I cooked when I got home and then I had no fucken idea what to do... I wondered if I should text Kathy even though I wasn't okay. I mean I missed her.. Then I wondered if I should text my best friend.
My phone notifications came on when I switched on my data..
I went to my messages first since there was a text.. it was from an unknown number and it read:
.....9863: Hey I got worried and I don't do that often. I hope you're okay. I really do. Layla🎉
I saved her numbers and went to check my w******p messages.
Bestie: Hey.. we will fetch you tomorrow at 5pm.. the movie starts at 7 but we wanna get good first. And I need you to help me get something during the day. I missed you today.
I closed the messages and went to open one from my dad telling me he'll be a bit late. I responded that I'm home and he shouldn't worry.
A small smile grew on my face when I saw texts from the one and only person who made me feel safe...
KATHY ❤💯🌈: Hey beautiful woman... I hope you're good. So today I have somethings to do at the bank. I hope you're back when I'm done coz I hate missing you a lot 😊😘..
And read another one..
KATHY ❤💯🌈: okay you are not back... and this means I miss you so much. I'll keep myself busy by watching this gay movie I got Love Simon.. You should check it out sometimes. It's about a boy who didn't know he was gay and he ends up finding himself and finding his prince charming. It's cute really..
When I read the description of the movie my heart swelled. Was I also where he is. I mean my feelings are not very clear right now, but I know that since my ex boyfriend three years ago I haven't dated anyone and haven't been attracted to men. But maybe I wasn't meeting the right guy.. God. This was draining.
I sighed and kept going. The last message was sent 30 minutes ago and it read..
KATHY ❤💯🌈: You better come back or else you'll find yourself fake girlfriendless. 🤐🙈😏
I laughed and responded.
ME: Hey my beautiful fake girlfriend.. I hope your visit at the bank ended up being good. And I promise I'll definitely watch the movie you recommended.. it sounds like a nice movie. Am I really fake girlfriendless now? 😱😯😰😭💔
Then I took a selfie of myself with a sad face and sent it with a caption "can I be forgiven" and sent it to her.
I went to respond to my best friend's message.
ME: yeah sure. What do you wanna buy tomorrow?
My best friend quickly reaponded..
Bestie: some lingerie you know.. in case he invited me over to his place..😛😉😏.. I gotta be ready. You should get lingerie too.. sexy one even. I have one in mind.
When I read her message something switched off totally in me. I was trying to convince myself about this but it was harder than I thought. The image of me going back to Chris's place was just a plain turn off. I couldn't imagine him and I like that. It was just a no.
I immediately texted her..
ME: I'll accompany you. I'll pass on it for me thanks, but I'll accompany you.
Then I heard my little brother's transport outside. He came in running.
"He will be here anytime. Do you want food?"
"I am starving..."
I sighed, "go take off your school uniform then come back.. I'll be done."
I went to the kitchen and dished up for him and I.
He joined in and we sat down and ate...
"Can you please go fetch my phone on top of my bed for me." I asked and he just stared at me.
"Please boy.." I begged and he sighed before leaving.
"Who's Kathy?" That was his first question when he came back and I furrowed my brows at him, "what?"
He looked at my phone, "She says she missed you too.. and you are the best fake girlfriend she..." I quickly got up and snatched it out of his hands... He looked at me shocked, "why did you do that?"
"Why are you reading my messages...?"
"Because they were there..."
I looked and yeah I made Kathy's messages to pop up.
"Who's Kathy?" He asked sitting back down and eating. I shrugged, "Katharina..."
"That sounds like a girl's name..."
I furrowed my brows at him and swallowed my food before answering, "Because it is a girl..."
"But you're her fake girlfriend..?" He asked and then I fucken realized..
My heart started beating faster and my body was becoming hot. I couldn't believe how I didn't see him bringing this up. Fuck...
"Ah well.. is she cute...?"
