Chapter One

A whirlwind of emotions begins to run through my head, memories, visions, thoughts I had spent so long trying to block out. All those years of forcibly locking them into a closet and throwing away the key, pointless. He found me again, and walked so superior like always towards me. It was like he floated along the ground, his feet barely touching it.

 Stop, don’t think like that. We worked too hard to get to where we are to let him waltz back in and change everything all over again.

I blinked with surprise, surely after all these years this wouldn’t be the response I would really have to seeing the man I had been in love with for so long. Again, the memories rushed back into my mind. I knew I was going to have to face it eventually, but not now. Not while he stood in front of me, that’s too hard. I could see his mouth begin to open; I was going to have to hear his enthralling voice again. I imagined how it would ring between my ears, like a sonnet being played in a beautiful amphitheatre. I glanced back at him, he had a look on his face as though he was waiting for something. Crap, I missed it.

 “Pardon?” I asked sheepishly, though surely, he would be used to my day dreaming lucidity.

“I said hello” He responded with a slight chuckle.

“Oh, Hello”

 Gosh, could I have possibly been any more like...me? I rolled my eyes at myself, and of course like usual he caught it.

“Something wrong?”

I shook my head. “Just surprised to see you back here, last thing I ever expected of you.”

“I can go if you would prefer, I just thought it would be nice to see you. Although I too can say I didn’t expect to see what it is I have”

 I knew immediately what he was talking about, I had changed a lot since he saw me last. I didn’t have any other choice though. The woman I once was, was a woman who loved him. A woman who had to leave him. I didn’t want to be that. I wanted desperately to be the woman who would love him through anything, that would stand by his side, even when he wouldn’t stand by mine. He gave me no choice though, he had made his decision. It’s not like he hasn’t left and returned before. Every time breaking my heart as I stand there and watched him walk out of my life again. I caught him looking at me waiting for another answer.

“I don’t want you to go, though you probably shouldn’t stay”

He nodded his head. “What our current status’s dictate and what you dictate are two different things. I will stay here, no matter what the city says. Unless you, say otherwise”

With a soft sigh, I asked “So, where have you been?”

He turned on his back leg and headed towards the backroom, giving me the impression, this was going to be a long story. He strode over to a sturdy wooden chair placed just far enough away from the fireplace that softly lit the room. I foolishly decided to follow. I sat down quietly in a chair just across from him and rested my head on my hand. In one instance I am eager to hear what he has to say, but in another I am terrified. I am not sure of how I will react to his story. Will it be about another woman? Has he gone back to his roots and is fighting again? What is his reason this time for his return? With all my speculations I had realized I missed the first few lines, I hurried to catch up. My enthusiasm again took me by surprise.

“—I honestly didn’t think it would turn out like that. I was so ashamed of myself and my obvious lack of judgement. I honestly never thought I would let my guard down, nor did I think I would get hurt from it.”

Immediately I followed, he was talking about us. Our history. The last time I had saw him, I broke his heart. I needed to know if he was going to stay and fight it or leave like every other time. I needed closure, and I got it. I had told him I moved on, that I had found someone else in one of his many absences. It hurt so much to lie to him so, I was with another man but I would soon find out I would never find someone else. He had captured my heart, exclusively.

“So, I did the only thing I thought of doing. I left. I rode for a long time. I would stop into villages, for food and necessities. I never stayed long though. I wasn’t looking for friendship, romance or companionship. All of those things had hurt me before”

 That cut like daggers through my heart for some unexplained reason. I had never thought I would turn him against every other human being. Just me. I felt responsible. My foolish act of fast tracking his thinking and making him decide, in turn pushed him away from all of society. I destroyed this man, and he had told me so before. Though I only just realized how much damage I really did, right now. 

“Then one day, I was out riding. I stumbled across a forest that seemed very familiar to me. There was this pond, flowers and massive trees. We had been there”

As he said that, I looked up. I could tell by the look in his eyes he knew I had noticed, and knew exactly where he was talking about. It was a beautiful forest I used to pick herbs in, one day he came along with me. My knight in shining armour. I giggled inside my head, then caught my reaction. I am really not used to these feelings at the moment. Though the forest, I had stumbled upon an amazing pool. I couldn’t find it again, so whilst I was picking he went in search of it.

