C1

196 DAYS

I stare at my wall clock as I listen to the non”stop ticking. Since when did that ticking become so deafening? In addition to the clock ticking, I'm starting to feel a twitch in my eye. The clock is getting on my nerves.

The rain is coming down outside. That makes me kind of sad. I need it to stop. I need the sun to come back.

196 days.

That's how long he and I have been together since we talked. The best 196 days of my life. I miss him. Because of the rain I haven't been able to see him. My boyfriend Jason who I affectionately call Jay lived in the other town. Palmer Springs. He was close by. I could see him if I wanted to. He could come or I could go. But that's not the case.

I remember the first time I saw him, he would come walking along the shore with his slow, sure steps.

Why does he come so slow, I wondered. That was Jay's way, unhurried, whereas I was more anxious and hurried. When he arrived and sat down next to me he said a tender hello. I was nervous but didn't show it.

“Hi," I replied with false assurance.

That night I met Jay, who I never thought would be so important in my life.

We have now known each other 196 days and been dating for 5 months. The best days of my life. But now I would like to see him, I hadn't seen him for a week already. And the rain was still coming. Winter was here. We were close to December so it was very cold and rainy. I needed Jay to keep me warm in every way possible.

I didn't hate the rain, it's just that every time it rained I was alone so I felt lonely. It was like the sky was crying, I felt sad too.

I had been feeling strange for a few weeks, since the last time I saw Jay I had a lot of anxiety and there were times when I felt a sense of unreality. It was normal for someone who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. It didn't scare me so much anymore.

As I lay in my bed, trying to sleep and listening to the annoying ticking of the clock I wondered if this was really real.

What if I'm dead and everything that's happening I'm imagining? What if this isn't real? Since when? At what point did I die? But they were just crazy questions in my crazy head.

Before I went to sleep I got a text from Jay:

Sweet dreams my love, I'm counting the hours until I can see you. I hope tomorrow is a better day and the sun comes out. I love you sweetheart.

Jay's messages made me happy.

Jay was my happiness.

I felt cold, so I completely sheltered myself while answering his message:

Rest up, Jay, hopefully tomorrow the sun will indeed come out. I miss you. And I love you. Kisses.

I left my cell phone on the nightstand plugged into the charger and closed my eyes ready to sleep, hoping tomorrow would be a better day.

However, it would be the opposite.

“

There was that alarm again. I stirred in bed looking for the ice”cold thing in the bed and got ready to go back to sleep, but the alarm wouldn't stop ringing. The alarm was my mother's.

“Mom, the alarm!

Nothing.

It was annoying.

She was interrupting my sleep.

I got out of my bed, noticed the sun was out. The sun was out. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked to my mother's room, but when I arrived there was no one in bed.

How strange.

It was too early for me to go out.

I played it down and hurried to turn off the alarm. I was hungry and honestly the sleep had gone out of me. It was a new day and better. I would see Jay. I went down to the kitchen to get something to eat. But there was nothing. No eggs. No eggs. The fridge was empty and the stuff that was there was old.

She was sure she had left milk last night.

I was still in my pajamas and very hungry.

I'll have to go to the store.

I took money from the jar, combed my hair a bit so I wouldn't go out on the street so disheveled, and put on my wool boots. When I go out on the streets of Plant Green the sun's rays greet me. I feel them on my skin. They embrace me. I liked to feel the sun on my skin. But not to excess.

But that was not the case, as I was walking through the streets of the town I noticed something much stranger. The streets felt somewhat vague and empty. I mean, the streets were... sad. It didn't seem like the normal of the town. It felt like another place.

Could it be that I'm still asleep and dreaming?

I pinched my arm and no, I was awake. When I was almost near the store I met several people I didn't know. They were not from town. Or I had never seen them around. Yet I felt even stranger when they stared at me, unblinking, undisguised.

I felt uncomfortable.

What's going on today?

When I got to the store I looked for my cart and set out to put the things I would need in it. Milk, eggs, coffee, toast, butter. When I get to the checkout to pay Berny, the guy who attends, I put my stuff on the table, waiting for him to run it through that thing that makes pip and gives the price. But he doesn't. He just stands there, looking at his cell phone, not looking at me.

“Berny? “I try to get his attention.

Nothing.

“Berny!

Is he not talking to me, did I do something wrong without knowing?

“For God's sake, Berny, don't ignore me like that! I just want you to pay for my stuff and I'll leave.

Still he was like nothing, as if... he wasn't listening to me. I snapped my fingers almost in front of him, but to no avail.

“Then I think I'll take this without paying “I started to put my stuff in a bag.

