Oh, I’m sorry, it seems that I forgot to introduce myself before. Let’s start over.
Hi! My name is Arianna Adler. My mom and my friends called me Ari. But I used Ann as my Sugar Baby name. Well, now that name could be forgotten.
I tied my amber hair to a ponytail and stared at my reflection from the announcement board glass. With my white blouse, a black pencil skirt, and a pair of glasses, I truly looked like a typical secretary. At least, I do not look like a typical sugar baby, I thought.
“Ari!” a young girl called out to me. She was running to me in the college hallway with haste. Her blonde hair swayed on her face, it looked picturesque, especially with her blue eyes. When she reached my side, she tried to control her breathing. “Are … you … done … taking … your break…?”
I had taken a one-semester break during college. I told the whole school that I was planning to focus on taking care of my bedridden mom. I did. Initially. But I also decided to take the break to focus on my Sugar Baby job. No one knew about that.
“Yeah.”
“Listen, I– I’m really sorry … about your Mom.”
I managed a polite smile to the girl that I knew as Melody. “Thank you,” I said. Then I focused on the announcement board again.
“I– if you need any help. Anything at all, like emotional support or study materials or…”
“I’m fine, Melody,” I assured her. “Truly, time has healed me.”
“It’s no bother, really. I mean … you’re always on your own. And now that the only family you have left is gone–“
I swear my expression stayed neutral at her words. But Melody realized the mistake she made and covered her own mouth. “Oh, I didn’t mean to–“
Urgh, if this goes on, she would bug me for the whole day, I thought. I held myself back from rolling my eyes at her. Closed my eyes for a while and when I opened it, I gave her a very warm gaze and smile. “Thank you so much, Melody. This means a lot. But truly, I’m fine.”
“W– well, like I said if you need any–“
“Melody, do you know where I can find Professor Marc Trumberg?” I changed the subject immediately.
Melody cocked one eyebrow up. “Are you planning to apply to be one of his research assistants?”
I pointed to a flyer on the announcement board, where a thin-haired man posed in front of a lab. It read ‘Clinical Research Assistants Wanted’. “Yup,” I said, “It says pre-clinical medical students are prioritized.”
“Uhm … yeah, but … Ari, the research is about cancer.”
“So?”
“Uhm … isn’t that how your mother died? Cervical cancer?”
“Yes, it is,” I answered nonchalantly.
“So … why…?”
I finally looked at Melody. It wasn’t that I was jealous of her. However, I did see her as someone who never truly face the adversity of life. Granted, everyone is given different obstacles. Yet Melody with her typical blonde look, a caring and compassionate persona … Melody had it all. Family, money, connections. She had it all and so she could give to others. Of course, that was a very noble and kind spirit of her. But she never had to grovel on the floor when the doctors could not save your loved one or hell, sold her body for money.
I did all that. And I lived on.
“Because I have cancer too,” I said in a calm manner, “Leukemia this time.”
Originally, I took a semester break because my mom’s illness had gotten worse. It took all of our fortunes to pay for her surgeries but I thought it would be all worth it. I did not mind not having a house as long as I could have her back.
But she did not make it. And I was left with thirty dollars and seventy-six cents. I had only two days to find another place to live because the bank took our house. I was twenty then and was too old to go to an orphanage.
I guess it was luck. When I was strolling on the street at night eight months ago, a BMW pulled over. With his black tuxedo and brooding look, Alexander offered me to be his sugar baby. It gave me the chance to play with stocks. And I managed to return all the money he gave me plus I made a profit for my own living.
That way, I would not be bonded with his contract all my life.
I was lucky, that Alexander had paid my tuition full in the beginning without putting it in the contract. I did not know why he did so. But I was grateful.
That was before.
He wouldn’t be sneaky and go back on his words, right?
