Chapter 4: Matilda Fernandez

She never intended to be what she is today, a smart, daring girl who will always uphold justice. At least that is what many think. 

Like known to many, she grew up in the line of politicians. Starting from her Great Grandfather, and her Grandfather the current president of the republic Philippines. Along with her Tito's and Tita's who had been famous senators, congressmans & congresswomen, and mayors. 

Even her parents are famous, Her dad is the Mayor of Capital City, managing the flourishing urban and suburban communities situated in it and her mother was an accomplished Lawyer. 

It is easy to imagine a political dynasty of well-deserved politicians creating a peaceful order. With her family's rule, the Philippines has never been an ideal place for people to live their lives. 

When it comes to politics, there is no one who does not know the name Fernandez. 

It is almost hard to imagine how they are able to maintain peace and order, with such a country like the Philippines whose past is a chaotic and deranged place. 

But that was not the case for Matty, she knows— Her family is not as admirable as everyone thinks. 

It was raining that day, she was hiding behind the curtains trying to conceal her tears. The weather was cold, and a freezing breeze came along with pouring rain. 

She is standing there in mere horror at the words of her grandfather, "Kill them, call our connection to the media— report it as a massacre, that rotten family deserves death."

She was just a young 6 year-old at that time. And the rough machinations of their family had been a great shock for her. She is just trying to pull a prank on her maid by hiding, she did not expect to be caught up with a shocking truth. 

Yes Matty was just a child back then, but she is not ignorant of the things she had seen and what is currently happening. After all, she had been a genius since her birth. 

There are two ways to solve a conflict, you can either cope with the changes it will bring, a compromise or eradicate it completely from its roots.  

Her family chose the latter. 

A few days later she found out that a massacre took place in Mindanao. A growing political family was found dead in their caravan during their campaign. A whole family, and a few supporters were killed by an unknown group. It was later known as the Maguindanao Massacre of 2009.

That is just one of the many conspicuous actions the family had done in the pretense of peace. "They hold that much power," she recalled, her hand panning towards a large board as she pinned a new article. 

Countless articles are pinned along with it, each connected by a string to associate the connection of each other, and at the center of all of it is a family picture of the Fernandez Clan. 

She grabbed a red sharpie from the table and proceeded to mark an "X" to a baby girl named Matilda. Her actions are perhaps a declaration, a challenge to create a new path away from the ways of Fernandez. 

* * *

I woke up, feeling a heavy weight around my right shoulder. It was Natalie. She had been sleep-walking again to my room, she never grew up. 

I stared at her drooling at my clean red shirt. "Ali, Get up!" I bellowed.

She half-opened her eyes and grinned "Mornin' Ate," she grumbled and hugged my arms.

I stood up dragging her away from my bed. The fact that she is still acting like a little child at age sixteen is puzzling me. 

As always she crawled back to the sofa and opened the T.V. 

Seeing the need to scold her, I felt I must modulate my morning voice to be a little intimidating. More like a cracking wolf threatening her prey. 

"Ali... my gosh, take a bath first!" I yelled. 

She purred like a scared kitten and immediately she stood up, running towards the bath as I instructed. Hearing the shower opening, I started to prepare breakfast. 

I boiled some water for instant coffee and put the sandwich in the oven to heat it up. But I was interrupted after hearing Natalie screaming from the bathroom. 

"Ate! The Shampoo, it ran out...."

I did not pay much attention to it and just screamed, "Second Drawer!" pertaining to the mini cabinet installed inside the bath. 

I heard her say, "Thank you," so I felt some sort of relief. 

Still, I'm afraid that Natalie will find it hard to live an independent life. I hope she matures a bit, as a person. 

Her body matured a long time ago, I thought while eyeing her long legs and bulging breast as she went out of the bath with a towel draped over herself. 

The table was ready by then. 

She was already wearing her school uniform listening to the theme song of a familiar anime being played at T.V. She took a bite at her sandwich as she changed the channel to a morning Koreanovela.

I could hear her shouting "oppa" and "saranghae" as I entered the bath. Whatever those words are, I hope it is not some foul language. 

After getting dressed myself, I took a piece of bread from the shelf and called for Manong Kokoy to bring Natalie to school. 

"Ali, wait for Manong Kokoy. I'll go now" 

I walked towards the door and reminded her, "Don't forget to lock the door..." 

I saw her nod so I headed out for the campus. 

