5|Talk

It’s not as easy as it looks.

My actions have consequences, even when I’m just fighting for my rights. The right to be treated fairly, the right to marry someone loyal and faithful to me.

I couldn’t do it.

Well, I haven’t tried yet.

~~

After that eventful and fruitful talk with my ex-fiance, I threw the diamond engagement ring he gave me in his face - while he was still nursing his pained wiener. I wish I could say it was worth it, that the pain in my chest lessened, but no. It only worsened because now I don’t feel the heavy ring around my finger, a mark ending everything between Calvin and me.

The black hole of desolation in my chest can’t be filled with the amount of vodka I’ve consumed since we arrived here in Nadia’s grave.

Nadia Simone Walker. ~ Loving daughter ~ amazing friend ~ Live to the fullest, for life is all too short ~

That last part was her motivation in life. I figured it’s only fitting to add her own perspective on her headstone. A phrase that I lived by since she left.

“What now?” I asked, pouring a hefty amount of the alcohol on the ground. The touch of her tombstone against my back and the cold grass on my lower body is a cold embrace from her. I visit her often. In fact, I believe I’m the only one who visits this place.

Oh, there was a basket of white gardenias beside me. I wonder who visited her because only the people close to her knew she couldn’t stand colorful flowers, while I was the opposite. I love colors, but maybe that will change. My life is gloomy. He took away all the colors of life.

“Will they hate me, Nads?” I tilted the bottle of vodka in my mouth, downing the last drop of it.

Erik is standing like a pole a few feet away from me, unmoving. ‘You won’t notice I’m here,’ he said when I shoo him away.

That’s a big problem of mine. I can’t force my mind to not notice things. I ask too many questions and act on impulse. My father once told me I’m too inquisitive for my own good. That’s also the reason I can’t marry Calvin anymore, even if I love him… even if he begged, even if he announced his parents will disown him. I can’t pretend to be oblivious to his affair.

My muscles are numb. I wonder if Erik’s feet are also as numb as mine. The sun already went into hiding. Lights around the cemetery flickered one by one, dim and dull. At this time of the year, the temperature drops once the sun allows darkness to rule the sky. My lips were quivering. I raised my knees and hugged myself, keeping my body warm, pressing my swollen eyelids to close.

A motorcycle roared, halting close to where we were. From its echo, I knew it was Xavier’s Ducati. His light footstep soon followed the shutting off of the engine, ceasing to where I was.

Without a word, his powerful arm scooped my cold frame.

“Saving me,” I grumbled, tugging on the collar of his leather jacket. He smells like rain. I wanna dance in his intoxicating scent all night, like we used to do before things got so complicated.

Xavier hummed. Erik opened the limousine’s door for him, settling me inside. “Take her home,” he told Erik, handing the old guy his phone that I stole earlier.

Erik’s eyes squinted, throwing me a pointed glare. I knew he’s in for a huge amount of trouble because of me.

I rolled my eyes, laying on my back on the plush seat, curling into a ball.

“Don’t worry about it.” Xavier patted Erik’s shoulder. “They knew she stole your phone…” The slamming of the door followed.

~~

“Zia Adeline Walker,” oh, shit. The sound of my name coming from my mother that way is not a good sign.

I snuggled deeper under my covers, pretending to be sleeping. Like usual, mom barged inside my room but this time, she doesn’t do those sweet little gestures. She pulled the cover from my body, towering on my side.

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, young lady,” she began. “I don’t care if you have a hangover. Sit, talk.” Her sweet tone is still there, but hearing another pair of footsteps against the rug nearing my bed turned on all the alarms inside my head, turning me into a nervous wreck.

Damn. She brought the big guns.

“Zia,” the bed dipped behind me with the weight of my father sitting on the edge.

My back was facing them. I was looking over the sun rising from my balcony. The sight in the autumn morning does wonders for my mood. It never fails to make me smile, but not today. Ever since that night in the Luciano manor, I am only forcing myself to get out of this bed.

