I must be dreaming, seriously.
He can't be back, he can't.
'But he is.' My consciousness tells me.
I close my eyes as I lean my back against the tree, trying to wrap my head around what just happened back there. I knew that I shouldn't have come, I had a troubling feeling all along and even though, I didn't think something like tonight would happen, I knew something would.
Roman Joel O'Connor.
He's back.
Things would have been much easier if it weren't for what happened years ago, when the first and only boy I've ever really trusted, broke my heart. He left with no trace, but kept memories behind.
He should have left a long time ago, when there was the first hit. They made it public and it surely wasn't pretty.
I believed he wouldn't leave me and that I had nothing to worry about, guess I was wrong, he found a reason to leave , to leave me. Till today, I don't know the reason and I don't think I care anymore to know.
The thought of him still stings and I can't imagine that leaking wound ever being healed. Trust never came easy after Roman abandoned me, he was my best friend and my own confidant, nothing about him was ever simple but rather complicated.
From a very young age into our friendship, I learnt very fast that Roman was like no other boy. He was unique in his own way but Lord, did he bring trouble for my little heart.
One thing I learnt about Roman which I wished I never did, was that Roman was afraid of love. He was terrified of it and I was the only one who knew it. Whenever love was mentioned to him or someone professed it to him, he acted out and ran for the hills.
That's what happened to me, I told him that I loved him and he was my best and trusted friend, his response, believe it or not, was to storm off, leaving me in tears .
With him traumatised by the idea of it, we then resorted to the word ' fond of you.'
He'd been hurt and used so much ' in the name of love,' that love was out of the question for him. Love surely hurt him in the worst possible way. I did all I could to be there for him. Like he'd said before, that me being in his life, was the most important thing closest to love he'd had.
I took his words with me, took them to heart and in return, he hurt me, leaving me trapped in a big black hole, where only questions remained and no answers. I was left to pick up the pieces and to find my way without him, I lost a friend on my birthday and I was never the same, ever again.
" Hazel, you're Hazel right?" I'm knocked out of my state of shock by a voice close by.
I look around, my eyes meeting a figure leaned against the opposite tree, his arms folded.
I can't really make him out, apart from his height, he's quite tall.
I decide to keep silent. Not trusting this stranger, well I mean he's basically a stranger.
"You're a quiet one aren't you? - far more different from what he told me."
" Who are you talking about?"
" I think we both know who."
I push off the tree, starting to walk off.
I don't want to talk about him.
"He talked about you." I stop in my tracks, my back to him." A lot."
"Well he had no right." I say, glancing over my shoulder. "He had no right to talk to you about me, to mention me or even think about me." I say, feeling upset now.
" How could he not, you're his best friend."
" I'm nothing to him." I say, turning to face him.
" Well from the way he spoke about you when we were locked up, you'd think- ."
" W-what?" I say frowning.
Does he mean Roman was in juvenile?
" Well-, " he stops short when we hear the snapping of twigs, signalling that someone's coming.
Surprise, surprise, it's Roman. Note the sarcasm.
" I thought I'd be the one to introduce you two." My face goes blank as Roman appears from between the trees.
" You're too late buddy." The guy I'm yet to know his name says, crossing his arms.
Roman steps forward, leaving the guy's side. A good amount of space still remains between us.
" Hazel Grace." He breathes out, tucking his hands in his pockets." It's good to see you again." He tries to take a step towards me but out of reaction, I quickly rush past them, not daring to look back.
I even left the sodas behind, but I wouldn't dare go back to fetch it. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable enough to be in his presence, to even converse like nothing happened between us.
If tonight confirms him remaining here for a long time, I don't know what I'll do.
I'm too confused by his actions, he is acting as it hasn't been years, since we last saw each other. I don't know him anymore, he's just a guy I thought I knew, that's it.
" Hazel!" I stop in my tracks and look around, my eyes catching sight of Avery, who's seated on the other side of the fire.
I make my way over to her, where she scoots over and makes room for me.
" Where did you disappear to, I thought you'd be back by now with the drinks." She says, looking around.
" Got a bit lost, sorry."
" That's okay, meet my friends Jenna and Gage." She points to a guy and girl close by, who are busy in conversation, more like arguing over something.
I give her a questionable look.
"They're just having a little misunderstanding, no biggie."
