"Hey baby, I've been worried sick. Are you ok?" is the first thing he asks as soon as I answer the phone. About 60 missed calls later. He actually does sound so worried that I feel a bit bad for ignoring him the rest of yesterday. Only just a bit.
"Yeah I'm ok babe." I say to him honestly. I feel a lot better today. My chilled evening with Cody helped me out, it always does.
But also, hearing his voice oddly calms me, despite him being responsible for the bad mood to start with. He doesn't ask why I disappeared like I did yesterday, I know it's because he knows why. This is one of the many conversations we don't have.
It goes alongside the negative effects caused by the privacy of our relationship. We know what it's doing to us but we also know we can't do anything about it. So we ignore it.
"Will I be seeing you tonight?" I've been contemplating whether or not I'll be going to Bruno's house party later. The girls are going and of course they'd asked that I come too.
I don't like going to a party knowing he's going to be there in all honesty.
Ezra is famous, he's also really good-looking. So it shouldn't be shocking that girls like being around him. Yes he doesn't entertain them. He respects me and I appreciate it, but it doesn't stop it from hurting. When I see girls flirting with him, all I want to do is really bad stuff to them.
I also want more than anything to cuddle him and scream to the world that he's mine when I see him, but it sucks that he doesn't want that too. He doesn't want to claim me.
"Yeah I guess." I finally decide. It's not like I have anything planned tonight anyways.
I don't even know why he asks me if I'm going to be there because it's not like we're going to be around each other anyways. He'll be with his friends, and I'll be with mine. We'll also ignore each other's existence, like we always do.
"Ok baby, I'll see you there. I'm going to see Grandma Michaels just now," He then says and I can't help but smile at that. Grandma Michaels is one of the most loving and genuine people you'll ever meet. She's filled with so much warmth that you can't help but want to be around her.
"Really? How's she doing?" I ask him genuinely curious. She's been battling lung cancer for longer than I've known her.
"She's done with her treatment. She misses you." That melts my heart. I know he can sense me smiling because I can sense him smiling too.
I miss her too. A lot.
Everyone back at the old age is now a big fan of Ezra's. Before he became famous we spent a lot of our days there.
We'd go play games and chat with his grandmother and her friends. It was always so fun.
But I had to stop tagging along once he got famous because he didn't want people seeing us together. The old age home always had random people visiting and he didn't want them to recognize him and take pictures of us for the world to see.
I feel my smile turn into a frown and I ignore the familiar pain shooting up my heart before saying, "Tell her I miss her too." He's quiet for a while. I know he hates that I can't be there with him too and he blames himself.
I know grandma Michaels probably scrutinizes him for not bringing me along anymore.
"I love you." He then simply says to me after a while and I welcome the butterflies that flutter in my stomach excitedly. No matter what happens with us, no matter what issues we go through as a couple, I know that when he tells me he loves me, he means it.
"I love you too." I really do. More than he knows.
We talk about our plans for the rest of the day before the party later then hang up after saying our goodbyes.
I'm meeting the girls for lunch in about thirty minutes so I rush to get myself ready then I'm soon in an uber on my way to the mall. I spot the girls as soon as I get to the food court and I hug each one of them once I reach the table.
They all look so lovely, as always.
We talk about nothing in particular as we eat our hamburgers and fries before,
"Did you leave with Bruno the other night?" Olivia asks me bluntly, earning a slight shove from Ashley. I internally roll my eyes because I know they've been talking about it.
"Eww no." I say because it sounds like something I'm expected to say. I don't actually feel that way at all. Bruno is such a cool person I've learned. He's more than just this player he's universally known to be.
"I'm sorry Alex. It's just that everyone saw you guys together for so long then you both just disappeared out of nowhere." Ashley says to me apologetically and I nod my head in understanding. I sure did disappear that evening, but not with him. He clearly disappeared with someone else.
"I got tired and went home. Plus Ms. Lizzy here was nowhere to be found." I say making everyone look at Liz and she looks back at me feigning a shocked expression. Yes I did that on purpose.
"Actually yes, what did happen to you Liz? We barely even saw you before you just weren't there anymore." They'd asked and she beat around the bush, clearly not wanting to tell us what actually happened.
