COMMITMENT

I was welcomed by an afternoon breeze. I got out from the school bus not minding how awful I look at the moment. The noon ambience of every province attacks with the feeling of familiarity. I closed my eyes as the wind blows on my face, the younger Angelie welcomed me, smiling proudly, wearing her signature intense look; teary yet can devour a whole dragon. It seemed like she’s rooting on me today; I guess I just have to give my all yeah?

As I set forth onto the lands of Cavite. my eyes started to wander and immediately look for peas. 

"Peas!" I uttered like a cry baby and eagerly grabs her hand to join the crowd heading towards the big shed.

It has a wide and huge bench made out of cement accelerating upwards. Oh darn, I knew I'm bad at describing things but hence it was like a huge shed with rows of huge cement to be sit upon.

"San tayo jel pupwesto?" asked Peas as other cadets are also owning their respective seats.

"sa bandang taas peas, arat." I said as we paved the way in the crowds.

We began settling to the third row from the highest. Darn, this is really it huh? 

We are wearing our type A uniform, fatigue and a combat shoes. It feels like we are really ready to deploy on a mission; my heart's racing as I pictured myself as one of the chosen who would defend our country, I know it might caused my life but who cares? As years of being alive in this world, I finally got to know my purpose and summum bonum, my highest good, and that is to have my name on the history book.

Angelie Bayaban.

That would make a young heart cry, not because of pity, hence an admiration from their revolting peaceful times, that is in need of purpose, in need of reason not to lose its cause.

”TUNE! CADETTES WE WILL GIVE YOU AN ALLOTTED TIME TO EAT YOUR LUNCH AND MEALS WITH YOU, HENCE REMINDER, YOU SHOULDN’T POLLUTE THE AREA, CLEAN YOUR SPACES RIGHT AFTER. ARE WE CLEAR? AT WAG MAGKULIT AT MAG-INGAY, MGA B*LB*LIN NA KAYO! ” said by the officer in charge.

I hear laughs from all the boys, Hah! They are that entertained yeah?

Sometimes I envy boys for their cheeky attitude and how simple-minded they can be, unlike me, a woman who perceives the instructions as an insult.

Hah! Nevermind.

“MA’AM YES MA’AM” we all chorused.

"Anong platoon Kayo Bayaban?" I glanced sideways and found Raullo asking me.

"2nd Platoon Delta. Ikaw ba? Ay oo nga pala diba PL ka?" Raullo is our block mate. I wonder how he'd known me. I don't recall any conversations we had. Oh beat. Yes, the power of social media or nah. I don't know.

"Bravo 1st." He replied. Raullo on a first glance is an intimidating big baby. He has always worn his wrinkled eyebrows, glaring eyes, and cute lips. He's I can confidently tell a reliable man. He has lots of girl friends who leaned on him during tough times. And he ridiculously loved all of it.

"Hindi na eh, may pumalit na." He said with a glint of pain in his eyes. Darn, such a baby Hahahhaha

"Ay weh? Sino pumalit Raullo?" Asked peas as she leans on my spot.

"Yung magandang babae ba?" She eagerly inquired.

"Or Yung PL namin? Yung masungit?" And now she rolled her eyes. Ah! Why am I being sandwiched by these adorable babies btw?

"Grabe naman Peas." He half laughed. '"Si De Jesus."

Ah Yung bagong crush ni Peas kaso kinulang nga Lang sa height. Pero cutiepie pa rin.

"Ah Yung gwapong maliit? Hala! Ilang taon na Yun? Anong year?" Asked Peas with hopeful eyes.

"Bakit? Bet mo? Diba may Asterio ka na?" Raullo while being a sus. HAHAHHAA THESE BABIES. PWEDE NA ILOVETEAM EE. ANG MAMANHID NILA. Hangin nga Lang ata ako dito.

I began to eat my meal and pick some peas' food. No one really beats the taste of free foods. Beats me.

