Home Again

Next Morning- Lakeview's town cemetery

I quietly sat on the grass. Tears rolled down my eyes as the lump in my throat kept me from speaking a word. I finally took a big gulp, inhaling a deep breath, cleared my throat, and wiped away my tears.

"Hi, mom. I miss you." I finally say after many minutes of sitting there, but it soon gets the best of me. I can't take the pain inside, letting go and crying in my hands as I cover my face and lean against my knees.

"I'm sorry. I know I've been gone for so long. I just, I've been a coward. I haven't had the guts to come back and see you...I needed to see you so bad, you have no idea how much I need you. Do you have no idea how hard this has been? I kept my promise to you though, I got my shit together as I promised. I graduated this year with my bachelor's in creative writing and photography. I have been receiving so many offers for my books, you were right, they are such big hits. I wish you were here to see my achievements, God, I wish you were here. I need you momma! I need you so much." My voice breaks. The tears and knots in my throat are unbearable. It's been far too long, bottling all my feelings inside.

I miss my mom terribly. I still think of how unjustifiable it felt when mom's cancer came back, taking her life.   

Mom had long battled with cancer but had managed to beat back when I was in high school. Everyone, including Logan, had praised and celebrated her victory. But, it was short-lived when cancer came back in her bones. It took all her effort and strength away. 

Cancer quickly spread to her spine leaving her almost paralyzed. The whole process leaving me with so much anger and bitterness. Feeling vulnerable seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything.

Just months after I came to see her, mom decided enough was enough. She begged us as a family to let her go, and cherish the rest of the time she had left until it came to her last goodbye. She stopped chemo and radiation.

"I still can't believe you're not here with me anymore. I wake up hoping that I will be back home, in that room up in that attic." I can't help but chuckle through tears, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. 

"Remember when Nathan was beginning to crawl? You made him special pants with an extra cushion around his knees to keep him from getting hurt. When he started babbling and called you mommy because he would hear me call you mom. I recall when you'd come by and all he wanted was to be with mommy Hailey. He'd even sleep with you at night, and the boys would be so jealous." My voice began to quiver, breaking down as my eyes continue to fill with tears.

"I miss you, mom. I miss you so much. You were my best friend in the whole world. I wish you could be here to see Nathan, he's gotten so big. I know you loved him, just like I do. He's my world. He loves you so much, even though you are not here anymore, I know he misses you so much." I chuckle, wiping my tears away once more, I slowly get on my knees and place the bouquet of yellow roses mixed with gerbera daisies on top of mom's grave.

I bring my fingers to my lips, pressing them against my lips, and kiss them. I press my fingers against the grave and slowly rise. 

"I promise I will not run this time. No matter the outcome, I will stay. I won't run anymore, and I will come by more often, I promise. I miss you so much, momma." 

I stand on my feet, sighing deeply as I make my way back to the car.

The word of my return will spread soon. The question is, how will they react when they find I'm finally back for good, and not alone? I know I've hidden Nathan from everyone for this long, with only a handful of them knowing of his existence. But I'm done running, I'm done hiding. It's time I was fair to my baby and introduced him to the rest of his family. I just hoped I don't regret the outcome.

I needed to start shopping for goods for my new home. So, I decided maybe a little shopping would do me good to cheer me up. I knew mom wouldn't want me to walk around with a sad expression written all over my face. I made my way to Ikea while Lexie, my son's new nanny, and my baby Nathan made their way to see the house. I finally got the keys to the house last night. 

Lexie had taken the second copy to go and start unloading our stuff while I came to see mom. I would certainly need stuff to cook in while the furniture was delivered today. I knew I was going to have a busy schedule for the next few days trying to get my new home ready to live in.

************

Logan

My heartfelt felt so disoriented. I was trying my best to keep composed, but the longer the damn laptop sits in front of me, the more eager I become. The constant need to search for her in social media, just to see a picture of her, or anything that has to do with her eats at me, anxiously.

But the only things I have are the old pictures on my profiles. All of her accounts are private and my guess is that she has blocked me out of them. I don't understand, what the fuck did I ever do to get her so upset at me?

T came by my office to complain about why I haven't called this girl Roxanne, who Dylan introduced me to a few days after I got back to town. I hate to tell them that I am just not interested. She's very pretty, I give them that, but I'm not interested in her one bit. 

"Why can't you just give her a chance? I mean you guys already went out on a few dates. come on now Spencer, you're killing me here? Besides....I think you can use her to your advantage." I looked up through the pile of papers I was revising and sighed irritated.

"What the hell are you talking about? Why are you in my new office causing mayhem? Seriously Troy, I just got here, and you're already hassling my ass. I told you, I'm not interested. She's too.... how can I put this in the right words?" I ran my fingers rubbing my chin, "Clingy, needy, too much for Logan to handle?" he added making me chuckle.  

