I woke up coughing and spitting out the seawater coming from the inside of me.
Ang mapait na tubig dagat ay pilit kong ibinubuga para lamang makahinga ng maayos. I didn't mind whatever is happening around me, all I wanted is to breathe.
The last thing I remembered, was a sinking ship and I am fighting for my life.
Paano ito nangyari? Hindi ko din alam.
Then it all started when;
"What is this again kuya?" I asked him. I am very tempted to remove my blindfold.
Ito kasing kuya ko, daming alam.
"Hang in there, you're inside your room." he's holding my hand, guiding me para hindi ako madulas o mabunggo. He's very gentle.
Maraming taon na ang lumipas. Ilang pagsusubok at problema na dumating. Araw, gabi, oras, segundo, minu-minuto ang kuya ko ang kasama ko.
Our parents died since we were little. My brother was the one who stood up for me when I was down, lost, and whenever I feel like the world betrayed me for a lifetime.
I somehow regret and blamed myself for everything that happened to them, but never did I once heard my brother spit words that could and would possibly hurt me.
Naging mabuting Kuya siya sa akin. Ni minsan, hindi siya nagkulang sa pag gabay. He never made me feel that I am alone. He never made me feel that I am being left out.
In his every decision, I am included. In his every transaction, I was there.
He is always here.
"In a minute," he whispered that made me come back to my senses.
"Now," he said as a cue for me to remove the thing that is blocking my sight.
"What is this?" I asked when I saw two papers on my bed.
Kinuha ko ito pero agad niya ding kinuha sa kamay ko.
"Nah, you can't see where we'll be going but these are tickets." he told me. Iwinagayway pa siya ang dalawang papel sa harapan ko.
Daming pakulo tss. Pabiro ko siyang hinampas ng unan ko at tinawanan niya lang ako. He looked excited. Mas na eexcite pa nga ata siya keysa sa akin.
Naupo siya sa gilid ko saka niyakap ako ng mahigpit. He seems so happy.
"What is this for?" I asked him out of nowhere. I think I knew it already but I still should ask him. Baka mali ang iniisip ko. Baka mali ang hinala ko.
Sana nga mali nalang.
"Dwyn," kalma niyang tinawag ang pangalan ko.
He knew where this is coming.
Years had already passed, nothing has ever changed. He never stopped trying to pursue or do something that I don't like.
The trauma is still here. I'm afraid. I'm scared. I almost lose everyone, I can't afford to lose my Kuya that's why I'm being careful.
Things may suck up again. I feel like I'm cursed. Oh no, I'm really cursed.
"Just tell me, kuya!" hindi ko na napigilang masigawan siya.
"I just wanted to make your birthd-" he didn't finished because I cut him off.
"No! How many times do I have to tell you? I don't want it!" sigaw ko sa kanya.
I'm so frustrated. I don't know what to do. Every year ganto nalang lagi. I don't want to celebrate my birthday because as much as I want to, I can't help but to overthink that something bad might happen.
I don't want to hurt him, but I don't want to lose him as well.
"There's nothing wrong if we will try Dwyn." mahinahong sabi niya sa akin.
Ilang taon pa ba? Ilang taon pa ba ang kailangan lumipas para makalimutan ko ang lahat? Ilang taon pa ba ang lilipas bago ko ma enjoy ang kaarawan ko?
"You don't understand," sabi ko. My tears are already on my eyes' edges.
"I am doing everything to understand you Dwyn, but not all the time it's just you who needs to be understood." he told me like he's very disappointed.
I spent more than half of my life not celebrating my birthday because for me, it's a curse.
"I need space kuya," I begged him.
That's a cue for him to stand and get out of my room but before that, he said something.
"You can't and you won't get over the past if you keep on remembering and bringing up everything Dwyn. Sometimes you just got to accept it and move on. Some things are meant to stay, and gone." he wiped his tears.
I never saw him like that. I never saw him cry, nor shed a single tear. When our parents died, he was there to comfort me but I never saw him mourn over our parents' death. He's always putting me first.
Maybe he's right. Maybe I should try.
But I wished I never did.
"Kapitan, buhay siya!" I automatically came back to my senses. Madami akong narinig na sigaw ng mga tao malapit sa akin.
