TARAHI don't need to exercise. Just a glimpse of him doing his morning workout is enough to make my heart beat like I just ran a marathon. Talagang sa sala niya ito ginagawa? Wala bang malapit na gym?Pinilig ko ang ulo bago pa niya ako mapansin. Tumuloy ako sa pagbaba. Paliko sa kusina ay parang tinatambol ang puso ko. Please sana hindi ako mahagip ng mata niya. Bumuga ako ng hangin nang makarating ng tuluyan sa kusina. He didn't notice me. Nice! Hindi niya alam na nandito ako kaya hindi niya ako pupuntahan. Makakakilos ako ng maayos. Or so I thought.Pagkabukas ko palang sa fridge ay nagsalita na siya sa aking likuran. "I made breakfast." Aniya. My grip tightened on the fridge door. The sound of his breathless deep voice in the morning. Ugh! Sinadya kong humawak ng bagay na malamig para gisingin ang sarili."You cooked for our dinner last night. I'd like to repay that with breakfast." He said. I feel a knot in my stomach."I'll heat it up." Aniya. Kumuha ako ng gatas. Hinarap ko la
TARAHPumasok ako sa cafe kaya ginabi ako ng uwi. I wanted to shut down the thoughts in my head so I made myself work. Atsaka kailangan talagang dagdagan ang oras sa pagtatrabaho para lumaki ang sweldo. Nagsisimula nanamang sumakit ang binti ni papa, tapos humina pa daw ang kita sa pamamasada. Paubos narin ang gamot ni mama. I need more income.I walked straight upstairs. Hindi pa ako nakakapasok sa aking kwarto ay nasa likuran kona si Ezekiel. "Dinner?" He asks. I shook my head. "Kumain na ako." Tipid kong sagot saka na pumasok. Buti ay pinakain ako ni Neana kanina. Kung hindi ay hindi ako makakaiwas kay Ezekiel. I slept and woke up early. Nasabihan ko na kahapon si Mang Marlon na mas maaga na ang alis ko araw-araw at gabi na ang uwi. Kumuha ako ng tinapay at mabilis na nilagyan iyon ng palaman. Kakainin ko nalang sa biyahe. Baka gumising na si Ezekiel. Naiwasan ko siya ng ilang araw sa ganoong paraan. Ka
TARAHKung hindi lang ako nagugutom ay hindi muna ako lalabas. Hindi ako nagdinner kagabi. Ngayon ko ramdam ang gutom. Alas diyes na, ngayon palang din ako nagising. Paano, hindi ako makatulog kagabi. At noong nakatulog ako ay napanaginipan ko siya! Si Ezekiel!Umulit sa panaginip ko ang ginawa niya kagabi. Ang paghawak niya sa aking baba. Ang mukha niyang malapit sa akin. Tinabunan ko ng unan ang mukha nang maalala ang aking panaginip. Why did I dreamt that he was gonna kiss me?! Why did I want to kiss him in my dreams?! Nahihibang na ako.Siya ang unang lalaking nakalapit sa akin ng ganoon kalapit. At unang lalaking humawak sa aking baba. Maraming pakiramdam na sa kaniya ko unang naramdaman.No one made my heart beat crazy that way. No guy tensed me up. I never bothered to look at a guys eyes. And if I do wala naman akong nararamdaman. I met guys with good smell, but I wasn't in a daze. It didn't made me dizzy. No guy has ever got my knees weak. Only him. Only Ezekiel.I think this
TARAHI watched my hand travel on a humpy road. A road it should never drive in.Para akong napaso. At binuhusan ng nagyeyelong tubig. Mabilis kong binawi ang aking kamay at tumayo. Gulat akong nakatingin sa kaniya. Hinihingal. Sinubukan niyang lapitan ako.His voice echoed in my head. "You can touch me anytime... darling." He called me darling for the second time."Gago ka ba?!" Nanginginig kong sabi. Still feeling the adrenaline rush.Galit ako sa ginawa niya. At galit ako sa sarili ko dahil hinayaan ko siya! Hinayaan ko siyang magpahawak sa akin. Hinayaan kong madumihan ang aking kamay. He's clean but... I meant sexually. I've never touched a mans body. Ni holding hands nga wala pa akong ginanon. Kung hindi pa ako natauhan ay baka kung saan na napadpad ang kamay ko.Kumukulo ang aking dugo at nanginginig ang kalamnan sa galit, frustration at gulat. Why would he do that?! Why would he lead me like that? Hindi dapat nagyayari ang ganito."Nagtataka ka kung bakit kita iniiwasan? Kasi
