Step Light

Mariam plops down next to me and crosses her legs at the knee. We watch as a bodybag is taken away to be disposed of properly, and I wonder if the guards will put it in the morgue area of the hospital or if they have other plans for the body. I can't imagine they'd want the body to be discovered.

"He was, in fact, trying to kill Emma," Mariam murmers. She shakes out her arm and tufts of air like dandelions make my nose scrunch. "He had a gun on him, plus a few other nasty weapons. We checked his other belongings for anything to identify him but we didn't find anything. How did you know what he was going to do?"

I rub my nose. "I talked to him and described Emma as a red head. He didn't correct me. Then I told him how much she hates reading and he agreed with me." I shrug and stifle a sneeze.

"Smart. Good job."

Sure, it was, until I lost control. But there's no point in bringing that point up. It's over. "Should we tell Emma?" I ask instead.

Mariam sighs. "Richard is doing it right now." She adjusts her glasses and turns her head slightly to look at me. I bob my head as she studies my expression. "Do you want to talk to her?"

Kind of. Maybe. I don't want to see how she views me, though, after Richard informs her of what happened. I don't know how much detail he's going to give or if she'll ask to know everything. But I need to face her. People are going to try to hurt her and if I'm going to put my sanity on the line with every attempt on her life, I need information.

"Yeah, actually, I do," I say finally. "I want to know why people are trying to kill her."

Mariam hums in agreement. "That's something I'd like to know, too. The General didn't tell me and it wasn't in her file. How about we go in together?"

It was asked as if I had an option, but really, there isn't one. I am still coming down and Mariam needs to be around me. I appreciate her attempt, though. She stands and waits for me to get up, too, before we make our way to Emma's room together. She even allows me to enter the room first. I thank her in whisper then step through the doorway, my breath held.

Inside, Richard is sitting in my seat, talking gently to Emma. Neither of them notice me nor Mariam, so I wait for a lull in their conversation to let them know they're not alone. It takes a while but eventually I have my opening. I cough to make my presence known and they look over at me. Richard stands up and smoothes down his shirt, and I wonder just what he told Emma. Did he tell her I was a danger? That I'm to be kept just on the fringe of things? Did he describe my vicious acts so she'd know to be wary of me? I avert my eyes, my face suddenly hot.

"I want to talk to you," I say simply. No one reacts and I realize that my words were directed at the wall. Clenching my jaw I make myself focus on Emma so she knows I mean her.

She stares at me for a moment, then nods and waits for me to say more. What was with the hesitation? Maybe Richard did tell her I was a monster. I don't blame him, but still. Emma needed to trust me if I was going to protect her. She can't be afraid of me.

"Why are people trying to kill you?" I ask bluntly, brushing everything else out of my mind. I have no time to be mopey. I have a job to do.

Emma looks down at her hands and doesn't respond. I sigh in irritation and look to Mariam for help since she's the sensitive one, but she offers only a useless shrug. Running a hand over my hair, I frown at Emma. "Just answer the damn question," I tell her. I'd rather know what I'm dealing with.

Raising her eyes, Emma gives me a frown of her own. "I don't know."

"Of course..." I mutter.

"I don't know," Emma says, more forcefully this time. "All I know is someone's trying to kill me and my dad has something to do with it." She challenges me with her gaze but I don't fight. I believe her, if I don't like it. It was a long shot that she'd know exactly what was going on.

"I think I might have a little more information," Richard pipes up, earning everyone's attention. He shifts his weight and clears his throat. "Emma's dad works in a part of the government that doesn't exist, same as you and Mariam," he states simply. "As do I, which is why he trusts me to watch his daughter. Anyway, he did some bad business and... Things didn't settle well."

I bob my head slowly. Of course the government has something to do with this. When doesn't it? So, basically, Emma's dad upset some people and now they want payback. Those in the government tend to be very childish, and I definitely believe that they'd kill an innocent girl. But the fact that a mediocre assassin was sent first probably meant that the scorned party isn't using government funds or resources. That soon will change, I imagine.