Back to reality, Melody widened her eyes in disbelief. A second later, her eyes began to tear. “Oh, Ari…” She stepped forward in an attempt to hug me. But I stepped back. Still wearing my polite smile, I said, “I really have to go meet Professor Trumberg. If you can’t tell me where I can find him, I’ll just search in the teacher’s lounge.”
In an awkward manner, Melody put down her arms. She still had that pity look, which I truly hate.
“Marc is usually at the research laboratory this time of day,” Melody said, “You know what?” She rummaged her bag and took out a piece of paper. “Give this to him.”
I received the paper but frowned at the content. “What’s this?”
“A recommendation letter. Now that I’m in the clinical year, I’ve been making them for a couple of pre-clinical medical students. I worked with Marc last summer, he loves someone with initiative. Just put your name on the blank space.”
I looked at the paper front and back. “You … put in the same words with all the students you recommend?”
Melody shrugged. “He never really reads them. He only sees whether you have a recommendation letter or not. So, now you have one.”
This time, I truly smiled at Melody. “Thanks.”
“No problem!” she said, “And I meant what I said. My study materials are compiled and since you’ll be undergoing the same materials I was, I don’t mind sharing them.”
“Alright! I might take you up on that offer,” I finally said, “…later.” I backed away from her. “Right now, I really gotta meet this … Marc.” I held up the recommendation letter she had given me. “See you around, Melody!”
Then I turned away and stormed myself to the research building which was on the fifth floor of the university’s hospital. Once I got on the fifth floor, I took a right turn to the oncology department. On my way, I passed a trash can where I put Melody’s recommendation letter inside it. I did not need a recommendation letter with the same content as everyone else’s.
Once I have gotten to the oncology department, I opened the door to the hallway. There were three doors on the right and two on the left. All five opened up to two research laboratory rooms with various equipment. There was another door on the left, a smaller one, where participants of the research were usually being briefed and to take their consents before any research is conducted.
The last door on the edge of the hallway was my destination. It had the label ‘Researcher’s Lounge’. I knocked a couple of times.
***
Marc Trumberg accepted me immediately as one of his research assistants. Perhaps it was because I succeeded in flaunting my knowledge about oncology and bio-genetic, or perhaps because he was truly desperate to get pre-clinical medical students as his assistants. Per university rule, researchers who guide pre-clinical medical students would be given a grant for their research. This rule is made to encourage researchers to teach the youngsters and for the pre-clinical students to be active in searching for available research.
Or perhaps, the deciding factor was actually … my tragic background story. A girl who lost her mother due to cancer. A girl who would lose her life to cancer as well. “I want more in-depth knowledge on this disease to prepare myself,” I said to Marc with a pitiful look.
“And I want to help the participants in getting the treatment they deserve,” I added, “It will give me tremendous hope if this research is a success.”
I did not even have to put on fake tears.
“You can start on Monday,” he said, “One research assistant will brief 3-5 participants. I suggest you read through all these journals.” He gave me a thick binder full of journals created by him. “And read this research proposal.” He added a thick research proposal on top of the binder. “Also, these guidelines.” Another thick binder was added to my stack.
Great.
“I’m sure you have learned the basics about cancer, but you might want to learn about the pharmacological effect.”
“I’m on it, Marc.”
“You should always use your lab coat when you’re on duty. Answer all participants’ questions to the best of your ability. And learn how to report the participants’ results. You will be tasked to observe and make a report of the participants you brief.”
I nodded.
He then patted my shoulder. Urgh, here comes the tears…
“I’m sorry,” he said with watery eyes. “And I hope you can find your answers with us.” He was genuine with his words.
I put on another polite smile. I did not dare to say what I hope to achieve.
For I myself was afraid of that hope.
This was after.
