Handy Assistants

It has been a week since I have seen or spoken to Joshua. Now I am not going to lie; the sex was fucking amazing even though it was a trap. Yes, I should not have enjoyed it as much, and god knows that I did not even try to fake it.

I have much to my own annoyance not stopped thinking about him. I am practically messed up from my own plan. I sometimes think with other parts more than my brain. I guess that revenge is not such a fair game.

But he said the words that I wanted him to say. Why am I so hesitant to expose him then. I need to remember he played me for a fool. But then again, did he just say it because he is playing me for a fool. I need to get this over and done with before it ruins me.

I want Joshua out of my life, or do I truly want him to be in it with me? I wish that this was not so confusing. This is why I keep reminding myself not to do relationships. I guess my own game has blown up in my face.

 I have a staff meeting this morning, s