They continued their chitchats and I became a shadow the whole minute.

++

After eating our meals, we, Peas began to fix ourselves and applied some baby powder to our faces, and maybe some tint too? 

I applied tint with just a little amount, a dot of it, and evenly spread it on my lips. Ah, I feel like a real badass cadet now! I checked my overall look if wearing tint didn't make it seem off, baka masigawan ako ng di oras ng PL HHAHHAH.

"CADETS! TUNE! COUNT 1 TO 4! APAT MUNA ANG MAGIGING PLATOON TODAY, SINCE WE ONLY HAVE FOUR ACTIVITIES AHEAD OR KUNG LUMAMPAS MAN, MAKAKASABAK PA KAYO SA BONUS NA MISSION. SIGE SIMULAN NYO NA. ANG MGA 1 PILA DITO, THE REST GANON DIN! AYUSIN NYO NG DI NAG-IINGAY! MALIWANAG?" The officer in charge announced and I can say she really has a loud voice! hahahhaha

The count continues and I had the count of 4 while Peas is 1. I glance at her and she's awfully busy how to approach the 1st platoon. 

"Peas, magkasama tayo sa grupo. Tara na." I clung unto her arms and headed down.

"Hala, pwede ba yun? Baka pagalitan tayo jel?" Ah such baby.

"Silly, they wouldn't remember and recognize if we really are different in number. C'mon. Hurry!"

As we headed downside and fall in line, there are actually cadets who are whining because they didn't have the same platoon with their besties. Napailing nalang ako. Rules are made to restrict you, but like rubber, it'll stretch, if you knew the rules well.

"Peas ikaw una sakin sa pila." I suggested since, in reason of, I can check up on her immediately.

"Nooo, mas matangkad ako sa'yo!" Peas grinned. Really now? Is she not kidding? 

"You bet! I'm way taller than you in inches!" I fired back habang tumitingkayad lalo para malaman niyang mas matangkad talaga ako. Eh si Peas ba nga naman ang pinag-uusapan natin, Jusko gumaya pa!

We're in the midst of discussing who and which is which, when another cadet put us in our respective places.

At ako ang nilagay sa unahan. Oh hell.

I glanced back at Peas. 

"blep"

Oh I hate how cute she is and annoying at the same time!

--

The activity started with a national anthem.

Advance officer Abe leads. Cutie.

With a stern face, he opens his mouth and commanded us to do according to his instructions.

"HARAP HATING KALIWA HATING KANAN NA!"

We then turn our sideways to correctly face the flag pole.

"PUGAY KAMAY NA!"

Now we have our hands on the end of our eyebrows. A salute position. 45 degrees on our feet, 90 degrees on our body and the arms, 45 degrees angle towards the end of our eyebrows.

With a stern look and admiration towards the flag of the Philippines, we began singing our national anthem.

I'm close to tears. Darn.

Why do I love this country so much? With all its flaws, with all the Filipinos, Why do I have a knack for loving the faceless public?

At the age of 20, not the typical life of a teenager one would read on a book, I am not anyone of those who is an heiress of their different empires as such. I am no one, but a daughter, a meanie, and a student who's struggling, and a friend, annoying to someone. 

I don't have any accomplishments yet at this age, and I feel guilty pressuring myself to conform with a trend.

But now, maybe this time around is different? I can feel it. I'd do good in this field and do whatever it takes to achieve my fruition. And that is to have my name listed and publish in any history book.

I know it does sound petty, but I do manifest being recognized in the contribution of our country, of the human race.

--

Once done in anthems and other instructions they assigned an advance officer in each platoon. Core commander Asterio didn't attend, and that brings Peas in blue. I know that look. She isn't that pleased to do a lot of tiring things in here without her motivation.

Bet I had to do a lot of pep talks today. 

Sir Abe was assigned to us, Bravo second. He immediately jotted down our quantity as a packed and reminded us not to go far away and avoid not  sticking on our platoon without him knowing, and also without his permission. 

