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23

ATTICUS

I feel as if every cell in my body has a mind of its own. It's not as nice as I thought it would be it is actually very overwhelming.

Roman and I have shifted four times back and forth just because we can, but now that he isn't distracting my brain. My imagination is running wild.

Thoughts about how everything can become utterly perfect and thoughts about how I can mess everything up are tormenting me. The harsh reality of what I have lived through paired with my crimes are like a crippling weight that yearns to suffocate me.

Before the orders were removed I was at peace inside my head. I had no choices to make. My father controlled my days. Now I am in charge of myself and I am terrified. I want to hide. I don't want the responsibility of life thrust at me. The times Father gave me a choice I chose violence. I chose to kill or hurt others. Now I am free to decide things all the time. What if I become a killing machine? I mean Rupert is my father. I could become him. I c
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