Five: I am Back, Home.

10 YRS AGO. . . . .

"Wow ito ba yung kwarto mo? Ang linis mo ah in fairness"

I heard a woman's voice kaya napalabas ako agad ng cr wearing only my sports bra and cycling shorts. My hair is still soaking wet.

"Can I help you?"

Nakakunot ang noo ko dahil she's eating chips while comfortably sitting in my bed.

"Wow in fairness may abs ka pala! Can I touch them! I touched a man's abs before pero bakit parang mas sexy yung sayo?"

Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro syang lumapit sa akin at hinawakan ang abs ko. She looks amazed. Parang bata na ngayon lang nakakita ng laruang nagiging invisible. Nakita ko ang chips na natapon sa kama ko and it set me off.

"Damn it! Can you please remove your chips in my bed and get the hell out of my room!?"

Nakatitig lang sya sa akin. Silence ate my room then suddenly her phone rang. Nanlaki ang mata nya nang mabasa nya ang pangalan ng tumatawag and I guess it is my twin sister.

"What the hell Tanya!"

Inis na bulong nya sa phone pero rinig ko naman.

"So-sorry Miss Alcavar. Dito kasi yung sinabi ni Tanya eh!"

Tumango ako sa kanya.

Akmang bubuksan na nya ang pinto ng kwarto ko ay hinatak ko sya sa wrist.

"Huh?"

Sambit nya nang maramdaman ang pag hawak ko sa kanya sabay lingon sa akin.

"I told you to remove it. So please bring it with you."

Inilagay ko ang chips nya sa kamay nya at marahang binitawan ito.

Pinihit nya ang doorknob.

"As for T, she's always like that. She makes her new friends come over for the first time and send them to my room. It's a prank. She's childish. Please bear with my sister. Take good care of her. By the way, call me Raine."

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at marahang isinara ang pinto.

I let out a big sigh. My heart is still pounding.

"Damn, she touched me."

Nakangiti at kagat labing sambit ko sa hangin. Pero mabilis kong tinanggal sa isip ko ito.

"Raine, she's your sister's girlfriend, off-limits."

Mas maganda na sya ngayon, dalagang dalaga na. Childish parin pero I think that prank is not just for her but also for me now that I am back here in Manila. Pag katapos nila akong ipatapon sa Palawan.

P R E S E N T . . . . .

She drove off at ako ay naiwan sa bahay, but I decided to go out at uminom sa bar.

"Hey there sexy"

I let a big sigh at hinatak ang lalaki sa collar nya at hinalikan sa labi. Pag katapos ay bumitaw sa halik nya.

"There, you got what you wanted you can go now."

He left with enthusiasm in his face. Napapailing sya na napapa wow sa hangin.

"That's a jerk move if you noticed."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa babaeng naglapag ng inumin sa tabi ko.

"Remember me?"

Nakangiti nyang tanong sa akin.

"I may have seen your face but not your name."

I feel so tipsy.

"Roth, Remember?"

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi nya. Roth, Roth, Roth. Sounds like maharot!

Ngumiti ako dahil sa naisip ko.

"Ano, naalala mo na ba?"

Tumingin ako sa kanya, napako ang mga mata ko sa malalim na dimple nya sa kaliwang pisngi nya.

"Nope. I have no idea who you are, miss Roth."

"One more, please."

Tawag ko sa atensyon ng bartender na nasa kabilang dulo ng bar.

"This one's on me"

SIgaw nya sa bartender dahil mas lumalakas na ang ingay sa loob. Tumango ang bartender.

She stood up and got closer to me. She's flirting, I can say.

"Rotchelle, Does that ring any bell?"

She whispered in my right ear. I suddenly felt her hand touching my thigh and softly squeezes it.

"Uhm yeah. Rotchelle. Hey, it's good to see you"

Humarap ako sakanya at mabilis nya akong niyakap.

"I'm sorry for what I did way back then, Raine."

I chuckled.

"Nah, it's cool Roth. I got no hard feelings for you at all."