Sir Abe was the type of angelic and you'll all get nervous when you met his gaze. It's like you'd be damned because you have two ways to end up with and that is to fall or to be judged on your entire life. A living saint.

"CADETS TUNE! WE ARE FIRST ASSIGNED SA LAWANG YAN! READY YOURSELVES FIRST, TAKE OUT YOUR PHONES FROM YOUR POCKET IF ANY, OR OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T BE WET. IN THE COUNT OF TEN DAPAT NANDITO NA KAYO SA LINYA. MALIWANAG BA?"

"SIR YES SIR"

"CRAM!"

We Peas agreed to have me go back to the shed where our bags is in. I had her phone and mine, and I'll just place it in her purse. I bumped with many cadets as well. Cramming because the advanced officers are really counting down. You wanna know what will happen if you exceed on that count? No, you don't need to waste this exciting day with awful punishments, and so I bump people as many as I could to reach our bags and to head back in our line.

"TUNE!"

hingal na hingal pa ako gagi.

"HARAP SA LIKOOOOD, HARAP"

and so we did. 

"PASULONG NA!"

We then paving our way unto the lake with speed boats at least two. Ang tubig ay parang  kulay kape, great taste white caramel. Mukhang mapapaligo talaga ako sa lagay na to. Di rin ako nakaligo kanina ee HAHHAHAH napasobra ako sa tulog.

Oh darn. I forgot I'm still on the last day of my period. 

Shoot.

Mukhang mabababad ako neto. Baka may makapasok na marumi? sht.

I asked peas what to do.

"Peas, last day pa ng regla ko. Baka magkasakit ako after ng paglangoy natin dito."

"Baliw, hindi yan. Tumitigil naman regla pag nagsswimming HAHAHAH." sya pa ata ang mas baliw samin, kainis naman.

"Sabihin mo nalang kay sir Abe."

Jusko sa kaba pag nakatitig lang ako don? wag na no. Baka sabihin pa nya kasalan nya bang may regla ako? Pero mukhang mabait naman.

And with all the fuss I have made, I remember how a real woman soldier handles this kind of situation, I sought pride. Last day naman na. Tapos na rin naman. 

"GROUP YOURSELVES INTO FOUR AGAIN KASI APAT LANG KASYA SA BANGKA INCLUDING THE TWO OFFICERS WHO WILL GET DIRECTIONS AND MANOEUVRES THE BOAT."

"Peas tara, tayo na mauna." I said as I had so much pride on me.

"Sino pang dalawa then?" Peas asked. I then approach two ladies in our platoon. They have agreed on the spot and we're settled, I guess?

The breeze is cold on the lake, and our fatigue didn't stand a chance to make us warm the entire time. I narrowed my eyes on the view that we had today. Sir Abe and the other boys are preparing the boat. 

sht.

Did he just catch me staring at him?

Shoot.

I paved my glances onto the other side and began asking Peas if she isn't afraid, or that she knows how to swim at least.

"Hindi jel. Pero may life vest naman. Goods na ako, pero kinakabahan me." She indeed smiled nervously. 

"likewise. Even if I do know how to swim, I don't know what monster could be under." I sounded serious to Peas. Messing with her to forgot this edgy feeling. Someone's staring at me on my back, I can feel it.

"ARAY!" Peas then silenced me using her index on my lips. 

"SHHH. Lagot tayong dalawa pag narinig kang maingay!" Really now Peas?

"Eh bat ka nangungurot ba?" She's that unpredictable you see.

"Eh bat ka rin nananakot ba?" Peas frustratedly utter.

"totoo naman kasi. But I got you." I told her winking. And peas just smiled and act cutely saying "okay" as she clung to me.

We then readied ourselves with the vest on us. Sir Abe was now riding on the other boat with his phone in his hand. Is he somehow filming us now? Okay nevermind. I don't want to waste such emotions on this day. 

