I sit in the dirt, against a tree, the bark scratching my bare back, and I stay curled up. A thin fog gathers around me, the air frigid. My fingers lose color and I feel as if these are the sensations of death. Everything is cold, so painfully and relentlessly cold. The feeling in my toes fade and I contemplate shifting again to stay alive. I can't be too far, I can't be off of pack land. I should go back but I'm scared that his father will grab me again, that he'll choke me and cut me as he did his wife.
'You didn't finish the diary, did you?'
A harsh shiver overcomes me and I hold my bare body tighter, ready to shift even though my wolf is exhausted. This is what I get for not letting her out enough, she grows weak.
I need to go back, I need to find James, he needs to know the truth
The sun's rays warm me, my skin illuminating with life. The golden glow brings a heavenly filter to the forest around us, like walls protecting our castle. This is our land, the True Alpha's. In the middle of the calm meadow is my home, James' home, our families home. In the trees is an army of men. His men. Guards that protect us from the jealous and the evil.In the morning I wake up and quietly tiptoe downstairs, meeting Gail in the kitchen. She hands me a cup of coffee and we sit together outside on the porch. I took her with James and me to the new house. She's family to us. I wish Theresa was here too, but she's passed away, she's in the Goddesses hands now."I can already feel him," I murmur, lifting the mug to my lips, warmed even more by the coffee, feeling as if true happiness is an external and internal warmth that makes one
When I was younger, I convinced myself that I would never have a Mate. Maybe itwasfor dumb reasons like, my face is full of pimples, or my legs are too fat, or my hair is dry and not as soft and shiny as hers. In my young mind, I believed no guy would want me because at the time I didn't possess such traits. It is a stupid thing to believe—that I am too ugly for a Mate—but the thought grasped onto me for years. The thought brought me to tears while I sat in my bathtub, only in the tub so no one could hear me. All in all, I was depressed.Me, a sixteen-year-old werewolf at the time, was depressed because of my physical appearance. I mean, werewolves are supposed to be beautiful right? Flawless skin, vibrant hair, lushes lips, soothing voice, perfect body, a list of traits that surrounded me, yet traits I didn't have. All of the girls my age were beautiful,
I enter the building and find many girls in their flashy dresses accompanied by many men in their dress shirts and slacks, all looking quite nice. Then I join the mix, and people start to glance over. After last year, they probably thought they'd never see me at one of these again. One can only hope.While trying to get that damn mysterious Alpha out of my head—his image infecting my mind—I search the room for anyone that can help me. These girls must know everything about mates, unlike myself. When my mother tried to teach me, I forced myself to ignore her, not wanting to get excited about something I will never have. Now I just have to make sure, the girls will tell me what finding your mate is like, and my little run-in will turn to nothing after all. It was simply minor attraction to the man. I swear.Two familiar girls
With my bedroom door cracked open, I can hardly hear my mother answer the door."Hello, can I help you?" She asks whoever is there."Yes, I'm looking for Ms. East. I'm assuming she's your daughter. Alpha Grant is expecting her presence.""Yes, she's upstairs. Might I ask what for?""I was told nothing but to retrieve her."Well, I know his last name. That's something. It's not enough, but still something. I know of him, this Alpha, his pack is a little farther than the ones that usually come to the gathering. It's a strong pack, one of the strongest. That's all I know.I know my mother is going to call for me, but I do not want to g
I lay in my bed for an hour before locating my runaway bag on the floor, hyping myself up for the reckless thing I am about to do. It didn't take much to convince myself, only a few scenarios and a look or two in the mirror. Only a stupid girl would think that Alpha Grant is taking me back to his pack to reject me, there is no point in that, it's ridiculous. I know who I am, what I am supposed to be. I know what I have convinced myself, and being mated to an Alpha is not part of my plan. It ruins everything.If I could, I would give him to one of the other girls, someone who he can love andlovewith no doubt. They would be so happy, telling everyone with a proud look, showing him off like a prize won. She'd be the perfect Luna, that girl.Tossing in the last of my things, I slide up my window and pop out the screen,
The guard leaves and I stay in my room, dreading the moment when Alpha Grant comes home. He said that he'll be here soon, which makes me restless, speaking that I'm inhispack house with myownroom. So much for a separate building. I can't lie to myself, the house is beautiful, my bedroom is a dream, and all of these feelings are making my head explode. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to hate it here, I was supposed to want to leave.The bedding smells like roses; my nose stuffed into the pillows as I lay here trying to collect myself. The soothing scent helps keep my mind off of his at the end of the hall, trickling through my door. It's going to wrap around my ankles and drag me down the hall, locking me in his bedroom for him to find me as a wild animal. His scent is not my friend, but an enemy.
I want to rip my hair out. Even with headphones in, I still know what they're doing in his bedroom. Even if I can't hear it, I can still feel it. It feels as if my nails are being yanked off one by one, my fingers bloody and shaking. I hate it. I hate him. I hate being here. I hate this feeling. It's as if he's wrapping his hands around my neck and slowly squeezing harder and harder, watching as my face grows pale, ignoring my begging.I sit in the middle of my bed—music blasting in my ears—and I try not to scream. All I want is to go home. I knew this was going to be a mistake, but what could I do to stop it? Run away like drunk Rae wanted?In this moment, after hearing such sounds echo from his bedroom, I'd rather him kill me. I want to rip out the mate bond from inside of me and burn it. In this moment, I no longer fear l
It has been a lonely week, but what did I expect? My day consists of eating breakfast, chatting with Gail and Theresa—the plump woman and her friend—eating lunch, listening to music or reading a book, hardly eating dinner, and going to bed. Throughout the day I become more and more depressed, and by dinner, I barely have enough fight in myself to eat. I call my mother every day and lie to her. I go on and on about how lovely everything is, and how I was wrong about not wanting a mate—it gives me something to do, to conjure up some fairytale."Today we went on a walk around the pack, he showed me around and introduced me to people," I say to my mother, the phone up against my ear as I lie on my bed. I've stolen the phone from the living room and put it in my room, knowing Alpha Grant won't come in to take it. "It was nice. The people here are nice."