We say our goodbyes a while later as we needed to go back to our homes to get ready for tonight. We agree on the meeting time before we're off.
I look through my closet once I'm home to see what I'll be wearing. I'm in the mood to look really sexy tonight so I decide to go with my little tight short dress. I haven't worn it in forever because it literally exposes each and every curve on my body. It's probably Ezra's least favorite dress but I genuinely don't care today. I need to look good so I can feel good.
I then go downstairs after I feel satisfied with my look for tonight to watch some series to pass time.
When the evening comes, I go back upstairs. Take a shower then put on my outfit for tonight. When I'm done with that I spend a little more time on the mirror than I usually do, working on my face.
I don't like to put a lot of makeup on but today I decide to do a bit of contouring, then I finish my look with a blood red matte lipstick. My long dark hair is in a tight high ponytail and I decide to put on my red Louboutin heels dad got me for Christmas last year.
I soon rush out of the house after realizing it's even passed the time I was supposed to meet up with the girls. I text Liz that I'm on my way before requesting Uber.
When I get there I'm not surprised by the long line of cars parked along the road. The good thing about ubering is that you don't have to worry about parking and it drops you exactly where you need to be.
I can feel the stares as I walk along the paved pathway to make my way into the house. Bruno's house parties usually include about four houses next to each other. He must be really close with his neighbors.
So there are people everywhere. By the street, by the paving, by the grass, and in the houses.
I then make my way into the one that is Bruno's and as I enter, I'm met with the beautiful gray eyes that I see too many times in my dreams. It was like he could sense that I was coming in before I did.
His smile is contagious and so I find myself mimicking it.
We're so caught up in our own little daze that I don't see Bruno making his way to me.
"Wow, Alex. Just wow." He says dramatically and I playfully roll my eyes. "Hi Bruno." I say to him going in for a hug.
He then takes my hand to lead me to where he was sitting with his friends. Where Ezra is also seated looking at us with a look I've never quite seen on him before.
"Y'all. This is Alex.
Alex, this is the dream team." He says introducing me to his friends who give me their most genuine smiles.
Except for one who looks like he wants to kill someone.
He is livid.He's gone out for a smoke about six times already in the last hour, he only smokes when he's stressed. And that's usually only two times in one night.I'm sitting next to Bruno and another guy named Sam and we're conversing about nothing important. I see him looking at me, but not so long that people start to notice.Bruno is not even flirting with me. He's a good looking guy but I'll never see him like that. There's only one guy in this world for me. Bruno and I just have a friendship forming, he honestly has nothing to worry about.'Are you ok? I'm sorry I can't stop it.' I'd texted him and of course he didn't reply. It's upsetting to me that he's always having conversations with random girls, most of which flirt with him - but I never get mad, because I know I'm the only one who owns his heart. But as soon as some guy comes and looks at
I wake up to my stomach crying in hunger at the appetizing smell that makes its way into my nostrils.I open my eyes to see a plate of badly cooked eggs and not so bad looking bacon and toast. Normally I would smile because even though he's not much of a cooker, he'll go out of his way just to make sure I'm fed.But this morning, the first words that come out of my mouth are,"Did you not see me struggling?" I know he was looking at me as I danced with him. My mind can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that he might have seen but did nothing. It's all I could think about last night, and well - now."Bruno jokes around babe. Everyone knows that." I chuckle because I did imagine him using that excuse. But it was in the furthest most impossible excuses I'd thought he'd use. I'd thought it was ridiculous even thinking of it. So I stare at the love of my life with so much pain in my heart to ask him, We're still very much together. But I told him I needed a break.Just to calm my head and my heart from everything. It took him a while but he finally accepted it. He said as long as I come back to him. Of course I will, I always will. I realize I'm a slave to his love.It's not even just because he threatened to kill himself, but also because a life without him is a life I don't want to live. I can't even grasp the thought of him not being here anymore. I've had him in my life for so long that I don't want to picture a life where he's not there.Him wanting to kill himself served as a reminder of how much I need him.I do however hate what he did to make me stay but the thought of him not being alive any more is scary enough for me to.The couple of days that we've been apart had me thinking too much of course. Like about the fact
The One He Never Claimed. 10.
