"I'll miss you, Dad. I'll always miss you." Sidhiel said crying while holding the picture of his deceased father.
He hugged the picture and let out heartbreaking sobs. His father died after his bypass operation. Although the specialists already told them that there's a fifty-fifty chance to it, they still expected him to survive.
But faith was playful. He can still remember their conversation before his father was brought inside the operating room.
"Sidhiel, if I don't make it in there, I want you to take care of yourself. Do what your heart tells you. Believe in yourself, honey." Mark weakly said while the nurses were wheeling him towards the operating room. He was clutching his father’s hand tightly, not wanting to let it go.
He was stopping his father from talking but Mark continued. "I am so proud of you, Sid. I know all of your achievements." Sidhiel looked at his father in surprise. He had never told a soul about his awards and achievements.
Mark let out a weak laugh. "I wished you had told me. But I respect your decision in hiding it from us. You don't expect me not to discover it, do you? I am your father after all. And you are my son."
"Dad.."
"I may not be there with you,
Eara, and your mom physically, but spiritually, I'll be there every step of the way." Mark's voice was shaking when he said that. "Continue with your passion, Sid. Continue your art. I love you, my firstborn."Sidhiel nodded. And with tears in his eyes, he kissed him on the forehead, believing that his father was going to survive.
All throughout the operation, Sidhiel and Eara were in a chapel somewhere inside the hospital. When their father was rolled out from the operating room, he was unconscious. Then after exactly ten minutes, he was gone. Just like that.
The doctors said that there had been a complication. Sidhiel zoned out from the doctor’s explanation. There's only one thing that is ringing in his mind and ear: His father was gone.. gone forever.
And just earlier, his father was buried in the cemetery. That was the hardest part Sidhiel had ever done: To say goodbye to the person who had always been there for him from the beginning.. to the only person who had loved him completely. To the only person who believed in him.
He would never see him walk out the door again. He would never hear his voice again. He would never see him smile again.
Gosh, he would never see his father again.. ever.
A month later..
"You know what, Dad? There's someone who is interested to see my paintings." Sidhiel is currently at the cemetery, in front of his father's resting ground. "Remember Jade, the girl who saw my works back in college? We accidentally bumped into each other again after two years. She was actually looking for me. She said that his brother-in-law, Niall Steiner, was looking for new talents to feature in his exhibit."
Sidhiel was so excited while telling that to his father. He immediately went to the cemetery to tell his father the good news.
"Can you believe it, Dad? That's the Niall Steiner. One of the world's most famous painters."
His eyes were shining. It's the first time, after his father died, that he felt this alive again.
"Though he will still look and judge my works, at least, I have a chance Dad, right?"
He had a degree in Bachelor of Science in Business Administration and Accountancy. He also had his MBA from Harvard. He would like to take Fine Arts as his course but of course, his mother did not allow him. She said that there is no money in that profession.
And just like all the other times, his mother won again.
So Sidhiel took up the course that she wanted, but unbeknown to her, Sidhiel's spare time was spent in an art class. That's why his talent in painting was enhanced further.
It was only his dad who knew that he was enrolled in an art class while taking up Administration. Mark gave him his full support.
"It has never been the same without you, Dad. I miss you so much." Sidhiel was unable to stop his tears.
*****
It was almost ten p.m. when he reached home from the cemetery. It was Saturday and he did not expect the traffic.
He had his own key to the front door of their house so he doesn't need to knock or use the doorbell. He also will not be scolded by his mother because she's surely asleep by now.
Sidhiel grumbled about how he can't even drive his car fast enough. He just said that in the spur of the moment, but he really loved his car as much as he loved his old stuffed toy named 'Mr. Ted'. The money he used to pay for it came from his own pocket.
He was about to finish college when it was offered to him by a classmate who is about to buy a new car. The money he paid for the car came from his savings. It came from the allowances that he saved and a big percentage of it was from the prize when his painting had won first place in a competition that he'd joined.
It was not the latest car model and the car seldom give up in the middle of the road, but Sidhiel loved the car. His car.
That car was really his in every sense of the word. And he was very proud of it.
His father wants to buy him a new car but Sidhiel refused. He doesn't mind that the car Eara uses was more beautiful than his.
Eara's car was a gift from their parents.
All right, he admit, he was a little bit jealous. But that was before. Besides, Eara deserved it. She worked hard for it.