The boy was no more than twelve despite looking like he had lived for at least three decades. The appearance was pretty much of a child, of course. It was the eyes that looked back with emptiness. No children should have gazes like that. But the world has always been cruel.I scanned the paper on my writing board. Glioblastoma Grade II. It is aggressive cancer that developed from the glial cells in our brain.He is too young to experience this, I thought.But I held back the pity. I knew too well. Pity would only make the boy feel worse. Pity would only intensify the f
I blinked.“Hello there, pretty little thing,” said a man wearing a black shirt and pants. His dark hair blended perfectly with the night. While his yellow eyes stood out. It made me want to stare into his eyes more., to uncover the secrets behind those eyes.Wait, no. They are birds. Not humans. Definitely birds. But did the blackbird just talked to me?“Hey, Miss,” said another man who wore a brown shirt and blue jeans. When he talked, I was pretty sure I saw fangs on his teeth. He knocked on my window. “Can you let us in?” He had
Regrets always come later in life. Did I have regret? Not really… I just wanted to say something wise. Although, I kept thinking that I’m supposed to regret giving my virginity to Alexander. Why was I having a trip down memory lane? Oh right, I was drunk. And suddenly memories of Alexander came rushing through my brain.The day he picked me up from the street and offered me to be his escort with a lot of money, I told him clearly that I would not share my body with him. And he was fine with that clause.“I only want someone to accompany me when nobody would,” he said to me. His thick eyelashes drooped over his ocean eyes. He looked… lonely.
I let the bathrobe fell from my body. It only hit me then that the air-conditioned room was so cold when my skin was exposed.He took his time observing my body that I felt self-conscious. I tried to cover my boobs as it was getting uncomfortable.“Don’t cover it,” he said, “You’re beautiful. Come here.”It was only when I stepped near him that I realized my legs felt weak. And when he took my hands in his, my arms were trembling. “Hey,” he called.My grey eyes looked at his blue eyes. “I’ll do it gently. It won’t hurt much.”“H– how did you know I was a virgin in the first place?” I asked, wanting to redirect the topic into something else entirely.“I could smell it from you.”“What?”“Call it a special ability of mine.”“… to smell virgins?” 'This guy is definitely a weirdo',
My head was spinning all over as I got ready. I put on a white shirt and black pants. I chucked my nametag and lab coat inside my purse, put on my sneakers, then walked out of the door.Since I wasted ten out of the thirty minutes in a depressing attempt to sober up, I only had ten other minutes to shower and get dressed. The last ten minutes I spent walking towards the research institution. I combed my hair along the way.Oh, I forgot breakfast but I managed to stop by a nearby coffee shop and ordered a warm latte. Don’t judge me, but I always prefer coffee with milk. Usually, I would order iced latte but since I was sobering myself up, I ordered the hot latte with one teas
“Mateo?” I asked from outside the door after knocking two times. “It’s me, Arianna.” I was about to knock again because I did not hear any response for a few minutes but then Mateo said, “Come in.” So I got in and immediately my eyes darted to the boy sitting on the hospital bed. He looked so small in his white hospital gown. There was an infusion tube on one of his hands and underneath his eyes were huge black bags. Those eyes reverted back to the television screen across his bed. He was watching the news. He couldn’t sleep, I thought.
I stayed with Mateo for the whole day, assisting the doctor with the injection, and made my reports for the day to be sent to Marc. The annoying thing was that I had to cover my face every time someone came in.But even if I had my back on them, people would still ask me, “Hey, you look really similar to the girl on TV this morning.” There were two nurses who asked me about it. As soon as the question came out, the doctor got interested in the topic as well.“Really?” I acted surprised. No way would I reveal to anyone that I was in fact that girl.&ldquo
The wolf stepped closer to me. Of course, I tried to step back. But my back hit the wall immediately and I have never felt more paralyzed while standing.I stared at the wolf’s grey eyes. Perhaps it was the fear, but I felt a sense of déjà vu as if I had seen those eyes somewhere.At that moment, I remembered what I had watched on the National Geographic channel. Pack animals like wolves would leave you be if you submit to them. So, I started to lower myself on the ground. My eyes never left the wolf, who looked at me… with amusement? I was not sure of myself. The only thing I was sure of was that I was not ready to die.