37.

"Let's see. There was Leo, Martin, Dean, and Lorenzo

I went out with Lorenzo two times though, he was good company. Oh and Dean was cute, he got me a bracelet that I gave to Josh to give to his crush at school.

I still don't know how you'd feel about my telling you all this"

It's still very weird but I like to imagine this being the relationship I would've had with her if she was still alive. A relationship where I can tell her anything and everything, including who I've slept with.

She would cringe but still appreciate my openness.

"Oh and then there was Grant. He was a little bit, maybe a lot older than me but he really took care of me, for that week at least."

That was before I found out he was married with two kids, I'm not going to tell mom that.

"I'm slowing down a bit now. It was fun."

It really was.

For the past four years, I've not been 'falling in love' with other people but myself.

I'd realized that beyond the two people I was with, I had no other experiences of dating wha