6: Hello, beautiful I

It's during the third week of resumption that the lecturers finally decide to take interest in teaching us, however, we all start to wish they give us a break. There's barely time to relax and regroup before the next lecturer enters.

It's only a few minutes past one before our schedule clears temporarily. I'm on my way out of the hall with Eric, when a demanding voice stops me in my tracks. It sounds like it's for me, so I turn and see the lecturer pointing my way. 

When I put my hand to my chest he nods.

“I'm coming,” I tell Eric.

Before he can ask where I'm going, I'm on my way to the lecturer, Mr Alabi V. Ogunjimi. He's our CHM 110 (Introduction to Organic Chemistry) lecturer, whose class we finished a few minutes ago and apparently, a prestigious lecturer whose tremendous deeds caused the school to name a hall after him. 

“Good afternoon, sir," I greet.

He dismisses our class governor with a wave of his hand before focusing his attention on me with a bright smile.

“Good afternoon, beautiful lady. How are you?”

“I'm fine, sir.”

He chortles and I pause to recollect if I said anything funny.

“Do I look that old that you keep calling me sir?” he asks.

I wonder if this is a trick question because, although the round man with a beer-belly doesn't look aged, he looks old enough to be my father.  Not wanting to answer wrongly, I offer a nervous smile.

He shakes his head, an unreadable smile on his face. “Anyway, where are you off to?”

“One of the canteens.”

“With your boyfriend?” He points at Eric standing afar with a frown on his face.

Heat rises to my cheek as I turn to him, laughing. “No, o. He's not my boyfriend. He's my best friend.”

“Hmm?”

“Seriously!”

“Okay o. I thought maybe you were heading home, so I could give you a ride. But since you're not, let me have your number.”

“My number?”

“Yes. Or will that be a problem?”

“Uhh.” I scratch my nape as I glance back at Eric, who's now having a conversation with someone. “Sir, I...”

“Don't be scared.” His nose crinkles as he chuckles. “I just want us to get to know each other. You seem like a bright student and I like to scout stars like you. While you're still fresh.”

“Oh.” 

Although I barely believe him — since I know I'm in no way a 'bright' student — I'm more scared that he'll be offended if I decide not to give him my number. The last thing I want is a problem with a lecturer.

“Okay,” I say.

“Excellent.” He takes out his phone from his breast pocket, and I look around, suddenly aware of the eyes that are watching us, making me swallow hard. “Here.” He hands the phone to me.

After giving him my number, I tell him I need to go and he doesn't hold me back.

“What was that about?” Eric asks as the guy whom he had been talking to shakes his hand before leaving.

Holding his arm, I steer him toward the canteen. “I don't know. He was asking for my number.”

“And you gave him?” He comes to an abrupt halt that I almost trip. 

Eric's hardened expression tells me that I've made a big mistake, so I lie. 

“So what did you tell him when he asked?”

“I said I couldn't give it to him because it'll look somehow.”

“And he dropped it?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yessi. I don't understand why you're acting like this. Is the man the devil's incarnate?”

Eric looks to his left side, watching as our lecturer drives away. “Worse. He's worse.”

***

At the canteen, Dare and his girlfriend enter the room and I beckon him over while Eric shoots me a glare.

“Must you shout?” he asks.

“Must you vex?” I push up the skin of my eyes and make a monster face at him.

Shaking his head, he looks away just as Dare joins us. Just like the last time, he's dressed in a white T-shirt and black Jean — but this time there's a splash of rainbow colours on the front of the shirt.

The guys slap their hands while I wave at Dare's girlfriend, who acknowledges me with thinned lips.

This one has serious problem.

“Which course are you guys studying sef? Because I've never seen you in our hall,” I say to Dare.

“I'm studying Accounting while Anita's studying Political science.”

“Oh.” I nod.

“Babe, what should we eat?” Anita asks Dare, always craving his attention. Anita is so clingy that I doubt she even lets him keep female friends. “I feel like eating Jollof rice and fried plantain,” she says.

“But we ate that yesterday.”

“So? Is there a rule that says we can't repeat food?"

Rolling his eyes to the ceiling, he throws his head back. “I don't even have your power this afternoon. If that's what you want to eat, go get it.” He takes out his debit card and hands it to her.