"Fucking right. Why the hell did you guys even try and hook me up with her man? She's too much."

"I'm sorry Logan. She's my man's friend, besides, as I said, she may come to your advantage."

"Is there something you're not telling me?" 

"SOPHIE IS HERE, SHE CAME BACK TO TOWN A FEW DAYS AGO." He blurted out making my heart sink. I suddenly felt I was going to faint, or maybe vomit, but either way, I think my heart was about to come out through my throat.

"She....She doesn't know right?"

"No. I haven't told anyone. Lexie promised to keep the secret for us. Her house is looking really pretty, but I know you would have preferred for her to live in the house by the lake. It's where she belongs. It will happen soon. You can't lose hope, Logan." 

"And what? We'll live happily ever after? Pick up where we left off and things will be great again? You know she hates my guts. I don't know what the fuck I did, but I know that she has a lot of answers to give me."

"Logan, I'm serious."

"T? Just don't. Ok? Please. I know you mean well. I know you miss her, believe me! there's not a fucking day I don't think about her and me being happy together, you both are good friends to me, you both mean a lot, I don't want to get you involved in this, just to make her stop talking to you. She made it clear when she left, that. . . . she wants nothing to do with me. All I can do is help her from afar."

"Like being her anonymous lender for her new house? Logan, you can't just give up. I know you were still hoping she'd come back soon, and I know you're still waiting for her."

"What? You're delusional T. I am not waiting for her to come back."

"Oh really? I'm delusional? Dude, you have a hot-ass secretary working for you. You're surrounded by beautiful women at your firm, Roxie is literally throwing herself at you, and still, you want to remain completely single. Why Logan? Unless I'm right, and you're waiting and hoping Sophie came back to Lakeview soon as Amber emailed you about Sophie wanting to buy a house." I sigh, running my hands across my face. At this rate, I was not going to get much work done today.

"You only accepted to fake-dating Roxie as a decoy so we stopped asking you how you were holding up, I know, but, she also told me how you do nothing but talk about your ex and even called her by Sophie's name while you two were. . . you know?"

"What? Seriously? You two talked about my sex life? Fucking hell." Logan sighs, he leans to his left and pinches the curve of his nose.

Troy chuckles, nodding his head. "There's nothing wrong with casual sex. Besides, Roxie maybe a little clingy, but she knows that you are still hooked on Sophie. She loves seeing happily ever afters, she's willing to help out to win her back if you're up for it.

Troy grabs his phone as he feels it vibrate and opens it to read a text message. His eyes open wide and he throws a punch in the air in excitement. 

"We just got our answers, Logan. Roxie is at Ikea, and guess who she just ran into?" He asks with gleaming eyes. I glance at him quizzically and lean forward, pursing my lips. "Ashton Kutcher?" I respond sarcastically. He chuckles and nods. "Sophie is shopping at Ikea. She bumped into her by accident. She freaked out and ran to the bathroom soon after. She wants to know what to do?" 

my heart began to rise again. At this rate, I think I might have a fucking heart attack today.

"Tell her to follow her, get her to talk to her, and befriend her. I'll call her in a bit. Tell her to pretend we're dating.....but nothing serious, I don't want Sophie completely pissed off at me. It's time I win her back. Fuck this stay away promise. I want her T, and I'm going to fight for her. I should have done it a long time ago."

Troy was excited, I was excited. My girl is back, holy shit she's back. If this isn't fate, I don't know what the fuck it is, but I could care less.

The intercom sounds, alerting me that my secretary needs to speak with me; I press and answer with an annoyed tone.

"What?" I answer dryly.

"M-Mr. Spencer, it's noon. The office is closing down for lunch, do you need anything before I head out to,"

"No. Be back on time and reschedule the rest of my afternoon for tomorrow. I'm heading home." I say and hang the intercom. Troy glanced at me with a smile.

"Yeah, baby.... I can see your hesitation. Do you want to run over to Ikea now? Or you gonna wait for another accidental occasion to bump into her?"

"Shut up T. Come on, let's get some lunch, I'm starving. On me." I say as I stand, loosening my tie with my hand and close my laptop, grabbing my keys from the drawer, and reaching out for my coat.

Troy realizes something inside my drawer as it slowly closes from where I grabbed my keys and reaches out before I can stop him.

His eyes purse sadly; he realizes it's a picture of me, holding Sophie in a warm embrace as she blows a kiss towards the camera. I stared at Sophie with a bright smile on my face while holding her tight around her waist from behind.

The same picture Troy had taken the day we had surprised her, taking her to a concert to celebrate her birthday.

We both stared at the picture, and a stray tear rolls down Troy's eye while attentively looking at the picture. Both reminiscing on the many beautiful memories she left behind. I gently take the picture away from him, running my finger across her face, almost wishing I could feel the soft skin on her face now.