Napadapa ako para mas madali sa aking ilabas ang kung ano mang pwede kong ilabas sa aking bibig.
Parang nagkakagulo sila pero heto ako, umuubo parin at pilit na inilalabas ang tubig saka sumisinghap ng hangin habang hawak hawak ang aking d****b tila ba iniinda ang sakit doon.
I felt someone rub my back to help me. Hindi ko iyon kilala dahil hindi ko siya pinagtuonan ng pansin.
Nang nakahinga na ako ng maluwag, napayakap ako sa sahig. I feel so tired. Medyo masakit din ang paa ko dahil sa nangyari kanina.
Woah, that was intense.
Until I remembered the voices earlier.
Dahan-dahan akong umupo at agad kong inimulat ang aking mata, I froze.
I saw one... wait no, not only one but many man in front of me. Nagkatitigan kaming lahat. Inilibot ko ang paningin ko at ni isa, wala akong nakitang babae.
They were looking at me like I'm a prey. Or were they curious? Lahat sila ay naka itim. Itim na damit, pantalon, sapatos at pati sumbrero! They look like a, pirate!
Late na ang reaction ko, I know but I still shouted in horror because they were smiling at me and walking near me!
They looked awe seeing me there like a wet chicken, ready to be toasted.
"No, no! Stop, right there!" sigaw ko sa kanila, trying to scare them away even though I look like a scared, wet, and small rat.
"Out of the way." I heard someone say. His voice is cold that could freeze you.
Those man in front of me gave way to someone behind them. I hugged me knees and hid my face in horror knowing that this could be the end of me.
"What's the plan Captain?" I heard someone asked. It's the kid who rubbed my back when I was coughing.
Are they going to kill me? Abduct me? Sell my organs? Make me their slave? Feed me in this ocean full of sharks and other scary sea creatures?
"Ask her," sagot ulit ng taong may malamig na boses.
His voice sounded familiar. Parang narinig ko na noon pero hindi ko alam kung saan, at kailan.
Pinakiramdaman ko ang paligid. Parang may lumapit sa akin at lumuhod ito sa harapan ko.
"No, dont touch me." I told him softly. Nanatili akong nakayuko dahil sa takot.
Para akong kawawa. Where's my kuya?
"But you have to make a choice, what do you want to happen?" he asked me again.
And then I remembered what happened earlier.
I was inside this cruise ship with kuya but then the ship started sinking and we don't know what's the reason.
We were struggling to survive but my kuya couldn't make it, and can't do anything to save him.
"We're going to get you out of here, Dwyn. Not only me." pagmamatigas niya.
Mabilis ang paglubog ng barko. I can't help but to panic thinking that this might be the end of me.
"Just save yourself kuya! Tumataas na ang tubig!" sigaw ko sa kanya habang pilit na kinukuha ang paa kong naipit sa nasirang parte ng barko.
"If you die, I die!" sigaw niya pabalik sa akin.
He sacrificed himself for me. If he didn't tried to get me out, buhay pa siguro siya ngayon.
I told him! I told him to stop trying because everytime I try, I never fucking succeed!
Agad na namuo ang galit sa akin. Stupid Dwyn! You're a swimmer but when it comes to survival times like that you're being stupid?
And I'm back at it again, blaming myself.
Just like what happened years ago, on the day of my birthday, someone left me again. And this time, I am now all alone.
"Maybe she got no plans with her life, throw her out." agad ako natauhan nang narinig ko ulit na nagsalita ang lalaking may malamig na boses.
Plans? What plans do I have to plot out when I got no one?
"Are you sure Captain?" tanong sa kanya ng taong nasa harapan ko.
"When am I not sure about my orders Junger?" the man with the cold voice who's supposed to be the captain said.
"Uhh miss... you need to get off the ship." he politely said na para bang kinakausap niya ang babasagin na baso.
Dahan-dahan kong iniangat ang aking ulo para tignan ang sitwasyon. May batang lalaki na nakaluhod sa harapan ko at may mga tao sa likuran niya pero napako ang mata ko sa nakakabighaning lalaki sa aking harapan.