Trying not show my worry, I focus on Emma. She's staring somewhere near my hip, and I look down, realizing she's staring at my bloodied hand. I shift uncomfortably. Usually I clean up right away, but this time I didn't have the chance. My reddened fingers curl as I try to hide some of the blood.

"You..." Emma whispers, making me look up. Her eyes find mine and I hope she's not going to say something offensive. "Richard told me what you did."

I run my clean hand through my hair and shift my red fist behind my back as normally as I can. "Yeah. He wanted to kill you so I did my job."

Emma manages a small, barely there smile. "Thank you."

Of all things I didn't expect that. I had thought she'd be scared of me, or at least a bit unsure about me. Maybe Richard didn't paint me as a beast after all. "No problem," I say, shrugging. "It's what I do."

Emma's smile widens a hair, then she leans over to her bedside table and grabs a tiny bag of tissues, the travel kind. She holds them out to me. "They're moist wipes," she tells me. "For your, uh, hand."

Pleasantly surprised, I step up to the side of her bed and reach out for the wipes. I could just go to the bathroom and wash my hands but... this is kind of like acceptance of me. It's nice.

When I grab the wipes Emma clamps her hand around my fingers. I flinch and attempt to pull away but she grabs my wrist with her free hand. The sudden, almost hostile type movements put me immediately on edge. What is Emma trying to do? Why did she grab me? Why would she do that? Doesn't she know I'm still volatile?

"No!" Mariam yells. Emma lets go of me and jerks back, startled by Mariam's outburst. The wipes fall to the bed. My wrist burns with the memory of Emma's touch, and someone else's.

"What?" I hear Richard ask, panicked.

I'm standing stalk still, my wide eyes on my wrist. Painful memories start to flood into my head.

"She shouldn't have touched Cas like that," Mariam says in a hurry. "She's still a little fragile after her kill. This could be... complicated."

Mariam's words start to fade into the background as a vivid memory surfaces into my mind. It leaves me breathless and upset, and I hate myself. I hate his face, his voice. I can smell him, even now, and I want to gag. I was a vulnerable little girl in a scary environment. I should have been safe. He should have kept me safe.

A familiar voice seeps into my memories and I'm distracted for a second. Mariam is calling my name.

But he is, too, and I want it all to go away. I don't want him around me anymore. I don't care that he brings me donuts to sweeten his vile grin. Anything from him is poison and will kill me. Pieces of me are already gone.

"Cas, honey. Talk to me." This voice is sweet and loving and nothing like his. I want to follow it out of the darkness.

He won't let me go.

He holds on tight and leaves me breathless. It hurts my lungs, my heart, my stomach. Other places hurt, too, but I don't like to think about it. I focus on my wrists, trying to twist them free without hurting anyone. But I can't. I want him to feel what I feel. I make sure he does before he breathes his last in my face.

"Cas!" Mariam's shout snaps me out of the past with a painful slap. I blink, feeling wetness on my cheeks, and Mariam sighs in relief. "You're back, honey. You're back." She takes a half step away from me but I see that she wants to comfort me. I'm glad that she doesn't. I don't want to hurt her, too.

I try to say something to let Mariam know that I'm okay but my voice won't work. I gulp in mouthfuls of air, forcing myself not to cry anymore, and turn my face away from everyone. My legs are shaking and that's all they can see of my breakdown. That's all I want them to see.

"Don't tell me I..." Emma trails off. "I just wanted to..."

"I told you not to touch her," Mariam hisses. "Do you have a death wish? If that's the case, Cas and I can leave right now and let you die."

Not all surprised by Mariam's threat, I turn my head slightly to watch Emma out of the corner of my eye. Her jaw is set but I can see the regret on her face. "I didn't know that..." She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't trying to hurt her."

Mariam opens her mouth to most likely say something deadly, but I wipe my face and clear my throat. "She didn't know a touch like that would bring me to... him." By Emma's sharp inhale, I know Mariam told her everything about what happened to me. Now she knows what she's caused, where she threw me. "It's over. It's over... I just want to rest." I fall heavily into my designated chair by Emma's bed. I may not like her right now but my job is to watch her, and I will. Hopefully she'll shut her mouth and keep her hands to herself for the remainder of my stay.