It's because I didn't love you, at all. psh!

I continued drinking my alcohol and let her do her thing, to talk. I'm not even listening to her apologies. I think it's her who didn't move on.

"Hey, hey, hey. Forget about it okay, I'm good, you're good. We're good."

She suddenly hugged me, mahigpit. Kahit na nakaupo ako at nakatagilid, she managed to hug me and 'coincidentally' place her face in my neck and 'accidentally' kiss my neck, lick my neck, and suck a tiny part of it.

"uh... you done there?"

Tanong ko sa kanya.

"Nope. I want you"

Nakangiti syang humarap sa akin.

"Hmm, not gonna happen."

"Come on, it would be a one-time thing."

She's now holding my hand and being touchy. Damn, I can tell that this one's horny.

"Now it's my cue. I'm gonna go. Thanks for tonight and it was good to see you again, Roth."

Iniwan ko na sya sa bar and she wasn't pleased.

"Oh, so you're not home yet?"

Padabog akong humiga sa kama at pinatay ang ilaw at binuksan ang green pin lights na nasa magkabilang sulok ng kwarto.

Napalingon ako sa bed side table kung saan nakadisplay ang wacky picture namin. I smiled just remembering how happy and how kulit we were at that party. Marahan ko itong inabot at tinitigan.

"Do you think we can go back to the way we were? Do you think we can be this happy again? I want to, love. Gustong gusto kong bumalik tayo sa dati but I can't make that happen kung ako lang. Kasi dalawa tayo dito sa relationship na 'to. If we can still call it that."

Napabuntonghininga ako at ibinalik ang picture namin sa bedside table.

"I love you, Janice. I miss you"

I murmured before I finally fall asleep.

Paggising ko kinabukasan ay walang Janice na umuwi. Oo nga pala, she said she's gonna spend the night there. Pag bangon ko ay napatingin ako sa phone ko na nakalapag sa bed side table. There's a folded piece of paper. Wala sa loob na dinampot ko ito at marahang binuksan. It has my name written on it.

"Lorraine"

Pag bukas ko ay isang paragraph ang nilalaman nito.

I left and not coming back. I went flying to London. I didn't wake you up to avoid any drama. I'm with someone else now. Sorry, but I thought I loved you but I didn't. Please forgive me. I wish you good luck.

-Janice

My heart is pounding. Am I dreaming? Shit ang sakit! Huminga ako ng malalim at humiga sa kama. I can't fucking believe it! She left, she just fucking left. With a note.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I laughed. I just laughed. I dunno why I feel like laughing, hanggang sa yung tawa ko ay nauwi sa pagiyak. Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa puting unan at doon iniyak ang lahat.

"Wala na sya:"

"Wala na."

"Wala na Lorraine."

"Yung babaeng labing isang taon ko nang minamahal. Wala na."

"11 years kitang minahal, pero wala pang isang taon kang naging akin, tapos nawala ka nalang bigla."

I cried like a baby. Ganito pala yung sakit kapag iniwan. Ganito pala yung pakiramdam ng iniiwan. I suddenly felt sorry for those people that I left behind kahit na nagmakaawa sila.

"Ito na ba yung karma ko? Janice ikaw ba yung karma ko?"

Tanong ko na akala mo ay sasagutin ako ng mga puting unan.

"Ma'am Raine??"

Bumalik ako sa ulirat nang marinig ko ang pag tawag sa akin ni Leslie.

"Y-yes? What?"

"Kanina pa po kayo nakatulala I'm asking po kung ready na po kayo para sa board meeting mamayang 2pm?"

I stared at my computer.

"Y-yeah I am. 2pm nga pala yun."

"Sige po. Hindi pa po kayo nag lunch, should I order some food for you?"

Tumingin ako sa kanya at napatingin ako sa sarili ko mula sa reflection ko sa glass wall ng office ko at bumalik sa tingin ko sa kanya.

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks."

