After the initial shock of finding my mate--the one meant solely for me and the one person in the world I am supposed to love and cherish--me and my scattered thoughts scram from the board room and into the ladies toilets.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
I guess I didn't ever wanted a mate.
My past relationships were enough to put me off love for life.
That's why I liked my current arrangement with Mr Law. No feelings. No control on my part.
I was there to serve him. Please him. Pleasure him.
I didn't want to love him and he didn't want to love me.
Now I have a mate?
God damn it!
That through a shit covered spanner in the works!
"Damn, shit, damn, fuck, bollocks! Jesus Christ! Please, give me patience!! Ooohhshsbshdbcduebsiabsiebeudbehcbdhsisbwjwjajajwuerjdbxxbd!" I half whine, half scream--throwing my head into the mirror before me--shattering the glass and knocking me out.
The last thing I remember is warmth on my forehead as blood drips from a cut on my face.
Awakening, I realise I'm in hospital. Oh great!
Outside I can hear a commotion. What the hell is going on?
I carefully try to ease myself up from the bed, only to become overwhelmed with dizziness. I collapse, falling on the cold hard floor.
I groan loudly and heave without warning, throwing up all over the what once was clean flooring.
I hear a squeak of a door opening and footsteps moving towards me, but I can't stop vomiting. Vile!
"Come on sweetheart. Lets get you into bed." It's my master's soft voice.
After passing me a sick bowl, he picks me up to put me on the bed. Mr Law sighs and looks at me with concern and hurt in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" I whisper.
"Why didn't you tell me you found your mate?"
Oh... Crap. "I didn't know until like half hour before I blacked out... I think. I don't want him! I like our arrangement. You know me. I can't do a relationship! What am I going to do Dean? Ooh this is so messed up! I can't be who, whatever his name is, expects of his mate. I'm not the woman for him. I just want to be the care free, lively, happy-go-lucky, single girl who has a fun life! Can I still have that?" I whisper my rant.
Master sighs. "Ok... Well this is such a hard situation. We both knew you'd find your mate eventually. I know you never wanted one and liked the single life, but he's there now. And it's obvious he cares. Even in such a short time frame!
I don't want to lose you but I'm not going to hold you back from your mate. The decision is yours."
I take in Mr Law's words, trying to figure out my next step.
"But... But... What about everything? How can I figure out what I want if I'm monogamous? I have to figure things out. I also have to be honest with myself, thus letting me spend time with Mr Riley or whatever his name is." I ramble, trying to say what I need to without starting an argument with my master.
Mr Law pinches the bridge of his nose, closes his eyes tightly and breathes heavily. "I will let you see this out. I still want you. I think I want more of you! I want you as my sub in the playroom but God! I think I love you!"
Mother of all that is holy!
Did he just... no! He couldn't have!
"You... you what?!" I gasp in shock.
Master grabs my hands tightly in his strong grip. "I think I've always loved you Lizzie! That's why I pushed you to extend our contract to 18 months. I couldn't let you go baby!"
"Being so close to you all weekend... It's not enough anymore! I want you. I want you as my mate! Let me mark you! I want to make you mine."
I am speechless. I can't believe I have two men wanting to mate with me!
Two incredibly hot men, both wanting more from me!
Two men wanting more from a woman that is unable to commit!
I am too freaked out by long-term relationships to allow it to happen!
My longest 'relationship' has been with my master, and that wasn't love!
That was Hard, rough, BDSM.
It was amazing!
"How can I be with you in a committed relationship if I can't even say your first name? I'm too scared of you punishing me to even look at you most of the time!" I ask, still looking at the bed rather than his face.
"Lizzie... Look at me baby. I love looking into your eyes. Your beautiful, beautiful eyes!" Master murmurs.
Swallowing past a growing lump lodged in my throat, I raise my head slowly. I look into my masters beautiful brown eyes. My heart thumps unevenly.
I realise right then and there, even if he is not my true mate, I do love him.
I think I've always loved him.