I nod in understanding.
"Looking for someone?" I decide to ask when I notice her glancing around.
"Thought I'd see my cousin, but I'll see him later I guess, anyway, let's dance." She suddenly says as a hype song starts playing, dragging me up with her.
I have no choice but to let her drag me close to the DJ, where now people have gathered for dancing .
At first I don't dance but just look around, feeling awkward. "Come on.." She encourages, doing some weird dance move that has me looking at her with amusement.
I roll my eyes before joining in.
" Having fun already?" She asks after some time.
"Yeah, yeah." I wave her off with a smile, moving along to the beat.
It feels so good to let loose and just dance, all troubling thoughts leaving my mind, just taking in the here and now. I'm so into the moment that I don't even mind when hands land on my hips and I discover that it's him.
"Don't push me away." I turn around in his arms, facing him." Please." His eyes plead.
I take a breath before wrapping my arms around his neck, his lips twitch into a smirk at my reaction.
He leans in, planting a kiss on my cheek." Thank you." He says, pulling me close.
I offer a small smile.
It's just for tonight. I remind myself.
Right now, everything just feels fine, it almost feels normal. It's as if it was the beginning, before that night, before the break with Danny.
Everything was coming together or so I liked to believe.
I would like to go back to how things were, but of course, it's near impossible, when my roaming eyes catch sight of Roman and his friend, coming out from where I last saw them.
Immediately as if he could sense me, he stops in his tracks and his eyes move over to where both Danny and I are. You'd think he'd look away and carry on his way, but no, he keeps on staring, more like boring holes at the back of Danny's head.
What's his problem?
I look away from him to Danny, who's eyes have been trained on me this whole time, I try smile at him but it's not possible.
His hand comes up to cradle my face, whilst he leans in close and I, without a second thought follow suit. My eyes make the mistake of glancing over his shoulder, where I see them. I quickly pull away and out of his arms, making him frown in confusion.
The moment is ruined and all I want to do right now, is to get out of here..
With my eyes lingering on them, one of them, Hailey to be exact, looks my way and our eyes meet.
" Hazel?" I feel Danny come closer but I take a step back and out of reach, still, my eyes unwavering from Hailey's now widened eyes.
She glances away from me, quickly calling the rest of them and earning their attention, especially Amber, the cause of it all. When they see me, they come my way and that's when I'm taken back to that night.
The secret, me being made into a fool because everyone knew and I didnt, their encouragement to that bully's taunts, not to mention being thrown into the water and drowning.
I can remember not hearing their laughter, but silence and guilty looks when I woke up in the hospital the next night.
" Hazel, w-what's wrong?" Danny makes another attempt to come closer to me.
" No, leave me! " I shove him back, making him to stagger back in surprise.
My outburst I realize, after glancing around us, has earned us quite an audience, more so now that the music has been lowered. The feel of eyes on me is so overwhelming that all I can do is spin around and rush out of there.
More like run off.
I can't believe I came back here, now all I didn't want to face, stares back at me.
I'm hit with a sense of deja vu, the only difference is that no one is calling after me.
" Hazel, hey, wait up!" Spoke too soon.
I stop in my tracks, jerking around to tell the person off.
" You!"
