~Lukas’ Point of View~
I really had little interest in being a father, but seeing Tasha about to bring new life into the world was pretty cool. I’d asked her if I needed to call someone for her, but she insisted she had it under control. She even said I could leave her car at the studio tomorrow and she’d have someone get it. I’d have to get it cleaned for her, she had the same OCD I did and I knew it the minute she made a comment about getting her seat wet. I’d thought about it too but wasn’t about to point it out.
It was like … I was super needed for twenty minutes and now, she didn’t need me. I shouldn’t care. I really shouldn’t. But it kinda sucked. It wasn’t even really that I wanted to see the baby, I just wanted to help her. It was clear there wasn’t a man here, and I really did wanna know why.
Maybe she chose to keep a one night stand, maybe it was a bad break up. Either way, it sucked. She seemed ready though, like she had her life together. I wasn’t totally sure what to do with myself so I drove her car to Slade’s.
I strolled in to see him at the stove, cooking away. The heavy smell of garlic in the air. I hadn’t been hungry but now I was, his cooking always had that effect. He didn’t cook often anymore but when he did, damn it was good. He always had a personal chef around so there was no need.
“How much is your little stunt tonight gonna cost me,” I heard, he didn’t even turn around.
His house had cameras out the ass, so he’d likely seen me get out of the car. He also had a killer sound system all over the house and the Rolling Stones’ “Wild Horses” played softly.
I went right to the fridge and grabbed two beers then hopped on the counter and opened them both, sitting one in front of him. He took it without skipping a beat and took a long pull.
“They’re fucking elementary morons. No way in hell am I letting us put our names on that trash,” I said, matter of fact.
“I listened to it too. Why anyone thought it was good I’ll never know,” he said, laughing and putting his beer down.
He got out two plates, already knowing fully well I’d wanna eat too. This was why I loved Slade to death, he just got me. He got all of us. He always anticipated all our needs and fulfilled them. Why did I need a girlfriend in my life when I had him?
“Wanna hit a strip club,” I asked, hopeful.
He shot me a look as he began to plate some chicken and pasta. Slade hadn’t been going out with me at all lately, and it sucked. He was the last single guy in our crew for me to hang with but maybe he was just getting too old for all the usual shenanigans. But I wasn’t ready to settle down. If he didn’t want to head out I’d just dial up some girl and drop by her place for a bit.
“So Tasha’s baby popped as we were leaving the bar, I took her to the hospital,” I said, grabbing the full plates and heading toward the table.
“And you left her? You didn’t stay,” he nearly shouted, grabbing our beers.
“She didn’t seem to want me to. She got right on her phone and called somebody, said to just drop her car tomorrow,” I said, sitting down.
“We’ll send her a nice care package. I’ll have Bailey do it. Maybe get her some gift cards to restaurants that deliver,” he said, picking up his phone.
I dug into my plate, nodding. Slade always knows what to do. He’s the man like that.
“Yeah I’ll kick in for it. Oh and uhm … some pap was there, got a picture of us. Probably gonna be a story about how I’m a daddy or some shit,” I said, reaching for my beer.
Slade groaned and dropped his phone, throwing up his hands.
“Can you just…” he said, shaking his head and not even finishing. I grinned.
We were always in trouble. One of us or all of us. He wouldn’t even know what to do with himself if we weren’t.
After we ate he took me into his home studio, our sanctuary. He played a few things for me, some group that Jude had found online, wanted us to check out. They weren’t signed anywhere yet.
“Yeah bro, I’m liking the double bass, he’s good,” I said, of course, first listening to the drummer.
When I hear a song for the first time that’s just how my brain is wired, then I play it back a few more times for everyone else.
“They’re in Montana,” he said, laughing. I rolled my eyes at that.
“Heavy metal cowboys. Could be a thing just look at Pantera,” I said, taking a joint from him and lighting up.
Even though Slade didn’t party anymore, he loved to smoke. And so did I, but I tried not to do it in my place too often.
“So you think you’re ready to take over for Tasha,” he finally asked, once we turned off the music.
I blew out a raspberry and leaned far back in the chair.
“Fuck if I know. But I’ll tell you what I liked telling that skinny little emo fuck to shove his dick up his ass earlier,” I said, smiling.
Slade made a face.
“I can’t believe how horribly written and generally shitty the Ajax contracts were. We’re cleaning house. I got the lawyers writing up all new stuff for everyone. And a lot are getting the boot. I’d rather pay them off than have dead weight,” he said, blowing some smoke rings.
“I couldn’t agree more,” I said, standing to hit the bathroom.
Why did the simple act of going to the damn bathroom now make me think of Natasha? Maybe I should have stayed. I don’t know what to do in situations like that cause I’m rarely in them. By the time I came back toward the studio Slade had migrated to a couch in the outer room. An angry voice was yelling through the speaker phone and I already knew I was in the shit.
“Who … is she,” the voice practically shrieked. I laughed at my sister Delia, always so dramatic.
