Clara
Love ,loss, passion , pleasure and pain.
Five words that carry so much weight ... Physically , mentally and emotionally. I have yet to meet anyone who hasn't experienced what I just mentioned.
The love I have for Brent is cosmic ,supernatural, and strong. It has endured loss ,passion, pleasure and pain in all forms . We are the ones who made through ... But we had to fight to get where we are.
I've seen him break down as in completely lose it, cry in the middle of the night, soothed him when he had a nightmare,talked until he fell peacefully asleep and been there for him when he needed me.
He had also done the same for me in more ways than one.
We've seen each other through a lot. All I am is thankful for him and our son.
There were moments in my life when I felt the five words I just mentioned...
Love is all around us; cliché I know but when you are saturated by the feeling its hard not to notice.
For example; when I fell in love with Brent it totally took me by surprise. I didn't expect to fall so hard , so deep and so fast.
I had seen him a couple of times at functions and parties but didn't pay attention not at all. We ran on the same trail "occasionally"and I would just wave hi , smile and run along in the opposite direction ,didn't notice it then but just seeing him made my day that much more extra special. I hadn't racked the courage to tell him that ; I think I like you .
They say that that kind of stuff should happen naturally ... Loving someone comes naturally ,but when you discover you have fallen for someone everything and I mean everything changes. You see life in a different way and everything that didn't make sense somehow clicks and makes sense.
There is a reason why we named our son Andrew;
Andrea was the reason. That angel changed the way I used to see the world . She also made me see Brent in a different light.
Brent is a strong guy physically and he takes great care of himself. Emotionally he is a softie. He puts up a tough front but when we first met I saw he's sensitive aside...
Katherine and I had lived together while I was busy with my Business Communication studies ,she did public relations.
We were friends and she had a boyfriend who was in Med school at that time. She had mentioned that she wanted me to meet someone who she thought was the coolest and we'd hit it off .She had told me that he was a Sports Med student and he was really a genuinely nice guy.
Having walked through hell in my previous relationship, I had totally given up on love. As in; I'm okay , I'm totally going to have fun who cares about feelings anymore ...
When dinner happened I thought it was going to be only four people but it turned out to be five. Turned out Mr Hotshot had a date which left me as the odd one out .
Kat led me to believe that she wanted me to give this guy a shot. I knew that my fear of getting hurt again had to be overcome. I had nurtured the fear for far too long.
The door bell rang and I answered only to find the most adorable little green eyed girl with a white beanie, pink dress and white boots. Oh and the bag was pink too. I knelt down to face her, she was so tiny compared to most six year old kids. She was looking all sorts of sad .
"Hey angel . My name is Clara. What's wrong?"
She looked upset and without saying a word she hugged my neck,cried and wouldn't let go.
"Would you be my uncle's girlfriend. See I don't have very long and you're perfect for him. "
I picked her up and went to the kitchen on our way she said hi to Kat. I warmed up some milk then turned to her she looked determined to execute her mission.
" So angel what flavor cookies do you want so we can talk about what you just said ."
"Well my name is Andrea , may I please have the ones with the jam and cream ."
I took out the cookies set them on a plate and we sat opposite each other.
"Its a pleasure to meet you Andrea." I stretched my hand out and she smiled and gave me another hug again
" Clara I've seen your picture on uncle Brents' tablet. It has you uncle Tims and aunt Kat. I asked him why he likes it and he told me he really likes you a lot. He is just afraid and I don't know why."
I smiled at her and blushed a little.
" Okay sugar ... So what are you proposing."
She sat on my lap and put her head on my chest and instinctively I cradled her in my arms .
"I can hear your heartbeat ... I'm suggesting you take him as he is ... Cause he is a mess emotionally but means well. He hasn't brought anyone home or gone for a date in a while. He told me he was looking for someone special and you might be it. I feel like I'm the reason he hasn't dated in a while"
Speechless; I rubbed her back in a circular motion and kissed the top of her head, she still had her head on my chest. My heart rate slowed down.