I furrowed my brows at him in confusion and he smiles, "your fake girlfriend? Is she cute? If she's cute then she can be a fake bride here at home and you'll have a fake wife and I will have a wife and dad.. dad will have a wife.. this is funny..." by the time he reached dad he was laughing his ass out and I could not, not join him.
I showed him her picture and he smiled, "She is really beautiful I can see why you like her."
I rolled my eyes, he's talking like an old person, "She's nice that's why I like her.."
We both started laughing and I shook my head a bit opening my messages..
KATHY❤💯🌈: heeyyy look who's back... At the bank I went in time but they didn't help me with everything so I have to go back...
I missed you.. for real..
You are the best fake girlfriend and you know that now you have to bribe me with your cute pictures all the time...
If the smile on my face didn't say how amazing this text made me feel.. then I don't know what would.
"She's making you smile.. you should keep her."
I looked at my brother, "what?"
"That Kathy girl... look at you smiling and not being grumpy like usual.."
I laughed and pushed him off, "finish your food and go do your homework."
"I don't have homework today.. and I just realized that the boy you've been texting is actually a giiirl... I can't wait to tell..."
"Nooooo...." I almost screamed making my brother jump and look at me in confusion...
"Look Nicky.. don't tell anyone yet.. I'll tell you when..."
Why.. why didn't I want him to tell anyone?
I mean I've been trying to inject meaning into all that was happening around me lately and I still haven't figured out what it was. I was confused.. felt a lot of things and my mind was fighting with my heart.
I had no idea what to say..
"You don't want to mess things up with her?" My brother asked wiggling his eyes brows and I sighed internally before actually agreeing, "yeah... I.. I don't.. I mean I'm still fake.. who knows maybe I'll be real and then we can tell people.."
"Mhmm..." he said and I nodded trying to even convince myself with the lie,
"This is a secret between you and I.. like a code that's just between a sister and her little brother."
He smiled, "cool.. like in the movies?"
See.. it was this amazing to know a kid, "just like in movies.."
"We should have like a secret handshake and all that cool staff."
He was getting ahead of himself but I wasn't going to tell him no... so I showed him my hand, "fine.. how do we do this..."
So later on Kathy and I continued talking with Layla joining in on the people I was texting after I responded to her that I was okay...
ME: so babe tell me... is your boyfriend still after you?
After sending that text to Katharina I laughed thinking about the time when she told me about this guy who I now call her boyfriend.
So apparently the guy know her... he knows she's gay, he knows everything... yet he wants her still. I don't know why guys were so insistent even when you told them you're not interested. Worse when he knows that she's attracted to women.
A notification took me out of my thoughts..
KATHY❤💯:Oh God baby... This guy is annoying.. but I sent him your picture and said that's who I'm in a relationship with.. 😂😂😂 his reaction was.. "Oh God she's so pretty.. can I date both of you.."... I mean everyday I am thankful that I am really not attracted to guys.. It's like they get more stupid everyday...
I laughed at her last sentence..
ME: well that's not a response I was expecting... but he is funny.. and I am still laughing at the fact that you had to send my picture...🙈🙈🙈 I wonder which picture was that...
KATHY❤💯🌈: Don't worry about what picture.. it was the beautiful one.. which basically refers to all your pictures because you are beautiful in all of them babe 😘❤😍..
Oh God. Can this girl make my face heat more than it already is now?
ME: but Kathy did you look at yourself? You're a whole lot of beauty.. and I mean this from my tiny far away from you heart❤. You're really beautiful inside out...
You have me questioning my sexuality.... I said that mentally...
KATHY❤💯🌈: Oh God stop it. You don't know what you're talking about... I'm nowhere near beautiful.. but thank you. You make me feel special.
That just made me tag closer to my teddy in bed and smile...
ME: That's because you are really special idiot...❤❤...
KATHY❤💯🌈:Well, you are special too you know. I can already see your smile right now. God you look so beautiful.