Though Sidhiel's grades were far higher than Eara and the highest in his school, he never showed his report card to his parents. He was consistently the top student in the class and had won a lot of academic competitions. He doesn't want any complications so he chose to study in a different school from Eara.
He was proud of himself and it was a great achievement for him, but he never once boasted about it to anyone. He was still shy and humble. Still afraid to speak because his mother always compares him to Eara- how different he was to his sister.. how sensible Eara was, unlike him. The list would go on and on. Even though his mother doesn't know anything about his school life.
Sidhiel sighed when he stopped his car in front of their house. Until now, he's still afraid of his mother- big time. He hasn't done anything right in his mother's eyes.
A part of him wanted to blame his mother for why he grew up weak and aloof towards other people. It had been a long time before his stuttering disappeared due to inferiority complex.
Now he knows that his stuttering was psychological. He stutters when he is in front of other people, especially when it is his mother. Because most of the time, she shouts at him. She scolds him even about the smallest of things.
His father even brought him to a specialist but the doctor saw nothing wrong with him. So he just said that there really are kids who develop speech late.
Even he was confused before. When he is alone, he can speak properly and well. But when someone is in front of him, he stutters. He feels like he will say the wrong words and that his mother will hit him because of it.
He was only glad that it was a thing of the past now.
He couldn't say that he was confident now. He's still afraid that he will do something that he likes and his mother will dislike it. When his father was still alive, it's easy for him to follow what his heart desires because his father was always there to guide and support him.
He became so dependent on his father that when his father died, he doesn't know where to start with his life.
A while ago, he was so excited because he will finally have a chance to showcase his paintings. His worries were overpowered by his excitement.
But now that he was back in their house, he was eaten again by worry.
His thoughts were stopped by the cool air that grazed his skin.
He shivered. He raised his hand to put the key in the keyhole. But he was surprised when the door suddenly opened.
Sidhiel automatically closed his eyes tightly. He was sure it was his mother.
He prepared himself for the angry voice of his mom. But he heard nothing. Confusedly and reluctantly, he slowly opened his left eye, followed by his right eye when he recognized who the person in front of him is.
Nothing in the world had prepared him for this moment.
He closed his eyes again. He was hallucinating.All right, there's not a day that passed without him thinking about this person. He was always in his prayers.But it couldn't be.When Sidhielopened his eyes again, it was confirmed. The tall and well-built figure standing on the doorway with quizzical brown eyes was indeed KalyxBrier. The man he had admired for as long as he could remember, was standing in front of him.The man was smiling widely at him."K-Ka.."He can't even say his name."K-Kalyx..?""Why, Sidhie, you've grown up! What took you so long? Did you know that I've been waiting for you here for hours?" Kalyxsaid in a flash without stopping.Sidhiel just continued staring at Kalyx. His cerulean eyes were wide with surprise. His mouth was even slightly parted."You might catch flies." Kalyxteased.He immediately closed his mouth. He felt his face getting hot with embarrass
Kalyxhad been lying on his bed for a long while now but his mind is still very much awake.The sweet smile on his lips hasn't been erased yet.He suffered ten long years of not being able to see Sidhiel'sbeautiful face. He had no choice but to be contented with the photos of Sidhielthat his mom sent him.Earlier, while waiting for the boy, he can't help himself from worrying when night came and Sidhielstill hasn't come home.It was nine-thirty when he told his Aunt Diehlthat he will wait for Sidhiel. Diehlhad already retired in her room but Kalyxwas still left worrying in the big living room. Still hoping for the only person he had been anticipating to see, to finally arrive.Exactly ten o-clock when he decided that he will just wait on the front porch of the house. And imagine his surprise and happiness when upon opening the door, he saw a close-eyed Sidhiel.He can't forget the expression on Sidhie