"Hey Angel don't blame yourself. I'm sure he has his reasons."
"I don't warm up to people very easily . I feel like I've known you cause he talks about you. I'm sorry if I'm intruding. "
"Not at all butter cup. "
Andrea laughed and lifted her head and looked at me. She seemed genuinely happy . Her green eyes beamed with joy.
"Ha ha you just called me buttercup. Mommy used to call me that before she, daddy and Brendan went to the angels ."
She put her head back on my chest and started to sob. "
I came to the realization that Brent had been through tragedy and he was also going through something. I thought everything was cut and dried before Andrea walked in . I was going to tell everyone I had to go out I forgot something at the gym they should enjoy dinner but I was so wrong.
"Well I'm sure all three are watching you from above angel."
"Clara do you believe that God hears our prayers?"
"Yes angel even the ones we say in silent."
" Does he answer them ?"
" Aha he does ... Grown ups aren't as patient as children are though..."
Andrea went lax in my arms as panicked and as antsy as she was when rang the bell she was now at ease and relaxed.
" I'm going to join them soon. I just didn't want uncle Brent and Mima to be all lonely when I'm gone ."
"What do you mean sweets?"
Her grip around my waist slightly tightened
" I have an illness and I don't have very long. Uncle Brent and his girlfriend were going to get married . She went all mean on me and blamed me for spoiling everything. I didn't understand but I know now. "
I continued to sooth her ...
" Hush its not your fault angel.
You are an amazing ,strong and brave girl. I would really love to hang out with you and your uncle Brent. If that's okay with you."
Sleepy and almost at the brink of never land she replied .
" Even if I've known you for a short time. Well minus the times I've seen you at mass with uncle Brent...I love being around you. You are going to make a great mommy one day."
The moment she drifted into sleep . I followed short after .
Dinner didn't go as planned . When Brent and Tim arrived they were both worried about Andrea. She had snuck off when they were shopping for desert. When Kat explained what was going on . Brent decided to spend the night and let Andrea be . They had a bit of a disagreement in the morning and she was mad at him but somehow I changed Andreas' mood.
The following months were both educational and joyful . Brent and I started going out as friends and I grew fond of Andrea . It had already been six months and she was doing better health wise.
One rainy morning. Andrea was in my room fast asleep. We all had dinner at Brent's house and he knew how to cook a great meal and entertain.
I had gotten up to go jogging while everyone or so I thought was asleep. Brent woke up and did same he was fifteen minuets behind me . I had taken the longer rout and before I knew it I was lost . Totally and utterly lost in the forest.
I don't know what it is about getting lost that puts things into perspective... But on that morning I cried and cried about everything. Mostly about Andrea and weirdly enough about Brent . I had made a conscious decision that I was going to tell him that I like him a lot and it hadn't dawned on me until four weeks ago. I had forgotten my phone and watch in my bag so there was no way to get in contact with anyone
Once my crying session was over I turned around and accidentally tripped over a branch. I rolled down hit my knee on something hard and for the first time in a long time my lungs and body hurt. More specifically my knee and shin. I expected to fall on my face hard but I was caught by very strong hands. Call it being so pumped up with adrenaline or being overwhelmed I passed out .
The last thing I remembered were a pair of dark blue eyes filled with fear...
When I finally came around I first heard Timothy's voice then Brent's.
"She's coming around thank God. I was so worried... Tim she just passed out. I'm sorry if I disturbed you and Kat okay. Its just that I don't know what would have happened if I wasn't there ."
"Gee I wonder mate . Look tell her how you feel would you. I am getting sick and tired of you talking about Clara day in and day out . Ask her out already . Andrea loves her , you are clearly head over heels ."
Brent was busy brushing my forehead .
