The sound of the rain on the tinted roof soothes me. I breathe in the smell of rain mixed with dry grass, It's the end of October and here in Imphal city, it rains for half of the month making it seem like a rainy season.
It's almost 8 pm and almost all the shops were closed. I debated on walking home by myself since It is only 20 minutes walk but the last time I came home alone mom scolded me saying it is not safe for a girl to walk alone. As a mom, she cares a lot and tended to exaggerate things. I am still in my 12 grade and my pre-selection is in one week. I could hardly stay at home because of my parents monitoring my every move.
Today is the last day of our tuition and here I am waiting for my dad who’d probably forgots to pick me up because he was busy persuading people to give him some more days to pay for their money.
It's funny how life turns out to be, three years ago, dad started his own business and wasgrowing successfully until his friend betrayed him. His stocks and shares were all gone in a blink of an eye and now a year later we are forced to live with a huge amount of debt. Dad became jobless and mom monthly salary as a teacher in a private school is never enough for the expenditure of our family. It's been hard for my parents trying to pay off our debt but little did they know it is a never-ending process. The interest keeps piling up and soon we are to starve.
Lost in thought, I haven't notice dad waiting for me in his grey bolero. He is typing away on his phone looking so furious. I only hope he doesn't take out his anger on me. I make my way towards his car and only when he heard footsteps did he looks up."Hi dad" I greeted him.
"Hi love," he said giving me a tight smile. I make my way towards the passenger side and put on a seatbelt before dad tells me to. I know not to talk because his mind is probably elsewhere. As my dad drives pass the familiar road my mind drifts to someone who has left my life for good. Liam, his name used to be my favourite word.
After 20 minutes of painful silence, we finally reach home. Saying thanks to my dad I run up my room ignoring my mother questioning look. I threw myself on the bed feeling too tired to change my clothes. Mom would probably call me for dinner but 10 minutes of sleep is good enough.As I lay awake in my bed my mind slowly drifts to Liam.
We were only 8 years old that time and most of our front teeth were gone. Aunty Rebecca and my mom warns us not to eat sweets but Liam still bought for 10rs. He bribes me to keep quiet and I agree because I was scared he won't play with me anymore. It's always been that way since I was young. Whatever Liam says I would do it because I was scared he would stop being friends with me.Liam was always caring and cherished me like I am so precious.Still, he decided to leave me.
"Scarlet come down for dinner " mom hollered from the downstairs. I sign and stood up lazily eager to have some time alone. I’ never understand how my life turn out this way.Waking up, go to school, go for tuition, every day is monotonous and uneventful, but I stop caring a long time ago.As I grow older I realised Life is unfair and I could never acquire who or what I desire.
It's difficult for me at the start.Dad losing his job, Liam leaving me but now I've accepted whatever life throws at my way. I know we just need a little endurance and to stop caring too much.
I trudged down the stairs and headed towards our kitchen and saw mom sitting in her chair waiting for me."Scarlet come sit down, why do you always make me call you many times for dinner?"
"I was asleep, I didn't hear you," I said Sourly.
"Scarlet your pre-selection is in a month, yet, the moment you reach home you sleep, do you know all of your friends hardly have time to sleep studying their butt off. why can't you be like that?" Mom said chewing her food.
"Mom let me eat food first, you can tell me later"
"Later, later, now you don't want to listen to me. If you're not interested in your studies It's better you stop going school" mom says looking madder every time she opens her mouth. The rest of the dinner is mostly mom ranting about how my dad should find a new job and earns money and me wasting their money and stop studying.'Home sweet home ' I know.
It is the last week of school and most of the syllabus is cover-up. As a 12th grader, our principal makes sure we pass the selection. We are busy the whole week doing practical and submitting our assignment. Taking Science courses in 11 and 12th grade is difficult and most of us barely pass physics and math. My percentage could hardly afford to reach 75 plus.I am in the library with my one of my classmate finishing our biology practical. I was never close with my classmate partly because I don't trust people. I knew if someone you know your whole life can leave you in a heartbeat why won't people you barely know stay with you. Being distant from people saves me from any heartbreak.I was talking to Leonard from sec D when I saw chase for the first time today. He smiles at me warmly which I return with my weak smile. Chase is my boyfriend of two months and he's the class bad boy but he's a total softie when It comes to me. I could never date someone longer for a month but Chase somehow makes me feel okay.I walk outside the library and makes my way towards him. As soon as he sees me he leaves his friend and greets me warmly. "Hi Scarlet "
"Hey Chase, did you come late today?"
