Jacob asked the first question that came to mind, "What happened to you?"
"Like you even care," Seth spat back.
Jacob bristled at that. He wanted to not care. He thought he didn't care but for some reason Seth's assertion that he didn't stung.
"Of course, I care!" he retorted.
"Right, like you're the only person who's allowed to punch me?" Seth's voice dripped with sarcasm.
"That's not... ugh!" This was not going how Jacob had planned. "That's not what I needed to talk to you about."
"What then? I need to go catch my ride," said Seth.
"I need to make sure you're not going to say anything," Jacob finally said.
"About what?"
"About Friday," said Jacob with exasperation.
"Ah, right. Don't worry, you're secret's safe with me. I won't say anything." Seth looked away, but he finally seemed serious, and perhaps a little disappointed.
Jacob visibly relaxed. "Thank God," he said. "I might actually get things to work with Sarah."
"Sarah?" asked Seth, the venom seeping back into his voice.
"Sarah Williams. I asked her out on Saturday."
"I know who Sarah Williams is, asshole! How can you be such a dick?!"
Jacob was thoroughly taken off guard. "How is that any business of yours? She wanted me to ask her out."
"It's fine if you want to keep lying to yourself, and it's fine if you want to be a slut, I could care less, but don't you fucking get other people involved in your lie." Seth was pointing at Jacob. "Sarah doesn't deserve to be strung along by you. I'm not going to fucking tell anyone your secret, but you should. If you hurt her, fucking... I don't ever want to talk to you again, okay? Hear me?"
This wasn't any of Seth's business, why was he getting so worked up about it? "Fine by me. It was you who talked to me first anyway. You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone. Sounds good to me." Jacob stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him and leaving Seth alone in the dark. That couldn't have worked out better. Seth would be out of his hair, and he had gotten a promise that his secret was safe. So why did he feel like shit?
Jacob couldn't get the conversation with Seth out of his head all night. What reason would Seth have to care about his involvement with Sarah? It's not like he was going to marry her, so what was the big deal? He was planning to honestly date her. That wasn't a lie... was it? Jacob lay on his bed, unable to sleep. He stared up at his dark ceiling. He still hadn't gotten an answer from Seth about what happened to his eye. Seth had mentioned Jacob thinking he was the only one allowed to punch him. Did that mean someone else had punched Seth? Jacob realized his jaw was clenched tight and released it. His breathing was uneven and felt raw in his throat.
Jacob was caught off guard at lunch the next day when it was Sarah who brought up Seth.
"Poor Seth," she said, to no one in particular after noticing him at another table. "I heard he was punched over the weekend. He's such a sweetheart. Who would do such a thing?"
Guilt hit Jacob again for his own punch, but he wanted to know who threw this one. He couldn't appear to be concerned about Seth, though. That would be too risky. Instead, he asked, "How do you know Seth?"
"Oh, we've had a number of classes together. We're not super close, but we're friends." She took a sip of her chocolate milk.
"But isn't he... you know-" Jacob was treading dangerously now, but he was curious how a good baptist girl like Sarah would be friends with someone like Seth.
"He's gay, yeah, but that doesn't bother me. I mean, we're supposed to forgive right? It's God who will judge. I don't have to support his lifestyle to be his friend. He's not a bad person, he's just... misguided." Sarah looked around the table for support from the others.
"That's not what my dad would say," said Jacob.
"Maybe not," said Sarah. "But he's really not a bad person, and I'm not going to avoid him because of it. He's my friend. Maybe I can bring him back into the light by being his friend."
Jacob strongly doubted that. How would Sarah react if she knew she was doing the same for him? Would she agree to help him change? She might even enjoy that. Jacob considered for a moment the possibility that he could tell her, but dismissed the thought.
"He probably got beat up for flirting with someone. You've seen how he is in school. Fuck, if he came onto me in public I might beat him up myself," said Bret offhandedly before taking a bite.
"You better fucking not," said Jacob reflexively. Then, to save face he said, "we can't afford you getting in trouble. You're the best small forward we've got on the team."
"Fine, whatever," said Bret.
Bret's response nagged at Jacob for the rest of the day. That violence would be aimed at him if his secret ever got out. Despite that, it wasn't himself he was worried about. He had a feeling this wasn't the first time Seth had gotten himself into trouble, and it wouldn't be the last. Why did he have to be so obvious? God, Jacob wished he had someone he could talk about these things with. He hadn't ever wanted that until Seth gave him the chance. Now he felt extra isolated with his thoughts.
