Chapter Four: Dream a Little Dream of…

There I am in the white room again. Why the fuck do I keep dreaming with this? I walk towards the mirror again. My other version is there, but she is not alone. She is on someone’s bed, undressed, asleep. I try to call her, me, and I slap the mirror a few times, as hard as I can, but she does not listen to me. She looks… happy.

Someone else approaches the mirror, a tall, blonde figure, not more than forty years old, with only a towel around his waist. I watched every single detail on that handsome fella my other self seems to have slept with. His eyes are a really light brown, almost yellow, even, his skin is slightly tanned, he has a discreet pointy nose, and a gorgeous mouth, even though he has a scar from his left eyebrow that barely skips his eye and goes over his nose and disappears under his right jaw. He looks right at me, making me as red as a tomato. I let my shame go, and knock on the mirror, calling my own name, but he does not listen to me nor hears my calls.

As I gave up trying to get their attention, the man combed his hair back, which is short, but long enough to reach the back of his neck when completely combed back, and shaved on its sides. I have always said that is a perfect male haircut. He smiles, and I realize he is watching my other self through the mirror while she sleeps. She wakes up, smiling from ear to ear, while she stretches her body, that I could clearly see it was fitter than my body, because while she stretched, the thin sheets that covered her slid down as she was shamelessly naked underneath them.

When she looks at the mirror with a huge grin on her face, waiting to see her beau’s eyes, she looks straight at me and her satisfied face turns into a really terrified one. She sighs, looks at the blonde god (that’s what I’m calling him now), and says ‘She’s there, Leon. She needs to find me.’ Leon turns his eyes back to the mirror, seemingly trying to see me, when I realize only the other version of me can see me. She looks back at me, with a sad smile ‘Accept who you really are, and what you are looking at right now will be, Ky. Find me. Find us. Please, let it be true.’

I couldn’t answer, as I was pulled back to reality, drenched in my own sweat. I sit up and look around, finding myself alone in my bedroom. After what I’d dreamt, being alone right now seems just perfect. Never thought about being with another person. But that Leon guy seems fine. ‘More than fine… My hands on that six pack would be gladly lost in sin. Damn towel. I was naked, for fuck’s sake. Why wasn’t he?’ Lost in my naughty thoughts, I got depressed by the realization that it was only a dream.

I changed my bed linens and put the worn ones on a basket to wash them later, and chose my clothes for the day. It was eight a.m. and the weather was warm enough for a summer dress and a light cashmere, I was happy the weather was chaotic again, and I stared out the window for straight thirty minutes before undressing and hopping into the shower. I was in bed rest, not dead, and even though Sister Ophelia gave me thousands of life lessons on how much water I was spending by taking four really long showers a day, my showers and the fresh smell of clean body and hair were totally worth it.

As the water drenched my body and hair, I put my head back, trying to picture back the dream I just had. Focusing on Leon’s image, I dared my hand to go down on myself, with two fingers sliding back and forth on my clit, grinning as I felt myself entirely wet, not only by water. The thought of having such a man touching and kissing me everywhere was very strong, and as I let my imagination flow, I could actually feel Leon’s lips on my nipples, sucking and playfully biting them, his lips on my stomach, his eyes on me while he took his lips between my legs.  I pushed myself to the limit by stroking my clit faster and felt the need to moan, but Theo could walk in at any minute, so I struggled to catch my breath and kept quiet, until I felt a release I have never felt before, as my legs shook, and as I could feel my entire vagina pumping and very sensitive, I felt the urge to stop and take my fingers out and realized they were entirely drenched from my own release, and for the first time in weeks I smiled, I was utterly satisfied with myself for the very first time. ‘Thank you, Leon…’ I grinned as I was proud of my newfound femininity.

That was new to me, I had never felt the desire to please myself, because this miserable place has beautiful boys, do not feel sorry for me, but they are as twisted and fucked up as they are beautiful. So, boys were never on my thoughts. My thoughts, especially after what Shane has done to me after the make out session in the broom closet, were to stay away from other people’s saliva or hormones, because shit gets messy.

As I tried to open the shampoo bottle, I cut my finger and flinched. ‘OUCH! You son of a…’

Realization came to me. I felt. I felt pain. I literally felt things. WHAT THE FUCK?