My heart.. I swear to God it was like she was sitting right next to me and saying that to me face to face. I hid my face in my blankets for a while and then a thought hit me.
I wasn't really sure about it.. but I wanted it so bad.. Then I got scared again. What if she says no. What will I do then... God... So I gained the courage and texted my thoughts..
ME: Kathy... umh.. so I wanna... can I ask something of you.. I mean can I ask you to do something for me... God..
I swear I was shaking but I wanted this with everything in me.
KATHY❤💯🌈: umh... girl whaaat? What are you trying to say?
God.. I know I sounded weird but I was nervous. What I was going to ask wasn't child's play.
ME: I know I'm not making sense. But can I just ask.. please...
KATHY❤💯🌈: lol yeah sure.. ask ahead.
God I couldn't believe I was about to ask her this. But I couldn't stop myself anymore and seeing her pictures only just wasn't enough.
ME: Kathy can we please video call tomorrow... if that's okay with you. I'd really love to talk to you and see you and listen to you.. please...
Then I waited anxiously for her answer. I watched slowly as my phone showed that she was typing.
I internally counted from 10 backwards until I stopped at four when my phone vibrated.
KATHY❤💯🌈: Hey.. God you almost scared me there... and I'd love to video call with you😊.. darn I just got nervous and shy thinking about it🙈.. but yeah.. tomorrow we will do this 😉😘
And right there and then... I became the happiest girl alive...
So my day started with me following my best friend behind as she went from shop to shop for lingerie because she wanted to impress this Paul guy.. I rolled my eyes all the time. I didn't understand why she had to go an extra mile for him. What was so special about him? Wasn't he like all the other dudes that she has been with.
But I didn't say that out loud. I just kept on nodding and shaking my head at my friend.
I literally didn't buy anything.. I wasn't in the mood for tonight but I had to do it. I had to try...
Later on I got ready. My best friend picked a black dress for me and I didn't refuse. I have to agree I looked pretty decent... really great to be honest..
I looked beautiful I have to say. I put on my blue heels and a necklace then took my blue hand bag and headed out.
When my dad told me I looked beautiful I wished I was going to and for a different occasion.. but unfortunately.. I wasn't...
They fetched me like they promised and Chris looked hot. God this guy was really good to look at, he was not a waste of sperm at all...but it was just that towards me, I felt nothing for him.
He hugged me and then we got in the car and they drove to some restaurant in town... We ate and exchanged words here and there. It wasn't as depressing as I thought it would be.. but I still felt out of place..
"So how's your night so far?" Chris asked opening the door for me and we got inside the car to drive to the cinema.
"It's okay thanks.. and yours?"
He smiled, "you look really beautiful Precious.."
I smiled, "thank you Chris. You look good yourself.."
He took my hand, "so... like can we talk..."
God no... I didn't wanna talk about this at all. I wasn't ready to do anything for real.
"This night is going okay please don't do this.. please..."
I could see how sad my sentence got him. So I took his hand, "this night is really going well.. let's just enjoy this okay..."
He smiled, "you're right... I hope you love Sandra Bullock... because we are watching Bird Box...."
I smiled genuinely now because I really loved Sandra.. "now I'm looking forward to this..."
We got to the cinema and they ordered popcorns and drinks then we went in.
I saw a glimpse of twi girls kissing each other and sighed. Why did I have to see that.. was God telling me something?
I pushed that at the back of my head and we sat down.
The movie started and to be honest I was enjoying it a lot. Right after Sandra gave birth I started hearing noises coming from the upper corner. Okay.. it wasn't noise.. it was moans..
When I turned to Chris I found him already looking on my side... slowly he leaned in and just as our lips were about to touch I pushed him off and got up... "I'm.. sorry.. I need the bathroom..."
I didn't even wait for him to respond I just went out...
I got in the bathroom and went to a stall.. the main door opened and then a stall opened. I prayed it wasn't Julia coz I wasn't ready to be asked a lot of questions.
