It was from the hospital.
My perfect and careless Sunday had shattered with that one phone call.
It was horrifying how one moment was all it took to make my previous worries seem insignificant.
It was unbelievable.
Hiro-san had tried his best to remain calm while relaying the news to us. Well, mostly to me. There had been an accident. A pretty bad one too. A T-junction. Hikaru-nii’s car and a truck. Those were all the points of information that my brain could take in.
People on-site had reacted quickly. The two people in the car had been sent to the hospital immediately. The call was from a nurse there. Hikaru-nii had been conscious enough to convey to her that she needed to call me. By the time we had gotten to the hospital, the anxiety and fear had eaten me up alive for we had received no further information about it. Carrying a very confused Aki-chan, when we got there, the attending doctor informed us that Hikaru-nii had been taken in for an emergency operation but that he would be able to pull through.
Kaori-nee had been declared dead on arrival. In fact, she had died on the spot. It was too late by the time anyone could get to her. The passenger’s side of the car had taken the hit directly. There was no way that she could have survived… or so I was told.
I was allowed to see her only long enough to identify her. When I returned to Hiro-san who was looking after Aki-chan after that, I felt absolutely numb. Looking back on it, the whole experience was a huge haze of a lot of things happening altogether.
Kaori-nee had died and Hikaru-nii had undergone surgery for a head injury. I was standing in the God-forsaken hospital corridor outside Hikaru-nii’s door with his three-year-old daughter and best friend. How could I… How was I supposed to tell him? How was he going to take the news about Kaori-nee? How was I going to tell the precious daughter of theirs that her mother had died? How could… she have died? How could this have happened at all?
Because Aki-chan was constantly clinging to me, I remembered feeling the need to stay composed for her sake. She was incredibly perplexed and scared. A lot was happening around her and we were at a hospital and no one was telling her anything properly. Through all her questions, the only assurance she had gotten was my presence. While Hiro-san and I took care of the hospital proceedings, hers was the one hand that I could absolutely not let go of, for both our sakes. I was the one most likely to break down if I did let go.
They were my family. We were family.
Family. My people.
Hikaru-nii did not take it well. None of us had expected him to. He was already in bad shape because of the accident and I had wanted to delay telling him as much as possible simply because I could not bring myself to tell him but… what choice did I have when the first word he uttered on opening his eyes was her name?
He was in pain from the surgery and he cried despite it. Seeing her father cry, Aki-chan cried without even knowing whom they were crying for.
I couldn’t. I could not watch the scene but I could not look away either. For the sake of the innocent child who knew nothing and for my brother, I could not take my eyes off of them.
Hiro-san’s presence throughout the entire ordeal made a significant difference. It meant a lot to us. Even though I kept myself together as best as I could through it all, it was as though he was the only sane person around at times. I often found myself dazed or lost, especially immediately after seeing my brother as broken as he was. I had tried to stay by his side as much as I could have but there were occasions when he would drive even me out of his hospital room.
My brother had changed.
I had written it off as being an immediate result of the loss and the accident and I had convinced myself that he would overcome it eventually. He had Aki-chan to look after, after all. He had to collect himself for her sake.
“Kake-jii…” A quiet voice awoke me in the middle of the night. I had just managed to fall asleep after putting Aki-chan to bed and had not gone into deep sleep yet.
“Aki-chan?” I propped myself up on my elbow and strained my eyes to look at her.
She was crying.
“Aki-chan, are you okay?” I sat up and helped her onto the bed and into my arms. She hugged me and began crying all the more. “Did something happen? Can’t sleep?” I spoke as soothingly as I could and stoked her back and hair, holding her close.
“Un. I can’t sleep but…” She sniffed and hicked. “Otou-san… Otou-san can’t sleep either.”
Hikaru-nii? “Otou-san?”
She nodded. “He’s c-crying…” She seemed to shrink further into my arms at that. She must have gone looking for her father when she woke up but then came to me when she heard or saw him crying. "Why is Otou-san crying?"
My chest throbbed. It hurt. To think that that kind and previously happy brother of mine was up at this time of the night crying…
“It’s okay. You can sleep here tonight, Aki-chan. Sleep now.” I rocked back and forth a little, knowing that it had always worked to calm her down. “About your father… leave it to Kake-jii.”
