Returning back to Everton Silver high Academy was not part of the plan. We'd talked, my father and I, agreeing that I needed to be back home, yet somehow I found myself travelling back, this time, after such a long time.
My father taking me.
The travel alone was silent and neither one of us had much to say to each other, being lost in thought.
It had been a couple of months after she passed, my stepmom that is and until now, it still pained me. She had surely filled the void of not having my mom around and she created new memories for us. A year they'd been married and suddenly we lost her due to a car accident, devastatingly so, it left both my dad and I shattered.
She's left us to find the pieces and piece them back together again. My father has found more reason to be busy and distance himself from me. I can almost forgive him for that, because admittedly I can say that I'll never understand, the immense pain of losing a partner.
A second mother yes, for she was my friend, someone I could share everything with and that's why, she's the only other person who knew my reason, for not wanting to go back there. I vowed to never return, my last time being there serving as a painful reminder, of what I went through.
I've never had a lot of friends growing up, the only well trusted, a confidant, was Roman. An only friend I cherished and held close to my heart, him being in my life made so much sense, for I considered him my other half. He earned the right to be called the most important person in my life, right after my parents. My heart easily let him in yet all too soon, that same heart was left bleeding and lost when he abandoned me.
We always seemed to work things out, he was my best friend of course and it only took one day for him, to break everything I've built to know. Him leaving left a crack, an opening for every other thing I've been oblivious to, now to enter into my life.
I've tried to make myself happy and that didn't work out, I then moved on to try find some sort of balance and for a while, I took a breath of ease till what happened on that fateful night. I don't know where I am now but keeping my head down, for my last year is the plan.
Thank God I've never been popular, so my arrival won't be much of a buzz for most, though the ones who were present that night and those who heard, might cast a glance or two my way.
Ignore them. My consciousness told me.
I cast a glance at my father once he pulled over at the hostel parking lot. He looked ahead, seeming to be thinking and took a minute or so, to realize that I'm looking at him.
It had been quite a while since I'd seen a real smile from him, I longed to see it again.
"Dad?" He looks at me.
Him looking at me now, makes my words to get stuck in my throat.
I look away, a small sigh releasing from my lips as I reach out my hand, to open the door and get out. Before I could open the door, his hand shot out and held my wrist .
" The weekend. You'll visit on the weekends." I nod my head in relief, getting out of the car.
We don't speak the whole way to my assigned room and I make sure, to not let my eyes linger on anyone passing by.
I've been assigned a new roommate and I hope, that we stay out of each other's way. I've learned the hard way, the consequences of letting a roommate have free reign over your business, I don't want to make the same mistake again.
Being back here just reminds me that I made the right decision of not involving my dad. I wouldn't want it to be a burden on him, when he's dealing with his own stuff.
Making it into my room, I mentally sigh in relief when I see that Avery is my roommate.
Avery Marshall is one of the good ones from what I've gathered, in all our school years. We've passed a few words here and there when needed and shared a couple of laughs, nothing major, but she's cool and most importantly she wasn't a witness to what happened that night.
" Hazel, you're my roommate?" That's the first thing to come out of her mouth.
"Guess I am." I mumble.
I watch her straighten up when her eyes glance to my dad, who places a box on top of my bed.
"Dad this is Avery Marshall, Avery, dad." I introduce them, ending it there as I walk over to the window, after placing my suitcase down.
What's nice about Everton is that you get two options on accommodation. You either get a flat or apartment near by, or stay in the hostel. With the hostel, it's separated with the guys and girls and curfew is at eight. With the exception of the weekend, which is at ten pm.
I don't know why dad has been reluctant about me having my own place to stay. I am going to be an adult soon, so it's better to be prepared now then later.
" Hazel?" I glance over my shoulder, only realising that we are alone.
Was I too much in my thoughts to not hear Avery leave?
" Where's Avery?"
" She was just called." I nod, looking back at the window.
" I know you have to leave." I tell him.
" Yes, but I just want to say something." He says, now joining me.
" What?"
"If in about a month or so, living here does not work out for you, then we'll look elsewhere." My head snaps to him.
He knows. How does he know?
" Nicole had told me that something had happened. She told me to talk to you about it." I look away.
I can't tell you. It's too embarrassing .
"Then why bring me here?"
" I didn't want your last memory of this place to be a painful one. Call me optimistic but a second chance here might just be what you need."
He places a hand on my shoulder, earning my eyes once again.
" I'll miss you." He tells me and I nod, closing the distance for a side hug.
He kisses the top of my head before pulling back. Him glancing at his watch tells me, that it's time for him to go.
A last check of everything I'll need and a goodbye smile later, dad leaves and reality sinks in.