I got out and went to wash my hands actually taking my time. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to be in my bed video calling Katharina..
The stall opened revealing... "Layla?"
She smiled and came to wash her hands too, "I thought I saw you... with your boyfriend.."
"He's not my... " I sighed and left the sentence hanging...
"So how are you and him...?"
I hated this.. I turned around to face her and actually noticed that it was her who saw kissing a girl outside... and that girl wasn't the same one she kissed that other day.
I furrowed my brows at her, "you were kissing another girl.."
She smiled, "yep.. because gay..."
"No I mean yeah gay I get it.. but what I mean is another one. A different one from that day.."
She shrugged and wiped her hands, "umh... sure..."
"I know it's not in my place to..."
"You can ask... freely..." she cut me off.
"Umh... why do you sleep around with girls like that...?"
She shrugged, "I don't sleep around with them... I just fuck them..."
"Why?? Don't they want more?"
"Well they know what they are getting themselves into. I don't do relationships but I still have sexual appetite you know..."
"And what if they fall for you.."
She walked closer to me and closed the gap that was almost in between us.. she caressed my cheek. God she smelled soo fucken good.
"So... are you telling me that you are falling for me..." Layla asked squinting her eyes at me..
I swallowed before answering, "you haven't fucked me... and you wouldn't fuck me because I'm not one of your one night stands...."
She leaned over making my heart beat faster than anything on my chest.. I felt scared and excited at the same time..
Was she going to kiss me?
What was she doing to me? God! I was sure I'd fail to stop her from doing whatever she wanted to do... it was killing me... and deep down I wanted to taste her lips... feel them on mine.
I close my eyes and waited..
Instead of kissing me.. I felt her breath on my ear and my whole body grew hot..
"You know you are telling the truth... you are not one of my one night stands.. you're much much more than that..." she whispered and then pulled away..
I stood there looking at her confused. What was she doing.. what the fuck was she doing to me?
She kissed my cheek, "see you on Monday in class.."
And she was gone.
I started breathing normally.. God.. I couldn't go back in there.. I just couldn't.
I took my phone out and texted my best friend..
ME: I'm sorry.. something came up.. I'm going home..
I quickly got out of the uber taxi I requested at the mall and headed inside.. the lights were still on so I knew my brother was probably watching tv. It was around 8pm, daddy was probably sleeping.I unlocked the door and got inside.."The movie doesn't end until 9.." My little brother said the second I walked in.I rolled my eyes, "okay Mr time teller... what's playing?""Avengers... wanna join?"I kissed his cheek when I reached him and he wiped himself making me roll my eyes, "nope.. I have to call someone..""Kathyyyyy..." he said singing and I walked towards my bedroom and ignored what he said, "switch off the lights when you're done..""Yes grumpy granny..."I shook my head a bed a bit and locked my bedroom then texted a little birdie on the other side of the world.
Chris and I walked to Burger King. He was smiling like an idiot and his dimples were showing. God this guy was so cute, why didn't I have feelings for him?He opened the door for me and we got inside. The coldness of the winter was really hitting us.. I turned to him, "so, what do you feel like having..."He smiled, "for real... you're actually taking me out and paying? I mean I can pay..."I shook my head, "I'm paying. So what do you want...?"He squinted his eyes cutely at the board and started reading, then he pointed, "umh.. that burger please..."I told the lady in front of me and said she should make it two..."Sitting or take always...?" The lady asked and I looked at Chris, "do you mind if we chill?"He shook his head and took the slip on my hand, "go check for a place upstairs..."
