I believe, someday the owner of my heart will come by itself. What do I feel now ?. I have no idea. It is a matter of what love is. So far, I only know how to love. Why?
Maybe because I haven't felt what it feels like to be loved, or I feel the pain of having loved sincerely and ended up in betrayal.
Hi? I'm Violen Swan. Only that. I mean nothing special about my life. Now it's my second year since I wrestled with the world of college.
Do you guys ask? Why do I say there is nothing unusual in my life?
Maybe I'm not like other women. What did you do on the 19th with the university? I'm busy with books in the library. I don't have any friends who ask me to hang out or pajama parties. And I don't have a lover, that's obvious.
But, from all that, I still have some luck, I guess. I have one friend. I can say a very long friendship. She is Lesley. She chose to set up a café not far from my campus.
I don't know why she wants to be friends with me. You guys know what I mean. Lesley was a perfect woman, like any normal woman. She is beautiful, friendly, has a job, and, most importantly, has many friends besides me. But for her, I am still her best friend.
"This is your Cappucino Sweety." Lesley chose to sit in front of me, supporting her chin with both hands. Looking at me with a gaze that makes me uncomfortable
"Thanks," I said, sipping my drink. Lesley was still staring at me silently, smiling mischievously.
"stop it. What?" my patience runs out.
"So, you haven't told me how your day? fun? "
"As usual" I replied wistfully
"Oh sweety" replied Lesley, sad with me
"Violen, why don't you try to get out of your comfort zone?"
"Hmm, maybe you try to get along with others. Apart from myself, of course. You can try to invite them to chat with you first."
"Before I approached them, they already threw flour at me" I rolled my eyes lazily.
"Is he still bothering you?" asked Lesley
"Of course, he's never absent, you know."
"Okay, forget it. how about him."
"who?" I asked in surprise
"That man, the handsome guy you like in silence."
"Oh god, every day he's always handsome. And every day I fall more and more into endless love," I explained enthusiastically.
"Tell him about your feelings, then you and he will be together like a prince and a princess, can you imagine that? then you will wear your beautiful dress, and you will sing with a crown on your head and then,,,,"
"Lesley? Lesley?" call a bunch of people who just entered the café.
"Oh hi guys?" replied Lesley, waving her hand. She smiled at me and then rushed over to the café visitors, to be precise they were a group of students who had often come to Lesley's café. Maybe Lesley's cheerful attitude makes them comfortable to hang out here.
While me? I let out a sigh of relief despite Lesley's babbling. Look at her? She laughed out loud with them. She was adaptable, making her friends feel comfortable always around her. This is why I say I'm a little lucky, at least I still have one best friend in this world.
Like a beautiful spring, the feeling I feel next. When my eyes accidentally glanced towards the cafe entrance. A handsome guy with intoxicating charisma enters the café. He stood for a moment, sweeping the state of the room with his eyes. My eyes and his eyes almost met each other if I didn't quickly lower my head.
When my shame diminishes, I glanced at the guy again. He had already selected a table in which his two male friends were. Lesley looked at me cheerfully, giving me a code for the arrival of the handsome guy.
The guy is Daren. And I can say this is my other luck for me. Not because he is my lover. My life is not that perfect, of course. But because I can like Daren in my silence. It was the guy Lesley asked me about. The man who always looks handsome in my eyes
Hey, is that an objective judgment?
I mean, when we like someone. Somehow whatever clothes he wore, however ridiculous, no matter how his face looked when he woke up. It will still look beautiful.
"Ohh sweety, He's here, the handsome man." Lesley came and smiled at me with enthusiasm
"He can hear it, Lesley," I complained. Lesley shrugged indifferently and walked away to go behind.
Again I glanced at Daren, staring at him from a distance like this is enough to make me happy. I thought there was no chance for me. Having Daren is like I'm trapped in a dream world. It is impossible. I'm not the right woman.
Loving in silence is difficult? When you want to have, but the world first realizes you that it is only your imagination. I decided to be an admirer of Daren. Maybe one day I will feel the terrible pain of finding out who Daren's real love is, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't force a love that will only hurt myself.
"Ahhh, this is my life," I complained of a long sigh as I laid my body on the bed. The white ceiling of the room is my sight every day. I'm with my apartment. I'm with my own life. Nobody visits here except Lesley.
How about my parents?
I hate my father. But everyone tells me he's the best dad ever. Is it true?. They only judge from the outside. While I feel the inside
When I was eight years old, I also gave that assessment. A judgment that my father is the best in the world. He's always there for me, taking his time for me even though he's busy. I grew up with the priceless affection of my father and mother.
