I never really understood what my father meant when he said,
“Not everything is as it seems.”
Because how do you know it isn’t? I asked him multiple times and he would tell me,
“Mija, you really don’t know and you’re trying to read too much into it. Sometimes when you know you know.”
He explained like trying to see what’s behind the clear picture. Every lie has a truth. Every painter has a story. Every writer writes to escape into a reality where they are in control. So, you can’t expect a writer and painter to show you a clear picture the same. In this case, you can’t expect a gang leader to show you the same as a mafia leader. In the world I grew up in, those were two different things. Your c
We typically chose not to fight in public for Bently but as we were riding in the car, my raging hormones got the better of me. “I can’t believe you would pull such a stunt. What? You can’t do it yourself, you coward!” He reached over for my hand which I snatched away quickly. “Nadia, not now.” He demanded, but he was calm. That’s one thing that was amazing about him. He has been mad before and spoke to me sternly, yet he never yelled at me or anyone. I was a raging tornado, and he was those high mountains that stopped me in my tracks. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He looked at me pleadingly. I wanted to knock his stupid head off his body. “The tattoo you dimwit. He was one of your men in the UK. Lie to me again.” I saw the nervous look on his face which was all the proof I needed. I knew he was dumb, but this was anothe
He finally turned his body in my direction, which so far was a good thing. “Nadia, I am not here to be friends with my cousin’s wife. I don’t care what happens in your private life, as I don’t care what happens to you. You are just a girl I watch.” I would be lying if I told you that it didn’t hurt me, but he has to know me before he could hate me. “And why not? What have I ever done to you for you to hate me so much?” His lip started to twitch, and I suddenly flinched when his hand moved. “I’m sorry!” I screamed. The air got thicker, and the park became silent as everyone around stopped in their tracks. I uncovered my arms from my face to look back at Carter completely stunned. He was only combing his hair with his fingers. “Nadia I wasn’t going to hit you; I don’t do that to women.” I finally relaxed,
He really kept to his word. I was over here more often than not. Especially since I knew my lovely husband was out sleeping around. It gave more time for that, but then things took a horrible turn. About seven months after Carlos and I had gotten into an argument. I wasn’t feeling very well, and I woke up really late. Bently was still in PJs, and Carlos came home during lunchtime and things weren’t ready. He could care less how I felt, and I talked back to him. He had wrapped his hands around my throat and slammed me against the wall. When I fell to the ground, he grabbed me by the arms to pick me up. When I pulled back, he let go and I hit my face against the bed frame. He was leaving that night and told me he was taking me to Carter’s house. Everything was all so last minute that when I walked into Carter's house, I called out for him. “I am in my bedroom, Nadia!” He yelled. I quickly put Bently down for bedtime in
We were so wrapped up in each other that I wanted more. I reached up latching my lips onto his, trying to take everything in because I thought this was it. There was no way this can happen again, but it was hard not to. I think in my mind Bently knew we were seeing each other, but he was someone who liked to be by himself he didn’t want to notice. Anytime we had Carlos’s friends over, he never wanted to play with their kids. He’d say “Mom, they’re annoying. Can you not make me play with them again?” He was definitely something else. Trying to juggle doing what’s best for my son, and also me trying to find happiness in such a small place I was kept in. I released myself from his mouth, and he just looked at him. “No. We’re throwing gasoline in a fire though.”I think a part of me kept causing issues with Carlos in order for him to send
There we were in the car, looking at each other trying to understand how everything was going so wrong. We knew what we wanted but sadly it didn’t look like it would happen. We never intended for this to happen, but sadly we don’t have control of how this world develops. When two people who were never supposed to happen, became something so beautiful and unrealistic. Sometimes I like to think it’s a test of faith to see how much you can take. Forced marriage, son, affair, and pregnancy. Long ago I thought that maybe there was no higher power, because how can something so powerful be so cruel at the same time? Why are rapists, pedophiles, murderers, drugs all allowed? My faith has been something that I have been questioning for an exceptionally long time. Yet Carter coming into my life had to be some kind of miracle. He saw hope in everything that was bad. For a long time, I believed even bad people deserve a second chance and for a w
Back in high school, I was voted Most Likely to Succeed. I was on the debate team, straight-A student, and friends with everyone. I had always felt like something was missing in my life. I had a perfect life, the perfect family, and the perfect boyfriend. We were sitting in the chem lab and I was working on my senior project that many colleges would be looking at. I chose the truth about corrupt America and trafficking. Many women and kids were being kidnapped back from my hometown to next door. It pained me to know that they were missing without a trace. Or when 1500 immigrants were “lost” in the cages they were being kept in. The news was depressing. My family and many of the immigrants that reside in Hatch were under fire. Everywhere we went we were told to go back to Mexico. Speaking our native language was always some Caucasian women screaming at us. So, I decided to do a project on something that has no perfect outcome. To show w
We had stood there just wrapped in each other’s arms as I sobbed and soaked his shirt. My breathing wasn’t steady but I somehow managed to hold my balance. “Nadia it’s okay, you don’t need to go through this alone anymore.” He tried to comfort me but sadly I just felt violated even when I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I chose to tell him, but it was the trust in me that made it easier. “I need to go for a walk alone please.” His pained look sent my heart to my stomach. I knew that if I didn’t put some space between us I wouldn’t stop crying. He slowly just nodded at me as I headed to the door. There was this spot down the road near the lake that really seemed to calm me. The moon overlooked the water. While the ripples appeared in the lake. I wondered how I was going to be something I had forgotten how to be. After eight years you’d think I would have strengthened my backbone, but it was somehow lost in sudden despair.
After they beat me trying to find out where the girls were. I told them multiple times that I didn’t know, and I was telling the truth. I told them to run and not look back. “Take her to Nick, they can have some fun with this troublemaker.” I heard one of them say. They began to laugh as I laid on the floor with a broken nose. I thought I was going to die, they made me wish I was dead. They snatched me from the ground and tossed me back into the van. It felt like we were in there for days as the little light that came in reminded me of when it was dark and morning. No food or water was given; they only gave me vodka to drink. After forcing me out of the van the sun burnt my eyes. I was put into a bathroom where they made me bathe myself. A doctor came in and put my nose back in place as I was only breathing out of my mouth. Before being thrown into a room with no mattress, only a floor. That was my home