“Mm.” She nodded and fell silent, only letting out small sobs in between. It wasn’t too long after that that I confirmed that she had slept off. Laying her gently on my bed and wiping her face carefully so as to not wake her up again, I slowly left my room and headed to my brother’s room. I could not even imagine what he might have been going through, sleeping in the same room, the same bed that he had once share with the only woman he had ever loved. I mean, I could feel the void all around the house myself. And this was only his second night at home after being discharged from the hospital.
I knocked on the shut door hesitantly. Just as Aki-chan had said, I could hear him crying on the other side. I had to take a moment to collect myself before speaking up. “Hikaru-nii, it’s me.”
No response. Just softer crying.
I clenched my fists in frustration. What could I possibly say to him at this point? What could I do?
“A-Are you okay?” Obviously not! “I’m… coming in.” I tried to open the door but it refused to budge.
Had he locked it?
“Hikaru-nii?” I knocked again. “Open up, please.”
A spell of silence followed. I couldn’t even hear the crying anymore. With each passing tick of the clock, it got harder for me to breathe.
“Nii-san?”
“I’m fine.” His voice came through, allowing me to breathe again. “Just… go back to sleep.”
“Aki-chan woke up and…” God, help me here! “Let me in, please.”
“Go to sleep.”
“I will, but first-”
“Kakeru.” He cut me off. His voice still came from deep within the room. He was nowhere close to the door. He… was not going to let me in. “Just take care of Aki for now.”
She needs you!
I couldn’t tell him that just then though. “O-Okay.” I had no choice but to retreat. “I’m…” I was beyond myself with worry. “I’m here if you… need me.”
We could… need each other.
I got no response. After standing there for a bit, I retreated to my room again. Aki-chan had not woken up. I climbed into bed and pulled her closer carefully, so as to not wake her up, and closed my eyes.
It took me a long time to fall asleep again.
Sleep evaded me. The new project was also in full swing and in order to get out of office early enough to pick Aki-chan up from daycare, I was forced to bring some work home. Moreover, I had to cook for us. Not to complain, but I ended up taking over all of those chores that Kaori-nee used to take care of before. It was physically and emotionally taxing on me to try and keep the household together, especially since her earlier indulgent father had suddenly become cold to Aki-chan. Even to me. But there was nothing that I could say or do to ease his pain. Whenever Hiro-san came over, he brought food for us all. Otherwise, he would help me around the house. The visits, however, were nothing like before. He would come, try and fail to talk properly to Hikaru-nii, spend time with Aki-chan, help me out a bit, eat and just leave. From coming here because he was always warmly received, it felt like he was coming over only to check in on us. Save for those random occasions w
I was standing at the window in my room and looking out at the clear night sky that was barely visible through between the surrounding buildings when Hiro-san entered the room. I had been fully aware of the entire hour that had passed us by. Especially after Aki-chan slept off, it had gotten so silent that it as as though I was counting the seconds that mocked how small I had become in the face of loss. I was starting to feel a little too overwhelmed by it all. Hiro-san's voice made me turn to him slowly. “Hikaru is in his room. He didn't really talk to me but... We should probably give him some space. Kakeru, why didn’t you close the front door? Oh. Is she asleep?” He lowered his voice on realising it, looked closer at the girl I was still holding onto closely and sighed. “Looks like she cried a lot.” His grey eyes narrowed in a sort of pained affection when he stepped closer and and ran a thumb tenderly over her tear-stained cheek. Then, he looked at me. “You shoul
Aki-chan and Hikaru-nii both seemed to have been actively avoiding each other after the Ohagi incident. The girl was still upset and her father had retreated into a shell from where he probably felt that he wouldn't be able to hurt her. Aki-chan herself had become a lot quieter. She no longer ran and threw herself at me when I went to pick her up from the daycare. The most she would do is walk over and climb into my arms, hugging me around my neck and staying there for a while, as though collecting herself before she lifted her face and started answering whatever I asked about her day. Whenever I was around though, she ould stick by me. She had even completely stopped using her own room. And yet, she would follow her father with her eyes whenever he was around, probably hoping that he would come and talk to her. The following weekend, I had settled in the living room after lunch with Aki-chan to watch one of her cartoons with her. Hikaru-nii had gone right into his r