" She's injured. I can't exactly say . Oh Clara I've liked you for a while now and I don't have the guts to tell you how I feel. How I've always felt. Even when I'm working at the hospital all I can think of is you. Its really rare that my niece likes someone. She genuinely loves you actually which is a bonus. I'm not asking for much but will you go out with me...? "
It took me a tad bit too long to realize what was going on... I was listening in on guy talk by default...
My head was on Brent's lap and I was in pain . I tried to move but my leg was sore . It felt like fire and my knee felt warm wet. I had heard his speech and I opened my eyes wiggled a bit and he noticed I was fully awake. We locked eyes and I spoke with my raspy voice.
"The answer is yes ... I don't bite and I feel the same. Baby steps... "
He leaned down to kiss my forehead .Then looked at me.
" Baby steps babe."
That yes felt right; there were a couple more yes's after that... Yes I'll be your friend, Yes I'll be your girlfriend, yes I will and yes I do .
Andrea saw us grow through our relationship. The ups, the downs, and what we hadn't anticipated a year into our marriage, when I didn't know I was pregnant with Andrew cause I felt fine. Andrea succumbing to her illness. I cried so hard cause they said she was doing better ,but then she was gone . I didn't understand. To this day I feel like it was cruel and unfair... But all things work for the glory of God and his people. He had a reason and I should accept and trust the process .
Naturally Brent turned to me and his grandmother.
I unfortunately had to go on assignment but I kept in contact with him. Skype, phone calls and texts. When I arrived home I felt weird and I had gained weight. I passed out,out of the blue, when Brent tracked me down at the hotel when I didn't come home as scheduled.
That's when we both found out I was nine weeks. pregnant.
At first he blew a fuse. He was livid at me. Mainly because there was radio silence for three days and he thought something sinister had happened to me and all of his calls went to voice mail. He was afraid that he was going to lose me after he lost Andrea. We had no reception on location.
He couldn't fathom the thought of losing me.It would kill him . It was evident in his behavior.
The following weeks were painful for both of us... They say the first year of marriage shouldn't be easy and it wasn't. It was at that point in my life when I started doubting the love I trusted ...
Fast forward to now . I feel all heavy headed. They say your life flashes right before your eyes... But why didn't it why did I have to go back to that specific memory...
©#KCMmuoe
BrenKat came through again to get Andy in the morninWe had spent the whole night talking about how he got the name Andrew funnily enough I was remembering the time I fell in love with Clara and out of love for good with JeniferI had everything going for me. My soon to be wife Jenifer who was wild in more ways than one ,she was busy with our wedding plans . We had already come up with a color scheme .I think the color was silver an red. Everyone and I mean everyone asked what I saw in her. I simply replied and said; I'm in love and she rocks my world. I guess the one thing that attracted me to her was her party all night sleep is for the dead attitude. As "cool" as she was my grandmother had called a couple of times to express her displeasure at her behavior,and her lack of regard for others . The conversations always ended on a sad notDid I care ... Nope. At that time it was all about me, my life
8ClaraWhen I told Brent the news , he didn't seem okay . He gave me a look I hadn't seen in a while... I remember the look very well . I had seen it when we talked about his sister Laura and his parents. The day Andrea passed away and the day he almost lost Andrew and me..." Honey bee , What's with that look?"He swallowed hard and held back tears. He raked his lush brown locks, held my hand and looked back at me."What look sugar?""You are not a Rosanerri... "He chuckled." Na ah ... But I'm a Carlyle . I'm just happy to be able to look into your eyes again . I just realized I wasn't there when you woke up and got transfered. I was busy having breakfast at the canteen a full breakfast so don't...Some of the old staff asked me if I was coming back. ""It wouldn't be a bad thing. Besides . You were go