Jacob managed to avoid any more encounters for the rest of the week. Sarah said Dana was going to be having some people over on Saturday night and wanted her to come. Jacob agreed to accompany her, though he almost never attended parties with mostly Forge students. He had gone to the Middleton party thinking no one from Forge would be there. He was glad Sarah had been there, though.
Forge was a special charter school for all the gifted kids in Middleton. It was a kindergarten through twelfth-grade school, but they did a good job keeping the age groups separate. The only other high school in Middleton was Middleton High. Jacob had entered Forge his sophomore year after being bored out of his mind at Middleton. Forge had an excellent sports program to complement its college prep level academics. Everyone at Forge had tested in. Despite that, Jacob had never felt comfortable outside of school with any of the other Forge kids. He was popular, but not because he tried to be. He pretty much only hung out with his teammates and even rarely spent time with them outside of school. Besides his escapades with girls, he didn't spend much time with anyone.
Dana's parents were out of town for the weekend and she had the house to herself. Of course, that meant she had to have a party.
Jacob had been lead to believe it would only be a few friends of Dana's, plus him and Sarah, but when they arrived, the house was full. Apparently, word had gotten out.
"Isn't this crazy?" asked Dana as she came out to meet Jacob and Sarah.
"Aren't you worried about getting in trouble?" asked Sarah.
"Nah. As long as I can have it cleaned up by Sunday night, it should be fine. I just hope no one breaks anything. Come on, relax, have a drink." Dana led them inside into the crowds.
Jacob remembered immediately why he hated parties. Someone drunkenly bumped into him and spilled something made of mostly alcohol on his shirt.
"Fuck!" That was a great start to the night.
"The kitchen's this way," said Dana. "We'll get you cleaned up."
They got out of the fray and Jacob soaked up most of the alcohol with a paper towel.
"Do you want a drink?" asked Dana.
"No, I don't think so," said Jacob. "Maybe later. I destroyed myself last weekend."
Jacob hung around the edges of the party, watching people have fun, and chatting with anyone who approached him. This was definitely not his scene. He was at his best on the court. He didn't have to talk to anybody there, and he could focus on what he was best at. He was one of the top scorers in the county, but social events like this left him at a loss. Now that he wasn't the center of attention for the girls and he couldn't just run off to an empty room with one of them he was stuck. Sarah was having fun with her friends.
It wasn't until halfway through the party that Jacob noticed Seth was there. When had he gotten there? Seth was on the other side of the room chatting to another guy Jacob didn't know. He didn't think the other guy was from their school. Seth seemed to be having a good time. Jacob couldn't hear any of their conversation over the music, but he tried to watch without anyone noticing that was what he was doing.
Seth kept touching the guy's arm while they were talking and leaning in when he laughed. His brilliant smile lit up his face despite the black eye, which was finally starting to fade to a sickly greenish-purple. Jacob remembered when that smile was turned on him and his insides turned to jelly.
Seth wasn't just talking to that guy, he was flirting with him. Jacob felt his heartbeat quicken and his palms get sticky. He didn't care that Seth was flirting with someone. He couldn't. That would be stupid. He was just worried that Seth might get himself hurt again. Why did he care about that? It shouldn't matter.
The room felt a lot smaller. Jacob was beginning to sweat. There were too many people in this room. The room was too hot.
Jacob didn't want Seth to get hurt because he wouldn't want it to happen to himself. Wasn't that why he wanted his secret to stay a secret anyway? He didn't want Seth to have to go through that because no one should have to go through that.
The guy Seth was talking to leaned in to whisper something in his ear and they both got up and started heading in Jacob's direction, by the stairs.
Jacob needed to get out of that room. It was stuffy and he was starting to feel like he couldn't breathe. There were too many people. Jacob pulled himself around the corner back into the kitchen where he found Dana.
"I think I'll have that drink now," he said.
Jacob downed two drinks in the kitchen with Dana before he could get his nerves under control. He didn't plan to get wasted like last weekend, but there was no way he was going to make it through the rest of this party sober."What's got you all frazzled?" asked Dana."It's nothing," said Jacob. "I'm not great with large groups of people.""I know what you mean," said Dana. "Why do you think I'm in the kitchen myself? Don't get me wrong, I love a good party, and I love that people are having fun, but sometimes I just need a break, you know?"Jacob chuckled. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.""It's cool. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone's different," she said with a smile. "You can hide out in the kitchen any time. There's also rooms upstairs. You don't have to be fuckin' to hide out in one."Jacob actually blushed. He knew people knew his reputation, but it wasn't something he spent much time talking about. He realized he had pr
"You just started dating, it shouldn't be too hard to break things off, especially if you tell her the truth," Seth suggested."I can't do that!" Jacob lamented. "First, she was so excited. Second, I still don't want anyone else to know. If I break up with her without giving a reason she'll be devastated. I’ll feel like such an asshole.""You are the asshole, remember? You haven't been dating long, how devastated could she be?""How devastated would you be?"They sat in silence."Fuck. If I break up with her, how am I going to keep up the charade with the other girls? The only reason they're leaving me alone now is because I'm dating Sarah."