I continue to drift through my memory, I remember his proud face when he comes back and announces he found it. The grin on his face as he took me by the hand, making me drop everything I was doing and practically dragged me to it. I smiled

“Memories?”

His voice caught me off guard, I had almost forgotten he was sitting in front of me. I nodded my head slowly, and he in turned smiled at me. Something I had not seen in so many years. That breath-taking smile.

 I drifted back into my daydream, his smile. We sat there right next to the water. I could almost feel it lap against my feet like it did that day. I could feel the tenderness of his lips against mine as he kissed me, glad to see I was surprised with his efforts. I subconsciously ran my finger tips across my lips. Then gasped as once again, I remembered he was still there. I heard him take a sharp breath, and knew I had been caught.

“Go on with your story, I'm listening” I said in an effort to remove the attention from me. Not that there really was many other people in the room anyway.

“You’re not really here, but ok.” I noticed him shift in his chair, like he was uncomfortable. I didn’t really understand, but I continued to listen.

“I spent days there, possibly weeks. Fighting with myself. I didn’t know if I wanted to come back. I didn’t know if I could deal with remembering you the way I did, then finding you in the arms of another again.”

Those daggers were back again, piercing my heart with every word. I knew I had to bare it though, I hid my cringe as best I could. Though it doesn’t mean much, he would notice anyway. Hiding those kinds of things from him were impossible.

 “But, I thought about it. Is it truly better to love and to of lost, then to never know at all. So here I am. I didn’t find what I expected. I thought you would have moved on, which in turn you had. Though I thought you would still be there. Still be in Oenardil, engaged or married to some man that didn’t deserve even half of you. Alas, instead of a man, you are with a city that doesn’t deserve you.”

I frowned, I knew he would have brought up my new-found loyalty eventually. I guess I had just hoped it would have lasted a little while longer.

“We all have to move on eventually, we can’t all run away until a problem fixes itself and we see fit to return” I shocked myself with my response. It felt like I had just spat an insult full of acid at him.

He seemingly shrugged it off and once again continued. “You know it’s not right for you, you know it’s against everything you believe in, and most importantly you know it’s not who you are. You are an empty shell since you gave yourself to that city. You are standing up for the things you know are wrong, and you do it for the slight amount of happiness it gives you”

“So I’m not allowed happiness anymore? Is that how it is? You can break my heart over and over and leave and come back when it suits you, but I can’t be happy? Sure it’s not the most conventional way. I had no other choice! I had responsibilities I wasn’t going to just walk out on, friends. I don’t expect you in any way to understand that. It’s like you and I are two people from separate worlds, aliens to each other. You haven’t been around. You don’t know what’s right for me! You don’t know anything in regards to me.”

“I know more than you think Amelia, I have been around the lands. I have been around you. Deny it all you want, you just don’t want me to be right. You’re mad at me for leaving, and for hurting you, but just remember. It goes both ways. I got hurt too”

I rolled my eyes. Does he really think arguing with me is going to work? From the look on his face he had the same thought I did. I grinned with a sense of success.

“What on earth is going on here?” The voice startled me, and almost immediately the grin was wiped off my face.

“Nothing Commander, I was checking stock prices and Abran here walked in.” I’m not a great liar, and I was consciously aware of the fact that we were both seated in the communal area rather than the trade section.

“This is not a time for you to be questionable” I could see him eye me up and down seeing straight through me. I nodded my head.

“I don’t mean to be rude here, but if that’s truly what you think of me. I’ll leave” Abran got up from his chair and walked out the door. I heard him mount his horse.

“What was that about?”

“He was just being himself, telling me I had made a mistake and that I wasn’t where I belonged. I disagreed with him and said he didn’t know anything”

The Commander nodded his head once, and without a word turned and he too walked out the door. There I stood by myself, my mind ran wild. I went straight back to that day in the forest, by the pool. I began to smile again.

I remembered running up to him and jumping into the air, he caught me in his arms.

I remembered sitting with him by the edge of the pool again.

I remembered pushing him into the water, armour and all. I chuckled after that thought.

I remembered him pulling me into the pool after him.

I remembered seeing him out of his armour for the first time. I sighed.

Stop doing this to yourself, it’s only going to hurt you more.

I stood up immediately, I had some sudden urge to get out of that room. I didn’t really know where I was walking to, or why but I was walking.  I ended up down by the rocks on a beach. I sat there watching the water lap against the shore, over and over becoming more violent as the storm started to set in. More memories.