Today like any other day is usual, probably except for the fact the campus is quiet. Nothing special is happening, and the air has some eerie feel to it. 

My feet brought me to the gym casting around for Matty. Why was today of all days that the universe decided to hide her. 

I went back to the entrance and I felt great relief that Matty was getting out of their car. I was about to approach her when I noticed that she had a gloomy aura surrounding her. She was in deep thought. 

I decided to just wait for her to get near. I walked in front of her and she bumped her head on my chest. 

"Aw!" she grunts annoyingly, but after finding out it was me her expression softens. "Mimi, what gives?" she asked like she knows I'm looking for her.

I became excited and rushed to pull her towards the benches. 

We sat together, and I can feel some sort of confusion going around her. 

I started to explain what happened yesterday evening. On how Jaiden wanted Caroline to meet his parents. 

I was expecting a shocked expression from her, but her reaction was a bit lackluster, at the very least she understands where I'm going. 

"Ok, so basically he is asking for a meet-up?" she reasoned. 

"Well, yes," I replied. 

"What do you want to do then?" she looked at me with a hint of seriousness. It was the first time she gave me this strong look. Perhaps what I did really is a crime. I won't go to jail just for this right.... It's not that I was extorting money with a fake account. 

"It is easy to delete the account," she said while writing the word plan in her notebook. 

"Isn't that a bit rude?" I asked. 

She started scribbling on the paper, "Then, tell him the truth....."

"Tell him the truth?" I looked at her wide-eyed, "Like what, that I'm just a normal college gal and not a beautiful goddess he thinks I am? No, I won't bargain..."

"Tsk. Of course you should!" She argued, "Fine, you do what you want then, I don't care anymore..."

"Eh, but.... it's too much for me to sacrifice everything because of one guy I met on the internet. Besides, no one will accept someone as boring as me." 

I saw her suddenly raise her hand. Of course my initial response was to evade since the thought that she'll slap me registered in my head. I quickly went into defense mode as I tightened the muscles in my cheeks. 

But she didn't.

Instead, she went close to me and sandwiched my cheeks, "You're fine just as yourself, you should not belittle my friend too much," she paused as she reassured her statement, "If you really want some conclusion then go meet him." 

With a sharp gaze she continues, "If you feel he can accept you as you are, I don't know it's a chance. And if you feel that he cannot accept you then it's best to...." 

As she was talking we were interrupted by the ringing sound coming from Matty's phone. She immediately took the call and after giving a dead expression, she immediately ran telling me that she already needed to go. 

I was left there contemplating the last thing she was unable to say. If I'm not confident I should? I should just, what.... 

Listing the previous steps, it pretty much means that she wants me to cut any relationship with him.... 

So she wanted me to break up with him? That is the most logical conclusion. 

That's right this problem shouldn't have existed if I hadn't agreed to date him online in the first place. 

Having a realization. As if I'm Buddha achieving enlightenment. Quite timely since the tables on the library were newly waxed that you could see your reflection in it. 

I held my pen, and with the magic of my wrist, words I wish to convey started appearing on the paper, and with each stroke is a death sentence.

That is the truth, yet I can't help but be proud of myself. Looking at it now, someone is probably laughing at the pathetic me right now. I would even laugh at myself since I didn't know at that time that this is the part where I messed up. 

In the end, I finished my letter. True to be told I just copied a break-up letter from the internet and changed the words accordingly, sue me for plagiarism for all I care. I just wanted to  end my suffering. 

Right now, I can imagine him being angry at me. But never will he feel a genuine concern. 

After all this is a letter of regret, rather than farewell. 

Dear Jaiden,

As I write this letter, I'm already certain that I will regret this decision the rest of my life. You brought out the small laughs in me like no other man ever could at those many times I'm feeling dejected. I wish I could say this to you personally, I really do. Your love has been a wondrous chapter in my life. And rest assured I won't ever forget it and treasure it silently.

I know this is hurtful, so I apologize for not saying this to you sooner. The me that you know is not the real me. It might've been true that Caroline does not exist, and with that it is better for our relationship to not exist as well. Please do not find me, it is a guide I want to impart with you, I will hate to see you suffer because of me. 

Although you can't take me with you, your memories with me, you can take it. And if we ever crosspaths once again, fate can only tell. I wish at that time I could already tell you who I really am. 

I silently looked at the paper and read it. I felt cringe so I quickly folded the paper after I snapped a decent picture. This should do, right?

Until now I realized how I had been thinking of no one but myself.