Kaori-nee’s mother came over two hours later. Aki-chan was excited to see her grandmother but knowing that the joy was going to be short-lived, I couldn’t watch her. It was almost like we were betraying her. I prepared tea and after about an hour’s chat, which Hikaru-nii also took part in, she was finally informed that she would have to go with her grandmother. And that was all it took. “Are Otou-san and Kake-jii also coming?” “No. For now, only you are going.” Hikaru-nii said, looking at the child properly after a long time. “Your grandmother will take care of you. It’s only for a few days.” I… averted my eyes. “N-No. I don’t want to go…” She stated from where she sat on the couch next to her grandmother. “I want to stay with Otou-san and Kake-jii.” “That cannot happen, Aki.” I did not want to lend my voice to convince either side of anything. “Otou-san has work, Aki-chan.” Kaori-nee’s mother tried to reason wi
I ventured into the kitchen area. On noticing my presence, Hiro-san spoke up. “Will coffee do? I don’t really have anything else here thanks to my caffeine addiction.” He chuckled. “That’s fine.” I replied and stood to one side, quietly watching him after that. I wanted to tell him what had happened but I did not want to mope around about it either. Knowing him and with how well he knew me, my turning up unannounced at his place like this without any reason was already enough cause of worry for him. “It’s been a while since you came over, huh?” He spoke again. “Mm. I’ve never really had any reason to.” “True. I’m over at yours all the time anyway.” Would you come over even now that Aki-chan isn’t there anymore? “Are you staying for dinner? Ah. But you have to go back for dinner, right? Maybe I’ll tag alo-” “Aki-chan’s not there anymore.” “What?” He turned away from the stove to look at me in shock. “What do you mean she
I was exhausted by the time I got to our apartment complex after work on Saturday. It had been a long week and the ongoing project had compelled me to spend my entire Saturday at office too. Now that it was just Hikaru-nii and I at home, we had both let work keep us late, if needed. I did ensure that I was home in time to make dinner but I did not need to leave early like I needed to when I had to pick Aki-chan up from the daycare. Hiro-san’s visits had gotten less frequent because of how our timings had changed but every time that he did come over, it felt as though he was keeping a close eye on me. I had not had the need to show him any more of my vulnerable sides though. It wasn’t that things had gotten better. It was just that both Hikaru-nii and I were actively trying to avoid it all. I had let it be that way for over a week but considering that I had decided to step up and be her for my brother and support him in any way that I could, I felt that I hadto try a li
“How is your project coming along?” Hiro-san asked after we had been doing our own bits for dinner for more than ten minues without really conversing. “It’s in the final stages.” I replied. “Probably just a couple more working days.” “Your company must love a diligent worker like you.” “So much that they don’t want me to be away even on a Sunday.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re working tomorrow?” “I would have had to had I not pulled the previous few late-nighters. I don’t have to go tomorrow.” “That’s good. Man, I have forgotten what it’s like to live like that!” “Fancy being a freelance consultant and designer, huh?” “Well, yes.” He smirked. He was clearly proud of it too. “I don’t think I am enterprising enough to get to-” I began saying but stopped when I heard the front door open. Simmering the flame, I left the kitchen immediately. Surely enough, Hikaru-nii had come in. And along with him came the smell o
I woke up with my alarm. After switching it off, when I sat up, I felt the throbbing pain in my head. I had had way too much to drink the previous night. Thankfully, it was a Sunday. “Good morning.” A voice said from beside me on the bed. I froze. Hiro-san? I turned to see him smiling at me from where he lay beside me. I had a headache to begin with. And now, to see him- bed-head and all – right beside me as soon as I woke up… “Why are you here? No. Wait. Here-” I looked around. I was in Aki-chan’s room. “I… Hah?" What on earth was going on? “You don’t remember anything. Of course.” He exhaled heavily, stretched a bit and sat up. “You asked me to stay the night. I stayed with you till you sept and then came to Aki-chan’s room but you followed me here saying that you did not want to sleep alone.” I DID WHAT?! Hiro-san laughed on seeing my terror-stricken face. I felt the blood rush to my head. I couldn’t possibly