I lay Daniel on Matthew’s chest and place a blanket over both of them for added warmth. “Hold on” Matthew says, pushing the blanket back for a moment “look at this.”He places his index finger underneath Daniel’s tiny hand. Daniel squirms a bit but then gently squeezes his father’s finger.“That’s amazing! Great job, little buddy!” I proudly exclaim. I cover them and have a sudden thought. “Matthew. Would you like me to take your photo? Of you and Daniel?”He looks up from his son with a bewildered look, as if he hadn’t thought to do that before. “That would be great.” He says, unlocking his phone before handing it to me. I switch to portrait mode and snap a half dozen photos from different angles before handing it back. He scrolls through them and his smile reveals his perfectly straight white teeth. “These are wonderful. I didn’t know my phone camera could do this.”“I’m glad you like them. Can I get you anything else? Something to eat or drink?”“No, thank you.”I smile and
“You need to take a night off. Self care isn’t just a mom thing, you know.” My sister, Ava, lectures me. “You said Daniel is thriving at the hospital lately. You can take a night off to go do something for yourself.”I don’t want to admit it, but she is right. I need to do something other than sit at the hospital, even if it is staying home and getting a good nights sleep for once. “I don’t even know what to go do.” I run my hand through my thick black hair and try to come up with either an excuse or something to do. “Want to go to dinner? I am dying for some Fogo de Chão.”“That actually sounds amazing. I haven’t been there in forever. Let me change and we can go.”Since this self care thing means I’m supposed to be doing something for me, I decide we are going to take my white Shelby GT500. I am in the mood to have fun and make the most of the night. Fast cars were everything before I had Daniel. The feeling of being one with the car as I race down the highway through St. Paul an
An alarm pierces through the silent hallways. I lock my computer and follow the sound to room 312. Matthew isn’t here tonight- none of the other nurses let him stay and I was here unexpectedly tonight. I check the monitor and note that it’s reading Daniel’s heart rate at an incredibly low rate. I open the side of his isolette to listen to his heart and as soon as my hand touches him, my heart drops. His skin is on fire. He has a fever. I page the on call physician, Dr. Crowe, who arrives moments later. Together we carefully examine Daniel and note his stomach is incredibly bloated. I scan over the previous shift’s chart notes and see he was not taking his feeds well and was sleepier than usual. Both of which should have raised red flags. Dr. Crowe orders X-rays which confirm our suspicions: Daniel has NEC. We also suspected an infection due to the fever. I start the IV antibiotics as soon as the pharmacy delivers them and I page the on call surgical team to prep for emergency su
In nursing school, we were taught compassion while maintaining distance. Avoid becoming emotionally attached to a patient. I did the exact opposite, and Daniel’s death has devastated me. I come home and try to sleep after what might be the worst day in the entirety of my career. Sleep eludes me. When it does come, it isn’t restful. Instead it is fueled by nightmares and when I wake each time I am drenched in a cold sweat. I give up on trying to sleep anymore and take a shower. I pray for the hot water to just wash away my sadness. I sigh heavily before turning off the water. I quickly dry off and change into black leggings and a royal blue cropped tee. It’s late afternoon now so I decide to call Simon. We talk for a while about what happened today before I decide to shoot my shot. “Let’s be together. Let’s make this official. We’ve wasted so many years pretending to be just friends and I don’t want to let us slip away.”“Audra… I’m going to be here for another 3 years. I’m 1300 m
The smell of strawberry and sweat fill my nostrils as the dark-skinned dancer makes her way across the stage in front of me, trying to charm me with her fluid-like movements. If it were any other night, her naked body would’ve cast a spell upon me, provoking thoughts of lust and sin. But not tonight. I truly don’t even know why I’m here other than I refuse to go back to my empty house where an empty nursery waited for a baby that would never come home. What was once a happy home was now a prison of guilt and sorrow I am desperate to escape. The loud music vibrates in my chest as the dancer takes her tip and pulls my head into her breasts, rubbing them across my face. When she pulls away, I can see the glitter on her chest shimmering under the stage lights. I’m guessing it’s now all over my face too. I’m distracted by my thoughts when out of the corner of my eye I see someone take a seat next to me. The smell of coconut and vanilla overpower the smell of strawberry from the dancer.
I make my way across the club and sit next to Matthew at the tip rail. I had come to the club with the intention of asking the owner to perform a few sets, however Matthew’s presence put a stop to that. Dancing sets my soul on fire. Having all eyes on me as I spin on the pole, being desired by everyone watching. It gave me a high like no drug ever could. I hadn’t danced professionally in years; Not since I graduated nursing school. I missed it and I needed that fix tonight. Matthew buys us drinks all night, both of us feeling nothing but intense sexual desire by the time the club is starting to wind down. I could see him watching me engaging in semi-erotic behavior with another woman was turning him on. He insists I’m too intoxicated to drive, and he’s not wrong, but I had no intention of driving home. I tell him I’m getting a hotel room, leaving the statement open to his interpretation. He walks me to the hotel and before I go in I press my body against his, feeling that he’s rea
Water droplets glisten on her flawless porcelain skin. I wrap her in a giant, plush bath sheet before wrapping one around my waist. I want nothing more than to pick this sexy, tiny woman up and toss her onto the bed to have my way with her. Everything about her is intoxicating from the way she smells to the way she kissed me moments ago. My cock pulses with need underneath my towel. I need to taste her. I need to feel her. I need to hear her screaming my name while she comes. I scoop her up into my arms and carry her to the bed. She feels so tiny in my arms. She’s going to be fun to throw around tonight. I set her on the bed and pull her long hair out of the bun on the top of her head. It cascades down her perfect body, almost reaching her waist. She stands up and places her hands on my chest, biting her bottom lip, and looks up at me with her bright blue eyes filled with excitement. “What are we going to do now?” She asks me, running her hands up and down my abs, stopping to trac
I open my eyes and see sunlight peeking around the edges of the curtains. I figure it’s around 9am based on how bright it is. Considering how much I drank last night, I actually feel fine. I roll over and see Audra sprawled on her stomach next to me, sleeping peacefully.We connected on a level last night I have never experienced with anyone else. Our physical and emotional needs were beyond satisfied. I never connected with Lydia this way. Lydia was the only other woman I have been intimate with and my connection with Audra wasn’t met with the feelings of betrayal I anticipated. I carefully crawl out of bed without waking her and I call to order room service.When I returned to the bed, she was yawning and stretching awake. “Good morning, beautiful.” I greet her as I slip back under the comforter. She blushes and smiles. “Good morning.”“How did you sleep? I ordered room service, it should be here soon.”“I slept well, thank you. I’m starving.”I pull her against my chest and as