Chapter 4

Saph POV

         I shuffle along the moss-covered path leading to Daya and Darius’ cottage. The warm glow from inside begins to illuminate my steps as I get closer. When the chatter and laughter hit my ears, all I want to do is turn around and run. I have nothing to offer to any conversation. I know I’m going to bring the mood down the moment I walk in. My sisters do a good job of pretending they’re happy to see me, but I know they don’t enjoy my company anymore.

         I take a deep breath as I stare at the large, wooden door before me. I slowly raise my hand, preparing to knock, but before I can make contact with the door, it wooshes open, sending a slight gust of wind towards me.

         “About time you showed up. You owe me twenty bucks! I knew she’d be at least two hours late!” Amy declares as she tosses her head to the side.

         “Nice to see you too, Amy,” I grumble, rolling my eyes at her comment, and nudging her out of my way to step inside.

         “Oh, shut up, Amy! Let her in. Good to see you, Saph!” Daya greets me with a genuine smile. I do my best to return the gesture.

         “Sorry I’m late. I got caught up at work. Lots of warriors have been coming in for physicals for this mysterious competition you won’t tell anyone about,” I say as I casually make my way to the small bar cart in their sitting room. I pour myself a healthy glass of vodka, with just a splash of cranberry juice.

         Daya’s disapproving stare doesn’t go unnoticed, but I know she isn’t going to make a scene in front of everyone. This is meant to be a pleasant evening. As long as I leave before Pearl and Amy, she won’t have an opportunity to give me one of her big sister heart-to-hearts. I take a large sip, relishing the way the vodka stings the back of my throat. Anything to numb the pain; to quiet the thoughts and memories that torment me.

         “Yea, when are we going to be given some insider information about this warrior competition, Dye?” Pearl asks from the kitchen. She finishes plating everything into serving dishes before walking out to the dining area, her hands filled with a couple of platters. The smell of pasta and garlic bread fills my nose.

         Knowing Daya and Darius, the bread isn’t homemade. To be fair, they are parents to the cutest infant and have their hands full. Plus, neither of them are the biggest cooks. If this were months ago, I’d have been here the day before, kneading dough from scratch to ensure it had plenty of time to rise. I love fresh-baked bread, but cooking just takes so much energy these days, and I’m too exhausted to bother.

         “All will be revealed in time. I’m not giving anything anyway until I’ve finished working out the details with Logan,” Daya says firmly as she takes a seat across from me on the couch.

         “Leslie mentioned that she couldn’t get any information out of Logan either. She said that whatever the competition is, she’s definitely entering it,” Pearl says as she joins us in the sitting room.

         Pearl and Leslie have become close friends over the last few months. They live together too. Leslie’s older brother, Logan, was appointed as the new Gamma of Running River Pack after Lucas found his mate and joined her at the Forza Pack, becoming their Gamma. This train of thought makes me think about Emmy and my heart spasms as guilt and regret flood my mind. I take another large sip of my drink, using the alcohol to shove the feelings down.

         “Are you ladies just going to sit around and let good food get cold or are we eating?” Darius teases as he enters the room, holding the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen. I immediately sit up straighter, my eyes widening, and I place my glass down. “Does Auntie Saph want to hold Calson? He has been asking about her for the last couple of weeks. Isn’t that right, my boy?” Darius says in a cute, baby voice that elicits the sweetest giggle from Calson. My heart tightens and I reach my hands out for the chubby-cheeked boy.

         The moment I have Calson in my hands, a subtle warm sensation consumes me, and my body relaxes. I breathe in his scent of gentle innocence and tears threaten to leave my eyes, but I fight them back.

         “Hello Mr. Calson. Have you been the best baby for my sister and brother-in-law?” I hum, staring into his dark eyes. His round face is adorned with thick, wavy, black locks and chubby cheeks.

         “He certainly believes he is the Alpha of the household. He hates sleeping. He will only sleep if we are standing up and rocking him. I literally fell asleep standing up against our bedroom wall,” Daya confesses. I hear the strain in her voice, and I look up and really inspect her, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. I really haven’t been as helpful with baby Calson as I could be. More guilt. More regret. I need another drink, but not while I’m holding Calson.

         “Well, maybe I can stay here in the evenings with Calson. That way you and Darius can get some sleep,” I offer, bouncing Calson on my knee. He coos and giggles and I feel his drool dripping onto my hands that are gently supporting his abdomen.

         “Oh, Darius has been sleeping just fine. Isn’t that right, Dare?” Daya glares at Darius, filling the room with an awkward silence.

         “It’s not my fault that I don’t hear him crying. And, let’s not forget, I lack the…equipment necessary to soothe him,” Darius retorts as he points his fingers to his chest. Amy snorts, making Pearl break out into a small fit of giggles as well.

         “It’s called a bottle, Darius!” Daya pops up from her seat and throws her hands in the air. I decide to move to the dining area with Calson so he doesn’t have to hear his parents squabbling.

         “He prefers you! He won’t take the bottles when you’re here. I can’t help that my nipples are just for show and don’t produce milk. If they did, I swear, I’d be up all night feeding him, so you could get some sleep and stop nagging me every day.”

         Oh…shit…

Amy and Pearl quickly join me in the dining area. Is this our exit cue? I don’t want to leave Calson when Daya and Darius are arguing like this. I’m mentally preparing myself for Daya to punch Darius in the face or tackle him into a wall, when she erupts into laughter instead.  

         “What the fuck? Is she laughing? Has Daya officially lost it?” Amy whispers to us, trying to peer into the sitting area.