We then 4 cadets hopped on the boat. Our butt on the metal railing of the boat at ang mga paa'y nasa mismong upuan talaga. The officers told us, that our position is needed on the actual rescue searching when big floods happen. I am thrilled and owned how they explain such lectures on crucial missions and now we're deemed to experience it. 

I glanced at peas and she's now smiling. It is indeed fun!

Nagpaikot-ikot muna kami sa lawa para masanay at para narin sa dagdag lectures. Sir Abe and their boat is keeping up with us. Darn. He is indeed filming!

He then signalled the officer in our boat to slow down. And things ended up  us being the subject of the video. We greeted the Colonel with a Happy Birthday message. 

And Sir Abe's stare. Darn. 

Why is there so much to see in ROTC anyway? Good looking Officers are unfair! DI AKO MAKA FOCUS KASI MAY NAKATINGIN NA GWAPO! HAHHAHAH

Sir Abe's boat is slowly pacing while ours increased its speed to perform the actual mission.

We were advised to cross our arms and reach for the edges of our ears or kung di man hawakan ang ilong bago magpakahulog sa tubig sa bilang ng tatlo. 

And so we did. Unang nagpahulog yung dalawa na magkatapat sa signal ng officer. Habang kami ni peas kinakabahan ngunit sa mga mata makikita na determinado.

The officer then signalled us to the water. With my crossed arms I took the fall.

The cold water then welcomed me. Pati ilong ko napasukan! Dapat pala hinawakan ko ilong ko! I began coughing and coughing. The current in the waters is too strong to go against with. 

"Peas asan ka?" I shouted. Buti nalang pala may life vest. kasi kahit marunong ka lumangoy mapapagod ka, baka magkakcramps pa binti at malunod talaga.

"Dito jel. HAHAHHA di ako makausad HAHAHHA" Silly Peas, of course, the current of the water is too strong.

"Ako rin. Pero wait ka lang jan, puntahan kita." As I wag my feet one at a time to her direction. 

"Nakainom ako tubig Peas, ikaw ba?" I half laughed.

"Ako rin, wala namang lasa pero kadiri HAHAHAHHAHA" she then maked face.

"Instant Ice coffee tayo tuloy"  I added as I reach onto her spot. 

We laughed and laughed and it took us a while to reached the shallow part. Ang sakit lang sa binti. It takes a whole lot of effort to be freed from the strong current on that deep. We then fixed our hair as heading onto the waiting area. Our uniforms are soaking wet and I wonder how do I look at the moment. 

Nabura na pala polbo at tint ko. I am convinced na mukha akong basang sisiw.

With short hair, I finger combed it backwards as we attend to get our combat shoes. 

Habang nagsusuot ng sapatos, Sir Abe approached us to get things done quickly kasi may iba pa ring activities na gagawin. We agreed by saying "sir yes sir" He also advised us to go to cr kung naiihi. And then out of nowhere, we burst out laughing.

"Sir umihi na kami sa lawa sir" the guy cadet honestly said.

Sir Abe laughed and told us how cunning can we be. "kaya pala gusto nyo mauna aa" and then he suddenly glanced at me.

Shoot. Pwede ba magwarning sandali?

I choked. 

I die.

Darn his intense eyes and gorgeous smile. He smirked as Peas rubbed my back to calm me. 

One more smile on me sir Abe and I'll choose you over sir Dranreb.

--

The other activities went fast, We do climb a tower and then afterwards gliding on a rope to the other ends. It shakes you to the core. Ang tore ay gumagalaw sa hangin pati na rin sa maraming umaakyat. And the time when I took off from the tower, I uttered mama to ease my nervousness. 

We also tried riding an army's ATV vehicle. I was asked if I did once ride a motor and I replied yes. And the officer assured me to do good since I have also experience in riding one. But little did I know, mabigat ang manibela. Hindi kaya ng braso ko. Dagdag pa ang lubak lubak na daanan. 