Mariam gives me a look. "You don't have to do this."

I snatch up the wet wipes and yank one out of the package. "Yes I do," I mumble. The dried blood on my hand is starting to irritate me so I wipe my skin clean. "Just... let me." Normalcy. That's what I need and Mariam knows it. I need her to pretend that I didn't just lose it.

She moves to stand next to Richard, not taking her eyes off me. I sigh and put my feet up on the second chair. If I'm going to get over this all, I need to be left alone, or at least undisturbed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" asks Mariam, concerned.

I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. "I'm fine, Mariam. I just need to rest. You can go. I'll stay here with Emma." I'm asking to be alone with Emma so I can get used to her being with me. Especially now. I did the same thing with Mariam once upon a time. We'd spend hours together doing nothing, not even speaking. It helped me get used to her, helped me want her presence around me. Hopefully it will work with Emma.

After a long moment, Mariam lets out a frustrated breath. "Alright. Call me if you need anything. I'll be just outside. Just outside." When I acknowledge her words, she leaves. Richard's footsteps follow, then there's sweet silence, or at least as much as a full floor will allow me.

Clearing my mind, I sigh and throw my dirty wipe into a nearby trash can. It lands perfectly.

"Close the door," Emma says suddenly.

I narrow my eyes at her, suspicious. Just looking at her has me slightly on edge. She waves her hand to the door and urges me on, and with a small growl, I get up to close the door. Mariam sees me and immediately heads in my direction, but I put my hand up for her to stop. I give her a thumbs up and begin to close the door, letting her know that I'm okay with what's happening, and she nods firmly. When the door's closed I sit back in my chair beside Emma's bed and lift my legs to rest my feet on my second chair. The room is much quieter now.

But then Emma breaks the silence. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

I know she is but I don't need an apology right now. "Forget it, puppy," I snap. I shut my eyes so I don't have to look at her. "Don't dig a deeper hole."

Emma shuts her mouth. After a few long minutes, I hear her grab her book and open it, the spine cracking slightly. My body relaxes and I wiggle down my seat to make myself comfortable. If Emma's reading then she'll be quiet, and maybe I can take a little nap. Some sleep will surely recharge me.

As my breathing starts to slow and even out, Emma's voice makes me snap my eyes open. To my surprise, she's reading aloud from her book, her words soft and gentle. A part of me wants to protest while another part of me wants to hear the story. I silently fume in my seat until the kid in me wins out, and I loosen my muscles and close my eyes again. Emma's soothing voice echoes around the room, and soon enough, I'm drifting off to sleep.

---------------------------------------------

Richard wants Emma's wounds to heal properly, so I end up spending a week in SaDian Hospital. It probably would have been longer but Emma's father had some special scientists give her experimental injections that sent her body into hyper drive. Her bruised organs heal quicker than normal and her face shows no scars. Though it's incredible, the cut on her leg was much deeper and ends up leaving a very light scar from the back of her knee to her heel. Emma doesn't mind it and that's enough for everyone else.

The days in the hospital, though, pass slowly and awkwardly for me. After my episode, Emma, Richard, and Mariam tread carefully, too carefully for my tastes. None of them want to upset me in any way but, really, their walking on eggshells irritates me more than anything else. It didn't help that rumor got around to the rest of the guards and none of them got within six feet of me.

Then things got worse. Day three of my stay at SaDian went horribly as Richard brought donuts for everyone. I flipped out when he offered me one and caused a huge panic on the third floor. Numerous people were injured and I was almost tranquilized but, luckily, Mariam managed to calm me down before I was shot. It was mass hysteria and Mariam had to explain why donuts were a trigger for me to everyone in the building. I was embarrassed that I did so much damage, but everyone understood, though they became more wary of me.