         “I’m now picturing you with giant boobs, trying to breastfeed Cal, and the moment he latches, you’re screaming because you have such sensitive nipples,” Daya says between her laughter. I watch her collapse onto the couch, holding her stomach as she continues laughing hard. I think that’s more than enough information about Darius’ nipples to last me a lifetime.

         “You think that’s funny, Troublemaker?” I hear him whisper to her while he leans over her body on their couch. She continues giggling, but her giggling soon turns into them kissing.

         “Ooookay. I think I’m going to leave. I don’t know how they went from fighting to making out, but I’m done,” Amy says, grabbing a couple of pieces of garlic bread off the table as she tiptoes out the back door.

         “I’m going to follow her lead. Are you staying, Saph?” Pearl whispers to me, her cheeks turning bright pink as the kissing and giggling from the other room get louder.

         “Yea, I’ll watch the little guy so those two can take the night off from their parental duties,” I tell her as I follow her toward the back entrance with Calson sitting quietly in my arms.

         ‘I have Calson for the evening. You and Darius take the night off. I’ll be here,’ I tell Daya through our mindlink but I don’t expect her to respond.

         ‘Best sister ever!’ she praises through the link. I can’t fight the small smile that tugs at my lips even though I know she’s just saying that. I’ve been the worst sister over the last three months. Watching Calson for one night won’t atone for anything.

- - -

         I watch the early morning sunrise peek through the trees from my perch on the porch. I stayed up all night, listening to the critters of the night. Calson eventually fell asleep in my arms and is still out cold. His soft breaths are the only sounds I hear on this quiet morning. My eyes are heavy with fatigue, but it was worth getting to hold this tiny miracle for the last seven hours.

         “He’s still asleep? What did you do to him?” Daya whispers from behind me. I slowly turn my head to face her, one corner of my mouth tugging up slightly.

         “Nothing at all. I think the sounds of nature and being outside relaxed him. The crickets and owls were like a sound machine for him. He fussed for a bit but fell asleep when the moon was at its brightest, and he has been asleep since,” I tell her softly as I gently rock from side to side. Calson nuzzles his tiny face into my shoulder, my hair falling onto his head.

         Daya takes a seat next to me and rests her head on my other shoulder. “Thank you for staying with him. I really needed to sleep,” she says softly as she smiles at Calson sleeping in my arms. 

         “Didn’t sound like you two were sleeping,” I tease her as I twitched my shoulder at her.

         “Well…we did that too. Then we slept. Calson has definitely made it difficult for Darius and me to be together. We see each other every day, but we still miss each other. I know that sounds weird,” Daya begins to ramble, keeping her head on my shoulder.

         “Doesn’t sound weird at all. Sounds like you both love each other very much,” I say, but what I really want to say is that she doesn’t know the definition of missing someone. She still has her mate. She has everything that I lost. I don’t say it though. I’ve ruined enough happy moments in the last few months.    

         “Can I ask you for another favor, Saph?” She sits up and faces me, her face becoming more serious. I school my own expression and gently nod for her to continue. “Go with Amy and Pearl to Red Mountain Pack for the full moon run. I can’t go with Calson, and Emmy is so busy with school and her Luna duties as well. I don’t like the idea of our younger sisters so far away without one of us looking out for them.”

         My entire body stiffens at her request. If I wasn’t holding Calson, I’d have stormed off and not even considered it. A part of me thinks she has left Calson in my arms for that very reason. Smart bitch.

         “Dye…Can’t somebody else go? There’s nothing for me at Red Mountain Pack but pain and discomfort. Why do you want to subject me to that?” I know I sound like a whiny child, but just the thought of going to Red Mountain Pack has my skin crawling. Nathan died saving their Alpha and the witch who killed him is being held prisoner there. They haven’t killed her or anything. Their Alpha is far too kind.  

         “You don’t have to go on the full moon run. You don’t even have to leave your room. I just want to know that our younger sisters have one of us there with them. If they find their mates, one of us should be there,” Daya explains.

         “Why is everyone so happy and willing to find their fated mates? Not too long ago, you were willing to run away from Darius because the mate bond could take either of your lives. You’re suddenly oblivious to the fact that a plague almost killed off the entire werewolf race. I never thought you’d be such a hopeless romantic, Dye.”

         “It seems like you’ve become bitter and cynical. It wasn’t long ago that you were encouraging me to accept my bond with Darius; that us finding each other and being the first fated mates in over twenty years must be a blessing from the Moon Goddess. Now, you’re the one cursing fate and running.”

         There’s the blunt and honest older sister I’ve been avoiding. I motion to hand Calson back to her, eager to make my escape and avoid the rest of this conversation. Daya moves away from me, refusing to hold her baby. Stubborn bitch.

         “What does it matter what I do anymore, Dye? I get up. I go to work. I do all the things I have to do,” I argue, still keeping my voice low so I don’t wake the baby.

         “Exactly, Saph. You’re doing all the things you have to do. You used to be so happy and joyful. You used to do things because you wanted to. I’m not saying you have to have fun at Red Mountain Pack. Just get away from here for a couple of days. Get out of your cottage that has become a tomb for Nathan.”

        

I clench my jaw so hard I feel like my teeth may break. I lower my gaze to the ground and let out a deep sigh.

         “Fine. I’ll be their chaperone. But this is it, Daya. I don’t want to hear any more from you, or anyone, about how I need to move on from Nathan. Mind your business, or else I’ll do exactly what you’re telling me to do: I’ll leave, for good. Without a trace.”