“Princess.” Dad pressed his warm hands on my shoulder. I was still wearing the black dress I had yesterday and didn’t even have time to remove my makeup. “Are you having wedding jitters? It’s normal to feel that way.”

I swallowed the tears that I’ve been holding since they came in. “P-please cancel the wedding.”

The rubbing pattern my father’s thumb is drawing on my shoulder halted, eerie silence hovered over the three of us, apart from my mother’s gasp.

“What?” Mom was first to recover.

This is now or never. I gathered all the courage I could muster and sat on my bed, facing my parents. I couldn’t watch the disappointment that washed over my father’s face, and I didn’t even dare to stare into my mother’s features.

Heaving a deep breath, I lifted my face and gaze at my father, admiring how his salt and pepper hair made his bright blue eyes stand out. He gave a soft smile, a look that only Mom and I got the chance to savor. The world knew Levi Walker as a ruthless businessman. He shows a domineering personality in front of his employees and business associates, but in reality, he has this soft side. A caring and passionate family man, whom I’m about to disappoint.

“I caught Calvin with someone else on the night of his birthday. They were talking about his plan. He’ll marry me and file a divorce after five years.” I managed to say without stuttering, but my tears kept streaming down my cheeks. “We talked yesterday, after lunch, and he told me Ashley is pregnant, but he still wants to marry me because his parents will disown him. I kneed him in the balls and told him to fuck off.”

“Oh,” was the only response I got from my father.

~~

My parents left my room in peace this morning. They kissed my forehead, telling me to rest for the day, telling me not to cry anymore, and they’ll take care of everything.

It took me hours - the entire day in reality - before I finally got the energy to push myself out of my bed. The green neon light on the digital clock by my nightstand shows that it’s already fifteen minutes past midnight.

‘What am I doing to myself?’ I sighed, sniffling.

I smell something fishy. Sniffing once more, I realized it was me. I need a shower.

After taking a good twenty minutes under the warm shower, I changed my clothes and headed to the kitchen to get some food. Water is the only content of my stomach and my head is already woozy with this unhealthy routine I put myself into.

On my way back to my room after filling my hungry tummy, I caught a glimpse of the light coming from Dad’s study. With careful steps, I headed there, intending to talk to him about the wedding.

A lot is at stake in this union, I know that so I have to answer for my decisions. I’m blessed with such wonderful and loving parents-

“... we need to prepare for the worst.” My hand slowed, reaching for the doorknob of Dad’s office door. I stared at the dark wood, needing it to burn so I could hear what they’re talking about without a barrier.

“Are you sure we can’t talk to Pier in peace?” my mom’s voice remained calm, although on edge.

“The agreement is absolute, Gianna,” my father sighed, sounding tired.

It’s wrong of me to eavesdrop, but this is news to me. I thought our betrothal was just a casual understanding between our families. But an ‘agreement?’ and an ‘absolute’ one?

My grip on the cold metal loosened. I stepped back as if it burned me. I looked side by side, checking if there were still people working in the mansion at this hour. The second floor is where all the offices are located, while the third is where the quarters are. Dad’s study is at the far end of the west wing, opposite the way to my room, which is on the east wing.

“One daughter is not with us anymore, Lev… because of this business. Let’s protect the other while we still can,” mom said in a lowered tone. The echo of her flip-flops against the vinyl tiles sent shivers gushing down my body.

I’m thankful that I am fit and healthy. Even with the lack of food for the entire day, I was able to run across from the west to the east wing without stumbling over.

Slamming the door as silently as I could, I leaned my hand on the wood, catching my breath after locking the door.

What the hell was that about?

I’m indeed too curious for my good and now I’m itching to know what my parents meant by what they said. They sounded different, as if both had a withdrawn personality when they were the warmest person I knew in this world.

Nadia’s death?

I shook my head, settling myself on the bed, pulling my duvet up to my chin.

The wedding… What am I gonna do now?