And sure you can guess how poorly I ride the whole time. Muntik na akong matumba at sumemplang. Add up the pressure of someone who's looking at me. Ghad have mercy!

The whole ride was bumpy. And I don't have the pride to let it slide and so I began feeling the lost energy. 

Peas and the others were lying on the bench. I must too. 

From my embarrassing performance right there, I closed my eyes and embrace the fine wind. 

So this is how it feels to be in a camp. Not an inch yet I seemed drained. 

I hummed the song Que sera sera as I slowly succumb to sleep. 

++

Does my conviction really rooted?

++

"CADETS ANONG GINAGAWA NYO? BAWAL MATULOG!" 

I hurriedly get up and pinched Peas lightly to wake her up.

Found out Sir Abe is looking at us with pity. Does he really have to? Oh well, I guess he's that considerate yet can't do anything because it's his duty to train us.

Why then pity a lady?

He directed towards my place and handed me a biscuit. 

Why does my heart flutter?

"Get enough and pass"

"On it." I replied clearly not in my mind.  I should reply sir yes sir. But then who cares? Not even my brain. It's pretty not functioning at the moment. 

++

Time quickly passes. My shadow clearly says it's 4 pm already. 

The time comes for our firing of m16 experience!

The sounds of gunshots are making me nervous. It sounds and feels surreal that I got to witness what I only see and hear on television, in movies. 

Finally! I have the opportunity to feel how to hold a riffle, how to aim, and how painful it will be in my shoulder and ears.

We were asked to bring our own earbuds to protect our ears from the intensity of the sound of the gunshots. But I guess It's no use. Others are complaining that they can still hear it while using it.

The line is falling short. Peas and I were on the last. I spotted sir Dranreb. Such a tease! Sir Abe an angel! And sir tanjuaco with such intelligence.  I really don't know if this is an inspiration or a pressure. 

Now it's our time. Peas have settled. As I am getting all worked out. 

Dumapa na kami at pinahawakan na ang baril. The instructor told us to aim using the small sight in the gun and aim for the bullseye sa papel na ilang metro ang layo samin. 

"Sir nasusuka ako" I said as I hardly swallow my own saliva to stop myself from throwing up.

The officer calmed me that it's okay to breathe.

"Baka po mabaril ko kayong lahat" I am literally pailed. The officer hence just laughed at my remark. 

"breathe." 

I did and said all my sorry for the delay. I looked sideways and peas are nearing her final bullets. And on my left is sir Dranreb and Tanjuaco. 

Darn.

I once breathed heavily and have my eyes on the sight. I feel like throwing up and my fingers are cold despite the blazing sun. I closed one eye to determine the accuracy of my target. I noticed earlier that the bullet caps are getting out on the right side of the gun and I can't close my left eye without my right doing so.

I breathed again and calculated my distance that when I take my first shot, I wouldn't be hit by the bullet caps. 

Aim locked. I moved my finger. 

Bang!

Followed by the ringing on my ears!

Nabibingi ako. May sinasabi yung instructor pero di ko na marinig. 

Sunod-sunod kong ginalaw ang gatilyo. Habang ang mga mata'y naka focus lang sa bullseye.

6 bullets

7

8

9

10

11

12 

The last bullet fired, has my commitment made. I will become the hero this country needs. I will be recognized in the books of history. I am Angelie Bayaban. A woman, not just a woman.

The ringing in my ears continued. The officer claps his hands on me. 

"Akala ko ba kinakabahan ka? Lahat ng bala nakatama sa bullseye. Ibang klase."

He said clapping and taps my shoulder. I am teary. At that time, I don't recognize myself, that I can do that. 

"kunin mo na output mo. Ayan ang ipapasa nyo sa professor nyo. Congrats."

Nodding and saying my thank you's I picked my target and named it.

Angelie Bayaban

ROTC unit 2

'committed' 

++