We're still very much together. But I told him I needed a break.Just to calm my head and my heart from everything. It took him a while but he finally accepted it. He said as long as I come back to him. Of course I will, I always will. I realize I'm a slave to his love.It's not even just because he threatened to kill himself, but also because a life without him is a life I don't want to live. I can't even grasp the thought of him not being here anymore. I've had him in my life for so long that I don't want to picture a life where he's not there.Him wanting to kill himself served as a reminder of how much I need him.I do however hate what he did to make me stay but the thought of him not being alive any more is scary enough for me to.The couple of days that we've been apart had me thinking too much of course. Like about the fact
"Hey, are you ok?" A voice sounds forcing me to open my eyes."Yeah," I respond with a smile."Do you want me to get the driver to fetch you some clothes at home? You can stay here as long as you want." She says but I shake my head, and my smile remains."He's doing better now, I'm gonna call Mickey to come and get us a bit later on." I say and she nods her head in understanding.After I'd been by Ezra's side the whole night while he slept, I'd decided to go back downstairs to watch some tv as I couldn't sleep. I must've dozed off on the couch sometime after."Alex, I know how difficult this is for you right now." Michaela says and I look at her in a bit of confusion. How could she possibly understand what I'm going through? No one will ever understand and that's the thing. She seems to sense my ranting mind because,"Dating a football player is hard." She ex
"What happened to you?""What do you mean?""You just disappeared off the face of the earth. You've been doing that a lot lately."Olivia asks making me internally roll my eyes. Not at the question but at the fact that she kissed my man. Although I guess in her defense, she doesn't know. But that still doesn't stop me from being petty with her so,"Can't I just take some time off for myself without you assuming something drastic happened?" I ignore the look Liz gives me after saying that. Olivia keeps quiet after my comment and that honestly makes me feel more bad than good.I'm not a malicious person, at all. But all this compartmentalizing is getting the best of me. I know I'm becoming a different person, I can see it in the way Liz looks at me. It's like she's given up asking me questions now. I used to wish for that to happen but now I can't help but think she's given up on m
"So what about the many ladies sitting at home watching this, is there a lucky lady occupying your heart right now?"The crowd cheers as he blushes before answering,"Not at this moment, no." the crowd somehow manages to scream even louder than before at his response. I'm not really mad because the whole point of us hiding our relationship is so people think he's single. This is not the first time he's giving this kind of interview. It used to hurt until it didn't anymore.So it doesn't surprise me, what surprises me instead is his response after being asked if there's a potential someone."There might be yeah."That's certainly a new one.I'm pretty sure he's not talking about me. Is he saying that so people don't hit on him or is it because there really is a potential someone? This is not an answer he's given
"You left me no choice, how can you put me in such a position?" I remove the phone from my ear as he continues to shout."That was really stupid, don't you care at all about anyone but yourself? I would never put you in such a position Alex." He says for the umpteenth time now. I'm exhausted."I'm sorry," I say to him. I need him to stop so I'll say anything.I've been on the phone surely for more than 30 minutes now just listening to him tell him how stupid what I did last night at Ashley's party was. He says that I should've known he was going to do that because my actions were uncalled for. This comes after he'd been ignoring my calls the whole of last night and today.I came back home and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. When I left Ashley's party, I was a laughing stock. People called me pathetic and desperate, all because yet again - he refused me. And somehow I'm the one who needs to a
My mom was my world.She died a few years ago after losing her battle with Colon cancer. She'd battled it for a few years before it ultimately claimed her. Even though it was expected for the few months leading up to it, it didn't make the pain go away. Not in the slightest.I was broken.I was in middle school and I remember being so heartbroken I felt numb. I didn't go to school for a while but even after returning, I resembled a zombie. I was always in my own world and never let anyone in.I didn't understand how God would let something like that happen to her, happen to me. What did we ever do to deserve so much pain?I hated everything. I hated life.That's when Ezra came along.The first time I saw him was the first time, after my mom's death that I felt not so horrible. He walked in