Chapter 5 :

In the orphanage, they did some tests to you to see if you can become a worthy warrior to serve to protect the country. Being at the bottom, you see every worse suffering possible; Beggars, homeless ones, hard-working ones but fate didn't give them enough credit. In our case, there are even nobles who buy children as their toy slaves. Suffocating, I am suffocating. I was an empty shell.

« if you do well, I will not make you sit near the fire. »

I heard this every time they wanted me to read the ancient language. It’s a language that I knew how to read just like that. I’ve never learnt it. My mother always said to keep it a secret, not to show anyone that I can read the ancient languages. I didn’t listen to her warning and wanted to be praised like everyone, but I was wrong. Instead, they would make me work day and night to translate what they want.

 I couldn't endure it enough, so I ran away from that place; from my nightmares, the long bad dreams that I used to have about the fire. I headed to the slums again. I thought that maybe I would live better there. That I could have friends. I showed them that I could do magic too, but I was welcomed differently, my expectations were so high that it hurt me a lot, that’s why I don’t expect any more. It’s true that in the empire, worshipped strength, strength was their everything.

I joined the army at an early age. I thought that perhaps if I gain enough position; I won’t be thrown again. I learnt a lot of things. They prioritize the knowledge first then strength. They like the people who know a lot. Of course, I was observing at first; I had a period of time when I couldn't even find food. But, a day happened while I was begging for food, I even considered stealing, but I still remember my mother's warning, when I stole from her to buy sweets: don't steal!! A thief must have their hands cut because he is taking someone else's belongings, you can't know what other people go through, so never judge people by their appearances, well, in that day, there was a shaman telling stories, he told us about a myth that passed down through generations and generations in the empire.

 There was a saint; she was a woman; she held dear to her heart the concept of the greater cause. She was a traveller, some called her a fool, some called her naive, but once she made her mind on something, she'll execute it, no matter how many times she got. Some even said that she was the ruler of a kingdom, a kingdom that fell into ruins for an unknown cause. She had great wisdom and intelligence. She fought in wars and protected the innocents. They even said that she was more than a saint, she was modest to tell them she was a saint, but she was a goddess who descended to help the world into a greater state. Some say that she died, some say that she returned where she belongs. There was a statue picturing her in the capital; it was a symbol of peace and prosperity.

There were more stories about her. The story had a great influence on me. I gained motivation and ambition. I was ready to fight for my future. I searched for a job and worked in a Smithery shop. It was a new beginning for me and an opportunity to learn about weapons. I had avoided countless dangers thanks to these hunches of mine. I couldn’t stay that long in that shop; my boss discovered that I was a girl and he fired me; that’s why I joined the army; it was the first reason. I had to hide my gender once again.

 It was at an event what they call Labor Day that I knew Damien before I joined the army. He was modestly riding a horse, later I learnt that he just became a general, his father was a good man, but they were massacred by the infected. He was the only one who survived. He had similar hair and eyes like mine. I thought that it was a coincidence. Indeed, it was. I am sure that there is always someone who would have something similar to you. That day, my hunches told me to run away, I wanted to, but I also wanted to know who he was. I followed the parade until it reached the castle. I wanted to know. I was pulled by tall men suddenly. I thought that I did something wrong, that they're going to punish me or enslave me. For the first time of my life, I feared the unknown. They took me to the castle, washed me and fed me. It was all sudden. When he stood there, I knew that he didn’t want to harm me.

 I remembered my mother's words when I asked her about my father; He has a high statue, maybe if succeeds in what he was doing, he'll find us. So do not be afraid of anything, even if he doesn't come, I am here for you. Yet, she died and left me alone, it's not like we can control what happens to us, but I hoped that she'd stay alive enough until I give her a better life.

« Do you know who I am? »

« No, your Majesty! I... Don’t... Know. »

« What happened to Aunt Grizelda? »

At the thought of my mother, my surroundings darkened. I remembered what my mother used to tell me to not judge before knowing anything. I was confused; I kept wondering how he knew about her. My mother never told me that she knew someone important.

« She died. Why? »

I saw the pain in his eyes, are our eyes so revealing like that? He wiped a tear that went down his cheek and said: « She was a good nanny, my mother died early and she was the one taking care of me. I spotted you standing amongst people. You look like her. »

« Mother used to tell me not to judge things by

appearance. Appearances when you don't know how to evaluate them always deceive you. You give me the impression that you are a good man. »

He told me that I was going to live with him, but I refused. I told him that I made up my mind to join the army. I wanted to be useful, to find somewhere where I can belong to.

I woke up remembering the last sentence of that dream. I wanted to find somewhere where I belong. I found that I cried; there were dry tears on my cheeks.

« You spent a long time crying in your sleep. I wanted to wake you up, but I thought that it’s better leaving you this way. I think that you’re well now, » said Cyrus.

« Thank you! I guess. It was a memory. Something that I don’t want to remember, yet I don’t want to forget. I am confused about it. »

« I think I’ll go back home. I can’t leave Robert alone. I bet that he already needs water. » 

« Then, good luck. »

I retook the same path, this time returning home. I found Edward still sleeping. He was covering his head with the blanket. I shook him to wake him up, but he replied to let him sleep more. I think that it would be good to cook something for him, this way I’ll apologize for my repeated absence. I don’t like being alone either. When I built the house, I made an open-air kitchen. Robert made the pots from the mud. Like everyone knows the mud makes the water drinkable for a long time.

I found dry meat in the box. I put water to boil then added it. I let them boil together. I was waiting for them when I heard Robert running behind me.

« What are you doing ? » he asked, opening his eyes wide.

« Cooking. I want to apologize for leaving you alone all this time. So I am cooking for you, » I smiled.

« Do you want to get rid of me, right? I am sorry if I complained but leave the cooking to me. Your food is horrible, » he rushed to the campfire and pulled the pot from it. He tasted the soup, but he immediately threw it. Do I cook that horribly? Cyrus said that my cooking wasn’t that bad. Was he lying? Now, who is lying?

I went inside the house to wait for lunch to be ready. I had waited for an hour; I wonder what he is cooking.

« Lunch is ready. Come and eat. »

I went outside to sit with him. He looked at me, annoyed. If I knew that you don’t like my company. I’d stay with Cyrus. He acts better than him.

I ate lunch and went to sleep. I spent these days awake to tend to Cyrus injury. We’ve gotten pretty close, who said that the dragon is the most dangerous creatures? He is merely way too cute to be one.

« What do you think you’re doing ? » asked Robert.

« Sleeping. I want to sleep. I’m trying to sleep. I am calling for sleep; I AM SUMMONING THE SLEEP, » I replied.

« And why are you leaning your legs on the wall for that. I thought that you were supposed to lie down, not lie up. »

« Ooooh, it’s actually amusing to do it like that. Do you want to try? You won’t hate it. »

He lied next to me, copying what I am doing. Half of the body lying down, the legs leaning on the wall.

« I think that I’ll be throwing up soon, » he said.

« Keep it in your mouth until you’re far from me. I don’t want to be infected by it. »

« I miss the city. »

« I only miss the bread of the Marian Bakery; they were delicious, have you ever tasted it? »

« No. »

« Then you should because it’s super delicious. »

« Do you only eat bread ? »

« I didn’t have enough money and the other ingredients are a luxury, so I only went for the bread. »

« Poor child. No wonder Damien was pitying you. »

« I am not a child, and Damien wasn’t pitying me. »