It didn't work.

“Berny! “This time it was another voice that got his attention. He did look up and he did smile as he watched Amanda come in with her purchases, "How are you today?

“Hello, Amanda, it's all good, I think today will be a better day. The sun came out after all.

“Yes, not so good though. My mother wants us to go and... say goodbye to... “silence.

To whom? I was there right in front of both of them listening to their private conversation and they didn't say anything to me. They wouldn't even look at me.

Well, I guess today they all agreed to ignore me today. My birthday has already passed so I don't know why they are doing it. I opened the milk carton and got ready to drink from it. I was still hungry.

“My mother wants me to go too. But it's... it's really sad really.

“I know, she was like your best friend," Amanda says.

What? Who? Berny's almost best friend was me. Or so I thought, it seemed like I was a replacement. Oh, that's great.

“You need to go. I can't believe the timing of this. I'm going to miss her so much. I really will. We all will.

I didn't understand anything, who died?

“Emm... Guys? Who are you talking about? Who died?

But as expected, no one would tell me anything. I accepted that I had been sidelined, put the stuff down and left the store still with my pride. I would find out what happened with that girl and why I didn't know anything. Was she an acquaintance? That filled me with a little bit of terror.

When I am about to get home I notice that in the next house, where my neighbor, who died a year ago, there was a lady fixing some rose bushes. Mrs. Gertrudis used to do that. I felt a kind of deja vù at that moment. But I also felt a shiver, not only because I had felt the sensation that it could be her but because I verified it the moment she stood up and looked at me.

I felt my heart stop for a second.

“Samantha! How nice to see you here... wait, why are you here? “asked the lady who was supposed to be dead and who was now in front of me.

I blinked several times to try to understand what was happening and why, but the more I blinked the more Gertrudis approached me with a worried face.

I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out.

“You... I... a year ago... no," I backed away.

Was she a twin sister?

Please let it be that.

“Sam, take it easy, child, relax, take it easy.

“You... Noo!" I screamed, running into my house and locking myself in. My heart was pounding a mile a minute. I was terrified. I was in shock. It just couldn't be. It couldn't be.

“Sam, open the door!

I grabbed my cell phone and tried to call mom but for some reason there was no signal.

What do I do?

“You were dead, Gertrudis!

“Sam, open the door, I'll explain everything. I know it's confusing and you don't understand anything. Believe me, I've been there, but I need you to listen to me.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

“Sam, don't make me come in.

“I've got the door locked, ma'am!

But there was silence, nothing could be heard anymore, so I slowly turned to the door and peered through the crack in the door. There was no one outside. She had vanished. I felt relief at that moment. It was just a very strange hallucination. I turned around again...

“Sam.

I screamed like crazy as soon as I saw Gertrude in front of me, arms crossed, looking at me.

“Shhhh quiet, Sam, you'll wake up the others," she said, putting a hand over my mouth.

The hand of a dead woman!

“Sam, I want you to listen to me: you shouldn't be here and if you are it's because... because maybe something happened to you... but don't be scared... this place is not so bad. Look on the bright side, you'll be with your grandparents and you'll meet your ancestors.

“Uh? “okay, it was Gertrudis' twin sister who was hallucinating.

“What are you talking about, ma'am?

“Sam, I know we didn't talk much when we were alive, but that was because you were so serious and didn't look at people. But now that you are here maybe that will change. I feel sorry for you here, you know? You are young and you had so much to live for.

“I don't understand... “I was crazy for sure.

“Sam, it's Gertrude, who died a year ago in the house next door. Sam, I'm dead and you know it.

I think I'm nauseous.

“Or so we all thought, she faked her death, didn't she?

He shook his head, smiling.

“You are in denial. You know what I'm trying to tell you.

“Yes, that I need to go back to my psychiatrist and this time tell him that I have very real hallucinations indeed.

“For God's sake, girl, you're dead too! That's what I want to imply.

I looked at her.

I kept looking at her.

And I laughed.

“Look out the window, Sam, and tell me what you see.

I stopped laughing and did as I said, just out of curiosity I looked out the window. And I saw two people sitting in that garden I knew so well. Two old men, talking and laughing. I felt like crying at that moment. I wanted to cry because they were my great”grandparents, who had died years ago. They were there. I was looking at them.

I looked at Gertrudis looking at me with some sorrow.

And then I understood what she had meant. I understood why today started so strangely. My tears came out, silently, one by one.

Once upon a time while I was sleeping I noticed my body floating, it was a feeling so deep and so real that I thought it was a dream, so I let myself go. Once upon a time in my sleep I stopped breathing.