Tumango sya at lumabas ng office. Wala akong ibang nasa isip kundi si Janice. Ang sakit sakit parin. It's been three weeks at hanggang ngayon ay parang kanina lang ako gumising na wala na sya.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen"

"Miss Alcavar, the board called you today to tell you that we decided that you have to prove yourself, in order to keep your position in this company."

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi ng tiyuhin ko.

"What?! That's ridiculous! Why do I have to prove myself? I did it years ago for God's sake!'

"Yes, years ago. But now, seeing you like this, you are such a mess! You are being incompetent just because you can't separate your work from your personal life. So the board had to vote. We are giving you a chance, take it as a redemption token. We're gonna give you a project. This one's not gonna be easy but if you can make it possible, you get to keep your place here."

"I thought we're done with that 100-million peso deal?"

"Yes, we are past that. But these past few weeks you've been out of your mind. You're making irrational decisions. You even yelled at one of our biggest clients overseas. That is no bueno. You turned down a big offer from Dubai dahil sabi mo, those duo will be making a bid. You were wrong. You made rash decisions and so on. We can't just watch this company fall. Remember, we have thousands of employees relying to us!"

Silence.

"Now, you just need to choose if you are going to take a break from work and from being CEO or you are gonna do this to keep your position."

I shrugged my shoulders at napabuntonghininga ako. Pero I know I can make it possible whatever project it is. So I took it. Ayokong mag mukmok sa bahay. I don't want to be alone. I wanna be surrounded by people.

"Fine. What project?"

"The folders please"

Isa isang ipinamigay ang folders sa amin ng secretary ng hindi ko alam kung sino.

"This project takes you to Palawan. We found this really great location to build a five-star resort and hotel and you are gonna make it possible. Your job is to buy the land from people that own it."

I smirked.

"Tss yun lang!? Hahahahaha you're kidding, right?"

"No. We are not. You are going to buy that land that we need and whatever it takes, you're gonna make them sell it to you."

Nag titigan kaming dalawa, nag sukatan pa kami ng tingin. Hindi naman maitatanggi ang tension sa pagitan naming dalawa ng tiyuhin ko pero sanay na ang board sa aming dalawa. Nai didiscuss naman ang dapat na idiscuss. It's like we're battling for machism, kahit we both know na hindi ako lalaki. He's insecure with me, hindi ko alam kung bakit. It just naturally shows.

"Okay, got it."

Nang matapos ang meeting ay agad akong bumalik sa office ko at nag isip kung paanong strategy ang gagawin ko para mabili ang mga lupa pero bago ang lahat ay kailangan kong aralin ang research tungkol sa lupa na ito na nakalagay sa folder. I am so glad. I have something else to occupy my mind instead of mourning.

I kept going home drinking, thinking and so on, for every damn night. But now I think I'm really tired and fell asleep on the couch.

"Riiiiiiing!! Riiiiiing!!!"

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon nang marinig ko ang phone ko na nagriring. It's 6am. Basha maybe didn't wake me up dahil ayaw mabulyawan. I am so moody, what do you expect from a torn, broken, mess and good-for-nothing motherfucker who can't even make her girlfriend stay with her? Syempre, volcanic-fucking-temper.

"What?"

Bulyaw ko sa kabilang line.

"Ma'm hindi po kami kinakausap ng maayos ng mga tao, hindi po sila nakikipag usap ng maayos."

"Damn it, that's your fucking job! Solusyonan mo!"

I dropped the call at nakusot ang mukha ko sa inis. Inaantok pa ako pero nang maamoy ko ang niluluto sa kusina ay nag crave ako so bumangon na ako with messy hair, kahapon ko pang damit at I don't care I'm in my own house.

"Please stop giving me bad news. If you can't get me a good one, don't bother calling me at all."

Itinaob ko ang phone ko sa table at tinuloy ang pag kain. Pag katapos ay naligo, nag bihis, pumasok, nag trabaho, umuwi, uminom, natulog.

That's my day-to-day life. Nothing more.

"Ma'am sorry po pero we're quitting. Hindi na po kaya ng team ko makipag usap sa kanila dahil masyado nila kaming dinadaan sa dahas."