Jacob sat alone in the darkness. What did he just do? He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as realization began to spread through his brain. He had admitted he liked Seth. He was still dating Sarah. Did that mean he was cheating on Sarah with Seth? Or was he cheating on Seth with Sarah? Seth knew about Sarah, so he supposed it must be Sarah getting the shittiest end of the stick here. They were using her. Guilt ripped through his chest at the thought. He wasn’t lying when he told her he liked her. He did. She was kind. She didn’t deserve this, but what else could they do? He would have to tell her eventually, but he knew he wouldn’t have the guts to do it yet. Seth liked him. As much dread as he felt thinking about what all this meant, he had an eq
Monday morning practice brought relief to Jacob's nerves. He always felt better on the court. This was his place, his purpose. The familiar feel of the bumpy rubber texture in his hands before a free-throw was comforting. He extended his arm and released the ball from his fingertips. It flew through the air and he felt at peace. The ball swished through the net of the basket, not even close to the rim. That was bliss.Practice ended and brought Jacob back to the present. For the first time since he joined, Jacob ended with the rest of the team. He didn't even notice their presence. They were just other guys; it's not like they were Seth. They were different now. The world was segregated into Seth and Not-Seth.Bret noticed Jacob was with them. "Look at you! Not doing overtime today? Finally giving the rest of us a chance to catch up?" It was no secret tha
Jacob followed Seth up the cement walkway to his door. On his last visit to this house, he had been angry, apprehensive, and a bit guilty. He hadn’t been aware of anything but the possibility someone would soon out him if he didn’t get ahead of the situation. How things had changed in just over a week. He was still apprehensive, but this time it was an exciting, arousing apprehension that brought a blush to his face and amplified his senses.He noticed the boxwood bushes that lined the yard between Seth’s townhouse and the next, and the overgrown rose bushes in the small garden along the front of the house. The yard was otherwise completely empty. The house was pale grey with bare windows curtained on the inside with heavy drapes. The houses on either side were freshly painted, with pale yellow on one side and sky blue on the other. Seth’s house looked worn, with knicks and de
The bottom dropped out of Jacob’s stomach. The aroused excitement he had been lost in moments before had been transmuted into terror. He was done. This was it. He had gotten greedy and now his life would be ruined. He struggled back into his shirt. He was ready to bolt out the door and all the way back home. He fumbled with his belt, too stressed to handle the small buckle.Seth reached out and stopped his hands, then guided them out of the way so he could buckle Jacob’s belt for him. “It’s gonna be fine,” he said, more confidently than he looked. “We’ll explain.”“Explain how his son was just about to be screwed by another dude?”“I was about to be screwed, huh?” chuckled Seth. “My dad knows about me. He’s just… h
Tuesday.Jacob changed in his room after school. He was used to his dad hosting dinners and social functions with church people; it had been happening for most of his life. He dressed in his nice clothes, put on his Church Son persona, and prepared for an evening of small talk. He was used to it.These dinners had never been about him before. Sarah would be there. The Williams’ would actually want to know something about this guy who was dating their daughter. What had Sarah told them? Surely she wouldn’t have said anything about his reputation at school. What would they talk about? He still barely knew Sarah. He hadn’t spent much time with her outside of school yet. One dinner with a partner's parents was enough for one week. He didn’t think thi
Jacob pulled on his home game jersey over his head. It did not seem fair that Forge would have to play Middleton first. Middleton High School’s Vikings had taken the state title two years in a row and took the consolation the year before that. Forge had only had a high school basketball team for the last two years. This was the first year there had been seniors on the varsity team.Jacob was apprehensive but the rest of his team seemed overly confident after their triumph over Columbia without his help. They had never beat Middleton. The Middleton Vikings were generally unbeaten. Preston beat Middleton the year they got the consolation trophy, but Preston hadn’t been able to beat them since.The Middleton team had rock-solid plays, but they had lost all their strongest offensive players to graduation last year, which could give other tea