Chapter 1

Dancing on the dim lights, I feel like the hottest chick in the town. Damn, I look expensive with my red velvet skimpy dress. I’m not a party popper but today would be one of those exceptions. I look back on my best friend whom dueling with his devil booze right now. He needs more, until he’s not on his wits anymore to think of puckers on his pockets.

The disco lights making a room for a glimpse to every person dancing on their own rhythm made everyone seems so free. The loud music mix with the laughters and some who went along with the lyric made the whole place so lively. This might be the reason why everyone loves to go into bars during the peak of the night. It’s to pour out all the frustrations and anxiety they cannot let out during the daytime. People thought this is the place where wild people goes, but it’s actually where do brave and lonely people resides.

  I am too drown by my thoughts that I haven’t felt so long the hands roaming on my waist up to my under boob. The person on my back is now grinding his masculinity to my back. After just a few seconds, wanting to check my friend I am slowly getting away from the person behind me to go back on our table now. “Sorry, but I’m not interested dude.” I spoke respectfully hoping  that the guy would hear me.

Instead of backing off, the guy even forcefully grind his to my back that I could even feel his steel rod aching to be pet. Unfortunately, I’m not good at petting. “Hey I said let me go,” trying to get off from his grip but he wraps his arms around my waist claiming me as his. If people would look at us, this position would unquestionably looks possessive.

“I won’t,” he huskily whispered behind my ear. Goosebumps. What I’m definitely feeling right now is goosebumps. “Keegan?”

We have been living with each other for enough, and I have known him for long years, that may it be to his morning voice, drunk voice or even when his voice when he’s aroused I had came to memorized it all too well. Despite of that, I am considering that we are gay for each other. We are platonic friends, soul mates of each other, nevertheless it doesn’t change the fact that we are just friends and being together romantically would never happen.

“Yes baby,” and for the nth time he nuzzles on my neck gripping my waist even harder. “What are you doing? Are you drunk? Let’s go have a seat. You better not shit on me,” I hissed that I’m careful enough not to be squeezed among the crowd with the big guy on my back, silently pleading to give way for us.

So I decided that instead of getting off from his hands, pulling him back to our table would be an easier task. “You can’t escape from me.” He added with his voice croaky but instead of thinking deeply about it, I castaway the thought and hardly able to pull him back in our table. “Come on move, you’re going to regret grinding your ass off surely the next day.”

As soon as we gotten from our seat, I asked the waiter for water and waited patiently for Keegan to fix himself. As expected, him being not able to do it properly, I straighten and sat beside him. Fixing his messy dark hair, I smoothly comb my fingers through his hair while wiping his cheeks with my right hand seemingly a dirt have been itching his face for too long.


His drowsy eyes darting to me solemnly seeping unspoken words, making my cheeks burn like it should not supposed to be. And just like how often I have wondered what it could be, it still made me nervous. The leap of my heart, sounding too loud to bear, the gaze that can’t take away from me making it too hard to breathe. And no, this isn’t attraction it’s a pure bliss of the alcohol. An effect of the dreary night, daze from the different color of the lights that is changing too fast, making my heart beat too haste. And I am just hoping that these moments won’t be remember by him and would only be kept for me. It aches but I can’t deny how it feels so nice.


And with the long silence stretching I am now thinking of what words should I tell to stop me from breathing too deeply with every seconds, but he said the words first, words I cannot comprehend.

“You’re so beautiful,” he did not even blink when he said those words. He’s just looking at me seriously, staring deeply to my soul like he could really tell at this moment what’s inside of me and he’s looking at me like the world have shaped into me. It’s all about me… and I can’t accept it fully.

“Thank you, but you shouldn’t tell it so suddenly, so out of the blue. Every girl would be giddy to hear that.” I told him honestly while putting some loose strands of my hair behind my ear, because it’s making me uncomfortable. Whenever he’s drunk, he always act like this and I find it really awkward. Like some computer malfunctioning and can’t decide what to program, what to process or cannot respond.

Before I could even stop him, he’s already helping me tucking my hair behind my ear. He murmured something but I couldn’t hear it properly so I asked him about it but instead he shrug it off then abruptly stand up. Too shocked from his sudden action, I asked him the dumbest question, “You can stand up? You’re sober already?” He smirked as a response and then lend me his hand. “Let’s go, you seem drunker than me.”

The next morning, we are both getting ready for school when it suddenly cross my mind about things that should be just shaken off. As I was pretending to fix the collars of my clothe, I tried slipping the thing that have been crossing my mind last night.

“Hey, I have been wondering. Although it’s not about yesterday it is just really a thought that came off.”

He’s getting the keys at the top of the fridge as he was rushing things out. And while we’re getting out of the condo and I’m still hesitating about pushing the thought he have finally pushed the buttons. “Will you just stop kicking around the bush and go straight to the point. Come on, move fast I don’t wanna be late,” as he tapped his fingers on the table.

I started going outside as he follow me. We’re already taking the elevator with another person, who’s probably from above our floor or perhaps just the same with us. Still not paying attention to the stranger I continued our conversation.

“Fine,” as I was waiting accordingly, facing the door specifically glimpsing at Keegan’s reflection, I tried to explain my idea. “Do gays get a boner as well to girls? I mean do they get aroused as well to a hottie chick?” I even added an almost awkward chuckle to make it even lighter. I think I also heard a suppression of laughter but it was only weak that I’m not sure if I really heard it right or just my silent pleading to get an immediate answer from this guy next to me because he’s not saying a word.

