Lingering Doubts

Tess

10

I forgot how overwhelming and all-consuming being around Ace was. I didn't know if he just wanted Winnie, and I just happened to be a bonus. If Winnie wasn't in the picture, would he still want me? Would he have turned me away if I had returned and needed help?

I have never stopped wanting him; I believed the worst of him and left. He has every right to hold a grudge against me. Years' worth of anger and resentment cannot just disappear.

I wanted to believe that could be true, that maybe I was enough. Perhaps the love we had was genuine. He used to tell me I was the only thing that made him feel. Being in love with a dangerous man like Ace was terrifying and amazing. Having his passion and his heart made me feel powerful. That is silly in a way, but it was true.

I wanted to give Winnie a sibling, something I never thought possible. But now was the wrong time to do so. Maybe I will talk him into at least using condoms because I have flashbacks of raising Winter alone. It was so