KATHY❤💯🌈: hey, I had thee shittiest day.. can I video call you now or are you busy? My heart skipped a bit when I read that text. It was the best thing yet not thee best because she didn't have a good day. I mean I could relate.. my day was also upside down..I went straight to my room and started video calling her.'heeeeeeey'A fucken smile in my face spread wide as she came in view on my screen. She was wearin a white shirt with a USA flag.. I laughed a bit since she was in Germany, "hey baby... how are you?"She shook her head and sighed, 'not as good.. I had a fucken awful and long day.... how about you? How are you?' I cleared my throat trying to figure out how I was really feeling. It was weird a bit. I felt something towards Kathy everytime we talk and thought of her every second when Layla touched me..then I felt weird
I couldn't believe what I did. After kissing Chris I immediately left without talking to him or listening to what he wanted to say.On the other side, her eyes... I could feel them on us, on me as I made my way out of the studio I felt so empty, weird and lost..I quickly got a taxi and went home. I felt sick.. physically and emotionally. I was tired...I had so many questions in my head. It was clear.. It was so clear that this was wrong... but how do I go about? Where do I start?I've seen people get hurt, I've seen them get killed, discriminated, be picked on... could I handle that? Could I handle the hate from people I valued, people I love, people who have been here from me from the start? The church? My best friend? My father? Everyone?I couldn't...As I imagined everyone turning away from me I couldn't... I couldn't do this. I couldn't follow my heart. I couldn't do
I jumped away from Layla and turned around, "hey...""What's happening here?" She asked with her nose ached you'd swear she was disgusted by the sight."We are dancing...?" I said already not in the mood for what was about to go down."Really? Her lips are literally on your neck and you are telling me that you are dancing. Precious do you think I'm dumb.."Layla got up, "Umm.. calm down.. I wasn't trying to get her pregnant... like she said we were about to dance..""I thought you had shit to do when you left early this morning, leaving me behind..""I did Julia and this is it.""Her sucking on your neck.. I thought we talked about this. You stay away from her.. or do you want me to tell the whole church about this..."My heartbeat... I could literally feel it and I felt like if I looked at my chest I'd see it pumping in and out of my ch
I quickly got home and started cleaning up the mess that was left by my little brother and so called best friend.I smiled a bit when I realized that she cooked. Great, minus one thing for me and more time with Kathy..My phone startee ringing and I answered, "dady...?"'I just got your brother a bus to go to Umtata... I'll be there a bit late waiting for it. You can just put my food in the microwave...' I smiled, I love my brother with all my heart, but a break from him is a blessinh, "thank you daddy but I'll stay up.. I have a few things to do and something to tell you. So I'll see you when you get back."'Is everything okay?' He sounded worried. Aww my poor old man."Daddy.. we will talk when you get here..."'okay I'll be there soon...' "Wait.. did you pack everything that he'll need?"
"Shit I'm tired... I just couldn't wait until we sit down.."I smiled joining her as we sat by the couch at Nandos, "yeah my legs are killing me. If I can't dance, then it's your fault."She laughed, "oh God I'm so sorry okay... can we order something before I go further with my apology.. I'm thirsty and hungry.."I took the menu and checked what I wanted, I wasn't that much hungry but I just wanted something to drink, it was July and cold but darn noo, I was craving for something cold."Can I have an appletizer.. then I'll know what I want..." I said to the lady in front of us and Meagan ordered something in the lines of a cream soda.We kept in looking at the menu and Meagan laughed, "I'm thinking full chicken."I joined her too by laughing, "if you are that hungry you'll end up eating me too.. should I be scared.."She looked at me and bit the inside
KATHY🌈💯❤: As you wake up, I want you to know that you are beautiful and smart and funny and are an idiot. Someone out here really cares and loves you.. Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your special life. Good morning and all the best for your interview... I love you.❤ I woke up to that text causing me to smile like an idiot.The message was sent around 23:59...Fuck.. this is thee greatest way to actually wake up.I typed back.ME: you are just thee best. I swear. Waking up to this soothed my nerves and made me the happiest girl alive. I sent the message amd got up to go take a bath. I was really feeling amazing after that message from Katharina..The bath didn't take long because I just wanted to be out and for this day to be done with. As much as I was excited about the interview I was