So I am proud of him, I dreamed that someday I would look for a man like my father, I mean a man who loves his wife and children sincerely and wholeheartedly.
Then right on the day of my birthday, spring is supposed to be beautiful too. It all happened. My mother was crying in the room, I, who had been waiting for them at the dining table to blow out the candles, chose to follow them into the room.
My father already prostrated his apologies in front of my mother while my mother was bowed down with sad tears. My 16th years old is enough to make me understand the situation. I chose silence without realizing my presence, which now saw them from behind the gap in the door.
"Why you lie to me? You don't have the heart to make me look stupid in front of your eyes? Laughing with you. Is this all fake?" my mother snapped.
"No, I'm really sorry. It happened a long time ago. I choose you and Violen "my father replied in a sad voice.
"Oh, so I and Violen are just an option? We think we are the most important to you. Not to be selected. So what do you want from me? You want me to forget everything even if it's over? The fact that you betrayed me is the greatest pain I feel. You and that woman have made me crushed, "my mother cried even louder.
My breath is short. I think I can feel the wound my Mom feels. I can feel her heart feel dead. Disappointment cannot be expressed in words. I was still with my burning emotions. I am open to the bedroom door until the sound of it slamming against the bedroom wall stunned my parents. The father who looked at me glared with his eyes sad, and my mother looked at me with tears and black mascara that had run down her cheeks.
"Dad, you cheated on Mom?" I asked hoarsely
"No honey, no, no. I, I just"
"You stuttered to answer my question? That means you do. Did you cheat on my Mom? "I shouted. I will also let go of the disappointment I feel.
"No dear, oh god," my Mom stood up intending to approach me, But I ran out towards the dining room. my parents caught up with me, and I took the tart which was on the table and slammed it roughly
"I hate you," I shouted, looking at my father with a profound disappointment.
I ran again, got out of the house. The only place I want to go to is Lesley's house. Since then, I feel the atmosphere of the house is getting more crowded. I can't stand being in the house for too long.
Until finally, I ended up here. My Mom bought me an apartment. And I forbid my parents to visit here. Why?
It's all my Mom's choice. She chose to stay with my father. She decided to stay with a man who even felt strange to me. She decided to forgive because she loved my father. And I can't accept that.
Sometimes love likes to joke. In the end, it becomes a story that is difficult to predict. But this is my life. What can I do but go through it? Every day I hope the universe will grant all my dreams. Please guide me to enter into a more beautiful world, of course
But? Is it possible? For a woman like me, who is always the object of ridicule every day in class. At first glance, Daren's face was painted beautifully on the ceiling of my room.
"handsome. Can I have you? "I said sadly.
Violen POVMy alarm sounds as usual. It always does its job, which is to wake me up every morning. I rubbed my eyes while yawning, releasing any lingering drowsiness. I stretched my whole body still on my bed.I got up from my sleep, walked over to my bedroom window curtains, and opened them slowly. I did it so that the sunlight did not make my eyes surprised to receive it. Ahh, how beautiful this morning.The sky was bright blue, and the clouds were beautifully painted up there. But what about my life today? I have no idea. What I know may not be as beautiful as that sky.It's time to clean up before going to campus.As usual, after I took a shower, I just wore a T-shirt, jeans and let my blonde hair loose as long as my waist. Usually, I tie my hair, but today I want to let them open. At least it changes my mood.