We've been sitting in silence, Sam and I. After he chased after me, he led me back to the hostel, but we remained outside, within the premises.Sam Desai, the only person who was there for me after that night, who never did any wrong and recently, I've discovered, is my cousin. Sam and I had grown up around each other , neither one of us knowing much about our relation, he was always there. He was present during my birthdays or family gatherings and at first, I took it as him being my mom's Godson, never thinking much to it. Now that I've learnt that he's my cousin, gives me a sense of relief.Atleast I have someone close with me here." Tonight must have been hard on you." I turn my head in his direction, my gaze forcing him to look at me." Seeing everyone and being reminded of what happened."" I thought I would forget and put it behind me." I say, looking ahead." How could you, you al
"It doesn't matter to me." I speak up, turning around to face him after Ingrid basically ditches me." Ah and she speaks." His lips twitch into a grin. "It's good to have you back, thought I'd lost you there for a second."He says, taking a step towards me."Don't you dare come any closer, stay away." I warn with my hand up, stepping back and making him stop.He sighs. "How long will you keep running?"Until you leave me the heck alone."You just couldn't stay away could you?" I say."And how could I?" He steps closer." After that night...." He trails off.My eyes search his own for any kind of knowledge, and with the emotion flickering in them, I know it's true.He was there.How was he there?" Were you there that night?" I softly ask, feeling desperate to know." Sw
Two days have passed with neither Roman and I running into each other, more like I've been trying to avoid him, staying out of his way.Hard work indeed.After finding out about his girlfriend, I was given more reason to stay away, for us to not run into each other.It didn't feel right for me, to be following after Roman even if it's to check on him. I have no right to interfere in his life, to even bother him, though he's done just that.What would his girlfriend think if some strange girl followed after her boyfriend?......No. Avoiding him is the best option.And speaking of relationships, my own is still on the unclear, Danny and I haven't spoken much after his encounter with Roman, so talking to him was out of the question for now.So I spent most of my time in the school library, having the peace I so craved for, the first time I arrived here. Deep down I knew that I
I shouldn't be feeling like this, experiencing the feeling of regret because I've received what I wanted. I should sigh out in relief that he's not bothering me right?Today, he literally left me alone and didn't even glance my way the whole time, our paths would cross. He's kept his way and I should do the same, not over think things and not allow my mind, to be in deep thought about him.His friend's words had hurt to be honest, for someone to paint a picture of me as vindictive and someone who loves attention, not to mention selfish and all types of wrong. He made everyone sound like they are the victims and I'm the bad one here. His words should not matter to me yet they invade my thoughts every now and then.But he was right about Danny, I've been keeping him at arms length, even after so much time has passed. He's been trying to reach out to me, from some time now and honestly, what he did was really a mistake,
" I can't believe you brought me here." I say, looking around the bowling alley, whilst Sam and I wear our bowling shoes." Yeah and I can't believe you invited your boyfriend here." He says." He won't join us till later, besides, it's my way of proving that I really meant what I said. To go back to how things were between us.""You don't need to prove anything to anyone." He argues."Well this is also for me, a step to moving past something and trying to get back what I've placed on pause." I say, rising to my feet."Maybe you could also apply that on someone else."I break eye contact, not feeling up to talking about Roman. All I want to do is have a nice night, a relaxed evening and to laugh, to laugh with no reason."Let's play, shall we?" I say, walking on to start playing."Hey, hey." His hand on my elbow stops me. " I'm sorry, I sh
Two weeks had passed since that night. Roman hadn't tried talking to me or doing something stupid as scare me half to death, like when he snuck up on me. I would have been more relieved if it weren't for the burning urge to know where his head is at.I knew that he'd keep true to his word, that there would be a next time, I just didn't know when.I hated that form of surprise.Stolen glances my way had lessened, that being to the fact that he was preoccupied with his girlfriend, who I was yet to know her name. She was always around him, confirming what I'd already learnt.They actually looked good together, she was pretty with auburn long hair, brown eyes, light skin with freckles on her nose. She is the definition of gorgeous. The best part about her being that she never went over the top with whatever she had on, she could simply pull off jeans and a simple shirt.Roman and h
In years passed, I'd been separated from quite a number of people. One of them being my aunt Karen.Aunt Karen had more then a special place in our family, because of a big sacrifice she'd done for my parents. She's my mother's adoptive sister, the two shared a special bond, it surely played a role in the decision she had taken. It was a life changing decision that our family is still grateful for, she was my parent's surrogate.My mother had always struggled to have a baby and they had tried so many times, only resulting in disappointment and pain. My aunt Karen offered with such a sincere heart to carry the baby for her and now here I am.Through such an experience, a journey unique in our family, Aunt Karen and I were super close, but that never took away from the bond my mom and I had.Her passing had hit us all very hard, but never enough to hold us prisoner to grief, my dad being an example. He opene
' To all seniors....A start to your senior year should be with a bang. Therefore we would like to get to know each and every senior present in Everton Silver High Academy, on a more personal level. With a difference, this year's seniors are goaled to be remembered and what fun way to start on a memorable journey, then your first interaction with a fellow senior.Through deep conversation with our council and principal, it has been agreed that all seniors, coming next week will be given a name to be partnered or ' tied' with, for a whole of two weeks.Each pair will be tied together and have to do everything, apart from attending their classes and taking bathroom breaks. You can also break the tie once time to hea