So you made it past the introduction. I’m impressed. Since you are here, you might as well take a seat. This is the day He brought me back to life
HELL IS EMPTY
AND ALL THE DEVILS ARE HERE
- WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
It was a harsh stormy night, perfect weather for being dead. There I was resting in my grave peacefully, when some douche bags thought it would be a brilliant idea to come rob me.
Maybe because I died a rich man they thought my riches were buried with me, but just like Saint Mathew said, “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon Earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.”
I bet these idiots don’t read shit.
Funny enough neither did I back then.
After realizing this was an epic fail, they started arguing amongst themselves. Their bickering alerted the sexton who chased them away.
They left my coffin open exposing my elegant body to the rain and cold.
This was a defining moment for me.
Just like Lazárus I came out of my grave but naked and disoriented with my dick out dangling.
I was butt naked walking in the rain, when the sexton saw me walking towards him, he flashed his flashlight on my face, he fainted upon recognizing me.
I couldn’t blame him though.
I left him on the ground and made my way to the church. The weather was so cold that I got frostbites and barely made it to the doors of the church where I fainted, knocking them wide open.
Three days later I woke up, clothed and feeling alive in a room that smelled heavily of antiseptic. Next to me was a tray of freshly baked bread. Without waiting for some kind of invitation, I ate it all in a flash
“Did you enjoy it? “ came the voice of a nun who from the look of things has been sitting in the room watching me eat like an animal. I nodded then went on to ask her where I was and how I got here.
Truthfully the only thing I remembered was my name and that I have a family – well had.
She answered with a calm soothing voice.
“You are in St Claire’s Parish.” Her voice was that of a chorister of the Heavenly sort. I was sorely tempted to ask her to sing a verse of Amazing Grace for me.
She came close to me and her scent breached my nostrils. Her scent was that of a beautiful garden with varieties of rose flowers. She smelled nice to say the least.
Her voice and scent gave me an erection before I knew it. At least my down part is in good condition.
“Who are you?” I asked her
“My name is Sister Alexandra. Is there anything you remember about yourself?” she asked me while placing her soft palms on my hand
“My name is Mason Woods. How long have I been here? “
“You’ve been here for three days, Mr Woods”
“Does my wife know I’m here? She will kill me. I need to go home. Fuck I missed my daughter’s birthday. I need to apologize to her and possibly make it up to her. “ I spoke in rapid fire
“Calm down. Your body is still too weak to move. She placed her hand on me to stop me from getting out of bed.
“How did I get here? “
“We found you unconscious at the door of the church. You should rest. I will come back to answer the rest of your questions. “
x x x x x x
She left the room and went straight to the Father’s chambers to give a report. She knocked on the door and was ushered inside.
“How are you Sister Alexandra?"
“I am fine, Father. I hope you are in good health?"
“The Lord is good”
“All the time” she responded.
“To what do I owe this visit? “
“Mason Woods. He’s awake”
“That’s brilliant. Is there anything he remember? “
“He knows his name but he still think his family is alive. Apparently, he has no memory of their death. He is supposed to be dead. We conducted his and his family’s requiem.
“John eleven verse one to forty-four, Sister Alexandra. Have you no faith that He has done it again? The miracle lays there. The miracle you are taking care of. Where is your faith? “
“I’m sorry Father. Should I tell him about his family?"
“I will do that when I see him in the afternoon. Go and pray for forgiveness Sister Alexandra.”
x x x x x x
I was dreaming about the morning before the accident.
"Happy birthday sweetie. Daddy loves you so much." I said
"Thank you Daddy. I hope you will come back early for my birthday party?"
"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for anything in this world. Come on give me a kiss. Muah!"
"Hey, stop kissing my husband" my wife joked.
They laughed...
“And you need to be out of this house. You got a meeting remember?" She reminded me
"I love you Daddy."
"I love you more cupcake"
"Come on, let me walk you to the car" my wife offered.
Standing at the car, she wrapped her arms round my neck. She kissed me softly on the lips. Who knew that was the last day I will ever kiss her?
"Thanks baby for staying back from work to throw a party for Leslie" I said.
"Bitch shut the fuck up and get going."
Man I loved it when she cussed.
"If this meeting works out, our net worth will be bigger than the president's" she said
"We are already multimillionaires, baby."
"So what? Because we are good today, we should stop working for tomorrow? No sex."
" What?"
"If you don't pull this off, forget about having sex with me. I will get myself a fucking vibrator"
I narrowed my eyes and stared her down.
"You wouldn't."
"You wanna take that chance?"
"No ma'am."
"Good boy. Now get your stupid ass in the car and get outta here."
x x x x x x x
“Hello Mr Woods. “
My eyes open to a man wearing long white veil with button closure and long sleeves, probably a Reverend Father
“Hi Reverend Father… “
“George. Call me Father George. “
“Nice to meet you Father George. ”
“The pleasure is all mine. You have met Sister Alexandra, yes? “
“Yeah. She’s very pretty. “
“Yes, she is.”
“Careful there Father before you break some rules. ”
“I’m glad you are in a good mood. You mentioned a name in your sleep Victoria was it? I assume you were having a dream about her.”
“Yes. She is my wife. Has anyone called her to come pick me yet? “
“No.”