"What's the problem with your car?" Kalyxasked upon nearing him.Sidhieljust wished that he doesn't look so bad. He felt so small beside Kalyx, because he literally is smaller than the man.No word came out of his mouth. He thought that this was better than stuttering infront of him."Let me see your car." Kalyxheldthe hood of his car.Sidhieljust stood there watching Kalyxwhile the latter was checkingthe engine of his car."The problem was the radiator. You also need to tune this up." Kalyxsaid after a few minutes."I-Is that so? Thank you. I can handle it from here. You should go." He said wanting to get away from Kalyx."Where will you go? Why does your car seem so full?" Kalyxasked not commenting on Sidhiel'swords."I just had to go somewhere important.""I think it's better if I just drive you to where you're going," Kalyx said."Huh? Uhm.. I d
Sidhiel'sface felt hot. If Kalyxwas trying to make him feel uncomfortable, he was succeeding."And because you don't want to talk to me properly. When I asked you questions, your answer is so short like you're allergic to me. This is better." Kalyx said, still grinning.Sidhiellooked down at his fingers at the same time that the waiter came back with their orders."Okay, I'll talk to you. But stop staring at me." He said when he liftedhis head again."All right. Shoot.""A-Are you staying f-for good?" He cursed himself for stammering.Kalyxlaughed. "Hey, you're stuttering again. Why?"Instead of answering, he just focused on his food. Maybe, it would be better if he just ignore Kalyx. After all, he can't match him."Why can't you at least try to be mad or snobbish?" Kalyx commented amusedly. "Before, during our childhood days, you don't fight back even when you're annoyed at me. You will just look
"I don't know why I reacted that way, Dad. I just said all those things to Kalyx." Sidhieladmitted in front of his father's tombstone. That's where his feet brought him. He expects that if he tells his father what happened between him and Kalyx a while ago, the tension he's feeling will decrease. But he wasn't succeeding. "Ahh!" He rubbed his face with his hands. "I'm stupid, stupid, stupid. Why Dad? Why does every time I see him, all I can envision and think is how far we are from each other? I feel like, I don't even have the right to be his friend. I don't know, Dad. I hate this feeling. Why do I always feel like I'm nothing compared to everyone." "I tried to do what you told me, Dad. You know, that ‘believing-in-yourself’thing. I swear I tried. Sometimes, I succeed. But a lot of times, I fail." Sidhielcried because of frustration. " I think, Mommy is right. That I am heading nowhere. That I will just stay like this. I wou
A lot of minutes had passed but Sidhiel'sheart is still racing. Whew! What happened during dinner was tough. It was not him that Earakept on interrogating but it felt like he was the one on the hot seat. Good thing he thought immediately of a way out. He was thankful that he doesn't need to hear Kalyx's answer because he will surely get hurt. What kind of person in his right mind would like to date someone as simple and plain as him? Certainly not Kalyx. Heissure that Kalyxwould want to be with someone that is intelligent and fun to talk to and be with. Not like him who shakes with nervousness and stammers when spoken to. But he was surprised by how Earadescribed him. They both know that she was referringto him. A simple person but very beautiful in their own way. Those were Eara's exact words. This is the first time that Eara complimented him. His father would often tell him how gorgeous he is
"W-What are you doing here? H-Have you been there since..? D-Did you see..?" Sidhielasked Kalyxsequentially. Kalyx was not answering his questions yet but his face already started coloring red. He already knows what the answer to his questions was. Oh, Gosh, why does he have to see me like this? Sidhielwailed in his mind. "Take a deep breath, sweetheart," Kalyx instructed. Sidhielinvoluntarily obeyed Kalyx. He took several deep breaths. Then, Kalyx's word sank in his mind. Did he hear Kalyxright? Did he really call him 'sweetheart'? He eyed Kalyxthrough his lowered eyelids. Kalyxwas grinning. He scowled. Kalyxwas surely teasing him again. "Are you ready for my answers, Sid?" Kalyxasked mischievously. "To all of your questions, 'yes' is my answer. Yes, I've been here since you came down. Yes, I saw your performance. Ye-" Kalyxsuddenly
Kalyxsmiled at himsoftly.Then he bent his head again to kiss Sidhielagain. This time, it wasn't just a light kiss. It was deeper and passionate.Sidhiel doesn't know how to respond. He just closed his eyes and mimicked the movement of Kalyx's lips. He felt light-headed. He fisted Kalyx's shirt under his palms. Kalyx's hands traveled down Sidhiel's sides causing the boy to shiver at the warmth seeping through his shirt from Kalyx's hands.Kalyx's hands gripped Sidhiel'swaist and pulled him closer until they were chest to chest. He banded his arm around Sidhiel'swaist while his other hand traveled up, cupping the back of Sidhiel'shead and tilting it to accommodate their kiss even more.Kalyxnipped Sidhiel'supper lip, not stopping untilit was swollen. Then he focused on the lower lip, biting it and eliciting a gasp from Sidhiel. He thrust his tongue in the boy's mouth and roamed around, tasting it.