The hardest goodbyes are the ones we never see coming. You are never ready to say goodbye.When the doctor told us about Ralph Ellie cried again on my shoulder .
We were not told the cause of death,because we were not his legal guardians. A week later when we went to the funeral Ellie wasn't herself. We were both dealing with loss, and I didn't want us to go through it alone. I've made the mistake of holding back with Ellie before and I don't want to make the same mistake again. We were also a couple of days away from tournament .
Ellie stayed behind after the funeral. The words she spoke hit home in more ways than one. I am a man who is always in control of his emotions , and Ellie always sees right through me . She said;
" When loss happens ; we feel everything and nothing at the same time. You want to numb the bad feelings, but you can't do that without affecting the
EllieIt’s been a couple of weeks since Raphael’s funeral and, Max and I have been going to bereavement counseling . We are both dealing with our loss together and we had an event execute before the end of November… After Black Friday to be exact.We don’t celebrate Thanks Giving in South Africa we have enough holidays. If you count the amount of public holidays we have, we would all have one Friday off at the end of each month. We have twelve public holidays in total . We also adopted the Black Friday custom. I tend to stay clear of any shops … especially in the mornings. Just last year alone we had reports of injuries majority of them surprisingly weren’t at the alcohol outlets who also had discounts. The line was long , (lottery line long) but they were well behaved . Since I found out I was pregnant I decided not to participate in anything crazy. We studied consumer behavi
MaxI haven't been to Ellie's apartment . She has only ever been in mine which was across the road from hers. I gave her my key and she gave me hers the other morning. I've been traveling with the team and I am only two games away from mu suspension being served . Ellie's apartment is gorgeous. It looks like a proper bachelorette pad that reflects her personality. The kitchen was my favorite room, besides the bedroom . Ellie's kitchen was organized; her fridge too . I knew she loved food but she stored it in such a way that even a chef would go into the pantry and plan a meal for a week . She had recipes for days on the tablet by the pantry. I wanted to make her dinner and surprise her with date night. She wasn't much of a meat eater ; so I had to go out to the store to go get some . I knew she was picky, and she'd ask me where the meat came from and was it sourced responsibly .Just the other day I treated her to steak and chips with
WChapter 16EllieI have never been so shook in my whole life. My taste in men isn't bad ; but I don't know what was wrong with my radar when I fell for Dex. He legit slapped me across my face and tried to choke me when he got into the elevator. The elevator door opened unexpectedly and Sam who was on his way to my office from legal , saw the altercation and got help from the guys in the officeI had a meeting with him to sort out some of the logistics ,and he had come through to the legal department to get something approved . He came to my rescue and long story short I ended up typing my resignation and sent to HR . Within seconds Damien responded and asked me to reconsider . Dexter was then called upstairs from where security kept him but he ended up holding Damien hostage . As far as I knew Sandra was out of the country . I cleared my desk and just as I was taking down some of my photos Max called. I wasn't in
MaxEver since the explosion and the whole Dexter incident at the office Ellie hasn't been okay. She had renovated the lake house and moved back to our home town. I on the other hand haven't been around. When I arrived at the Club thinking that I was going to work with Ellie , I was surprised that I was going to work with Sam. He and I are good friends, and I didn't mind. I knew that Ellie was contracted to travel with us , but with the baby on the way I don't think that's a good idea .I was also starting to get worried because she hadn't been answering my calls or text. I wasn't fully back on the team but my first official game after serving my suspension was at home and it was this weekend . I had to work on my match fitness and that meant I'd be away from Ellie for a couple of weeks. I had put the hours and I was given time off to recover . So the day before the game I would be going through drills and the game plan . I arrived back home late Saturday e
ElliThere is a sense of freedom in surrender and safety in vulnerability. Surrendering or submitting to what has held you hostage for a long time ; gives way to some sort of healing ,and balance .If there is one thing I have learned about suffering in silence ; it is that you can be your own worst enemy and tormenter if you don't speak up and ask for help. Help is always there if you ask, just make sure your pride doesn't get in the way. Everyone has a dark place and it also exists within are spaces of light . There cannot be light without darkness and darkness without light. Whether you feed into the darkness that consumes you and later makes way for light , or the light that illuminates everything that makes you want to hide in the dark, you need to find a level where both can exist and work as a team. An analogy I can use can be waves crashing on rocks in the sea. People don't build ships to wreck , your mind and body were not built to wreck .
MaxI love long talks with Ellie. I knew she needed her space and even though it was difficult for me to let her be; my patience paid off because after her screaming episode ,she opened up after I calmed her down . I got more worried when she stood up to go get water and she sat back down cringing in pain. It turned out her body was adjusting .She did tell me that it felt like her own body was under attack. She had spoken to Daniel and he assured her she was fine. Sunday morning we went to the earliest service was at six thirty ,and by seven thirty in the morning we were on our way back home . Ellie was finally asleep. As much as I loved the lake house ,I had a surprise for Ellie. Salvatore had helped me keep the surprise I had for her under wraps. I also needed a bit of a nap but not as much as Ellie did. She couldn't sleep and her reasons were valid and her fears were not baseless.I missed my chance at being a father because the gir
EllieGoing through something traumatic can alter how you go about your daily life routine. For the past couple of weeks I have been on edge. I had ignored all of my boyfriend's calls and texts, I even went as far as going off social media for a while. I couldn't get over the events that had transpired; and seeing Dexter with Sandra just made me snap to the point where I just couldn't deal.The great news was that; I was slowly recovering , Max had bought a house an hour away from home and it was at the Luca estate. The house was huge compared to the cottage cabin like feel of the lake house. I love the lake house cabin because I can wake up to the mountain view and the window seat that overlooks the lake . I can sit and work until I get reminded that it's time to call it a day.Maxwell had paid attention to everything, the bathroom was a his and hers bathroom, so was the closet . He had even stocked
MaxI love working in my home town. The most amazing thing about being back home is that I don't feel like I always have to fight to get recognized. There is a peace that comes with knowing that you are appreciated for what you do. More often than not I feel like the world is against me. I have had an epic career on the pitch both internationally and domestically.I always knew I wanted to come back home . The most miraculous thing is that ; I am in love again with my first love and it's even better than the first time. Ellie telling me she was pregnant was life changing. I was never selfish when it came to her, and now more than ever what's mine is hers , heart ,body ,mind and soul. I just need to rack up the courage to ask her to marry me. She is it for me. The meeting with the board took longer than expected and my phone was off for the duration of the meeting .By the time I was briefed on what my job was with regards