Dear Jeremy MartinNo amount of words could describe how sorry I am or how much I miss you.I am sorry I did not drive us that day, I am sorry I even agreed to go with you to the party.If only I had listened to how uneasy I felt, you would have been here with me. After sometime of talking with Lydia, watching and reading some books on how to get over a tragedy I understood that what happened to us was inevitable.The signs were there, you did not want to go in the first place, you asked me to drive, I felt uneasy but we still drove that day.It was beyond the both of us and I got to understand that.Lydia once said you are looking down on me from heaven and it hurts you to see me mopping over your loss and I don’t want you to feel like that.I want you to feel loved, I want everything that you see to make you smile, relieved and unburdened. I want all my memories of you to be light not darkness, joyful not gloomy and I want our conversations about you to be of happy memories never
The ride was silent but comfortable. "You are looking very beautiful; blue looks perfect on you." He compliments and I melt in my seat. "Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself." I say to him and he smirks. "Says someone who was checking me out earlier, wouldn't hot suit me more." He says as he laughs. "Oh my gosh, I wasn't checking you out." I say looking away to hide my rosy cheeks. "You are cute when you blush." He says and that doesn't help my case instead of replying because clearly, he wants to embarrass me I turn up the volume to the music playing in the car. That was the worst decision I had ever made my whole life because Rita Ora's song blasted through the speakers and of all the songs that she has, it had to be 'Let you love me''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''See I wanna stay the whole nightI wanna lay with you 'til the sun's upI wanna let you insideOh, heaven knows I've triedI wish that I could I let you loveWish that I could let you love meI wish that
Spending time with Elicia became something I could not do without. She made me want to stand up to Ron, my stepdad, if possible beat him to death but unfortunately I could not. I loved my mom and I didn't want Val to grow up without a mother, she already had no father. Since the café closed, I managed to get a job for the festive break that paid very well so l had nothing to worry about when it came to getting money for Ron.I also got to spent time with Val and Mick. The next day on Saturday I was supposed to meet Ron at the house and give him the money I had earned. I got home and knocked to be welcomed by a wasted Ron. The whole house was full of smoke. He had two of his friends in the house smoking pot. The whole house reeked of alcohol and this got me sick to my stomach. I knew very well the money I gave him enabled him to buy all these drugs and beer but I could not protest. I hated that I was weak when it came to this; why couldn't I be strong and stand my ground? "Go
Entry 250 Dear Journal I haven't been saying anything to you lately But I am good, in fact I am awesome. Remember Treadway, I have been talking to him a lot.I never thought my feelings for him would grow any bigger but apparently they can. I can't believe he doesn't see what is between us.Or maybe he is just taking his time Who takes a girl out for ice-cream, out for lunch, wins stuff for her at a carnival, visits her at home and not feel anything? He must have some feelings for me, right? He kissed me on my forehead, so he must have feelings for me. Or just my imagination, but I hope he likes meAt times I feel like I should stop him from doing all this Because if it turns out that he doesn't feel the same as I do, I will be screwed, wrecked, brokenAll of it.But I can't help but want to relish the moment-------------------------------------------------Sleeping was now the second best thing after spending time with Treadway because I slept besides the teddy bear he b
As soon as our lips brushed against each other, he hesitated and moved back. I just stood there looking at him tears streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks. I felt a sharp pain in my chest and I immediately put my hand on my chest, with the thought of making the pain go away. I felt rejected and for the first time it really hurt just as much as l lost Jeremy. "If you don't like me then why were you leading me on all this time?" I master up all the courage to ask him since he already humiliated me, what's one more question?"Because at one point I actually saw a future with you, but—." I cut him before he finishes."Then what changed?" I further ask."Everything." He says and walks away.l will not let him walk away, instead I grab his hand, spin him around to face me and once again crash my lips with his.This time he did not hesitate neither did he stop me. He kissed me with every ounce of passion and the amount of love and desire he had for me. Electricity courses through my
The next day I went to work as usual, all doom and gloom in my sweats not bothering to look good. As soon as I got out of the changing room I saw Treadway serving coffee and a piece of red velvet cake to a lady who seemed familiar. The lady was sitting with a little girl around the age of 6-7 who was smiling widely at Treadway. After doing a double take I remember the lady from the days I first saw Treadway, she was the lady I thought was Treadway’s wife.Maybe she is, who knows? That’s probably why he rejected me, because he has a wife and kid. He was looking at the little kid so lovingly, he never looked at me that way. “Excuse me?” A man says and I turn my head to see who it was. “Ryan, mom!!!” I exclaimed looking at them.“We thought we would stop by before our surgery. How’s my little girl doing?” Ryan said as he patted my hair.“Didn’t you guys say you had a surgery at 9?” I ask mom recalling her saying that.“We did, it got shifted to 12, Ryan has a seminar early this morn
“I don’t even want to talk about it, it was so embarrassing.” I say moving to sit by the window, my usual sit. “I wish I was there,” Lydia says laughing and I glare at her. “There is something I want to know.” Lydia informs me and I nod my head allowing her to go on and ask. “How exactly are you dealing with this because I am not seeing any progress the only difference is that you are no longer crying all the time. How are you moving on from this whole situation?” I knew she would ask something along these lines that is why I was hesitating to go for a session. “I do not think I am dealing with it, I am not making any effort to move on.” I say and Lydia nods. “You think he is just going to walk up to you and say he likes you back? Why are you not moving on?” “No that I am expecting him to come to me or hoping he will but I don’t know I just want to experience all of it up until it no longer hurts to look at him. Right now I cannot spend five minutes near him without wanting to
"This is where you say something El," Lydia whisper-coughs as she pokes me discretely. I cough a few times before answering."I need time to think about it." I say surprising both me and Lydia. Treadway nods and bid his goodbyes to both Lydia and l. "Oh my God!!!!!" I scream right after he closes the door."Keep it down, he hasn't left yet." Lydia says hushing me. After pinching myself a few times I eventually realize that it was not a dream instead it was reality. "I thought you were head over heels for this boy. Why did you not say yes?" "I am stupid. I am so stupid that's why." I repeat those words a few more times looking at Lydia. "It's called being rational. And I am surprised you were so rational considering how much you like this boy and how you have been mopping the past weeks." Lydia says smiling at me."You are just saying a fancy word to make me feel better about myself. What if he decides against it tomorrow? I am so screwed." I over dramatically say."Ha, that con