Thankfully, I have a spare key for our car so I enter it once I reach the mall’s parking lot. I can still feel my insides shaking as I try to calm myself down. I lock the car from the inside and hug my two feet. I am still trembling. I am afraid. I have thought I am ready but I am not. I just cry there, feeling disappointed in myself. I left my mom there. I ran away. I should have faced my demons, but I ran away. Clearly, I am a coward.
After a while, I feel mom open the car, I do not dare to lift my head up. I just lay there motionless as she put everything that we have bought in the compartment. She thanks some of the staff who have helped her and give them tips. They say thank you while they leave. My mom then enters and while she is closing the car door, she reaches out to me and kisses my head. She then starts the car’s engine.
I still feel guilty. I have run away. I do not think that I deserve this love she is giving me. I can feel the tears on my cheeks as I unconsciously let out a soft wail.
“Darling…” My mom tries to break the silence but I can’t find my voice to reply. We arrive at our house like that. I go straight to my room and lock myself there. After hours of turning and churning on my bed, I decided to go downstairs to drink some water, I notice that my mother’s room door has been left ajar and some dim light is evident in the hallway. I take a peek and find my mom silently sleeping, her back facing the door. I go inside and close the door. I slid in beside her on the bed and hug her from behind.
“Mom, I’m sorry for what I did earlier. I guess I’m just not ready to face people, yet.” I whisper and I notice the I wet her pillow. I feel her body move and face me, my face on her bosom. She hugs me back.
“It’s okay, my dear. I understand. Sleep now. I know you were tired. I love you.” She whispers with her closed eyes and kisses me on the head. Then, I find myself dozing off to a deep slumber.
Tomorrow comes and my mom wakes me up through the smell of brewing coffee and cooking bacon, eggs, and sausages. I feel my stomach grumble as I try to go back to sleep more.
Sleepily, I drag myself out of her room and my mom greets me, “Hi Sweetie! My Darling is awake!” She is taking the plates towards the table.
“Why didn’t you wake me up, mom?” I ask her.
“You were sleeping peacefully, I don’t want to ruin it.” She winks at me. “Sit, Dear, the food is ready. I’ll just get you your coffee.”
After giving me my coffee, My mom also sits on the chair opposite me.
“Mom, what happened to the grocery store when I left?” I try asking. As much as the idea scares the hell out of me, I’m still curious about what has happened.
My mom is taken aback by my question and puts down her utensils.
“Are you sure that you want to talk about this?” My mom asks me with worry in her eyes. “It’s not that something bad happened while you ran away, I was worried about you not really wanting to talk about this but you have no other topic to open that’s why you’re asking me.”
She drinks her orange juice. You see, my mom is not really a fan of coffee. While I, maybe because of writing, my body has gotten used to coffee, and now my headaches when I can’t drink an ample amount of it within the day.
“It’s okay, mom,” I assure her. “Maybe, one of the causes of my anxiety is not knowing. I don’t want to stay in the dark anymore.”
I have already thought about this last night while I have been in my room. I have come to a conclusion that what has happened there will definitely help me cope up with everything. If the people inside the grocery store start to talk good about me, I will take it as a sign of hope. If otherwise, I’m never going outside the house again… I guess.
I see my mother smile brightly, “The customers were ecstatic to know that you were there, the woman was even in a panic to get herself a pen and piece of paper but you ran away.” She giggles. I look at my hands under the table.
“Darling,” She calls to me, “The world is not that bad. It might be raining now but the sun still shines somewhere. You only have to go on.”
I fall silent.
“I know, mom,” I said.
“Anyway,” she reaches out on her side for a paper she has been reading. “I got this yesterday while I was exiting the mall. I would like to bring you here to relax” She smiles at me and gives me the piece of paper.
On her hand, I see a pamphlet.
“What is this?”
“Just read it.”
It’s a pamphlet of The Passion House.
“Mom?”
“Shall we go visit?” She smiles.
“I’m not quite sure.” I trail off. “I still get nervous around people,” I tell her.
“It’s okay, Darling.” She assures me. “The Passion House is mostly famous for its amenities which is believed to be accessed only through… a dream.”
I get dumbfounded.
“Mom, this is not the time for a joke,” I tell her and she laughs.
“Really, Darling.” She smiles when she can control her laughter.
“How does that even work?!” I ask her with all the sarcasm in the world.
“We will never find out if we don’t try.” She smiles at me.
I look again at the pamphlet. It turns out that today is going to be the 60th founding anniversary of the hotel. Everyone who will visit the hotel until this midnight will be given a chance to have a chance of winning a lifetime guaranteed life in a cruise ship that sails around the world. I mean, although it is good to be true and seems fictional, who doesn’t want that right?
I put down the pamphlet and find myself staring at my room’s white ceiling and let out a sigh. I do not notice that I have gone back to my room already. I am mostly scared. It has been a while since I last met with people.
It is funny. Just a month ago, I have been used to crowds and even loved gatherings. Now, I will rather stay home and enjoy the company of my pillows and blankets. I let out a sigh. After a while of deliberating, I stand up from my bed and go to see my mom. The living room is empty as I call out for her.
“Mom?”
“Yes, Sweetie,” She replies with a soft and distant voice. “I’m out here at the garden.”
I go out of our living room and enters our veranda. There, I see my mom on her gardening clothes- the one with horizontal black and red striped white long sleeves, jumper denim, and gardening gloves- digging through the dirt. It seems like she is planting some seeds.
“What are you planting, Mom?” I pry.
