Four

Alicia's POV 

After I left Nathan's office, I couldn't comprehend or understand what I was feeling or what was going on exactly. I know I'm supposed to be excited, I finally got the freedom I always craved but a part of me was sad. 

Throughout the entire ride from his office to my home, I couldn't shake off the sad feeling. It kind of stuck with me for a long time even after I got home. I sat back to watch a comedy show in my room but it didn't appear funny to me. 

When my eyes moved to the framed picture of Grandma Mary sitting on my bed stand, that was when I realized where the sadness was coming from. I feel like I'd disappointed her with my decision. If she was alive, my decision would've killed her. It would've been written on her gravestone that I was the cause of her death. 

Tears welled up in my eyes and I quickly wiped it off with a finger to stop myself from crying. I picked up the divorce document I'd gotten a day after Grandma Mary died and dropped it off on the kitchen counter so Nathan can find it whenever he gets back home.

I walked back to my room and decided to make myself happy. I played some music, poured myself a glass of wine, and started dancing around the room. I knew all I should feel was happiness and nothing else. Feeling sad after getting what I always wanted should be a criminal offense. I should be arrested for feeling sad when I'm supposed to be happy. 

I kept dancing till I was tired and exhausted. I switched off the music, turned to lock my bedroom door, and retire for the night only to find Nathan at the door, his mouth hanging open, almost reaching the floor. 

My face burned red from embarrassment, I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole. While I was dancing stupidly, Nathan was out there watching me, thinking I was probably losing my mind or I was going mental. 

My feet that were previously stuck suddenly found themselves moving towards the door. 

"Goodnight" I muttered as I held the handle ready to close it.

I was halfway into closing the door when I heard him speak.

"Ahm, we should talk. Downstairs," 

I raised my head to look at him and ask him why but he was long gone just like always. I'd hoped the conversation wouldn't come up because I honestly don't want to talk to him any more till I move out of the house. He's now in the past and I would love to keep him there. 

Reluctantly, I followed him. He wasn't sitting, he was standing, facing the wall, the document I'd left for him earlier was in his hands but his hand was on his forehead as if he was trying to comprehend something.

"How long had you been thinking about the divorce?" He asked, still not facing me.

"Since we got married," 

"Why?" 

"It's obvious, isn't it? The fact that we didn't even know each other enough when we got married is enough reason for the divorce," 

He turned. 

"I made it easier by signing that contract with you that night. I allowed you to state your terms, things that'll make you happy in the marriage and I did my best to stick to those things," 

This was my fear, my deepest fear. I feared him bringing up the contract and now that he did, I have to find a way to get him back on track.

"You already agreed to get a divorce. Why are you changing your words?"

"I'm not begging you to stay in the marriage, I'm just….. nothing makes ….." 

He stopped, stared down at me and I looked away.

"You got the divorce letters behind my back a day after my grandma died," 

"Yes," I whispered. That part made me appear to be a bitch or a heartless bitch. 

"Did you even mourn her a little? I thought you always talked about how she was your favorite person and how much you loved her and yet, you got divorce papers ready for her grandson a day after she died?" 

How did he know that? I tell a lot of people about how much I loved Grandma Mary but I only told one person about how she was my favorite person. 

"I know that sounds bad but I had to do what I wanted to do," Moreover, it was her who wanted the wedding the most. 

"Fine, she was the one who advocated for the marriage so you couldn't wait for her to die before you got your hands on this, I bet you wished for her death as well," 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" 

"NOTHING IS….," He yelled at first but stopped.

"I don't want to talk to you right now," he started walking away, "In fact, I don't want to see you right now," 

He stopped at the kitchen aisle, brought out a pen from the chest pocket of his suit, and signed the paper on each page that request his signature. 

"I'll stamp it at the office tomorrow and send it back to wherever hell the papers are coming from," 

"Thanks," I appreciated even though the word was heavy on my tongue.

"Do me a favor by not being here when I return tomorrow. From now on, Alicia, let us endeavor not to meet ever again after we meet with the lawyers," 

"Okay," 

He didn't walk over to his room like I'd expected him to, instead, he walked out of the house. I heaved a deep sigh of relief for an unknown reason. It went well but I still couldn't stop the unidentified feeling inside of me. 

I hit the spot I think my heart should be twice, trying to control how fast it was beating, and when I took in the fact that I would be moving out of the space I’d called home in a few hours, I crumbled to the floor, hoping to pick the broken pieces of my heart and fix it right back to its original position.