“Ah-ah. Are you sending me alone?" she asks as she collects the card.

“Don't you know how to order food again?”

“So? Aren't you also eating?"

I watch the ongoing drama with a long sip of my Fanta.

“I'm not yet hungry,” Dare says.

“But you haven't eaten anything since morning.”

“So?”

“Do you want to have ulcer?"

“Babe, please, I'm just not in the mood. If you're hungry, go and buy your own food and let me have rest of mind."

This time she doesn't have a counter-reply as she looks hard at him. She then looks my way and I only get a glimpse of her intensified glare before looking away.

“Fine. Suit yourself." She pushes her chair back loudly and stomps over to the counter.

Dare groans audibly, shaking his head as he sits up.

“Girlfriend wahala," Eric says.

“I dey tell you. This girl no gree free me since morning. It's from one complain to another. I'm tired, man." He pulls Eric's drink close, removes the straw before tilting the bottle upwards as the drink flows downwards into his mouth.

“I feel ya." Eric laughs. “That's how mine is always on my neck. If it isn't Pizza that's the problem, it's shawarma. Or that I'm not giving her enough attention or that I'm ignoring her. And I'm like make up your freaking mind.” 

The two burst out laughing.

Lowering my gaze, I start to wish the ground opens and swallows me.

“Then, you do the next normal thing. Forget about him.” My sister's words echo in my head, and although I know it's what I'm supposed to do, I simply can't bring myself to.

A tap on my shoulder brings me out of my thoughts as I look up.

“Is everything okay?" Dare asks.

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Did you hear what I just said?” he asks.

“What did you say?” My gaze flickers from him to Eric.

“I asked you to teach us to understand you guys.” Dare shifts his weight in his seat as he sets his palm on the armrest. 

I let out a chuckle. “Are we a book or subject you should be taught how to understand?"

“You guys are even a whole Ugo. C. Ugo," Dare says and I laugh.

“Honestly, we're not that complex. You just need to be understanding to get us. Like sometimes we want your attention but there are also times we want to be alone. We can be hungry for chocolate today doesn't mean we want that every single day. It's just about asking us what we want and you'll get an answer. It's as easy as that.”

“You see as I am here eh," Dare says. “If I'm hungry, you'll know. If I'm sad, you'll know. If I'm dead, you don't even need to ask me to know.”

We all burst out laughing.

“Can't girls be anything like that?” he asks.

I don't get the chance to answer because Miss Devil's horns return with her food and a grimace. Devil's horns, a secret nickname I've come up with for her.

“Can you imagine the nonsense that woman put for 400?” She points at her food and I wonder what's wrong with it. If anything, the food looks more than the price she bought it for. That is if 400 naira is even the price.

“Guy, that orientation stuff, is it true the attendance taken will be used?" Eric asks Dare, who doesn't look intent on commenting on his girlfriend's statement.

“Bobo,” Dare simply says and the two laughs.

“These people are mad o. So that's how I'd have a wasted my time that day.”

“No mind these people. They know if they don't do it like that, no one will come. I mean, they didn't give the orientation since. It's three weeks after resumption when people have finished their registration or are almost done that they remember orientation. Person wey wan loss before, them never loss already?"

"Abi o. But you dey sha show up on Matriculation day na?"

"I no sure like that."

"Why na?" I ask with a slight scowl that prompts Anita to stare at me, and I ignore her.

"Mtch. I don't know jare. My parents might not come and I really don't see the essence of that day."

"What do you mean you don't see the essence of that day?" I pout, causing Dare to give a quiet laugh. "It's a day that celebrates and officially welcomes us as freshers of this school. How do you want to miss something like that?"

"That one is in your own pocket," Anita tells Dare. "I've already decided you're coming to the matric day. No excuses."

I nod, concurring for the first time with Miss devil's horns — even though she talked to Dare like the conversation didn't involve me.

"Yes, ma." Dare salutes her.

...

Words/phrases and their meaning:

* Wahala: trouble/problem

* I dey tell you: honestly

* This girl no gree free me: she won't let me be

* Person wey wan loss before, them never loss already: whoever that should've gotten lost, would already be lost

* But you dey sha show up on Matriculation day: you're showing up on Matriculation day, right?

* I no sure like that: I'm not so sure