I saw the water drench his shirt against his skin in the water, him swim up towards me and lift me around him. I felt his lips against mine again. I shook my head, trying to clear it. The memories only became more vivid.

I could feel his hand run along my skin, it gave me chills. I closed my eyes, I no longer wanted to fight my memories, I liked how they made me feel.

I went back to the days in my shop, the days I spent convincing him I was different. Here I am a different woman again. I swore black and blue I had changed, and I had. To this day I am not sure if he ever believed me. He seemed to enjoy watching me fight my reputation.

I remembered how much it hurt every time he threw it back at me, each cheap shot cut me over again. I thought about the woman I used to be, the woman he loved. I hadn’t thought about her in years. She left me the day he did. I felt pathetic. I had given so much of myself to one man, I lost it when I lost him. What a stupid, stupid thing to do. I knew better than that. At least, I thought I did.

Every time I go back to that day in my shop, the day he spoke about Evelyn. She was the love of his life, he always made sure I knew that. I knew that no matter what I ever did, who I ever became. I would never be her and he would never feel about me in the same way. I think that was the only day I managed to hide my true feelings. I played intrigued, proud that he would share that with me. It hurt, I realized just how much I cared for him. I was jealous of her, jealous of what they had, and most of all jealous of how he saw her.

She was an amazing person, but someone he felt guilty for. Then me, someone he viewed as a whore just a waste of time that would amount to nothing. I felt my eyes swell. I hated being thought of like that. There were less than a handful of people in my life that opinion hurt me like that. He was at the top of that list, even when he hated me.

It was stupid, why him? Why did I have to fall for a man who couldn’t care less if I disappeared and never returned again?

I picked up a small stone beside me and threw it as hard as I could towards the ocean. It gave a slight amount of relief, though not what I wanted. I stood up and began to wander again.

I wandered back up the hill that lead down to the ocean, no matter where I went I was going to see him. Dark grey clouds began to roll in from the south covering the ground with a dim, gloomy glow. I had left it too late to leave. I felt single droplets begin to hit my bare arms and the tip of my nose. I trudged along as the soles of my shoes filled with water. I slid as I stepped onto the wet grass, catching myself just before I fell.

I could see the docklands where the ferry pulled in not far from sight now. As I wandered down through the village gates I kept my eyes low. I was known throughout this village for my help when I was living in Oenardil. Every day I had some new child to whom I was showing stores that required young hands. None of the jobs where ever life changing or passion filled. They were simply a way to make ends meet whilst studying back within our walls. I neared closer to Sularist Alley, I was meters from a safe exit when I saw a shadow standing just behind a post. I sighed, no one gets anywhere around here without being noticed.

“Amelia? There is a face I haven’t seen in years?”

I put on a fake smile, “Ah, Marcus. What a pleasant surprise. What are you doing in these parts? Surely someone as experienced as yourself has no need to be spending time in a village such as Unilia?”

“Well, after you left us someone had to take over your position on the council. Considering I used to be your aide before I to go elected, who better to fill your shoes” He thought his words would hurt me. But after the encounter I had just had, my subconscious was doing more damage than he could ever inflict.

“Ah, I see. Well congratulations! I hope it is all working out for you, but I must be on my way. I have things to attend to before this storm sets in” I attempted to wave him off before he spoke again.

“New little demonic doesn’t like the rain? You’re not a pyro”

I rolled my eyes, “Its’ got nothing to do with that, but if our conversation is down to mere sarcasm that’s a good time for me to leave. Be well Marcus”

As I took a step forward, he blocked my way. “What’s happened to us Amelia? Why is it like this?”

“There never was an us Marcus, you need to separate yourself from your brother. Though, when you think about it, we were hardly going to be friends. I deserted the city remember, left you in your time of need. Enemied for twenty years. There shouldn’t even be a want for us to be friends. Now if you would, I have places to be”

I pushed myself past him and continued walking down the alley, no matter what else he had to say I wasn’t going to listen. I had made my decision. Rircaex was where my loyalty laid.