Like what happened yesterday, it’s no big deal. “I’m just kind of curious, it’s nothing for us to split hair, it is just that although I know that everybody have a unique personality and it differs to each one of us. But there could be an absolute major answer for that--” I was cut off from his nonchalant words. We’re already walking towards his car separating with the guy in the elevator. I did a good job for not paying attention to him, because memorizing his face would surely put me in shame if I would face him again. Embarrassment is now washing my face.

“You do know that you’re not making sense right? Early in the morning and you’re babbling rows that only you could understand. Being an alien suits you, take my word for it.” I looked at him to saw his smirk while driving. His arms are really on point, I could see some nerves ready to pop, is he insecure about it and actually want to be skinny like me? Are his muscles that too showy? For I know that gays want to be skinny, or mayhap just half of the population.

“Earth to Adelaide, what? Did you not sleep well? You’re too spaced out, okay to calm your tits gays do get work up as well depending on the situation and perhaps to whom they are together with. But if you are asking about me, what happened yesterday were just because of my hormones. It doesn’t mean anything, so will you stop checking me out?”

Like a little kitten caught by his master, I blinked slowly and showed him my sweetest smile. He looked directly to my eye, and it somehow makes me thrilled. I don’t know how to explain it or if there is even a right word to describe how I feel every time he stare too much directly to my eyes. But whatever it is, it shouldn’t put too much pressure to where we are standing to each other lives.

“Okay,” I said as his lips curved into an arc while his getting out of the car. I haven’t even notice that we’re now at school. That jerk didn’t even wait for me instead he goes straight inside the university not waiting for me. Although it’s fine since we are not heading to the same building anyway.

As I’ve entered the room everybody were swamped with their own things. I went straight to my seat which is in the second row near the window. I like seating in front since it makes me focus more to listening to our professors. Luckily there’s no one sitting there yet. Someone have kicked my chair so I spun my head to see the culprit behind me, just to see Mavis asleep on his chair for the nth time. In our school life, we would always have a classmate who goes to school just to sleep.

The day ended with exhaustion. Studying have always been tiring but then I won’t be on school forever, so grinding and hustling on it would not hurt. As I am going out from the school gate, I’m already checking on my mind the list I have to do for the day. Passing through cafes near our school, it’s already packed by students. You could easily point out that they’re having the best time of their lives right now. They say college life would be the best time of youths. I hope I could do that too, I won’t neglect that I still have some memories where I relax and rest, but almost all through the years I’ve been working for my own caprices as well from the past years with my needs. I shouldn’t be comparing my lives with other, for it have always been apples and oranges. It’s not healthy for me.

Passing on the streets alone isn’t bothering at all. Although we are best friends, we don’t hang out always. We are not like those friendships who are 24/7 being together. We go with our ways, we sometimes do our things separately, and have our own personal time.

I could already see the signage of our shop as I’m heading to my part time job. I have some work on a cafe down the alley. Since it’s only a walking distance from our school, it’s such a nice job to work on. As I was walking I saw Mr. Power, father of Keegan going out from the pharmacy just beside from the cafe. I tried to not get his attention but still some circumstances are meant to happen. We locked our eyes together and I saw unpleasant mood praising to be heard. Still, paying respect for the elders I tried giving him a small smile. And that might be the reason for him to acknowledge that it was my form of initiating a conversation with him, although I did not meant it to be that way.

He crossed the distance between us and even made an eyeing to me. His eyes rolls down to my head down to my shoes then going up again to my eyes. I even saw his one eyebrow raising, I do hope that scrutinizing doesn’t mean any baneful intention. Gathering back my senses I tried to give him another smile to him indicating to go straight to his purpose.

“Hello, Mr. Power. Haven’t seen you for a while, how are you?” I actually did not mean to be sarcastic but it seems like it turns out that way. I hope he did not think cocky about it.

“What a day. To see you here I expect that you are actually living near here. Where’s that bastard?” he snorted

“You are actually worried for him? I just came from school and I work in Ancient Cafe, right there.” I think that’s a good news, him looking for his son is a good sign. It might be his conscience and his fatherly love kicking out there. He made a grim face with my thoughts.

“Anyway, are you sick Mr Power?” I asked and this time it’s truly a good will.

“No, it is not me rather his mother. You know what I have think of a good idea,” he even smirked that I almost forgot what he did to his son because when I saw him do that I saw a little resemblance. He stand upright with dominance shaking with pride and indeed power in his feet. The golden light of the afternoon looming the city gave no justice to prove that he’s a man with power.

That is maybe just for him, I hope it’s not something that would put my best friend into a bad situation. He actually looks like a man in forties but if I remember it right, he’s already in his fifties. No questions, how hard could he punch, with his built he could still rumble with gangsters in the narrow street of New York. And I shouldn’t be complimenting him right now because of what he did to my best friend. My bad.

 “I would give him another chance, and this might only be the way to straighten his madness. Tell that bastard that his mother is lying sick at home. And if he still have a ounce of care to his mother then he better visit her. But he could only come when he’s already married, him being a gay isn’t an option. I truly hope that you could help him with this one.” he said in a low hard tone, his expression hardened and his right hand kept in the pocket of his pants. Is that a warning or he’s playing with us. Though, he looks like not the person to joke around.

Sudden realization crossover my face, I genuinely asked, “What do you mean by sick, Mr Power?” And a girlfriend, was that even enough to prove his gender? He doesn’t even need your validation, Mr Power.

“She have gotten worse, and you doesn’t need to know that. Just tell him, he would know it.” and that’s the first time I saw a tender emotion drawn to his face.

That probably means really… really bad.

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