"It's only been a week! Suyuin nyo kasi ng maayos ipaliwanag nyo ang mangyayari. Wala ba kayong mga pinag aralan!? Damn it walang maasahan sa inyo!"

I was about to throw my phone nang sumigaw si Lesley na kakapasok lang sa office.

"Op op op op"

Natigilan ako at inis na inihagis sa table ko ang work phone ko.

"Kakapalit mo lang nyan. Wag mong pahirapan ang sarili mo. Gastos ka ng gastos ng cellphone. Ang daming nagugutom sa kalsada."

I smirked.

"Kapag ba dinonate ko ang sirang cellphone ko, mabubusog ba sila?"

Relax. Take a deep breath and think.

Sumandal ako sa swivel chair ko at nag isip ng mabuti. Sa ngayon ay wala pang deadline na sinasabi sa akin ang board pero I think it's impossible to set a deadline for this. So I'm gonna have to set it myself. I need this deal get done within two months, max. Mas mabilis matapos, mas mapapatunayan ko ang sarili ko sakanila.

A sweet little, devilish smile peeked on the side of my lips.

"Uh.. that smile is scary"

Napalingon ako kay Leslie, nandito parin pala sya.

"We are going to Palawan. I'm gonna handle this personally."

Napakalawak ng ngiti ko.

Finally! Something I can do right!

Nag paalam ako sa board at sa ughh-chairman namin na si tanda. This is work, so I appointed Dennis again to be the acting CEO. I trust him so much and he's reliable so I know he'll be capable of running the company next to me. Actually, he's nerdy and nervous but he's always right.

"Book us a flight tonight, then go home. Prepare yourself then go to my house. We're going together."

"Mag bobook din po ako ng hotel room natin?"

Natigilan ako sa sinabi nya at huminga ng malalim.

"Nah, we'll be staying at our townhouse."

"T-tayo lang ba?"

"Yes. Tatawagan ko nalang si Attorney DeCastro to finalize the contract for them to sign it nalang."

Lumabas na sya ng office at sya namang pasok ni Dennis. Ang aking executive Vice President. I promoted him from being COO, I saw his potential and I knew that I am gonna need someone like him.

"Good Afternoon, Miss Alcavar"

"Yes, Mister Costello, have a seat."

I kept typing in my computer at sinend na ang e-mail na kailangan kong i send at hinarap sya.

"I'm sorry about that, uhmm, I know I told you that I will be away for a while and I always trust that you will always do what is right and what is good for the company, so please take good care of it and do not forget to consult me with everything."

He smiled at inayos ang kanyang eyeglasses.

"You can always count on me, Miss Alcavar. Would that be all?"

I nodded at tumayo sya saka umalis. Dennis Costello, is not much of a chick magnet but he's got brains, let's add that he's introverted and the kind of person who won't even lay a hand on anyone.

"Are you still there?"

"yes Ma'am nasa hotel room po kami."

"Okay, you're gonna call them for a meeting tomorrow in the afternoon and let me handle the rest."

"Nandito na po ba kayo sa Palawan ma'am?"

Tinanaw ko ang mayabang na malaking bahay na napapalibutan ng iilan ilang malalaking bahay rin at mga puno. Bumuntong hininga ako.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes, we're here."

Pagkatapos ay binaba ko na ang call.

"Hindi pa po ba kayo bababa ma'am?"

Napalingon ako kay Leslie na nasa likod ng van at naibaba na nya ang mga maleta. Ako naman ay nakatingin lang sa kanya. Bumuntonghininga ako ulit bago bumaba ng van at kinuha ang dalawang maleta ko. Naipasok na siguro ni Tatay Karding ang iba pang gamit.

"ma'am ako na po!"

Awat sa akin ni Leslie.

"It's okay I can handle this."

Nag lakad papasok sa mansion na malaking parte ng masalimuot na teenage life ko.

"Good evening po ma'am Lorraine"

"Name po?"

