NATE"Nate. Hello? Earth to Nathaniel. Your mother's been talking to you for the last five minutes." I glanced up from my plate. "What?"My parents exchanged a look I was all too familiar with: worry and anxiety thinly veiled with amusement. They were wondering if me being preoccupied meant something was brewing inside me, something that could threaten my health and possibly land me in the hospital for days. And of course, along with that concern came the fear that this could be a symptom that my disease was progressing. I knew it was what they dreaded. Hell, I did, too. I'd been maintaining for so long, rolling along on a careful regiment of meds, monitored exercise and an enforced eight hours of sleep each night. It would be easy to fall into the trap of complacency, but after seventeen plus years of battling this motherfucker, health was nothing I ever took for granted. "I'm fine." I stressed the two words. "I feel great. Not hiding anything. I'm just in a bad mood. You gu
NATEMy mood didn't improve the next day. What my father had said lingered in my head, making me both angry and miserable at the same time. I avoided seeing Quinn, which was something I never did, and missing her only made me feel worse.At lunch, I ignored the cafeteria and instead went outside, planning to spend the forty-five-minute period on one of the more remote benches that were scattered here and there on the school's lawn. I shivered as the autumn wind blew down the collar of my T-shirt and kicked myself for not grabbing my jacket before I left the building. I'd just spotted an empty seat-and in the sun, no less-when Leo came loping across the grass, heading from the student parking lot toward the side doors of the school. He didn't see me at first; he had his head down and was wearing dark sunglasses. But when he did notice me, his steps slowed, and he paused just short of the sidewalk. "Hey, Nate. Everything okay?""Maybe I should be asking you that. Where were you?"
LEOUp until junior year of high school, I'd been pretty good about limiting my partying to Friday and Saturday nights. During football season, of course, Coach was strict about us sticking to a curfew during the week leading up to a Friday night or Saturday afternoon game. But there were ways around that, and I'd become an expert in figuring out those ways. This week, we were playing on Saturday, which meant no one was too worried about Thursday night. I used the excuse of a history group project meeting to convince my parents I needed to be out. In the interest of maintaining plausibility, I did go to the meeting, made some contributions ...and then when it ended, I headed over to Matt's house.Matt Lampert and I had been buddies for years. Not close friends, like Nate and Quinn and me, but more casual-the way only boys seem to be able to manage. We didn't have deep conversations, but we played baseball or soccer or football together-pick-up games, usually-and joked around, like
LEOBehind me, Quinn screamed. "Nate!" I heard the pounding of her feet, and I turned to catch her before she could trip and fall on top of him. My heart was thudding in dread, but I held it together enough to grip Quinn's upper arms, giving her a little shake. "Go get help. Do you have your phone? Call 9-1-1, and get-fuck, I don't know-get the school nurse or the principal or someone." Some of the horror cleared from Quinn's eyes, and she nodded, reaching in her back pocket for her phone even as she took off in the direction of the office. Once I was sure she was on her way, I jogged down the stairs to kneel next to Nate, careful not to jostle him as I tried to remember the little bit of first aid training we'd gotten in health class. Don't move him, in case his neck is broken. Bile rose in my throat. Nate was lying at an odd angle, but I didn't think he'd fallen far enough to have snapped his neck. "Taylor, shit, we didn't mean-" Brent was babbling behind me, fear evident in
QUINNI fled down the hallway of the hospital and out the automatic doors into the waning afternoon sun. The air was chilly, and I shivered, wrapping my arms around my waist as I leaned against the bumpy stucco wall. My throat was tight with tears, but dammit, I wasn't going to cry. Not here, not where Leo might see me. I wasn't stupid. I'd known for a long time that this guy who wore my best friend's face and spoke with his voice wasn't the same sweet boy I'd known forever. No matter how much I lied to myself, no matter how many times I searched for any hint that Leo was still in there, it was time to face facts once and for all. Leo wasn't my friend. He wasn't Nate's friend, and even though he'd rescued Nate today, the sooner we accepted that truth, the sooner we could move on. Forget him. Pain held a vice-grip on my heart. For me, losing Leo meant more than just having one less friend. It also spelled the death of the dream that someday, he might be even more. I couldn't rememb
QUINNLeo's eyes darted to mine, pleading. I knew what he was waiting for; he wanted my permission to tell Nate's mother the story the boys had concocted. The lie that was going to let Brent, Karl and Tim get away with what they'd done to Nate. I pressed my lips together, still tasting him there, and although I wasn't at all sure he was right, I gave a little nod."It was those steps by the gym. I guess Nate was heading to the locker room, and ...I don't know, he just fell. I was down the hall and saw him going down, but I couldn't do anything. Couldn't get there in time." Leo rubbed the back of his neck, giving an excellent impression of friend who was suffering from guilt. Or come to think of it, maybe he wasn't acting. "I think he hit his head on the railing. But the doctor said he was going to be okay. They just want to keep an eye on him. We saw him before he went up for a CT scan, and he was awake. He talked to us. They said maybe a mild concussion." "Oh, my God." Sheri close
NATEI'd had some killer headaches in my day, thanks to the side effects of medication and other treatments, but this one was a definite contender for the worst one. I lay in my hospital bed, staring at the ceiling tiles and waiting for the dose of painkiller I'd just been given to take effect. "Nate." Quinn's voice was soft and questioning; she wasn't sure if I were truly awake or not. I steeled myself against the pain and turned my head just a little to track her movement toward me."I'm awake." My voice sounded faraway and kind of slurred. Yeah, maybe those meds were kicking in, after all."My mom and I are going to leave in just a minute. Is there anything ...do you need anything before I go?"I managed a smile. "Nah, I'm good." My lips felt dry and numb, and I licked them, wondering idly if Quinn might be turned off by dry lips. Should I ask her? No, I decided. I shouldn't point out any of my deficiencies, on the off chance she might not notice. "Okay. Well ...I guess I'
LEOBy the time I made it back over to the high school and changed, the afternoon light was gray. Everyone was on the field, running drills, but I stopped on the sidelines where Coach Cramer stood, holding a tablet that looked just like the one the doctor had used at the hospital."Taylor." Coach nodded at me. "Mr. Platten filled me in on where you were. What's the news on the kid?"I shrugged. "Far as I know, doing okay. Doctor said he might have a mild concussion, and they're keeping him overnight, probably." I worked hard to keep the worry out of my voice. This entire afternoon had been a mess, from beginning to end. I wouldn't have minded just forgetting the whole damn day. The image of Quinn's eyes, soft and luminous when she'd looked up at after our kiss, filled my head, reminding me that maybe not all of it had been so bad. But no. Kissing Quinn had been a mistake of monumental proportions, and now I had to figure out an exit strategy. I'd seen the expression on her face ju