his training as a backup or if your brother wants you as his Beta.”  

That night was the first time I got drunk. And I haven’t quit since. Crown and Jack are the only things that haven’t let me down. It got even worse after I met her...

“LUC!!” My brother roared through the bar. Welp, he’s pissed. Haha.

“Hahaha, hello 'Alpha'.. To what do I owe the pleasure?” I recited as sarcastically as I could.

“I have been trying to mind link you all night. Is this where you have been??” He is seething. Oh well.

“Yes dear Alpha, I have been sitting here, wasting away in liquor. Just like every other night. What do you want from me? Why did you come all the way here?” I sneered. I’m over this bullsh.it already. 

“I want to rip you to pieces for all of your bullsh.it. But the only reason I am not going to do it right now is because I need to know where mom is.” What the hell? How should I know?

“I don’t know where she is?” I said sincerely. Why would I? I tear my eyes away from my bottles to look at him and he is pale...

“Are you serious? She is our mother, the former Luna. And you were supposed to be with her tonight for dinner with her friends!? She didn’t want the guards going with her, and dad is being an a.ss. You agreed to be her escort tonight!!” He is seriously pissed. He never really cared for dad’s approval. Mom was always the one he strived to gain the attention of. She loves us both the same, and has never treated either of us better than the other. 

But dammit, I didn't realize that was tonight. Fear and panic are coursing through my veins.

“FUCK!! I didn’t realize that was tonight. I’m going on three days of not passing out cold for a week. SHIT! Who was she supposed to meet and where?” I growled. Frustrated with myself. I should've paid attention. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and see I have a few missed calls from her about 5 hours ago... Sh.it. Sh.it. SH.IT!!!!!

I jumped from my seat, spilling my shots on myself and the table. The bar is quiet. I am growling and so is Leon. “We have to find her!!” I stormed out of the bar, stumbling as I am intoxicated, but also enraged. It takes a lot for a werewolf to get drunk, and my constant drinking has made my tolerance extremely high. But when we get shipments of alcohol to this bar, they are altered to make the same great tasting liquor easier to get werewolves drunk.

“Get in my car you fu.cking idiot!!! If anything has happened to her it is on you.” He growled. And he is right. I hate it when he’s right. And right now I am drunk so I don't really care at this point.

“You're the idiot that ALLOWED your drunk little brother to be the escort for OUR mother away from the packlands. This isn’t just on me for forgetting. It’s on you, ALPHA, for allowing it. And it’s on mom for going without protection anyway.” I seethed. In some sense, I am right too. But if anything ever happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself. 

"That's because I thought that AT LEAST 'Mother', OF ALL DAMN PEOPLE, could count on you. But I was so wrong..." He spat out at me.

We get into Leon’s pickup and he starts racing from the bar. He has the guards check her planner to see where she would be meeting her friends. And it is an Italian restaurant in the human town. Leon called her friends and they said she never showed up. They thought that she got hung up with Luna duties. Leon hasn’t found his mate yet, so mom is still taking care of Luna tasks. But we don’t call her acting-Luna so she doesn’t have to travel to other packs. 

We whip into the restaurant's parking lot, and there are only a couple of vehicles here. I check the time and it’s close to 11pm. I don’t even see her car parked here. 

“There is nothing here for us if she didn’t even show up here, Leon. Come on, we have to take whatever road she would have taken to get here.” I said frantically, while slurring my words. I stumbled and fell into the car. 

I jumped back in the car, and he did too. Right now we are both mad. We are both freaking out. But we aren’t going to talk until her whereabouts are confirmed.

"I hope she is okay. I completely forgot I was supposed to be with her tonight. Why would she still go? I’m not reliable. She knows I probably wouldn’t show up. Why would she still leave with no protection??" I whisper under my breath. Leon doesn't say anything, he is in full on Alpha-tracking mode.

He finds the road our mom always takes to the human town. She travels this way a lot. We haven’t had any outside threats. And how would someone even know who she is? If she’s hurt…

‘Quit torturing yourself, Lucien. It isn’t going to do you any good.’ My wolf, Ragnar, remarked.

‘It will be my fault though.. It is my fault...’ I tried to reason with him over my pity party. 

‘We have to find her first. Control yourself. I am trying to get rid of this alcohol in our system so you can think better, but it’s put a strain on me. We will find her, Luc. Just think smart.’ He exclaimed.

We come up to a car wrecked in the ditch on a side road.

“That doesn’t look like mom's car?” I said. Or more of questioned. 

“It isn’t but if someone attacked her, this could be their car.” He replied angrily looking around. 

I could smell a hint of blood. And instantly, my stomach turned. I shifted into Ragnar in a split second, and darted into the woods. The smell of the iron in the blood getting thicker, my stomach churning more. I know who it belongs to but I don’t want it to belong to her. Not her…

 I can hear Leon's wolf’s feet pounding against the forest floor behind me. In a sense, I am faster. I have always been faster. Just not born first. 

  My whole body is trembling when I can feel I am coming up on a scene I never thought I’d see in a million years.

My mother, laying as still as a fallen log after a hurricane. I am trembling in Ragnar’s form even more. ‘Ragnar, shift back.’ I commanded and he whimpers, feeling my heartache.

“MOM!!!!” I scream as I reach for her. I stumbled to the ground, falling before her body. No movement. Not even a flinch. I hear Leon run up behind me. And as soon as his eyes land on her lifeless body, the most soul piercing roar leaves his throat. 

I know his eyes can’t leave her body, I can feel the anguish he is feeling. It’s exactly how I feel. I feel… Responsible. Helpless. I can’t hear anything, I can hardly see. My voice is gone. I finally feel a punch connect to my jaw. And I fall backward with my mother in my arms. When I look up I see Leon in his human form. He’s mad but he’s hurt. Tears are streaming down his face. He looks at me with pure suffering and he takes our mother from my arms. Leaving me in the middle of the woods outside our pack borders alone. Still slightly drunk and now dazed. 

‘I killed her, Ragnar. If only I would have let go of my stupid hurt for one fu.cking day and just escorted her to hangout with her stupid friends she would be fine.’ I cried. I haven’t cried since the day Carrie rejected me. She was the one the Moon Goddess made for me. She looked me dead in my face, no trace of emotion, and told me she would never love me and that she only ever loved Leon. He doesn’t know she was my mate. And I won’t ever tell him. 

I watched his retreating figure disappear into the forest and I just laid there. Hoping an actual bear, or another shifter, would find me and just end it all. 

I left the darkness to consume me, the punch that Leon gave me finally catching up to me and then it's lights out.