“Why not? “
He took a deep breath before he answered
“Mr Woods your wife is dead…”
He paused
“What do you mean my wife is dead? “
“You and your family had an accident and your wife and kids died on the spot. You died on your way to the hospital. You’ve been dead for three months. “
“What sort of prank is this? If I’m dead, how are you still talking with me? “
“He brought you back"
“He as in God?" I burst out laughing but that ended when he retrieved and handed over an old newspaper with the Headline ‘The Woods Family Dead In Car Accident. ‘
The first paragraph ‘Today marks a tragedy as multimillionaire philanthropist Mason Woods and family died in a motor accident… ‘
My whole world come crushing down. I felt lost. I wished this to be a prank or some stupid dream but then flashback of the accident came to my head all at once giving me a massive headache. I passed out.
*****
So that’s it. The beginning of my weird story. I hope to see you during the next confession
Author's Note: First chapter done and dusted. What do y'all think?
Please rate, review and share
It’s so nice to have you here again. Hope you are in good health? So how did you see my resurrection? Wasn’t what you were expecting right? Yeah me too. I was expecting a lot of lightening and thunder but He gave me a weak ass resurrection. Not even a welcome back party. Anyways let’s get on with this, shall we? THERE ARE NO SECOND CHANCES IN LIFE EXCEPT TO FEEL REMORSE ->CARLOSRUIZZAFN Thanks to the headache, I remember it now. I felt it again, this time worse than before. I relived the moment. There I was laying on my bed having the same dream over and over and over and over and over and over… I think that’s enough. Oh wait, one more , and over again.  
Shit! I almost died the second time. My stupid best friend had tried to kill me. He was a surgeon but he was dumb as fuck. Who shoots at a ghost?- damn, I’m not even a ghost! Would He have brought me back again if this hairy cunt had killed me? I don’t even wanna know. "Sometimes life gives you a second chance, or even two! Not always, but sometimes. It's what you do with those second chances that counts. -> DAVE WILSON “Bitch you missed. Shoot with your eyes open not closed.” “My eyes wasn’t closed”
Oh look at that, you've come again. It's so sweet of you. I feel like we are already best friends, I can feel us bonding. You come every week to read my dumb confessions and that's pretty amazing of you. So in the spirit of friendship, I will answer any question you have. And I really hope you stick with me through out my journey. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a ride!" -> HUNTER S. THOMPSON
Hello there my name is Mason Woods, I died and was brought back to life to do a job I wholeheartedly do not want to do. I am robbed of my freedom. Welcome to my party"A normal human being does not want the Kingdom of Heaven: he wants life on Earth to continue."--> George Orwell."Fuck the government. Here's to the night we don't remember and the friends we won't forget. Let's get this fucking party started."This is by far the best speech I have ever made. I walked down the stage feeling proud. I sit at the bar drinking and watching them dance- I don't know how to dance and wouldn't want to disgrace myself.
Hello there! I'm Mason Woods and I'm about to take you back to the past—back to my childhood and my teendom days. Don't hate me for some of the things I did, my hormones are craaaazy Being a teenager is an amazing time a hard time. It's when you make your best friends- I have girls who will never leave my heart and I still talk to. You get the best and the worst as a teen. You have the best friendships and the worst heart breaks ->SOPHIA BUSH 03-November-2006 "How many times have I told you to stop fighting in school,
The worst thing about dying is coming back to life. It's only beautiful if the people you love are here. What's the fucking point if they are gone. They call resurrection God's blessing or miracle but it's really God's way of torturing you. I'm supposed to feel His love but I'm feeling no shit. God is cruel.NO ONE WANTS TO DIE. EVEN PEOPLE WHO WANTTO GO TO HEAVEN DON'T WANT TO DIE TO GET THERE.AND YET, DEATH IS THE DESTINATION WE ALL SHARE.NO ONE HAS EVER ESCAPED IT, AND THAT IS HOW IT SHOULD BE, BECAUSE DEATH IS VERY LIKELY THESINGLE BEST INVENTION OF LIFE. IT'S LIFE'S CHANGE AGENT.IT CLEARS OUT THE OLD TO MAKE WAY FOR THE NEW->STEVE JOBS.
THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO THE LATE CHADWICK BOSEMAN. Father men like Chadwick Boseman deserve resurrection. Ever since Chadwick Boseman stepped into the spotlight he has been an inspiration to the world. The way he lived his life is something worth emulating. He kept on touching lives. He kept on inspiring the world, lighting up the dark in people's hearts, Father through his movies he kept our depressed hearts at bay. May You help his family find peace in his absence May he find solace in Your domain. Royalty returns to God. REST IN POWER, KING. YOUR LEGACY WILL LIVE IN YOUR STEAD, FOREVER. Well, hello there. Came to read another tale? It's been confirmed I'm a monster that killed the people that loved him. Yes I killed them, yet they still love me. I guess I'm not cursed after all. Or maybe I am because who would still love me. I guess
It is starting to feel like I am married to Reverend Fathers; I mean isn't there a beautiful nun like Alex that will explain all this nonsense to me? If God could push beautiful nuns possibly prettier than Alex my way then I would take up this retarded job with pride. I will even have Exorcist tattooed on my ass—yeah, I said it; on my ass, because I have a beautiful booty.Let's go hear what Reverend Father Frank has to say“THE WORLD IS A DANGEROUS PLACE. NOT BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE EVIL; BUT BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE WHO DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT” ALBERT EINSTEIN"Excuse me did you say your name is Mason Woods?""Uh... Who's asking?""My name is David, I'm a Deacon from St Paul's Parish. Father Frank has been waiting for you.""