"Yeah, woke up late " he replies cheekily.
"Save you from ten minutes of Speech in the morning assembly. Principal John talks too much"
"I know right, "
"Right. Chase Have you got your physics book corrected? I need to borrow"
"Of course, what my girlfriend wants she gets," he says pecking my lips.
"Chase stop doing that we'll get TC if we're caught by the teachers"
"Na,I wouldn't care to get TC If It means I get to kiss you" he replies playfully. Our School is super strict and no PDA is allowed on the school campus. Last year when Liam tried to hug me, Sir Robert saw us and glares at him, and later, calls Liam into his office to warned him about following the school rules.‘I hate him’ he had said later that evening but I just laughed and joked about not keeping his hands to himself.
"Hello, do you hear me?" Chase snapped his fingers in front of my face bringing me out of my thoughts.
"Sorry I was thinking about my mom."
I lied. He didn't look convinced but doesn't question me any further. That's what I like about Chase. He did not try to pry in my life. I feel just okay dating Chase, unlike my other boyfriends he is bearable and his cheesiness level is 3 in a scale of 10.
"Chase Do you think I'll graduate high school this year?" I asked him trying to change the topic.
"Of course trust me you're the most hardworking person I've ever met."
"Geez by hardworking you mean failing in math and chemistry?" I said smiling lightly. Sometimes I smile unknowingly with Chase and I wonder if he is the one that would mend the void in my heart. He's someone I had dated a month longer and so far he's never made me feel uncomfortable or suffocated. But I know soon we'll be leaving our separate ways. Nobody knew about the mess my family and I was suffering. I couldn't trust anyone to keep my secret and I had no desire to talk too. My family suffering is enough and I don't want people pitying us for that. My mom and dad never stop praying for a miracle but I don't know what to pray. There are too many things I long for but I know that one thing could never be received. When I was younger my mother always used to say 'start praying for your future partner' I was furious at her because dad had told me never to get married when I grow up but to live with them forever. Mom was laughing the whole time I was complaining my dad about mom asking me to pray for my husband and that he should scold mom for saying something so ridiculous. Dad laughs at me but still scolds my mom just for my sake, I smile lightly at the memory. Two years later, when I turned twelve I had this huge crush on my classmate and as a kid, I fantasise about getting married and began praying for my future husband. And three years later, I stop praying altogether.People live by hope like my parents hope for a miracle. But I don't live in hope because I already knew the answer.
The sight of the familiar street used to lighten my spirits but it's only a constant reminder of what I couldn't get. The all too familiar house with one storey and the sight of the Gulmohar trees in the sidewalk brings back too many memories. The trees shed most of their leaves and stood in the cold October morning. I've never realized it's already been eleven months the last time I stood here.As, I continue trotting down the street, with the cold air hitting my face, and the skies so dark except for the morning star and the moonlight making the place looks so serene and pleasant. It captivates me how beautiful the skies are before the daylight, and yet everything disappears when the sun rises. Nothing stays the same way I thought, I need to learn how to accept my reality but it's not easy. I just want to stop being ungrateful. I rounded the corner and headed towards my home wondering why I thought it was a good idea to come here. Today is the last day of my high school, I consider
"Are you okay now?" Liam asked me bringing me out of my thoughts. We were in the kitchen, I am sitting in the counter and he standing between my legs wrapping my hand with the bandage. It is a lot to take in, me running and hiding under my bed, Liam suddenly in my home, it feels like tomorrow I will wake up and everything will be a dream. We were standing too close for my liking, my heart is beating at an unusual speed, I worry it will explode."I'm okay" I mumble looking away from his worried pair of eyes."Okay""Thanks," I said referring to my hand. I pull my hands away from his warm one, he nodded in understanding and step away putting some distance between us. "How did you get in? I remember locking the door" I said curiously as to how he got in."Ah about that, I pick up Justin from his school and met your mom. She requested me to drop those vegetables here and gave me her keys" he explained pointing his hands towards the vegetable sack. That explains why there were vegetable
"Liam " I yell trying hard not to cry. We were alone in his home playing hide and seek. I was in his parent's room hiding in the closet. But it's almost been an hour and it's getting creepy. It reminded me of the horror movie, the girl hiding in the closet and then her phone ringing.I bit my lips hard willing myself not to cry, it's dark in here and I couldn't find the courage to yell again fearing of any spirit. I fear that if I scream, a hand would suddenly clamp my mouth threatening to kill me. I pray in my head mentally, sweating profusely.Tick Tock Tick TockI was counting down seconds when the closet door yanks open."BOO""AHHHHHHHHHHI woke up alarmed and sat up yanking the covers off me. I look around frantically and my eyes landed on Liam sleeping figure at his chair. I look around his huge room, the walls are painted in a light shade of blue, the while ceiling and the white concrete, there were pictures of us when we young, us in the elementary school, the BBS, pictures