"She's wasting our time, throw her. We have a journey to finish." sabi ng Kapitan nila.
Journey. Maybe this is where I belong. I live in this world questioning why I deserve that. Why do I deserve to suffer.
This time, I don't know how I got here but maybe this is what faith is trying to make me realise. Maybe this time I can make this right, but I am afraid of trying.
"Now!" sigaw niya sa mga kasama noong walang gumalaw sa kanila.
"You can't and you won't get over the past if you keep on remembering everything Dwyn. Sometimes you just got to accept it and move on. Some things are meant to stay, and gone."
I remembered my Kuya's words.
Does that mean he's part of my past now? A past that I'm supposed to forget? But how? How am I supposed to do that when I'm still stuck?
"No! Wait!" dali dali akong gumapang papunta sa kanya saka hinawakan ang kanyang bota nang akma siyang aalis.
"What do you want?" he asked me the same question that they're yearning an answer for.
I stared at him. He look flawless. He's wearing all black like the other but he stood up. Bagay nga sa kanya maging Kapitan. He look deadly gorgeous.
If looks could kill, I'm probably a cold corpse right now.
"I want to join." I told him using my coldest voice. I don't know if I covered that up and I hope I did.
Kasi ayoko nang kaawaan. Ayokong palagi nalang sila nag aadjust para sa akin.
I have to learn standing on my own, because the ocean is never still and you can't stop the waves, but you can go with it.
I am Arwaa Dwyn Adair, no wave can stop me from trying.
I saw a ghost of smile in his lips when I told him that I want to join. "Well then, be my guest." ani ng Kapitan sa akin. Naghalad siya ng kamay para tulungan akong tumayo. Agad ko iyong tinanggap dahil natatakot ako na baka magalit siya at ipapatay ako. I looked down for me to see my leg. Dumudugo iyon dahil malaki ang sugat ko. Noong nandiri ako sa paa ko, ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at tinignan niya lang ako gamit ang blanko niyang mukha saka inikot ang kanyang mga mata sa paligid. Sinundan ko ito. Shit! Nasa gitna kami ng karagatan! What the hell! Nang sumilip ako sa ilalim, I saw some parts of our ship, 'yung sinasakyan namin kanina. Other than that, mga bangkay nalang na lumulutang at wala na. There's no island nearby. No sight of survival. Agad na napatulo ang luha ko, kung buhay pa si kuya, at sabay kaming nakaahon, hindi din naman ka
Tumikhim ang Kapitan dahilan kung bakit kami napatingin sa kanya."This is Benjamin. He's the quartermaster, my right hand." turo niya sa lalaking nasa tabi niya. I smiled at him binigyan niya din ako ng tipid na ngiti at tinanguan."Maven, the boatswain. He is the one supervisoring the boat. Checking everything in it. His substitute is Lark." tinanguan ako ng lalaking nasa tabi ni Benjamin kaya ngumiti ako sa kanya."Junger the cabin boy, he run errands for me." the Captain explained while pointing Jungle."Junger? That's Jungle." I corrected him."What?" he asked. And then everyone looks at me confusingly."Your name is Jungle, right?" I asked the boy."Junger po Miss, hehe." sabi ni Jungle na si Junger daw sabay kamot sa kanyang batok tila ba nahihiya.I heard the Captain chuckled sexily when he saw my eyebrows ceased.
