3 months ago, before Bella was rushed to the hospital and a bloody incident occurred...
The scorching heat of the sun in the middle of the field did not make Alec lazy for routine training which became a mandatory menu in his daily life. The training schedule for the week is very neat.
"After my training schedule, we'll meet, okay?" The message that Bella received from Alec this afternoon.
Bella was glad that her boyfriend still remembered her despite Alec's busy schedule. It was time for Alec to make a plan. Therefore, after a long time, they finally went on a date, but Bella had to patiently wait until Alec finished training.
Most of the students had gone home and the school seemed deserted. Although it was very boring just waiting outside the field. As long as being able to spend time with Alec was enough for Bella. Besides, she didn't want to waste time complaining about their infrequent time together because of Alec's busy schedule.
Alec is a gridiron star. The school plans for him to join professional training next year. Now is the time when Alec knit his dream. Bella wholeheartedly supports it. She knew all too well how Alec had struggled to get here. He is just one step away from his dream.
In Bella's eyes right now Alec was like a bird flapping its wings high in the blue sky. If only she could fly with him, she thought. Sometimes Bella feels jealous of Alec who has found a dream. His everyday life is earnest, looking at goals and trying to achieve them.
Always and always that thought came to Bella's mind, the thought of what Bella wanted to do. For what reason she was here. What will Bella be when she grows up? Anxiety about her way of life. Unlike Alec, Bella had not found anything and decided on anything.
Bella's heart was tired, don't know why. Always feeling anxious and restless. Something is wrong but she doesn't know where the error lies. Although Bella searched never found an answer. And in the end, all that was left was herself alone.
"Bella, seriously. What are you thinking about?” Alec came from a direction beyond her line of sight.
"Oh, nope." Because she was so lost in her thoughts, Bella didn't notice Alec's presence.
"Hmm..." Alec looked at Bella probing.
“Ehm, the training is over?” Bella tried to change the topic while giving him the bottle of drink she had deliberately provided for him.
"Yup. Sorry, it's been a while, huh?" Alec took a seat next to her. Open the bottle cap and take a sip of its contents.
Not to forget Bella also gave him a towel to wipe Alec's sweat.
“No, I'm glad we could go together. But aren't you tired, Alec? If you don't mind I'd like you to stay with me until curfew." Bella asked.
"Sure! I am alright. But wait, you don't want to go home, do you? Is there any problem?"
Bella realized she had said something wrong, she had to find an excuse. "Nothing, it's just that we haven't been outside for a long time. Is it okay? Haha.." She laughed awkwardly.
In her heart, Bella apologized to Alec. Sorry for always lying to him. What she had decided not to tell would her keep to herself. Even if that person was Alec, Bella didn't want to tell him.
Not disbelieving Alec or ignoring his existence. But because that person is him, Bella is increasingly unable to tell him.
"Maybe later, someday." Bella thought in her heart.
“The moment where Alec left me. When he found the real me. When he finds out that I'm full of lies."
That doesn't mean that she who is with him, Bella's self that Alec knows is a fake. Bella just wants when she is with Alec, she can forget all her problems. Be free and let go, even if only for a moment. Because when Bella returned home, the void enveloped her again.
***
A quiet and lonely house always welcomes Bella's return, only she and inanimate objects. How can someone live like this? In fact yes it can, for example, Bella. As long as this house has a roof, walls, doors plus the spare key. There are groceries and water, maybe a credit card too.
Bella is still alive and is now sixteen years old. sixteen years, she somehow passed the time during the sixteen years of her life. Bella couldn't remember how fast time had passed. Maybe she has amnesia and lost some of her memories. Don't think so, it's more like Bella doesn't want to remember it.
Bella stepped into the kitchen, dinner was already on the table. Even though she hasn't had dinner yet and her stomach is very hungry, Bella doesn't really have an appetite.
In this empty and cold house when Bella eats alone, she feels like she is part of this void. Besides, it's already past 8 pm. Looks like Mariana is working late again at the office.
As an employee of a large insurance company, her mother has been quite busy with work. When she returned home, she immediately chose to rest in her room because she was tired from work. On holidays Marians is also used to still going to work to meet clients.
It wasn't that Bella was complaining, lonely, or wanting attention. She was used to this. Bella understands Mom's situation so she never says everything she feels, what Bella thinks, what she wants. Never and can't, don't know since when Bella became like this.
Bella had better lock the door first and go back to her room to do her homework.
Bella's empty stomach was jammed with light snacks in between doing her homework. Not her habit like this but this is an effective way to delay hunger. At around 9 pm her homework was done too. Bella immediately put books and other equipment into her bag so she wouldn't forget them tomorrow and just take them with her.