Two years ago,Zinc granules react with dilute sulphuric acid to give hydrogen gas. Hydrogen burns in air with a pop sound.I yell almost tearing my hair out, our school conducts a monthly test and I have chemistry paper tomorrow but I haven't touched a single thing. When it comes to chemistry I could hardly understand anything, although Liam excels in every subject, I don't. Sometimes, I wanted to smack him hard for being so smart. Liam is older than me by only four months but he's my senior. I am in 10th grade which makes him 11th grade this year. Liam is the one who always helps me with my studies but he's caught a cold this time and I have no one to study with. I know I'll have a hard time without him when he graduates earlier than me. I knock the door rapidly knowing Liam is probably asleep or playing video games. The door creaks open revealing Liam messy hair and puffy eyes wearing three layers of the jacket, I feel like sweating just by looking at him. I would have laughed at
I stood on the balcony gazing at the sight of the mountains and skies. Manipur is truly beautiful, the cities are surrounded by hills on every side. The place gives a lively vibe and looks so gentle and peaceful. It's such a beautiful sight and I would have felt like it was okay but I could never be happy knowing my mom and dad are running away from the deceased family. Liam dad is a lawyer and he's trying hard to solve the problems, he got a call from my parents last night asking about me. It's been exactly two months since the ex-employee of my dad committed suicide, the news is the talk of the town for the whole week, it still is. I have moved in the guest room last week although Liam strongly disagree, I never knew why he would want me to stay with him, he probably pities me and thinks one day I am gonna break which is far from the truth because I don't even know what to think. I stop caring and I am too sad to cry. Why dwell on the what if's? I would accept what life throws at me
Two years ago, It's Monday morning, another school day if it was a normal day I would have been jumping around acting cute around my mom when she makes my breakfast. Being the only child, my parents pampered me endlessly. Liam would tease me I am a brat. Maybe half true though. Liam, my heart flutters at the thought of him pecking my cheek. I have been avoiding any chance of interaction with Liam since that day that makes it two days. Two days without Liam, it's a record. "Scarlet eat your food, you'll be late for school," mom says flicking my forehead. "Mom do you think I could stay home today, my head hurts" I lied holding my head as it hurts. Truth is I don't know what to do if I meet Liam. "Young lady, I know what you are playing at?" Mom says suspiciously. "What do you mean mom?" "You are scared you'll get your test paper today, ""What? I don't even think about that, now that you reminded me, my head hurts more " "Stop whining or I'll tell your dad," mom says sternly. "M
It's December twenty-fifth and almost three months I never got to talk with my parents, I am mad at them for leaving me alone but I couldn't bring myself to contact them either. The town is celebrating Christmas but I stay alone not really in the mood for Christmas. Days turn months and soon months will turn year. If only my parents are with me I would have bought gifts and we would have been so happy celebrating Christmas together. As he said Liam goes to college from his home, we would never stay alone together, so we hardly talk with each other. Chase texted me last night to meet up today and I am meeting him later. I know it's unfair for him to prolong this relationship and it needs to stop. No matter what I am breaking up with him. I was watching a movie with a phone in my hand scrolling the Instagram feed. I raised head and froze when I see Liam in the doorway staring at me. The intensity in his eyes makes me want to run out of the rooms. He was supposed to be in the church and
It's new year's eve today, I woke up with a huge headache, I indulge myself in the book most of the time because honestly, that's the best distraction I could find. Justin would play with me sometimes, probably Aunt idea but that kid makes me laugh so hard sometimes. He's ten this year and being the youngest one still acts like a kid. A week passed and I haven't seen Liam since that night, the whole week is really hard for me, I only think about him. Aunt Ruth refuse to let me stay home for the rest of the week so I would sometimes go to church or tag along with her to the malls and grocery store. She's the epitome of a cheery woman. I decided to work at the town library for my expense and Aunt Ruth got the job the for me. I am glad I don't have to haul myself in the room for the whole day. As for today, I decided to join the New year's function because Aunt is too persistence. Youths are supposed to decorate the church and the town entrance. Liam and I always use to go and play with