"How was your sleep last night?" the Captain asked."It was good not until I feel something weird in my feet, 'yun pala may bruise na." I narrated."Just don't force yourself to walk or run. I will ask Junger to assist you until pagaling na ang paa mo." he said at tumango naman si Junger na nasa tabi ni Benjamin."No need. I think I can handle myself." ani ko. Nakakahiya naman, parang pabigat lang ako dito."I know you can handle yourself but you can't handle yourself yet. Don't be stubborn, you're the only lady in this ship then expect that all the man in here will treat you like a princess." He told me.I blushed on what he said. Nakakahiya talaga."Is there any rule that I should be aware of?" I asked him."Nothing much. Just be kind to everyone in the room. Do not make any stupid decision and let the crew do their own job. If you want to learn something, do tell." sabi niya sa akin while looking at me intently.Woah. A pira
"Pinagsasabi mo Jungle?" I asked him saka tumawa ng malakas.Sumimangot lang siya sa inasta ko. Ang cute!"Totoo nga Miss. Kasi kung hindi ka niya gusto bilang tao, hinding hindi yan magdadalawang isip na sasagipin kahit may mga pating at isinama pa nga sa biyahe." parang naiinis na sabi niya na gusto niya talagang ipamukha sa akin 'yung punto niya."Okay. Whatever. Huwag ka nang magalit, pumapangit ka." sabi ko sa kanya sabay tawa.He just blushed at that but he keep me company while I'm stuck in my cabin.Weeks had passed and I can walk freely na without pain.The wound gave me a scar on my skin that makes me conscious and insecure about myself but luckily, mahahaba ang mga damit na sinusuot since wala namang maigsi kaya natatabutan ang scar ko.I'm now wearing a cream colored off shoulder dress na para talagang pang prinsesa noong simaunang panahon. Mas gusto ko nga iyon. I'm living my life as an aesthetic girl."What's the
I woke up not so early in the morning kasi mataas na ang sikat ng araw. The rays of the sun touched my skin. It feels so warm. It feels like home.Umunat unat pa ako and took a deep breath. Mabilis akong napa-upo ng tuwid noong napansin kong hindi ako nasa kuwarto ko."What the hell? Where am I?" bulong ko sa sarili ko noong nakita ko ang kabuuan ng kuwarto.If my room is like a room of a princess, then this room looks like a room of a king!Gold and silver colors were scattered everywhere. Mukhang mamahalin ang mga gamit sa loob. The room also smell so manly. I think, this is Fauve's room. But why am I here?The sheets were grey and black. There's a small side table with a lamp. May nga gamit din dun like pens and some things that Fauve use.The structure of this room is similar to my room, the only differences are the colors and things.&
The coldness of the water spread throughout my body. I slowly opened my eyes even though I know it will hurt because of the salty sea. I saw beautiful corals underneath the water. There are sea creatures minding their own lives. Swimming, crawling, dancing with the waves they feel free. I looked far away. I saw darkness. The ocean's mystery. Then, I remembered something. I went out of the sinking ship quickly with my bleeding feet. It was raining, it was dark. Yet, I can see the sun setting down. I don't want to look back, for I will remember the tragedy. Now, I feel nothing. I feel numb. I'm so lost. That was my thoughts before darkness finally consumed me. Naramdaman kong may bumagsak sa tabi ko kaya bumalik ako sa tamang wisyo at biglang natakot. Napagdesisyonan ko na ding unahon. Good thing I'm a swimming, I know how to control my
"Hand me the guitar please." sabi ni Fauve matapos ang mahabang katahimikan.Agad naman na inabot ni Jungle sa kanya ang gitara.He tried to adjust it a little and after that, he strummed the strings softly and started singing.It felt like this already happened before but I can't point out when it was."Incase you didn't know, baby I'm crazy 'bout ya." he sang.He looked at me looking his green eyes trying to take my soul away."And I would be lying if I say that I can live this life without ya even though I don't tell you all the time, you had my heart a long long time ago." he sing the song without taking his eyes off me.His voice. It's familiar.Damn deja vu but can't point it out.I'm confused but I still listened to his voice and it carried my thoughts away."You sing?" I asked him when I heard
"What are your plans tomorrow?" tanong sa akin ni Fauve nang nakarating kami sa harap ng cabin ko.Every step I take, I observe that even his scent smells familiar. It is very nostalgic.I opened the door but I didn't step inside, I faced him instead.Makisig na katawan ang bumungad sa akin. The first three buttons of his polo is open. I can barely see his chest inside. I'm too small for him. I'm just 5'3 and he's probably near 6 ft.I looked up and saw his lips partially open. I looked away a bit."Halos maubos na namin ni Jungle ang libro sa library kaya siguro stop muna kami sa pagbabasa." sagot ko dahil 'yan lang naman ang ginagawa ko palagi.It's not like the crew would let me do something. They won't let me clean, wash the dishes even the laundry. Tanging nilalabhan ko lang ay ang aking under garments."If you're free t