At the end of January, I knew that Jayce and I were done. He never responded to any of my text messages, and he sent all my calls to voicemail. I hate that I was the reason we ended the brief interlude that we had. I missed feeling his hands on my body, and I really missed having him as a friend that I could talk to. I was mad at myself for reading too much into our time. I really thought that Jayce liked me as more than just a person he was having sex with. Perhaps men are not like women and they can freely have sex without ever developing a deeper connection. I cried a few times over the situation, but at the end of the day life went on.
I was still working crazy hours, although with Christmas out of the way things were starting to look up slightly. Levi was doing an excellent job helping take care of his siblings. I still harbor a lot of guilt for needing to lean on my own child, but I did not have any other options. The kids were actual
A few days later and I realized that online dating was my newest form of comedy. I had not found anyone yet that I was even remotely interested in dating on the site. I had received more dick pictures than one could ever want. I also had plenty of offers of guys wanting to quote “tap that ass” amongst other derogatory statements. I did have a few conversations that began really good, but there always seemed to be something that just did not vibe the farther we talked. Like one guy I was really enjoying talking to decided to let me know that he does not like kids, obviously him and I had no real future because I have kids. At this point, I am starting to think that there is no one out there for me.A couple of days later while I was on lunch break at work, I received another message on the dating site. I opened it, curious as to whether I was going to get another penis pick, or if it was a real conversation. I opened up the messa
Jax and I continued texting through out the week. I enjoyed getting to know him. He had a different kind of humor, a cocky attitude but he was sweet towards me. I liked that he seemed to be a caring father. He proudly took pictures and showed me the nail polish his daughter had painted on his fingernails. We talked about easy and cheap dinner ideas, and how difficult it was to learn the new methods of math that they are teaching the kids in school. I liked having another adult to talk to about the kids.I believe that we truly bonded over talking about laundry, and household chores. He was dedicated to his kids, and I found that very appealing. We talked about our dreams of a real family, and even though his views were a bit more chauvinistic than mine we still agreed on a ton of things. I liked being able to honestly tell someone how I thought I was failing as a mother, and them understanding exactly what I was feeling and going through. T
I watched Jax order a drink from the bar and head towards the tables. He pulled his phone out and a few moments later I felt my phone vibrate, it was a text from him letting me know that he was here. I felt like a stalker watching him, but I was scared to walk over. Silently I was cursing myself for my choice in shoes. I felt like I had real chemistry with Jax, but I never anticipated him being this short. Tossing back what was left in my drink, I put the glass down and saunter over to Jax.“Hi, I am Noel.” I introduce myself before I lose the fake courage, I have going on right now. Jax looks up at me and his eyes are a piercing blue. He is very handsome in a rugged way, and even through he is shorter than me I feel the faint traces of arousal spark within my body. At the same time, I am worried he is going to look at me and just see a giant woman and leave.“Wow you are more beautiful in person t
I am not exactly sure when we decided to go to Jax’s house. I was not really thinking once we got into the cab. The world had disappeared and only Jax and I existed in our lust filled daze. For a brief second, I wondered how smart it was that I was headed to a house where I had never been, and no one knew where I was going. The thought disappeared as Jax kissed me hard, massaging the back of my neck. I was lost in the passionate embrace he enveloped around us. Somewhere I am sure that there was a part of my brain that was still rational and probably yelling at me to stop.It did not take long to get to Jax’s house. It was a cute little yellow house on the top of a hill. I did not admire it too long because Jax was grabbing my hand leading me into the house. Once inside I noted that the house was much smaller than it appeared on the outside. To my surprise Jax’s kids were not only home, but they were all still up. My face i
I should have showered as soon as I got home, but the events of last night and then walking home had exhausted me. I did not even make it upstairs to my bed, instead I curled up on the couch. A few tears escaped my eyes as I continued to mentally berate myself for my actions. I was not that girl; I had never been that girl. Last night I was out of control. I never thought of the consequences of my actions. I never took into consideration that I actually liked this guy for more than a good time. My life was a mess and I was not making it any better. That was the last thought in my head before sleep finally came, and my mind finally quieted down for a little while.Soon the kids were getting up and moving about. I picked myself up off the couch and decided to make pancakes for breakfast. I was lucky that I did not have to work until later. I spent the morning with the kids over breakfast and catching up with the drama they had over their frie
I could not wait to see Jax again. We had texted a bit throughout the day, and he was still coming over for the gumbo. I was excited. I got off of work at four that afternoon, and I went straight to the shower. I fixed the kids a simple meal of hamburger helper and then started to wait rather impatiently for Jax.I dolled myself up a little bit. I did not use too much makeup, but I had put on a pair of jeans that hugged my curves in all the right places. I also made sure to wear a rather revealing top as well. My chest was looking great tonight and I was happy that my hair was actually working with me. I let my long hair flow down my back in waves. Jax sent me a text letting me know that he would be down soon.It was after nine at night and the kids were all tucked up in bed. I was hoping that Jax and I could have a repeat of our first night except this time there was no alcohol involved that would help give me liqu
My relationship with Jax blossomed over the next couple of weeks. We texted and called each other every single day. We would talk about the kids, work, our daily lives, and the conversations never stopped flowing. I talked to Jax about going back to school, and he encouraged my dreams. We talked about our money struggles, and how there never seemed to be enough cash to go around. How we went overly broke during the holidays or birthdays. We talked about how fast our children were growing up, and how we wished that we could reverse time.A few times a week one of us was sneaking off to the other persons house. We would wait until the children were in bed, or asleep and then meet up. Our nights of passion never lasted until morning. Every time one of us would get up and leave due to kids and work. This was starting to put strain on both Jax and I. We talked about how we wanted to actually spend a whole night together and wake up and cook brea
The closer it got to Sunday the more nervous I became. I tried talking to Jax about why I was nervous, but I found it difficult to even start the conversation. I just could not figure out a right way to spit out that I was afraid that our children were going to tear us apart. I know that their happiness comes before anything, but I was starting to really fall for Jax. Something was telling me that we were doing this introduction thing too soon. It was a weird premonition that I could feel in my bones.When Sunday arrived, I woke up with a twisted feeling in my gut. No matter how much I tried to plan for today, I still felt like I had not done enough. I could control the food, the drinks, and for the most part the environment but I could not control the children’s behavior or actions. The weird thing was that I was not overly concerned with how my children were going to handle the situation, but rather how his kids were going to react.