As I walked up to the ferry dock, the smell of fish penetrated my nose. I held my hand as tight across my face as I could, still allowing air to flow through to breathe. Thankfully the ferry was edging over the horizon. I walked towards the gate and nodded politely at the docklands master. He was busy untying ropes and securing fasteners. The bang as the ferry hit the dock frightened me and I jumped. Since this war between Rircaex and Palarayden my nerves had been on edge. I slipped through the gate and walked up to the front of the ferry, I sat down on an empty seat and pulled my coat from my pack. I rested it over my head to act as some sort of shield from the rain we were about to sail into. The ship’s deck and seats where covered in water, so I assumed that the storm wasn’t far into the short journey.

The ride towards Diapist wasn’t a long one, it was rougher than normal because of the storm. The rain had set in and I began to shiver as my clothes were soaked through. We hit the dock in Diapist lighter then Unilia but I had braced myself for the shock anyway. As I exited the ferry there was a line of youngsters waiting to board, I smiled at them before remembering they would have no idea who I was. They all looked slightly confused to see a smile on a demonic face so I covered my embarrassment with a laugh and continued walking up the road.

The road across the mountains that lead to Rircaex wasn’t far from here, I only had to walk through two small villages. None of which were overly popular. Just full of sailors and fishermen. Majority of which were always drunk and causing a brawl in one of the many pubs that surrounded the area. It began to rain harder so I picked up my pace.

As I walked up towards the Crosland’s I saw a group of people standing just outside the Tavern door. As I got closer I could make out some of the figures. Davina, Carlow, Cecila and Dimetrius. I smiled as I walked up and pulled the coat off of my head. I curtsied before the group.

“Masters, Mistress Davina. Cecila”

“Amelia” Carlow nodded.

“How are you all?”

“We are all well. I spoke with Commander Cuyle. Seems you were in a situation that you shouldn’t have been in earlier?”

I nodded my head, “That’s true, I did explain it to Commander Cuyle and he seemed to be ok with it”

“We want to speak with you tomorrow at the tower in the morning. That way, people who don’t need to know wont.” I saw Davina turn towards Cecila then back towards me

“Of course, Mistress”

“On your way then, we have things to do” I nodded at Davina and continued walking down the path towards the hill.

I wandered down towards the towers and nodded at the guards as I went past. The gates where heavily armed, as usual now. I produced my right wrist forward displaying the blood coloured tattoo of a leach imbedded just beneath my skin. The guards nodded and open the gates for me.

I decided to bypass the City centre to limit anymore conversation or another run in with my commander. I went down the eastern alley, towards the executioner’s square. My house lay just off from the front gate, I pulled my key ring out of my pack and unlocked my front door. I slipped my boots off and spread my toes out as I walked inside. I walked straight into my lounge room up to the fire place and grabbed a log from the pile. I tossed it on and lit the fire. I laid straight down on the floor in front of the fire and just watched the flames frolic effortlessly between the logs. It was mesmerising. I laid there for what felt like hours, I could just see his face at the front of my mind. I closed my eyes and listened to the crackle. Slowly it drifted off until I couldn’t hear it anymore. Just my dream.

“Amelia, Amelia!”

“Hello Cecila! How are you?”

“I’m fantastic! How are you?”

I chuckled, “I’m well thank you, what are you so excited about?”

“I just got promoted in the guild, Marcus thinks I am doing really well!”

“That’s amazing Cecila, I’m so proud of you! How are those tasks coming that I set for you?”

“Getting there, I started working with Raul back in Unilia. Going well so far”

“That’s fantastic! You're coming along nicely. Heard from your family lately? Some people have been saying that communications are all over the place lately with talk of a war about to start”

She shook her head, “I haven’t heard anything. I was worried that they might be mad at me”

I looked at her curiously, “Why would you think that they would be mad at you?”

She sighed, “My mother had four sons and me, we lived out on a farm in the middle of nowhere. My brothers stayed to help my mother and father on the farm. I said I wanted to be something more than that and I left to come here. It should have been the other way around. I should be there and my brothers should be out bettering themselves for their future wives”

I put my arm around her shoulder, “Cecila, if your brothers had left they wouldn’t be studying like you are. They would be training for a war. Oenardil is safe yes, but we still need to ensure our cities safety. So, think about it this way. Your brothers are all safe back home, you are bettering yourself and will be able to return one day and help them all. Sometimes you need to put yourself first and at least you didn’t go all evil on them and end up in Rircaex!”

We both laughed when I said that.

“Rircaex! If I ever end up there Amelia, shoot me!”

I chuckled, “Same goes for me”