CALUM
By 5 am, I’m wide awake, waiting for Cathy to show up. The only reason I didn’t storm the streets in search of her was because Pete reassured me she was fine. I weave a hand into my hair, yank it from the root. Talk about frustrating and she will be the first one on my list. Cathy doesn’t want to talk to me yet she goes about acting offended.Fine. Part of it is my fault. I am doing it wrong but I have no clue on how to do it right. I could get in trouble. News travels faster in smaller towns.
A relationship between student and teacher is strictly forbidden. Jail term for me. I already spent a year in rehab, I don’t want another time in forced solitude.
Sitting up, my head hangs between my shoulders. I can’t give her what she wants. I can’t be to her what Ben is to Tessa, the definition of true love.
Cathy can’t have me.
My alarm rings at 6 am. I do some press ups in my room, be
I shove a spoonful of ice-cream into my mouth, leaving stains on the corners of my lips. Amelia makes a funny face. She hands me the tissues to wipe off the stain and my mind torments me with a picture of Calum and me in this same position.I kick those thoughts out of my mind. Today is the beginning of Operation Forget Calum. It has been going okay so far. I haven’t checked his social media. My phone is on silent mode. I am doing okay. Slowly but surely, I will get there.A yawn escapes me and Amelia laughs. We spent all day playing around her house. “You’re sure you don’t want to spend the night?” she asks.“No.” Her sister is back. I wouldn’t want to ruin the sisters’ bonding experience for them. Voices rise and fall around us but they sound distant. I chose our booth for this purpose. Privacy. “I’m fine. Need to go home to face him.” Her smile dims. “Not looking forward
Calum is heavy. I’ll never know how I manage to get him into the car but I do. Breathing heavily, I dial Amelia on my way to her house. She picks on the first ring, her voice a bit slow, words slurred.She can’t be asleep because I need her help.“Hey,” Amelia says through a voice inflected by sleep. I’m in worse shape. My hands and legs are shaking and every time the car swerves because I’m unfocused, I shudder. “What’s up? Is he okay?”I choke on a sob, shaking my head like my best friend is here to see me. Without glancing at Calum, I know the poor state he’s in. “He’s not okay.”“What happened? Hey, are you okay?” The sleep in her voice clears. “Hey! Cathy. Where are you?”Clenching the steering wheel, the words tumble out of my lips. I am on auto mode, spitting out the little I know. Amelia gasps when I mention blood. T
Before Calum wakes, I leave Amelia’s place to get Dani’s car and drop it off at the house. On my return, my stepbrother is still asleep so I crawl in bed with him. Ashley shows up a few times to check on him. A part of me knows she wants me to take him to the hospital, I also know I should do the same but Calum didn’t want hospitals involved.Someone shakes me awake. I pry my eyes open to see my best friend smiling at me. I sit up and Amelia points to the tray she dropped on the bedside drawer. Steam rises from the plate, I squint at it, my brain unable to process the sight before me.“I brought breakfast,” she says.“Thanks.”Our attention shifts to Calum, I place the back of my palm on his forehead. He’s warm to my touch. Giving my hand a last squeeze, Amelia leaves the room. I drag a chair by the bed but Calum doesn’t stir. My stomach growls and I have to force myself to eat.
Over the next few days, we maintain the same routine. Cuddling and bathing together. There is nothing erotic about those moments but I won’t give it up or trade it for anything.I roll over on the bed and my body collides with something firm. Calum groans. He peels one eye open and the other follows suit. I love his blues.“Hey, pretty girl,” he says.“Hey, pretty boy,” I reply. He giggles and it’s so cute. Pushing myself up an elbow, I touch the bandage. It has reduced in size. “How are you?”“Okay.”My hand lowers to the other side of him and the blanket falls, exposing my breasts. We share eye contact and my core throbs with an acute need for him. Yes, we have been naked together but it’s different. We were too focused on getting him into shape. I withdraw to my former position, elbows and back on the bed but he tugs me towards him.“Come,&rdqu
Clean and fed, I snuggle up to my stepbrother on the living room couch. Calum smells so good I inhale his scent over and over again. He ruffles my hair and my body sighs in contentment. I look up to him, a finger moving above the bandage that has reduced even more in size to a square. His eyes wrinkle at the corners and he let his hands fall.“You look different,” Calum says.I guess so. Sometimes, I don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I was so used to having a different hair colour each term that I forgot what I looked like in my real hair colour. Like my mum. Propping my chin on Calum’s chest, I play with his stubble.A bang sounds from the television, drawing our attention to the drama we forgot about. I freeze at the scene. A car crash with a lady as the driver.Dark memories roll over me and my pulse spikes. Calum’s arm tightens around my body, his thumb moving in circles on my lower back. My chest cl
Calum is gone.Gone.I wake up alone. My palm moves over the bed. It’s warm. That means he couldn’t have been gone for long. I reach for my phone to call him but the blue note pinned to the top of the drawer catches my attention. His handwriting elicits a smile out of me. It looks like the note was written in a rush.I’ll be back soon – CWhy didn’t he just wake me? I dial his number but he doesn’t pick. The second time, it’s unreachable. Who will check his wound? Is this him trying to avoid me after baring his soul to me? That’s not unlike him but I force the doubts out of my mind.Yesterday was different. Calum loves me and I love him too. We can make this relationship work. I head into the kitchen to make breakfast for two.He will be back today, right?False.Few minutes past seven and Calum is not back yet. I pace the living room, phone in
My eyes snap open. We stare at each other. Was that his plan? To steal kisses from me and leave? No fucking way.“Sorry for what?” Calum moistens his lips and I feel his regrets. He is sorry for kissing me. For touching me. Is this how it will always be with us? I launch an attack on him, raining punches on his chest, his shoulders. “I hope you had fun at your dumb club.”“Cathy.” He darts a look at the door in warning but I don’t care. I’m tired of him. “Cathy, stop.”“No, you stop,” I snap. My punches grow more frantic, he grabs my wrists and pins me under him. The fight leaves my body and my arms fall to my sides. “Where were you the whole day? Where?”Moving, Calum repositions on the edge of the bed and folds his hands behind his neck. I hate him and I love him. Fuck him. “With a producer. It wasn’t supposed to be the whole day but we ende
I hate mother’s day because it reminds me mine is gone. So, on this particular Sunday, what do I do? I avoid everyone with mothers and request a ride to church from Dad so I can visit mine after the mass. Calum would have offered to drive me but we haven’t said a word to each other since third term began. He is good at making himself invisible so avoiding him has been easier than I thought.Away from the eyes, away from the mind, right?All lies.Voices from downstairs have my steps faltering on the staircase. I can hear Dad’s voice. He asked me to join them in the living room when I was ready. My grasp on my phone is hard enough to crack the screen but I don’t ease up. Dani’s voice is louder, she’s laughing at something Dad must have said to her. I’m on the last stair, so close to them but my heart begs me to race back to my room and hide. I don’t want to see anybody that reminds me of him.