"She's home Logan. We have to stay positive and pray to the heavens that our plan works."

I sigh hoping he's right. We made our way out to the car and pressed the key to unlock it. I start the car and drive towards a nearby diner. 

"Hey, by the way, I have a surprise for you. Guess who agreed to play at my wedding?" Troy asks making me cock an eyebrow, looking at him. "Who?"

"John Isek. Lexie got him to play at our wedding. Apparently, she's dating the guy."

John Isek was a young singer and an amazing Dj who was hitting big. He mixes new labels with his badass DJ skills, taking his greatest mix off the charts. 

"T, that's freaking awesome," I answer, making Troy smirk.

"Yeah, I know. Dylan is going to be surprised, he doesn't know. It's my wedding gift to him, he's done so much for me."

"Well, you both deserve this, you two have gone through a lot of shit together."

Troy and I arrived at the diner, sitting at a booth at the far end, near the window. I enjoyed his company and talking to him. He's become such a good friend,  we have grown to be real close.

But inside my heart, I was hoping Troy was right, and he and Lexie can keep my secret. I can finally have a chance to see her, I will finally have a chance to win her back.

We sat comfortably eating our lunch when a little kid that looked around the age of six or so came to stand in front of us. He smiled cheekily, exposing his deep dimples, with wild curls and green eyes that bore into me. There was just something about him that made me stare into his eyes. It's as if I knew him, but didn't know where I could know him from.

He surely had captured my attention to an extent that I wanted to hug him. I don't know why, I had never met the kid. He'll, our town is so small, I knew for a fact I had never seen him before.

"Hi, kid. What's your name? Where's your mom?" I asked making his smile wider. Then he turned back down, continuing with his game on the small console he held in his hands.

"I'm here with my nanny. My mom went to the store to buy me some stuff. Who are you?" The little kid looked pretty smart. He fiddled with his console while talking to me, not missing a beat of what he was doing.

"My name is Logan, and he is my buddy, Troy. Are you here visiting someone? I've never seen you here before."

"Yeah. My mom just bought a house near the mountains. It's really small, but I like it." My heart leaped with excitement for no reason. This was probably the son of the new owners of dad's old cabin, I decided to sell it since no one has gone up there in so long. 

It was hard for me to let go of that place. It was where Sophie and I spent many nights of passion and love, to say the least. I wanted to cherish it forever, but it was too painful for me to keep it, which was why I had decided to sell the place. It wasn't in the market for long when I got a call from my realtor saying I had a great offer. I jumped on it and sold it to them. I didn't care to look at their information, I knew my realtor would take care of everything.

"Oh, I see. Well, welcome to our town kid. I know you'll like it here."

"Thanks. Do you have any kids? I want to make friends before I go to school. All my friends are back where we used to live, and are probably too far to come and visit."

"Oh. Where did you use to live kid?" I asked him as he continued to play his game on his phone. He suddenly dropped his console and his eyes went wide.

"Oops. Oh no. I hope I didn't break it. Mom will be really mad. It's brand new. She bought it for me for getting straight A's in school. I love playing games." He says picking up the console and examining it. He sighed realizing it was ok.

"So what are you playing?"

"It's a new game called chicken gun. It's a lot of fun." He says as he restarts his game and keeps playing.

"Xander? Here you are. Come on sweetheart. Mom just called me, she's outside waiting for you, we gotta go sweetheart." I recognized the girl. She worked at the Garlik's ranch.

"Hi Mr. Spencer, Mr. Michaelson. Nice to see you. We gotta go, sweety, come on." She tells the boy as she grabs his upper arm, making him roll his eyes.

"Ok. See you later Logan. Goodbye Logan's friend, Troy, right? Trojan war, I know, see you." He yells out as he gets pulled out of the restaurant by his arm making me chuckle.

"That was interesting," Troy says as I turn back to face him.

"It sure was. Cute kid, don't you think so? smart, too."

"Cute? If I didn't know you....and I saw the two of you together, I could have sworn you two were father and son." I chuckled at his statement.

"What? That kid looked nothing like me, T. Besides, it's impossible, because.....I have no kids. Never had, and probably never will."

"Not even with Sophie if she ever took you back?"

"Shut up," I said throwing a piece of bread at him making him chuckle.

"Come on? You're edging to go run to her arms and bang her, you weasel." I threw another piece of bread at him making him chuckle.

"Fuck you, T. Sophie. . . Sophie is more than that. After she left, there has never been anyone I'd see myself with. I'm tired of using other women for sex. Nothing personal, I know Roxie is Dylan's friend and all, but I felt bad screwing with her. Never again."

Sophie was still too deep in my soul. She had left and taken my heart with her. Until she gives it back, I can't look at another girl and truly love them as I loved her. I'm willing to fight for her, it doesn't matter how long it takes me.... I'm never letting her go again.

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