Brent*Song : Westlife - Us against the world.*They say a man is only as strong as the woman he loves... I didn't expect to fall so hard for Clara . To be honest when she said yes , I was totally taken by surprised. She was dubbed as the toughest nut to crack by some of the guys and girls I knew... It didn't register properly until the day after the first dinner party when I was playing host and chef that she was it.She had been quiet all night but she seemed to be at peace . She and Andrea got along like milk and oreos. My niece rarely laughed when she was with other people and getting her to eat was always a mission... Clara did that with ease; there were a couple of times when I had to call her cause Andrea just wouldn't touch her food. If she was away I would skype her and I would have Andrea talk to her and after thirty minuets she would be ready to eat .Even with our son she always knows how t
10#song #BlackByrd #still not over youClaraI heard Brent call my name but I couldn't move... What was happening ...My whole body was riddled with shock , my head started to hurt out of nowhere... The last thing I remember was walking into the kitchen and something flew right threw the window shattering the glass I dropped my cup and all I heard was the smoke alarm . We live in a safe area and we have state of the art security on the complex. What the hell was going on ... I was on the floor . All I remember was something painfully piercing through my clavicle . Oh hell no , no , no ,no ... Our Baby ... Brent has been through hell he can't go through losing someone again let alone two people. I thought they caught the guys who killed his parents and sister. It was related to something in his family ... Every time I asked him about it he just got all agro. When I told him six years ago that I was pregnant with A
Song : #EllieGoulding #armyBrentHow do you know?How do you know that you are with the right person ?The answer is simple . You just do.Then the question that I should be asking is ...when do you know?I knew it when I asked Clara to be my friend ,she didn't know me at all but gave our friendship a shot.I loved being around her and talking to her after a long day .If she was too busy or out of the country I'd leave her a message and before sunset she'd get back to me. She as a friend showed up , gave sound advice and was always there when I needed her. She became the best thing I never knew I needed.On the morning we both admitted to having feelings for each other , which didn't come as a surprise. I knew .We had both fallen in love at the same time. I knew when Andrea talked non stop about her , when she wanted her to stay over ,when I drea
#songs #AdamLambert. - Better than I know myself#TheScript #Army of angelsClaraI'm not perfect .I've always said that; perfection isn't perfection unless there are imperfections visible... So we are all imperfectly perfect .There are some moments in life when you feel undeserving of what you have or like a total loser.I've had many of those days and weeks ,when I sometimes feel like I'm not being a good enough mother to my son , or perfect wife to my husband . When you wake up in the morning and wish you could fall back to sleep cause you hate feeling like you are failing at a role you should perfectly fit into cause you've had enough practice, however you still feel like you are always falling short .I guess we all are entitled to have a bad day ... At some point our super hero masks and capes come off and surprisingly enough we discover what we suspected all along, that we a
#Songs#AliciaKeys #no one#JasonDerulo #BreathingBrentI was heading towards the maternity ward feeling excited, when my phone vibrated and I saw that Clara had sent me a message. Just as I was about to open it Andrew called me .When my son calls he usually has something interesting to tell me , ask about something or remind me of something I might have missed...His Birthday was in four months September 7 and he is turning six years old.He was starting to look so much like me. I couldn't believe how fast he was growing .Just the other day Clara and I took him home . He was a so small and now we both went to go get the same hair cut two days ago.His unrully curls needed a trim and my hair was long enough so we both opted to cut our hair short and leave our curls wild .He looked like the younger version of me apart from his eyes , that reminded
Songs#Leona Lewis -#yesterday#John legend- #ordinary peopleBrentJust as Timothy was about to tell me what was going on. Andrew came running down the hall . I picked him up and gave him a hug . I love my boy and his mother so much. To think I almost lost both of them six years ago , triggers feelings of melancholy. He sat down on my lap and talked to me with a very serious face.""Daddy I have a bad feeling.""Yeah I've also had it too Andy. I'm so sorry we left without saying goodbye to mommy. ""Apology accepted. Just as long as I get to see her soon. Where is she?. ""She was on her way with uncle Carlo. ""What do you mean was? She should be here my App says she is here."I went into my pocket and showed him ,his mothers phone which was grey."Okay dad then