Author POVViolen was trapped in uncertain anxiety. Either she must be happy or feel anxious about the situation she is experiencing. Happy because it was Daren who gave her the letter, or worried that she didn’t usually get messages like thatViolen was still staring silently at the letter that was on the table. She was busy sipping the orange juice, while she only looked at the letter doubtfully. Lesley, who was sitting in front of Violen, accompanied her best friend, who always visited her cafe after returning from college. And now, her friend is trapped in anxiety that makes her furious.“Until when are you just staying like this?” asked Lesley, rolling her eyes lazily.“I don’t know” replied Violen“When are you going to read this letter?”“I don’t know,” replied Violen again.“You realize now? You’re not drunk right ??”&l
Violen POVHave you ever experienced the same thing as what I experienced? Like someone, but can only secretly admire. You can feel how heavy this is, right ?. Sometimes my heart can act selfishly. I want to have the whole Daren. I want Daren to love me back I want Daren to know how I feel about himBut? Logic still makes me aware. Anything that is forced will only result in dire circumstances. Likewise, love is not it ?. What should be holy must be tarnished by a selfish presence.Then suddenly, one day, my world seemed to change 180 degrees. The person I like half to death now seems to open their heart. Give me space to enter into his world. What other reaction can I give to that other than a 'wish' .I want to grasp the opportunity that could be a good thing in my life later.Ever since I dared to contact Daren, everything flowed like a calm river current. I discussed many things with him, even though our chat was still
Violen POVI thank the luck that came to me at this time. For the first time, I felt that the night went by very slowly. I'm not just waiting for the sun to replace the moon. And this day finally came. I gave Lesley trouble choosing clothes for me. I decide not to tie my hair. I even put a little makeup on my face.You must have known why I did all this, right ?. It's because, for me, this is a day when my sweet dream is like a reality. Daren wants to take me to lunch at Cafe Lesley. Is it true that a story will end happily? Yeah, I'm delighted right now."Violen, You welcome the morning this happy ?" Lesley looked at me with a smile"I want to appreciate this important day. at least I will feel the taste of lunch with him Lesley "I replied enthusiastically"I hope you have a pleasant day.""Ough thanks, Sweety. I'm going to college first. And I'll see you at the cafe this afternoon, okay," I left Lesley and walked tow
Violen POVMy world is breaking. My feelings are being hurt. Actually, what is lacking for me? I have a lot of money, I am good at all subjects, and I act like a simple woman. I never bothered anyone. But my world is destroyed.Is it true that I have no self-respect? Bryn's words were ringing in my head. But the fact that made me worse off was the beautiful memories I had. A silly feeling of being happy that Daren contacted me, but All that is just a fake. These are all just stupid things that are worse than dreaming.Without realizing it, I was only loved by Daren's shadow, not by his person. Do you know what I did to make it through this long night? I choose to please myself to the night club. Listening to the sound of music that did not deafen my ears. Sipping expensive wine that tastes good tonight"I have everything you know?" I said to the club
Violen POVThe whispers from the café visitors were getting heard. I was standing right in front of Bryn, staring at the man with a sharp gaze. I don't know where my fear has gone. It was enough in the first year of college and high school that he bothered me. I want to know why he hates me so much."Tell me now," I pleaded."'What will you give me? If you want to know why I did this to you, then I will let you know. But for that, there must be a reward for me."Ohh you want to act even more lowly?" the words that just came out of my mouth."What?" snapped Bryn."Yeah, you don't feel low enough for bothering a woman. And now you are trying to blackmail me too? ""Since when are you talking so cleverly like this?" Bryn drew closer to me and narrowed the distance between us. But that didn't scare me in the least. Isn't that strange?"Violen, I think,,,""I'm fine Lesley," I replied, stopping Lesley'
Violen PovI don't know how destiny works. I've been through some difficulties in my life. As you know? I don't know what it feels like to be loved by someone. I only know what it feels like to love or fight for someone.Daren accompanies my days now without me asking. This time there was no doubt for me. Why? Because this time, it was a Daren standing in front of me. Not the shadow.Once again, I said, I never asked Daren to be present in my life. I didn't ask him to be close to me like this. Everything just happened, just like the universe wanted this to happen."Aren't you tired of looking at books every day?" said Daren, who is now sleeping on my thighs. Yeah, I don't know since when he's been like that to me. I, who was focused on reading a novel in the garden after class, was suddenly surprised by Daren's arrival, who slept directly on my thighs."Daren? You will make people misunderstand like this. don't sleep on my thighs? "I said, looking at Daren. his eyes were intoxicating w
Author POVTime seems to stop for Violen. Oxygen seems to disappear around her. she wasn't even sure that she was still human with life. What she saw was like a cinema screen showing a hot scene. It was clear that Daren was enjoying a hot kiss with that woman.Daren, who realized Violen was frozen, staring at him, tried to get closer to Violen. Out of nowhere, Violen's legs suddenly walked backward when he realized Daren was walking toward her. Initially, Violen retreated with only a few small steps. The closer to him, the greater Violen's step backward, and did not need to wait for the moon to turn into noon, Violen immediately ran to avoid Daren.Violen ran his way through the crowd enjoying party music, ignoring Daren, who was shouting her name. The voice of Daren calling Violen's name made Lesley turn around, aware of the situation, Lesley came along with Daren to chase Violen to the outside door.Violen hurriedly took off her high heels, throwing them in any direction. She lifted