I'm really back here.
******
Avery has been gone for quite some time now and I took the time, to get settled. Thank God it's just us two in the room, while some are four in a room and we are separated from the guys.
Drama, I want to steer away from, like I've always done. It's just so unfortunate on how things ended for me last time.
I already miss home and maybe it would have been a good thing, if I'd begged to stay somewhere else. Then again, it'll only be for a month here and then I get to make a decision.
Nothing bad or regretful has happened so far, so I'm in the clear.
A knock on the door knocks me out of my thoughts, my eyes meeting the figure at the doorway and I freeze for a moment. I slowly rise from the bed, getting on my feet with my eyes not straying away from him.
6ft tall with dirty blonde hair, green eyes, almost pale skin and looking as hot as ever, he stands. Danny Carter. My boyfriend, or not. I'm not clear about where we stand now, after our break.
"Can I come in?" He asks and I nod.
He enters and almost closes the door, but he leaves it slightly ajar and I breathe out in relief.
If you were to ask me why, I wouldn't be able to answer now.
He takes easy steps towards me, only for me to take one back when little space remains, making him to stop. He takes a few seconds frowning, before nodding and taking another step back.
" You could have told me that you were here." He speaks up.
" I didn't think I was coming back." I tell him honestly.
" You were committed on your decision weren't you?" He asks.
I don't say anything, walking past him to sit back down on my bed.
He too follows suit, settling down on my bed, right next to me. It's not the first time he's done so, I mean he's my boyfriend and he's never had a reason to ask to sit beside me, yet I move a bit, creating space between us.
He seems to notice but doesn't say anything.
"You're here now."
" I'm here." Unfortunately.
I sigh.
"I waited for your call." He tells me.
I turn to look at him, his eyes already on me." I thought that was part of the break. No communication." I say.
"But I still wanted to know how you were doing this whole time."
" I wasn't ready to talk to you." I peer at him from under my lashes.
" And now?"
" I don't know." I mumble, honesty dripping off my voice.
"And us?" I don't answer.
My head is tilted up for me to look at him. " You're not giving me much here baby." He groans.
" I don't know what to say."
My feelings are conflicted right now and I'm not in the right head space.
I feel him lean in and that's when panic kicks in, my mind taking me back to that night. I jump up off the bed and out of reach. I avert my eyes everywhere but at him, not wanting to see his reaction.
" Too soon?" I nod.
He sighs, getting up off the bed.
" I'm sorry. "
What are you really sorry for? I want to ask.
" Are you coming tonight?"
I look at him in question.
"There'll be a bonfire later on and you know as seniors, they ease up on us a bit." He smirks at that and my lips twitch into a small smile.
" I'm pretty sure you've got this whole year planned out."I arch my brow.
" Well...." He trails off.
" I'm afraid to even ask." He chuckles at that.
He surprises me by pulling me close by hand. Before I can react, his other hand rests on my waist. He leans in close and I hold my breath, thinking he's going to kiss me, only for him to hug me and bury his head at the crook of my neck.
I tense up before reminding myself that this is Danny, letting my body ease up a bit.
" I miss you." He says in my ear.
"Me too, but that doesn't change anything."
He leans back, bringing his hand up to rest against my cheek.
"You're right, it doesn't. We still are together and I'll be damned if I let you go." He says with determination in his eyes.
My mouth opens and closes, words not coming out.
" Hazel I - ," Avery says , bursting through the door, making us to break apart. " Oh uh - I didn't know you had company, I'll just -," she starts to back out.
" Uh it's okay, I was just leaving." Danny tells her before turning to me." I'll see you later."
I give him a look, his shoulders sagging a bit." Hopefully."
With that he walks out.
"Is he even aloud this side?" I don't answer, walking over to stand by the window again, crossing my arms.
" So......" I glance at her.
" We are going out later, right?"