"Say my name Lizzie." He whispers, his warm breath blowing across my face, sending my senses wild.
Using all my courage, I bore my eyes into his and say his name. "Dean." I whisper, nerves filling me at the prospect of being punished.
I cringe away as Dean moves. I love our arrangement, but the punishment is always a turn off. His punishment spanking is so painful. It makes me cry.
"Don't worry baby. It turns me on so much hearing you say my name. It makes me feel so happy hearing your words. Seeing your eyes staring into mine, feeling you close. I want more than just your submission."
"I want your love. Please give me a chance to show you? If you're giving your mate a chance, why not give me a chance too?" Dean begs, taking my face in his hands, bringing me nose to nose. "Rip up the contract, be mine! Please? I don't know how I'd cope without you in my life. I don't want another sub. I want you. Be mine, please?"
My heart is beating double time, my cheeks flushed, my temperature spiking and my hands shaking.
"Oh Dean!" I whisper, throwing myself onto his lap.
His arms wrap around me, holding me to his chest as my lips find his.
I finally get to kiss him!!
He's holding me. He's never once held me!
I am just pulling up his t-shirt, when the door to the room opens sharply, a growl and an incredible scent fills the room.
Everything goes crazy!
Oh God!, just remembering last night makes me cringe.Watching as Dean and Mr Riley had a full on punch up right there in the local pack hospital.It took four guys on each side to restrain them both.They both want me and I'm so confused. Neither of them would let me talk!I can't even find out my mate's name because I haven't actually been alone with him yet.My head is all foggy, so many questions and ideas filling my head.I'm now laid up in bed. A weeks' sick and left to recover from my idiotic self inflicted accident and come to terms with all this new information.My head hurts, throbbing and healing from that bloody mirror. I feel drowsy from the strong pain killers.I want a bath but refuse to have one while I'm this drowsed. I will not put myself at risk.Just rolling over on my side, I'm slowly drifting off to sleep. The doorbell sounds loudly, making me cringe.I whimper, and sigh. "Who is it?" I ask softly as I
I give in to my wolf, who is begging me to accept the offer, to give Holden--our mate--what he wants."I want you." He whispers into my mouth. "Do you want me?"I nod. "Yes I do, but please don't mark me." Holden's eyes shoot with pain. "Not yet. I want to wait. I'm not ready for that just yet."Holden pulls back and looks at me. "You don't want me? Are you rejecting me?"I sigh and pull out of his grip. "Come sit, Holden. I need to explain some stuff to you."I walk over to the bed, and pull the cover over me, sitting cross legged.Holden reluctantly follows, and sits at the end of the bed, watching me with confusion."I... err..." I stutter. Holden's eyes light up in realisation. "You have a boyfriend? That guy! That hot shot dude?"I sigh and bow my head. "It's more complicated than that. Can you listen while I talk? Don't say anything yet. Just let me get this out."Holden nods and takes my hands in his. "I will stay quiet an
I look up into his eyes. "Pleasure. I rarely get hurt for punishment. I try to be as good as I can. Usually Dean's form of punishment is withholding pleasure. I can't... well... you know..." I blush, unable to form the words."Come?" Holden asks, smirking.I nod. "Yeah."He chuckles. "That's one of my favourite pastimes! Orgasm denial is rather enjoyable for the man."I gawp at him. "You... you enjoy that stuff too?" I ask.Holden shrugs. "Not the whipping and caning, but the fun stuff like handcuffs, toys and well... orgasm denial. Are you into the pain?"I bite my lip and nod. "It's a fetish I guess. There's a fine line between pleasure and pain. If you find that middle line, it's incredible!"He kissed me and I knew what would happen next!After close to two hours, we were both lying exhaustedly on the bed.Holden grins, his head on my shoulder, I drift off into an exhausted slumber.I fall asleep trying to determine whe