Slade held the phone out to me.
“She’s our employee at the recording studio, it’s NOT my kid,” I said, falling onto the couch.
She blew out a hard breath but continued with the third degree, Slade just laughed but texted away on his phone, likely to our publicist Angie.
I wasn’t worried about some untrue gossip, I had more than enough crap in my life that was true I’d had to wiggle my way out of over the years.
“Okay so you wanna come visit,” Delia finally asked.
“Yeah I’d be up for a visit soon but now that I gotta do a day job thing it ain’t gonna happen right now. You could come,” I said, raking a hand through my hair.
I’d perfected the “messy locks” look that I usually wore. Trying to make it look like I put no effort into something I did actually spend a lot of time doing. The chicks loved it. If I was out on the prowl though, or at a club a hat with matching sneakers was always a requirement. All the guys had kind of a signature look, I was no exception. There were also photographers, groupies and fans snapping shots.
Finally I got Delia off the phone, and all I wanted to do was go home. I wasn’t tired, but I felt like I had some energy to work off.
“I’m gonna head out, thanks for dinner sweet cheeks,” I said, tapping his leg as I passed.
“It's been awhile but I’ll never be that desperate,” he said, getting up to walk me out.
I got home to my quiet solace, the place where I could just have peace. Growing up in foster care, all you ever wanted was your own space. Your own room and your own everything. But you never had it, never got it. You always had to share literally everything all the time.
Once I met my sisters, I didn’t mind so much. I’d steal extra food for them, clothes where I could get them. I loved making sure they had what they needed. In a lot of ways I felt I partially raised them and maybe that was why I had little desire to have a kid myself.
I ran a few miles on the treadmill until I was beat and took a hot ass shower. I desperately had the urge to fuck but I really didn’t want the hassle of dealing with a female. I know it sounds awful but damn it I hate the small talk. The after stuff. I’m not a cuddler, never have been. Sometimes it's just not worth it all.
I reached down and stroked myself, I was already hard. I cleared my mind and usually a face pops into my head. Maybe a stripper that caught my attention, maybe a good lay from the past. But now, for whatever fucking reason, Natasha’s face was all I saw. Her caramel hair with lighter blonde highlights, the way she was laughing and snickering all night while I argued with that shithead. She liked it.
Yeah, it wasn’t lost on me that she let me hold her arm once we left. It wasn’t because she was pregnant and I felt the need to protect her in some way. I wanted to touch her, and just as I realized that I found myself stroking even harder.
I thought about her mouth when she ate the donut, I only just now realized my eyes had been glued to it. To her lips.
My breathing grew heavy and I couldn’t stop. I stroked until I was coming all over the tiled wall, and it hit me hard.
No, no no I can’t have a thing for the chick at the studio. I wasn’t even gonna see her anymore now that she’d be off on leave. I’d have to sit in her office all day though and see her things, smell her light almost baby powder like scent.
I leaned against the wall as the water continued to hit me and cursed. I never got attached to a female, and certainly not one that just had someone else’s kid. Maybe I did need to fuck someone tonight.
~Natasha’s Point of View~ “I just can’t get over how quickly you had him, that’s not common for your first pregnancy I don’t think,” Nadine said. I smiled down at my little baby Louie and pretty much ignored my twin sister. I rubbed his little soft patch of light brown hair. I was so in love. Any reservations I had, especially about doing this alone, were gone. At least for now, easy to say when I was still in the hospital. She’d been married for about nine years and had three kids so of course she’d been trying to tell me everything. Some stuff I did appreciate but for the most part I was ready for her to get the hell out. Our mom had passed when we were ten, and our father, who'd been like our hero, had a massive heart attack a couple years ago and didn’t make it. She was all I really had, though there were some cousins on the east coast. I wasn’t at all close to my aunts and uncles. “I just can’t believe you’re really going to do this alone, Tash. It’s really fucking hard. Lik
~Lukas’ Point of View~ I stared back at the door that had just shut in my face. I was fuming. She was absolutely out of her mind if she thought she was going to ruin my sanctuary with a screaming baby. No fucking way! When I moved in I bought three units and made them into one. I fork out a small fortune to pay for six parking spots when I only need three. I pay far more in HOA fees than anyone else. Not to mention I’d been here way longer than her. Surely the building owners would rather keep me happy. I stormed back to my place and took a hot shower, then ordered some lunch. While I ate I gawked at the far wall which was next to my bedroom and likely shared with her living room. It had always been so peaceful here, sometimes too quiet. There was no way in hell I could stand a freakin’ baby ruining that. It was Saturday but I still had some things to do at the office and it killed me to call it that. I had an office. So fucked up. But I had to keep reminding myself of the big pi