Tanong ko sa kanya.

"Celine po"

I think she's just sixteen years old.

"Hi Celine"

Maluwag akong ngumiti sa kanya.

"Hello po. Naku ang bait bait nyo po pala akala ko po ka--"

"Danday!"

Napalingon ako sa pamilyar na boses ng isang matandang babae.

"Nanay Liza!"

Binitawan ko ang hawak kong maleta at sinalubong sya ng yakap. Ang nag iisang taong kakampi ko noong tinutudyo ako ng mundo, kasama na doon ang mga magulang ko.

"It's so nice to see you again!"

Yes, it is so nice to feel that warm hug mula sa isang babaeng tinuring kong magulang, dahil sa totoo lang ay sakanya ko lang naramdaman ang maging isang anak. I feel so at home, kahit na hindi naging maganda ang ala ala nang mga unang buwan ko dito noon.

"Kamusta ka anak?"

Tanong nya habang yakap namin ang isa't isa. Pag ka hiwalay nya sa pag kakayakap sa akin ay hawak nya parin ako sa magkabilang balikat, sinusukat ako mula ulo hanggang paa.

"Bakit ang payat payat mong bata ka! Hindi ka ba nag kakain ng maayos? Halika na sa hapag kainan kumain ka na niluto ko yung paborito mong tuyo at kamatis!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at di mapigilang ngumiti. Nakita ko ang pag tataka sa mga mata ni Leslie pero hinayaan ko nalang sya, she's about to see the other side of me. Yung masaya dahil merong pamilya.

"Che, ipaakyat mo kay tatay yang gamit nila ha. Tapos sumunod na kamo sa hapag kainan."

"O-opo nay"

Ngumiti ako kay Celine at saka bumaling kay Leslie.

"Ay nay, assistant ko po pala si Leslie."

"hmm, assistant nga ba kamo?"

Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Nanay Liza. Alam nya kung ano ako, syempre it showed before. And I may have brought girls dito sa bahay, tapos mag hapon lang kaming nag landian sa kwarto pero never ko sila inintroduce ng maayos.

"Hahaha opo nay, pure business lang po. Assistant po, maaasahan yan."

"Uhmm, Leslie ano? Ayan bang boss mo eh tinatrato ka naman ng maayos?"

Nakita kong alanganin sya sumagot pero hindi ko sya tiningnan, pinabayaan ko sya kung anong sasabihin nya. Pumunta ako sa harap ng fridge at nag salin ng tubig sa baso.

"Ahhh.. eh opo maayos naman po saka mabait naman po si ma'am Raine. Hindi lang po talaga halata saka cold po minsan pero malambot ang puso."

"Ah malambot naman pala ang puso, pero ang tanong eh.. may laman ba?"

Muntik ko nang mailuwa ang iniinom kong tubig, nasamid ako sa paglunok at inubo. Dahilan para lalong mangungulit si Nanay tungkol sa lovelife ko.

"Halika na nga at kumain na tayo."

Nag simula syang kumuha ng mga pag kain sa kusina.

"Lie, Dyan ka lang ah upo ka na. Kakain na tayo.

"Anak kamusta ka na ba talaga?"

Pakiramdam ko ibang tao ako sa tahanang ito. Miss na miss ko ang bersyon ng sarili kong ito, Nakalimutan kong bumalik dito noong mga panahong ang sakit sakit ng puso ko noong nasaktan ko si Janice. Nakalimutan kong may pamilya akong pwedeng uwian dito. Si nanay Liza, Tatay Karding, hindi man sila mayaman, caretaker ng napapabayaang bahay, sinasahuran bwan bwan pero sakanila ko naramdaman ang maging isang anak na masaya sa sarili nyang pamilya. Dahil mayaman man ang Alcavar, trust me, si Tanya lang ang nakikita nilang lahat. Pero somewhere here in Palawan, there's a simple couple that sees me and calls me 'anak.' For me, they are my family. My broken heart kinda felt mended. It feels so good to tell myself that I am back, home.