After that incident, Richard only got dinner, and even then he'd ask Mariam if what he planned to get was okay. When she gave him the green light he would get take-out for all of us to eat in Emma's room. It was relatively nice and we mostly ate in silence, except for Emma. She would talk about the latest book she was reading, give us plot points and explain the characters in detail. She pretty much went through one book every day, soaking in each new tale within hours. Richard always brought her a new book when she asked for one, no matter what time of day it was. Honestly, I don't know where he got them from. They weren't new so they either were bought from a second hand book store or taken from a private collection.

Whatever the case, I actually- not that I'd admit it- enjoyed Emma's rapid change in books. Every night I got to hear a new story with new characters and Emma's excited voice brought me into the literary world. I never told her that I wanted it, but I never voiced my displeasure either, so she took it upon herself to continue on night after night. I would settle in my chairs after Mariam and Richard left and Emma would wait for me to close my eyes before beginning a new adventure. There was an unspoken agreement that we never spoke of our late night bonding in the morning, and we both kept to that. I wasn't embarrassed about what we did but I didn't want to talk about it either. It was an enjoyable ritual that I wanted to keep hidden.

Now, as the week comes to an end, Emma is finally allowed to leave the hospital. I've already showered and dressed but Emma isn't. I don't know what's taking her so long but I'm too lazy to fight.

"You ladies ready?" Richard asks, his head poking into the room. He's freshly shaved and he smells like gel. Mariam is sure to like that.

I point to the small bathroom where Emma is finishing getting ready. "Emma's not done yet," I say around a yawn. It's fairly early and my eyelids are desperate to fall.

Richard gives me a nod and says he's ready when we are, then he leaves. I finger comb my damp hair and make funny noises with my mouth to pass the time and to help me stay awake. It works, kind of, and I lean against the wall next to the bathroom. The bag Richard brought Emma zips open loudly through the bathroom door and I sigh. "Hurry up," I say, tapping a knuckle on the door. "Everyone's waiting."

There's a bit of shuffling and a grunt. "I'm trying to make myself pretty," Emma finally says.

I snort. "Come on. We're just taking you home. You don't have to pretty yourself up to go home." I'm all for a woman beautifying herself simply for herself, but Emma is taking forever. I press my cheek to the wall and close my eyes, enjoying the coolness against my skin. There's more shuffling in the bathroom and I hear all kinds of things being used. Makeup for sure and a blow dryer, and I smell burning hair. Straightener, maybe, or curling iron?

Eventually the sound of everything being put away hits my ears and I push away from the wall. Finally! We can get out of this depression place already. I've had enough of antiseptic smells and decaying old people.

The bathroom door opens a crack, but doesn't open anymore. Worried, I lean close to see if Emma is okay but she speaks before I can peek inside. "Close your eyes," she commands.

"What?" I slap my hand on the wall and sigh. "Are you okay? If you are, let's go. I'm tired and not in the mood for games."

Emma holds out her bag for me to take but remains in the bathroom. "Just close your eyes, will you?"

Snatching her bag, I begrudgingly shut my eyes. "Fine," I grumble. "They're closed." Whatever this is, I want it to be over already. Mariam and Richard have been ready for at least an hour and I've been done long enough that I'm getting antsy.

"Okay," Emma says. "Hold on."

I shift my weight and throw Emma's bag over my shoulder, keeping the huge thing held with one finger. The bathroom door creaks slightly and I frown when I hear the distinct clack of heels. Emma shouldn't be wearing shoes like that, not with her injured leg. Sure, it's healed, but you never know.

"Ready?" she says, her voice anxious.

I breathe in and catch Emma's perfume. Lilac. "Yeah, sure," I say. This is doing a lot for an outfit. Maybe she's insecure about what she's put on and wants my approval, or maybe she just needs me to see her in something other than a hospital gown. I don't really care what she wears but if doing this helps her feel better then I guess I'll play along.

"Open," Emma breathes.

I do, and I receive quite the eye full. Emma's hair is perfectly tousled and hanging around her shoulders, the shine impressive. Her outfit, though, is what makes me pause in confusion. A green, strapless dress is hugging her figure, the hem of the garment stopping just above the knee. What in the world did she get so dressed up for? And, yes, she is even wearing heels just like I thought. The woman is ridiculous. But I suppose if all of this dressing up boosts her confidence, who am I to bring her down?

