The girl probably going to go around all day or week expecting a phone call and will she get it? Maybe, maybe not. And if she doesn't get it maybe she'll get sad, disappointed or angry and all because she fancied the boy laughing in front of me that called her an angel.

But still, I laugh and not because of what he did to the girl but because of the cheesy pickup line but still, I feel extremely guilty afterwards. He really is a total asshole but somehow. I really enjoy being with him and I don't think I've ever laughed this much in a really long time.

Then Brandon starts to talk about his group of friends while we drink our frappuccinos and I briefly comment on how much I ship Alexander and Ash. Brandon entire face lits up and he starts to talk about how much he also loves them together and how much they love each other in secret.

He tells me about how he one day went over to Alexander house to make sure everything was fine because Alexander family had left town and asked Brandon to check out their house once or twice just to be safe and maybe stay over. He tells me how he enters Alexander  Room to find Ash sleeping in the bed with only his boxers wearing Alexander shirt while clutching another one of Alexander shirts. Once or twice he was murmuring Alexander name. Brandon tells me how he sent a picture of the scene and told Alexander and that he didn't get an answer. Instead, Alexander showed up two days later alone without his family 2 weeks earlier than he should've and stormed into his room hugging and kissing Ash while Brandon was watching from the peeping hole.

I have to smile at that. I like Ash lot and before I saw him and Alexander together I thought that Ash deserves better than a grumpy mean person and now I still think Ash deserves the best and that he got it. I don't think one can find a better person than Alexander for Ash that loves his nerdiness and endless talk of Star Wars. He loves Ash the way he is no matter how many annoying eyes rolls Ash gets from literally every person that's acquainted with him. I wish every person could be like that towards their lover and not a cheating manipulative bitch.

"So what are your hobbies? I do yoga and I enjoy swimming although it ruins my makeup." Brandon interrupts my thinking and I blush at the question. Is it embarrassing? I mean is it something normal or cool or is it totally lame?

"Hey it's fine you can tell me I won't laugh or judge." He says noticing my reaction. "Is it Disney channel? Are you still hung up on Kim Possible?" I smile. "Oh, I know! You play Pokémon Go and you pretend to go to the grocery store but secretly you're actually on a quest to catch some rare pokémon!" I laugh at that."Is it porn?" I literally choke on my drink and start coughing. Okay, I should tell him otherwise he'll think it's something worse than all that.

"Um, I sketch" Clare is really good at drawing and at anything that has to do with art. I only sketch doodle-like and mostly unimportant stuff but I do have a weird habit of always doing wings. Different kinds of wings and I also have a thing for hands. No idea why.

"Interesting. Was that so embarrassing?" He says and gives me a sarcastic smile.

"...and I um.. love archery and cooking" I admit. Brandon's eyes widen with surprise but then he gives me a big grin.

"Omg really?! That's not embarrassing that's so cool! How long have you been doing this? How far can you shoot? Can you shoot moving targets?! Can you shoot with any bow? Even if it's broken?! Does this mean you're good with knives too? Are you like a ninja?! Omg, do you have Shurikens hidden on you in case of an attack?!" Brandon asks question after question with such great enthusiasm he sounds like when Ash is talking about Star Wars. Now I know what Ash means when he said Alexander tells him, that in their group Brandon is always the one talking to the point of annoyance but I don't find it annoying. I find it rather amusing and I'm actually happy that he seems to like my hobby.

My passion for archery is something else. It's the only thing keeping me grounded. I need it like I need air especially after what happened. I stopped smiling, I stopped eating like before and I became more distant. People have different ways of dealing. Some do boxing and others run. Alex does boxing and he used to bring me along. He said he can let go of everything there and just punch. Other people run or do other activities.

People also have different ways of dealing with sadness when you're in it too deep that you just want to feel something. Anything. Others don't want to feel at all. Some get drunk and do drugs. Others use sex. Others do self-harm and maybe cut themselves. But for me?

I have archery and cooking.

It's in that moment when you don't think as you aim at your target and just thoughtlessly release the arrow. Then right after you've done that, even if you know it will hit where you intended it to hit, just for a brief second, you start to worry. " Will it really hit?" It's at that moment when you drop everything and just focus on that thought. Then when it does hit where you wanted it to hit you forget everything and just feel that proud happiness over yourself that makes everything so worth it. You do that arrow after arrow and slowly everything starts disappearing. You do that until your fingers bleed and you get lost in the sensation that is archery. You feel.

The worst part of it is when you come home to your family's ignoring looks and snarling comments and everything comes crashing back into your brain. But at least you got some peace.

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