“Oh,” She looks at herself.” I am planting some pumpkin seeds that I have bought from the store yesterday.”
“Can I help?”
“Sure!”
I go down there and she makes me hold the seeds as she continues to do the dirt. She does not allow me to do it because she says I am not wearing the proper clothes.
“Mom, I was thinking.”
“What is it?”
“Let’s go to The Passion House tonight.”
I admit she got really surprised by what I have said.
“Really?!” Her eyes light up as she realizes the message I am implying.
I nod. “Nothing is really going to happen to me if I keep myself inside the house all day.”
She hugs me. “Thank you, Darling.” I can hear her voice cracking from suppressed tears. “Thank you for helping yourself.”
Never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought that I will be able to step foot inside a hotel this grand. The golden gates open their arms as our car drives towards the hotel entrance- welcoming us to a world of luxury and sophistication. The palm trees line up on the center island like royal guards who stand mightily awing its audience with its magnificent stance. Far ahead lies the Hotel in its full glamour. Although I’m at least a kilometer away from it, I can already see its brilliance. I can’t help but let my jaw drop as I try to intake its incomparable. “Wow,” My mom and I can’t help but mutter. My mom lowers the car’s stereo’s volume singing the Eagles’ biggest hits - her favorite- as we try to savor the moment of our entrance. Ca
I have never been mesmerized in my life except when I have entered this place. This place is indeed sparkling in a lot of ways. Entering that open door, we have found an elevator on the left side. Jack presses the button of the elevator and I can’t help myself but observe on my spot the things that surround me. Its doors are as clear as a golden mirror. Above us hangs many bird-shaped warmly lit droplights. Somehow, they look like comets that are falling from the sky or majestic birds that are flying around us. Also, unlike the lobby, the walls of this hallway are painted in white on the top and are gold-painted halfway to the bottom. There are also gold swirling patterns that are visible on the canvass. Beside the elevator door lies waist-high white in gold details columns with potted plants on top of it. On our feet is a red carpet that extends across the hallway.
I am unpacking my things inside my room when I hear a knock on the door. I look at my watch and notice that it is already 9:15 in the evening. The person knocking must be the staff that they have mentioned. I go to the door and looked at the peephole. Outside, I see four women. One of them wears the same outfit as the girl in the lobby while the other three behind hear are wearing white long sleeve collared polo, mid-thigh-length pencil skirts, black stockings, black leather shoes, and a shiny gold neckerchief. I open the door and they greet me while bowing, “Good Evening, Madame.” I kinda get weirded out by the gesture. “My name is Adel and I am here to deliver theambrosia.” She tells me smiling.
Madame? Ms. Meyer? Madame? A sudden jolt makes me come back to my senses.Where am I? I look around me and I see myself at the lobby of The Passion Houseagain. What’s happening? It seems like a staff is talking to me. She looks familiar. It has taken a while for me to process what’s happening.Oh right.
Wow. It has been a while since I laugh with a stranger. I gather my composure and sit properly facing the counter.Even if he is a fan, maybe I should still guard myself up. However, I am also quite surprised with myself because, for some reason, I feel quite safe. I honestly did not feel like I have been attacked. I look at this man standing. Maybe that is because we are in a dream and nothing he does can harm me in reality. Maybe I also feel quite comforted by the fact that he says that he is my fan like he is assuring me that he believes in me. That he trusts me that all of those false claims against me are not true. It’s like I automatically put my guards down.But I should still look out for myself.
Stacey’s eyes start to swell as tears slowly fall on her face. I get dumbstruck. Panic starts to arise within me. Why is she crying? I quickly get off my seat and go near her, “Are you okay? Why are you crying?” Everyone at our table has also turn silent.Can anybody tell me what’s happening? I hold both of her arms so she can stand up properly. I feel her shake under my hands. She starts sobbing. With every tear from her eyes, I can feel all the weight that she has been carrying against my sudden departure. She can’t stop herself. After a while, she starts to wail like a child who has been lost but has now been finally found by her mom by a large crowd of people.
Harris just sits there listening to my story. He doesn’t even bulge; he doesn’t even judge; he does not give me an exaggerated reaction, too. He just sits there with a cigarette in his hands and he is staring at the sky full of stars as I do. I like it, this way, the way he listens with no judgment and bias, I have known I needed this. This might be the reason why I can’t open this up to my mom, or to anyone else. I might have known beforehand that I needed a Harris to open up to. “I couldn’t believe it at first,” I continued. “She’s the last person who I have known who can do that to me.” I notice that right now, I really want to cry but my body might have dried out of tears, I can only breathe out heavy sighs. I gulp more of my words. “You see, Harris, that issue has been a big deal with my company for weeks now. It all started when one of my critiques stumbled upon a less-read novel with a different title but the same content as mine. The Author’s notes of it have been di
Is this love? Oh. I know this isn’t love. But what is this feeling?In the darkness, I can feel how his lips touch mine. He’s kissing in a soft and slow motion, so gentle it warms my heart. It feels like he’s carefully handling something so precious that I actually feel so fragile in his arms. After a short while, he breaks the kiss and looks at me straight into my eyes. Pleading, wishing, as if he’s asking m for something only I can give. And under this flashing lights of Pink and Blue, and the wild beats of the bass, among the shouting crowd, towards his deep and brown hazel brown eyes and kindest smile, I give in.He has the brightest and manliest smile I have ever seen since. His perfect set of white teeth shows and he gets so shy to look at me as he looks away. It’s obvious that he is trying to not let it sho