Bella went downstairs to get a drink because she was very thirsty. While descending the stairs, the phone rang. She didn't mean to pick up the phone, let the person calling leave a message if it was really important. Bella still with her aim of getting a drink, walked towards the kitchen.
"Piiip.." Incoming message alert tone.
"Mother, I have arrived home. It seemed like no one was home because no one was picking up the phone.”
Bella recognized the voice of the messenger very well.
“Today thank you for the dinner. Say hello to my sister for me. I'll call again later."
“Piiip...” The voicemail ended.
Too bad the food that Auntie had prepared was not eaten by anyone. Mom has eaten out with Jennie.
"What can I do, I will eat even a little." Bella sat down, eating dinner.
The taste of Lauren's cooking is unquestionable, delicious as usual. But the food was cold, as cold as Bella felt in her heart. Or it's just a feeling because it seems the floor of the house is also getting cold. Maybe she was too tired today. Bella had better finish eating quickly and go to bed.
Her parents divorced when she was in middle school, Jennie was nine at the time. Jennie is Bella's younger sister who is three years younger than her. After Mom and Dad separated, she decided to come with Mom.
For Bella, divorce is the best way than every day she has to see and hear fights at home. Gloomy times that she can not forget since she was seven years old.
Throughout the years the fighting went on and on without end. Meanwhile, Jennie, who from the beginning did not agree with Mom and Dad separating, didn't want to choose anyone. The fight for custody of Jennie took place in court, it took a long time because Mom and Dad didn't want to budge until finally, custody fell to Dad.
Maybe Mariana didn't win because she already had Bella on her side so the court decided to be fair on their side. After living apart for four years since the divorce, Bella only sees Jennie occasionally.
Time and distance are no excuse. Bella thought a lot, about everything. Humans as long as still alive if there is a desire to meet each other no matter how far it is not impossible. The bond between humans as long as time passes if they take care of each other will remain strong even if death separates them. But if none of that is there, then this is what happens. Bella and Mom live under the same roof but they live their own lives.
Between them, there is always a time lapse which results in an invisible distance. The parapet walls were getting taller and thicker, either Bella or Mother had built the walls. The thing she knew for sure was that neither of them had any intention of destroying it. And to this day the wall still stands strong.
Bella turned off the bedroom light and climbed into bed, her hands reaching for the blankets ready for bed. She could faintly hear the sound of a car engine from outside, it seemed like Mother had come home. Just before Bella lost consciousness, her bedroom door opened. Someone was standing in the doorway, and soon the door closed again.
That day Mariana and Jennie had dinner together outside, just the two of them. Jennie memorized that when Mom asked to meet the two of them like this, there must be many things Mom would ask her. It's already like an interrogation or investigation session. It was only natural for Mother to do this since Jennie didn't live with her. Since Jennie separated and went with Dad, Mom could hardly see Jennie. Then when Jennie entered junior high school, Dad enrolled Jennie in the Special School with school dormitory facilities. Father put Jennie into the dormitory without discussing it with Mother. That's when Mom found out, Mom and Dad had a big fight that sent each other demands to the authorities. Their fight ended peacefully when Jennie explained to Mom what she wanted to do with her life. She said that it was her decision. That's why now Mother holds Jennie's words more than anyone else. Her words about what she wants to do in the future after completing her education. The profession t
The last hour of class was staining, a heavy drowsiness attacked Bella. Don't blame her for this one, Bella has tried to survive. While the other children had given up and fallen asleep. She understands that their sains teacher teaches them that it is difficult to understand and there is no interaction, monotonous.When he explained he was engrossed in his world, he kept staring at the whiteboard. His hands wrote formulas that came from nowhere and wouldn't stop until the school bell rang. The noisy children in the class were not resolved because all he had in mind were formulas and formulas, fulfilling his obligations to teach according to his assignments, and delivering nothing more than that.A piece of paper landed on Bella's desk. Without wasting time looking for the perpetrator who threw the paper, she immediately opened the paper and read its contents. They usually play this game to communicate during class hours.The piece of paper reads:Today is Santy's birthday, after schoo