TARAH "Sorry for calling suddenly." aniya. Napakurap-kurap ako. "You weren't answering my texts back. And... Ezekiel said— he, told me last night that... he saw you crying. I was worried."Muli ay napakurap-kurap ako. "Uhm... are you okay? Obviously you're not ok. You were crying. Uhm... I just want to say, if there's anything I could do, tell me."Talaga ba? Kung sabihin kong magmeet tayo sisipot kaba? Haharapin mo ba ako?I should be glad he called, that he's worried and is offering me help but... I don't find it sincere. Siguro kung pupuntahan niya ako oo.I started walking my way to the kitchen. Inuuhaw ako. "I understand your silence." aniya."You don't know me. You probably don't find this sincere." Nagulat ako. "I want to start getting to know you, and get you to know me. It took me this long to finally contact you, talk to you because... I'm not... a confident man."Sumandal ako sa sink. Pinakinggan siyang mabuti. He does sound uneasy."The best way to know a person is by spe
TARAHTo Atarah Schneider Perhaps you didn't want to receive the money immediate today cuz you're thinking you'd have to have breakfast with me starting today. Don't worry it doesn't start today. I have errands to do. I won't be with you today. I left your allowance under this note. Take it, and have breakfast before leaving for school. – Ezekiel SchneiderPaulit-ulit kong binasa ang pangalan ko at ng kaniya. Then his voice and words echoed in my mind. "My surname is now your surname.""Your surname, and my surname are the same.""I took you from your family."Itinabi ko ang note. Nakita ng kabuuan ang sobreng kulay pink. "Please..." I remember him whisper. Hinawakan ko ang sobre pero hindi magawang iangat iyon. "Please..." he whispers inside my head again. Huminga ako ng malalim at dinampot na ang sobre. Binuksan ko, blue bills. Pinadaan ko ang kuko sa bawat piraso. Napakunot ng noo nang may makita sa likod ng pera. I took it out. I wa
TARAHHe was single all his life but got broken once. May niligawan siyang kaibigan. They were close but she only gave her mixed signals. Hindi naman pala siya gusto ni girl. When he asked her to be in a relationship with him, she declined. And from then on, she never talked to him again. He also never tried to get into a relationship dahil tingin niya, marereject lang ulit siya. Ito ang napag-usapan namin ni Gabriel kagabi."Here," ani Ezekiel. Tapos ng hiwain ang pakwan. Umuwi siya ngayong umaga."So my brother visited?" He asked as he sat down in front of me."Yes. But I didn't saw his face. He was in the dark."Sumubo siya ng pakwan. Rinig ko ang pagnguya niya. Sumusunod ang aking tingin sa galaw ng kaniyang panga. Anuba, Tarah! Kumain kana!Kahit hindi ko kita ang ilalim ng mesa ay alam kong nakakrus ang isa niyang paa."Want me to tell you how he looks?"Napatitig ako sa kaniya bilog ang mata. Hindi ako tatangi diyan."He's got a beard too. Got a body like mine. We sometimes wor
TARAHNauna siya sa bahay. Nanatili siya doon sa guest room. Nagbihis ako sa aking kwarto. It feels weird that he's in the house but cannot be seen around the house. I put on a tight shirt and a jogger pants. I want him to see that I am not dressing up for him because I'm not aiming to impress him. He will meet, me. So if he doesn't like the girl he met I would know that it was the real me he didn't liked. Nagkapalit kami ngayon ng pwesto. Siya doon sa may kama. Lumapit naman ako sa bintana. I don't mind if he sees me. Nakita na niya ako kaya ba't pa ako magtatago? Ramdam ko ang paninitig niya. On his last visit, I asked him if he knows what I look like. Baka nagsend si Ezekiel ng picture ko or ano. He was honest to admit, that he stalked me one time. Silang dalawa ni Ezekiel. Naaalala ko na ramdam kong may nakatingin sa akin doon sa park after kong pirmahan ang kontrata. Sila palang dalawang magkapatid ang nakatingin sa akin. Hindi siya nagpakilala agad at hindi nagsabi ng anong