I already feel out of place. I shouldn't even be here but somehow I let Avery drag me to the bonfire. Thank God it wasn't at the creek or anywhere close, though it was near the forest, so I can't really complain.Being in the company of Avery, I've already gotten the sense that she's intent on making the most of her senior year. At first, in the years passed, you'd never really see her involve herself with parties and things like that, but last year, I saw a bit of change in her.Now that I'm her roommate, I am afraid she'll try drag me along with her everywhere, when it was my intention to not do so. The bonfire was set in a clearing , surrounded by trees. To me, it simply gave off that House of Wax vibes, but that's my opinion. While most people huddled around the fire, there was still different groups scattered around, creating a more wider circle.Cars were parked on top of a small hill while th
I must be dreaming, seriously.He can't be back, he can't.'But he is.' My consciousness tells me.I close my eyes as I lean my back against the tree, trying to wrap my head around what just happened back there. I knew that I shouldn't have come, I had a troubling feeling all along and even though, I didn't think something like tonight would happen, I knew something would.Roman Joel O'Connor.He's back.Things would have been much easier if it weren't for what happened years ago, when the first and only boy I've ever really trusted, broke my heart. He left with no trace, but kept memories behind.He should have left a long time ago, when there was the first hit. They made it public and it surely wasn't pretty.I believed he wouldn't leave me and that I had nothing to worry about, guess I was wrong, he found a reason to leave , to
We've been sitting in silence, Sam and I. After he chased after me, he led me back to the hostel, but we remained outside, within the premises.Sam Desai, the only person who was there for me after that night, who never did any wrong and recently, I've discovered, is my cousin. Sam and I had grown up around each other , neither one of us knowing much about our relation, he was always there. He was present during my birthdays or family gatherings and at first, I took it as him being my mom's Godson, never thinking much to it. Now that I've learnt that he's my cousin, gives me a sense of relief.Atleast I have someone close with me here." Tonight must have been hard on you." I turn my head in his direction, my gaze forcing him to look at me." Seeing everyone and being reminded of what happened."" I thought I would forget and put it behind me." I say, looking ahead." How could you, you al
"It doesn't matter to me." I speak up, turning around to face him after Ingrid basically ditches me." Ah and she speaks." His lips twitch into a grin. "It's good to have you back, thought I'd lost you there for a second."He says, taking a step towards me."Don't you dare come any closer, stay away." I warn with my hand up, stepping back and making him stop.He sighs. "How long will you keep running?"Until you leave me the heck alone."You just couldn't stay away could you?" I say."And how could I?" He steps closer." After that night...." He trails off.My eyes search his own for any kind of knowledge, and with the emotion flickering in them, I know it's true.He was there.How was he there?" Were you there that night?" I softly ask, feeling desperate to know." Sw
Two days have passed with neither Roman and I running into each other, more like I've been trying to avoid him, staying out of his way.Hard work indeed.After finding out about his girlfriend, I was given more reason to stay away, for us to not run into each other.It didn't feel right for me, to be following after Roman even if it's to check on him. I have no right to interfere in his life, to even bother him, though he's done just that.What would his girlfriend think if some strange girl followed after her boyfriend?......No. Avoiding him is the best option.And speaking of relationships, my own is still on the unclear, Danny and I haven't spoken much after his encounter with Roman, so talking to him was out of the question for now.So I spent most of my time in the school library, having the peace I so craved for, the first time I arrived here. Deep down I knew that I
I shouldn't be feeling like this, experiencing the feeling of regret because I've received what I wanted. I should sigh out in relief that he's not bothering me right?Today, he literally left me alone and didn't even glance my way the whole time, our paths would cross. He's kept his way and I should do the same, not over think things and not allow my mind, to be in deep thought about him.His friend's words had hurt to be honest, for someone to paint a picture of me as vindictive and someone who loves attention, not to mention selfish and all types of wrong. He made everyone sound like they are the victims and I'm the bad one here. His words should not matter to me yet they invade my thoughts every now and then.But he was right about Danny, I've been keeping him at arms length, even after so much time has passed. He's been trying to reach out to me, from some time now and honestly, what he did was really a mistake,
" I can't believe you brought me here." I say, looking around the bowling alley, whilst Sam and I wear our bowling shoes." Yeah and I can't believe you invited your boyfriend here." He says." He won't join us till later, besides, it's my way of proving that I really meant what I said. To go back to how things were between us.""You don't need to prove anything to anyone." He argues."Well this is also for me, a step to moving past something and trying to get back what I've placed on pause." I say, rising to my feet."Maybe you could also apply that on someone else."I break eye contact, not feeling up to talking about Roman. All I want to do is have a nice night, a relaxed evening and to laugh, to laugh with no reason."Let's play, shall we?" I say, walking on to start playing."Hey, hey." His hand on my elbow stops me. " I'm sorry, I sh
Two weeks had passed since that night. Roman hadn't tried talking to me or doing something stupid as scare me half to death, like when he snuck up on me. I would have been more relieved if it weren't for the burning urge to know where his head is at.I knew that he'd keep true to his word, that there would be a next time, I just didn't know when.I hated that form of surprise.Stolen glances my way had lessened, that being to the fact that he was preoccupied with his girlfriend, who I was yet to know her name. She was always around him, confirming what I'd already learnt.They actually looked good together, she was pretty with auburn long hair, brown eyes, light skin with freckles on her nose. She is the definition of gorgeous. The best part about her being that she never went over the top with whatever she had on, she could simply pull off jeans and a simple shirt.Roman and h