Alec's coming to pick her up, maybe in five minutes. All of Bella's preparations were perfect. From head to toe appearance, birthday present, and most importantly her condition is one hundred percent fit.There was a bit of nervousness when meeting Alec, tonight he was very different. With a white shirt and black tie worn a little loosely. The right mix and match really suit him.Bella couldn't hide her fascination, maybe her cheeks were blushing. She was really embarrassed until she didn't realize that Alec was watching her.Her heart was beating, how did Alec think about Bella's appearance tonight. She wanted to hear his opinion but Bella couldn't seem to be able to ask. Because if she heard Alec's opinion, she probably wouldn't be able to control her feelings and looked directly at him.“Alec please stop looking at me like that?! I'm ashamed..." Bella screamed only in her heart."Umm... Alec.""Yes?""Not suitable, huh? My dress?" Bella asked hesitantly."To be honest I was surpris
Bella groped for directions, there was no light, no sound. She could only feel her own existence, nothing else. The uncertainty that possessed Bella made her heart restless.“Pitch black... Is someone here? Aren't I supposed to have dinner with Jennie and Mom? Where are they?"Bella couldn't see anything. Can only have a dialogue with her alone. "It's very dark in here. Weird, it's like…”Bella thought, complicated. Trying to find answers to the situation that happened to her. Maybe she was dreaming."Wait a minute, is there anyone who realizes that she's dreaming while she's dreaming?"Bella could only ask herself one question. But she was sure this had to be a dream because there was no way Bella could see her other nine-year-old self if she wasn't dreaming, or else Bella was dead.This is a scene in Bella's memory that plays like a movie projector. Piece of a scene with father and mother fighting. Bella didn't remember the content of their fight, but she clearly remembered that six
Bella arrived home with her boyfriend accompanied. Unfortunately, Alec had to go straight back to school because he had afternoon practice."I'll call you after training later. Rest and don't forget to take your medicine, okay?" He wanted to stay with her but Bella had refused firmly. “Or, how about I come after practice?” Alec didn't give up.“Alec, you can catch it later. I will feel better after taking the medicine.” Bella wanted to convince him not to worry.“You know, I get a little hurt if you reject me like that.” Alec was being spoiled.“I'm sorry... It's for your own good too. Thanks for dropping me off." Bella gave him a short hug.To be honest it wasn't just Alec who wanted to be pampered. She wanted it too more than he knew. Ever since they were in school, Bella wanted to be like that. But for an athlete like Alec maintaining a healthy body condition to stay fit is the most basic task. She didn't want her fever to infect him.It was true that Bella's fever rose after being
The silence of the night that Bella hated arrived. Mother left later than scheduled. This afternoon her father called to ask about Mother. Bella said that Mother was out of town, and if it was according to schedule, she would come home late at night. Hearing that Father did not miss the opportunity to badmouth Mother."Not responsible!! Leaving the child at home alone.” Dad sounded emotional.“What kind of job requires an out-of-town service to stay overnight?! Didn't realize she was a woman who had two children! too workaholic!! To the point of neglecting children and husband.”Bella who heard this almost slammed the phone down. Father is not aware of himself. Judging Mother from the outside, shallow-minded. Can't Dad think with his senses? For a moment forget the problems between them to see with the eyes of the heart. That the woman he once loved at least, worked hard for his child too.That love will never return, but the proof of their love is still here. W
The first lesson begins. Bella avoided the teacher's gaze, not wanting to be questioned about her bandaged hand. Mrs. Rita is a counseling guidance teacher as well as Bella's homeroom teacher.To be honest, Bella didn't want to deal with her homeroom teacher as much as possible. Not because she is a killer, not even good. Bella called it too sharp, sharp in the sense of feeling. As a counseling teacher, Mrs. Rita's intuition is like reading a person's character. If Bella lingered with Mrs. Rita, she could see through Bella's heart and mind.Mrs. Rita's eyes were sharp, firmly ensnaring what she saw. Her words were firm, right on target. Moreover, her attitude seemed friendly but secretly prying everything from her interlocutor. Then by the time she attacked the opponent with what she managed to pick up, it was too late for the opponent to realize after all that had happened. Making goosebumps, Bella doesn't want to be Mrs. Rita's opponent or target.Bella can't deal with people like M
Today Bella is very tired but really fun. It would be nice if they could go together again. Bella put the photo taken earlier into the photo album. In the album are all the old photos. In the past few years, Bella has never taken a photo.Just look at this one photo, if she is not mistaken this photo was taken when their family attended a relative's wedding. And this photo when Bella was in elementary school, really made her miss those days.Bella's elementary school friends are almost all the female students in the class, and in other classes as well. Compact, always together until there are no secrets between them. She is grateful to have friends as well as a place for her to share stories if anything happens. She told everything to her friends, especially about Mom and Dad.At that time she was in fourth grade. Bella, who had just returned from the toilet, heard them talking about her. Bella suddenly stopped walking. She listened from where she was standing at th