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7. Punishments
If I could disappear or turn invisible right now I would do it in a heartbeat. Right now I was laying down on a big changing matt and to say it was humiliating was an understatement. First I had to deal with the mere thought that I had peed without knowing and then with the thought of getting changed like a baby. This was absolutely degrading. The whole time I was getting changed by David I had looked away while I was crying.
What did I do to deserve this? Couldn't the world just give me a break?
"Sssh Fleur, sssh, it's alright. It's just a quick change. Look here we go. All cleaned up and ready for the day." He picked me up and put me on his hip. Instead of walking out of the room he sat down on a rocking chair and started rocking us.
David said sweet nothings to me while I was
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Forced To Become Someone Else's Fantasy 8. Naptime
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Forced To Become Someone Else's Fantasy 9. Home
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Forced To Become Someone Else's Fantasy 10. Rule number ten
After I calmed down and the three of us filled our stomachs with lunch, Joon had left us again to go to his office to work. David had decided to take me again to the living room."Now that your tummy is all filled up with yummy food we can do something fun," David spoke to me in a baby voice. "So what do you want to do sweetie?" He looked at me, waiting for an answer.I just shrugged my shoulders. I really wasn't in the mood to do something 'fun'. I wasn't in the mood to do anything at all. I felt empty knowing that things wouldn't get better for me, only worse.Just like at home I wanted to curl in a corner and just listen to some music. I wished that I was invisible to them as well. Joon and David's attention was torturing me. I wanted to be left alone."How about some coloring?" I looked at my hands where those stupid mittens were still on and looked back at him."Are you serious? With these?" I asked while holding up my arms.&
Forced To Become Someone Else's Fantasy 11. Anger
As I woke up the next day I remembered how angry and upset I was last night when I was left alone in the crib. I was angry at them, my captors, and I was angry at myself for being so timid. I have made it too easy for them. I let them walk right over me. I barely made things hard for them. I felt like a doll, someone you can pick up and dress up however you want.My anger grew and grew while I was laying there by myself. All my pent-up frustration from over the years and these last two days were starting to blow up. I was seething. These men were horrible. I never asked for this. Right then I was ready, I was ready to show my anger and make things really difficult for them.But I doubted myself. I had never been angry or furious at someone. I feared that in the end, I would just submit to them because I didn't like conflicts or punishments. But I had every right to not co-operate with them.This made me wonder why I always listened to my parent
Forced To Become Someone Else's Fantasy 12. Summertime Sadness
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Forced To Become Someone Else's Fantasy 13. Realization
More and more painful memories came to my mind. I felt horrible. I wanted to disappear, go away to a place far from here and from home. It was too much for me to process. Too much happened. I needed an out. I need a place away from it all. Away from these men, away from my toxic family. I wanted to crawl into the darkness and hide in there. So the light will never find me.I wanted someone around me who cared for me for the way I am and not for what they want me to be. Someone who liked me as a friend and loved me as a lover. Someone that can tell me everything is alright and I don't need to worry about anything.My time here with these men made me realize things I have never seen before.I realized that the way my family treated me was plain abuse. I should have left or spoken up to my family. Maybe if I wasn't so fixated on not starting any conflicts I wouldn't have been in this situation. I would be somewhere way nicer than over here. But I
Forced To Become Someone Else's Fantasy 14. Feelings and favourite songs
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Forced To Become Someone Else's Fantasy 15. Bath time
The next morning when I woke up I tried to convince myself that I should just give in so I got to gain their trust. But a part of me didn't like that idea. I was afraid I'd like it too much or that the two men would be more around me because I showed them I liked them. What they do is against the law and I shouldn't just give in this situation.But I saw yesterday that fighting them was impossible for me and very tiring. Wasting my energy was also not a great idea. I needed that energy for my escape. Why is this so difficult? Because you like their affection and comfort and therefore you're afraid you will like them, that's why, said a voice in my head. I didn't want to believe that it's true but it is. The main reason why I find this so difficult is because of my fear of liking them.So, what I'm going to do?Still, the theory of giving in and gaining their trust is one I haven't failed at until now and my other theory has. Gaining their trust
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