~Natasha’s Point of View~ Lukas messaged me multiple times after “the incident” and even left a couple voicemails. Good … just let him sweat! Yeah the last thing I needed was to be banging on HIS door at four am looking like a shiftless hobo in front of some hot little young thing with perky tits who looked freshly fucked. I hated to admit that the whole thing got to me, not her comment necessarily but just seeing him with someone. It was completely irrational, I more than knew his reputation. I more than knew how he felt about me having a baby. Don’t hope, you idiot. There’s no point. It's obvious what he wants. A paper thin, dime a dozen club girl. The very girls I hated in college, frat mattresses. I’d gained thirty freaking pounds having Louie and how much had I lost? Eight and a half pounds, exactly what he weighed! But that was another frustration. Nobody tells you that when you breastfeed and pump you’re fucking ravenous. I wake up sometimes ready to eat my hand off, I'm
~Lukas’ Point of View~ I practically ran back into my apartment and slammed the door behind me. I had my clothes off before I even got to the shower. Flipping it on ice cold I got under the spray and groaned, I’d been hard as a rock for damn nearly half an hour. I wasn’t even sure I’d ever actually watched a woman eat ice cream before but now Natasha and her damn cone were all I was gonna think about. Why does she have to have such thick perfect lips? A moan that makes you want to go all night? The way she licked that damn thing had me more envious of a fucking food than I could have ever imagined. What was she doing to me?? I couldn’t get involved with her. There were a hundred reasons why that was a bad idea, but I couldn’t get my dick to understand a single one of them. After jerking off in the shower … twice, I fell into bed and groaned. How long was I gonna be able to keep this up? I don’t get feelings, I don’t chase women. Although out of my boys Slade and I were the only on
~Natasha’s Point of View~ “Everything looks good Natasha, you’re really doing great, he’s gained an ounce so that’s perfect. Normally when babies go home that first day or two they can actually lose a bit of weight as they get some poop out and excess fluids, then settle into a routine,” the doctor said. I beamed at my little bundle, he was actually awake but just staring off into space. I was so happy with the positive news that I felt like staying out, maybe I just wasn’t quite ready to go home. My mind already knew exactly where I wanted to go. The doctor left and gave me some space, I went ahead and nursed since even though I did it before I left home, that had been a couple hours ago. I’d had a few errands to run and then waited in a long line to get a car wash. I confirmed my next couple of appointments and accepted a cute bedtime story book from the nurse before heading out. One of my favorite spots to just sit and get lost is a cafe a few miles from my condo. It’s got a f
~Lukas’ Point of View~ There was no way I was going to let Natasha run me out of my home. Or make me uncomfortable at the studio. All the rest of the band had gotten cozy in their new roles and even though this wasn’t ideal it wasn’t forever. Natasha would come back and I’d move on to my next phase. Over the next couple of days I really started to get into a groove and get to know the people at work a lot more. Slade came by to check up on things and seemed pleased. He’d just been to our lawyer and wasted no time at all working out how to dump Halo, which made me happy to no end. “So that just leaves our bigger issue of contracts and bullshit,” he said, propping his feet up on the desk. I knew what he meant, and it was a bittersweet feeling. Feisty had been with the same label since day one. Most unknown bands just need that one person who’ll give them a chance. We had that with a guy named Vince, who’d heard us play in Portland while we were still in high school and couldn’t ge
~Natasha’s Point of View~ WHAAAAAA WHAAAA WHAAAAAA “Ugh,” I moaned, rolling over. My tits were heavy, aching. If Louie didn’t get me up to nurse they would have. “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay,” I heard, snapping me fully into reality. I darted upright and looked around my bedroom, confused. “Don’t wake mommy, let her sleep,” I heard, even further confusing me. There’s a man in my house. Talking to my baby!! I shot off the bed, but the harsh movement made me pause for a moment and hold my head. I quickly yawned and felt all over how tired I was, and the flood of last night hit me. Lukas Trent is in my house. He spent the night here. He slept on my couch. Feisty’s drummer … slept … on … my couch. Without another thought I darted to the bathroom and practically squealed in shock at myself. At lightning speed I washed my face, brushed my hair and teeth then put my mop in a quick bun. I put on enough make-up to make me feel humanish. I really needed a shower though. Louie was still
~Lukas’ Point of View~ I fell on my couch and blew out a hard breath. What the hell just happened? Was she … ashamed of me? A good looking wealthy guy who can’t stop thinking about her? I had just spilled my guts to her about Slade and Holly and even though it was mostly his story a lot of it was mine too. Really, telling her had been like free therapy, I didn’t realize how much I’d needed it. I’d spoken to my sisters about it all a bit over the years but this was different. It was like I saw it all through new eyes. Older and wiser maybe. As I told the story I’d put myself in Holly’s shoes and so had Natasha. I had trusted her, confided in her about something deeply personal. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed her but it was obvious she wanted it, she liked it. Fuck. Is it about whoever Louie’s father is? Surely her sister knows. That’s gotta be it. Staring blankly at the wall for a while, I finally got my shit together and dialed Slade. I told him everything, and he listened intent