A week off work was quite relaxing! I got to rest, recuperate, sleep in and have baths and naps whenever I felt it warranted.My depo appointment was boring. Just the usual. Bend over and get a needle.Easy work.Thursday evening I went to the local salon and had my waxing done. Legs, underarms and pubic area.Being hair free makes me feel sexy, I have no idea why.The guys had left me alone to rest and recover for the entire week. I felt lonely for the first time in ages. I have no female friends as I got hurt so much by bitching and lies when I was a teenager, so I took comfort in men and their weapons between their legs.Once I was out of school, women saw me as a threat, thinking I'd steal their boyfriends or whatnot because of my reputation. That's not who I am. I always made sure my sexual partners were single first!!Now, Saturday night, I am sat in front of the television with a large pepperoni pizza, popcorn, a bottle of diet coke a
When you're alone inside your head, and unable to pull yourself out of the funk, you end up going crazy!!So far, I've been alone for a total of 2 weeks and 4 days.I've pushed away Dean and Holden, not letting them near me. I'm not doing anything apart from going to work, acting like a zombie, just about handling my duties and jobs. When I go home, I stay in my room and huddle up in the duvet.I'm just about managing a bunch of grapes or a satsuma a day. I've already lost 9lb!As a wolf, I should be eating a lot more, and as I haven't been keeping up my usual diet, my wolf has gone into hibernation.Like me, really.I don't know why I've turned into this emotionless soul, I just can't get over how a human could get inside my flat without me--a shifter--knowing, and was able to freak me out and scare me like he did.I've dealt with the threats and blackmails from other Doms, but this was one step too far. Making somebody come to my home for
"Try, Dean! Please try!" I whimper.I need him right now.I am burning up beyond anything I have ever felt before, it's as though Dean has brought this on!It only started when he put his arms around me.He caused this!!"Dean! NOW!" I scream, my back arching as the pain spikes furiously.A loud sexual moan emanates from Dean's parted lips, and his self control waivers as he crashes his lips to mine again.All I can feel and think of is him.The way his hands touch me, the way his lips move against mine, his weight on top of me, his musky sweet breath, the feel of shirt and tailored trousers against my over sensitive bare skin.It's like the most intense feeling I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. I just don't want it to end.Not only the pleasure from Dean's incredible loving, but the feeling of intense love and emotion for this man makes this act of fornication a whole lot more incredible.My lips start to
Back at work, finally out of my funk. I feel more positive. Still confused, but positive.I'm sat there at my desk typing out a letter for my boss, Mr Fray.Mind numbingly boring but it keeps my brain busy.Just as I press print, the office phone rings. I clear my throat and take my professional mode."Good morning, Mr Fray's office. How can I help you?" I speak politely."Lizzie? It's Holden!"I grin, hearing his bright voice."Hiya!! What's up?" I ask."I err... was err... calling to err..." He hesitates, stumbling over his words.It's cute!Adorable.I smile."Just say it, Holden." I murmur gently, trying to encourage him.I hear him down the line taking a deep breath. "I wanted to ask you on a date." He rushes out.I blush at the request."Ask me properly and you might get an answer." I tease.Holden chuckles slightly. "Sorry, I'm just a little nervous.""I was wondering if you'
I was awoken by my phone ringing with a high pitched shrill.I rolled over and grabbed it drowsily."Mmm?" I answer."Lizzie Knight?" A powerful voice questioned down the line."Yeah? Who's this?" I ask, trying to sit up.I hear a chuckle. "Frank Paulson, you left a message about your... predicament?"My eyes widen, and I leap off the bed, bounding around."Hello! Oh, thank you! Thank you for calling back so quickly!" I rush out, begging for answers."Right, Lizzie. I would prefer to discuss this matter in person? Are you free at some point today? From my records, you are located in Nottinghamshire?"God, he's formal!"Yes, yes I am. I live just outside of Newark."Our conversation ends after we decide on a cafe in town at 4pm.I am on edge all day!I have a half day at work today as Mr Fray leaves for a business trip to Vancouver at 11.30am.Just another bonus.I rush off to the bathroom, show