"Your leg doesn't hurt?" I ask, leaning over to see if her leg is shaking. I'm not going to have her fall in the way to the car. I'm sure to get blamed for it.

"Seriously?" Emma huffs, her cheeks just barely blotching pink. "Yeah, my leg feels fine. Thanks." She leaves me just like that, and I'm certain I said something wrong. Well, what was I supposed to say? Groaning, I jog to catch up to Emma, who's headed for Mariam and Richard near the elevator. Richard is holding the book that Emma was reading last night while Mariam is holding her and my old clothes in a plastic bag.

When we get close enough, Mariam squints at Emma. "Why are you so dressed up?"

"I wanted to look pretty," Emma snaps, pounding the button for the elevator.

Mariam's eyebrows shoot up and she looks to me in question. I hold my hands up in innocence. "I didn't do anything."

"Of course you didn't," grumbles Emma.

I frown. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Emma twists to me just as the elevator doors ding open. "It means I've been slumming in a flimsy gown all week and I wanted to... I don't know, impress you with what I really look like. Is it really so hard for you to comment on my outfit?"

Startled, I look to Mariam for help. She shakes her head and steps into the elevator, bypassing Richard, who's holding his hand out so the doors won't close. Looks like I'm on me own.

I hold tighter to Emma's bag and stare at her. "Sorry." I hadn't realized she needed validation after being an essential slob for a whole week.

She scoffs at me. "And you still can't do it. After what we've been doing every night I thought we had come to some sort of companionship."

As my face burns Mariam scowls at me. "What have you been doing every night?"

Head down, I move into the elevator and stand near the back. "Nothing. I don't know."

Emma stands beside me and Richard lets the doors slide shut. She crosses her arms over her stomach. "Right. A whole lot of nothing."

Mariam narrows her eyes at me. "You better not have been doing anything stupid..."

I throw my hands up. "It's nothing, Mariam!"

She purses her lips at me. "Doesn't sound like nothing."

Emma chuckles dryly. "It really doesn't, huh?"

I scowl at Emma and lean back into the elevator wall. All of this because I didn't compliment an outfit? What a hassle. "You look nice," I mumble, turning my head away from everyone. Sneaking into a technologically advanced home is easier than dealing with this.

"Sorry? Speak up," Emma insists, her voice grindingly sweet. "I didn't hear you."

I really, really hate this game. Clenching my jaw, I lift my chin. "You look nice," I repeat, a bit louder.

"One more time?"

As Mariam tries to hide her snickering, I growl to myself. "You look nice, okay?"

Emma chuckles. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

I roll my eyes and am glad when the elevator door finally opens. Emma is a pain and I really hope that I don't have to comment on her outfit every single day I'm around. That's just vain on her part.

Richard and Mariam step out of the elevator first then Emma and I go next. Emma walks out confidently, her surly demeanor effectively gone. Her heels clack loudly in my ears as we make our way to the exit and my mood dampens. To distract myself I study the remaining guards left. They're alert and nod to me when I nod to them, and they follow us out of the hospital for our protection.

Just outside sits a sleek black limousine, and I'm surprised that its for us. Mariam smile at me when she notices my reaction and jerks her thumb at Emma. "She's rich, remember?"

Shaking my head, I put Emma's bag in the trunk, holding it open so Mariam can put our clothes in there, too, then I wait for Richard and Emma to slip into the vehicle. I hold the door ajar for Mariam then get inside myself. Emma sits beside Richard while I take the free space by Mariam. When I shut the door, the car starts moving. I lean back into the supple leather of my seat and glare at Emma across from me. She's already opened her book and is reading in silence. I'm not sure if she's watching me, too, and I hate that I don't know, but I continue to glare. She was so close to breaking our unspoken agreement of keeping our late night readings secret.

"So," Mariam whispers, leaning over to me. I don't take my eyes off Emma. "What exactly have you two been doing at night?"

I turn my face away and wish for the car to move faster. Damn, this game sucked.