Rebel Two months later "How are you feeling today?" I smile at my therapist, Linda, who I've been seeing more and more this past month. She is a great listener and an excellent therapist, and our sessions are well-needed in my life. My chemo has been taking its toll on me, and ever since Caroline's accident, I've felt... overwhelmed. Not only do I think about my well-being, but I'm also worried about my friend, who is refusing to see anyone right now. Caroline has gone incognito—she is hiding from the world. And it kind of sucks because my big operation is tomorrow. For her sake, I hope that she isn't aware of this because she would suck as my friend if she were just ignoring that... I could die tomorrow. "I'm feeling better than a week ago, but I'm still confused about why my friend doesn't want to see me," I have to fight tears when I say that sentence. "Especially when I'm getting my big operation tomorrow." Caroline should be there for me... am I selfish for thinking that?
Logan Rebel is under the scalpel, and I'm praying the tumor hasn't spread anywhere else. They said it hadn't, but I keep imagining this terrible scenario where the doctors run out and tell me they have found something else life-threatening. Silly, I know, but I can't help myself. I've never been this nervous in my entire life. Not when it comes to the well-being of the woman I love more than life itself. Rebel is everything to me. "She will be alright," Alice places her hand on my knee. There are rings under her tired eyes, and I'm sure there are under mine as well. "How do you know?" I ask. "Because my sister is badass. Rebel got this in the bag, and you and I need to eat something. Nathan said he would pick us up to get pizza. He found someone to watch the kids." I get up from my chair. "Great." I leave the hospital with Alice and Nathan. We eat and joke despite the situation and then return to the hospital. I sit on the same chair for what feels like forever until a doct
Caroline I'm angry at life. I used to have everything: good friends, a great college life, a pretty face, a bubbling personality, and a gorgeous man to date. After the fire I was in, I have scars on my body, and now I'm stuck in a hospital bed after a skin transplant. I no longer look pretty—I resemble Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender. Only it's not my eye, but my cheek that is pink and reddish. Oh, and if that isn't bad enough, I no longer have any friends. I've been suicidal after the accident, so I haven't had it in me to call anyone. My friend, Rebel, had an operation for her tumor. I completely missed that because I was admitted to a psych ward. I don't feel like myself. I'm bitter, sarcastic, and unhappy, and I've regularly seen a therapist because I'm also downright suicidal at times. And by that, I mean that the sad overwhelming feeling of wanting to die isn't there all the time. It comes in waves. I don't think about dying every single minute of the day. But if my
AndrewConfession: I can't stop thinking about Caroline, my ex-girlfriend, and tonight, I'm about to break up with my new girlfriend, Amy. She is a great girl, but it won't work between us. It's not fair to date her when my heart belongs to Caroline. I sigh in front of the dinner table. Amy is at my place. I called her here to talk. Judging from her worried expression, she knows what is coming. And truthfully, I knew this would happen too. Luckily, Amy can't take it too hard. I've been honest from the start: I told her I'm not over my ex-girlfriend. I said dating was a bad idea, but... she convinced me I was wrong.But I was not. "Amy..." I don't think there is a right way to begin one of these talks. I'm going to hurt her, so I better not sugarcoat it. "I want to break up with you. I'm still not over Caroline, and... you deserve someone who sees you, some guy who gives you all of their time."Her lips form a sad smile, and I would love her back in a perfect world, but the reality
CarolineI'm sitting in the hospital lobby. It's time to leave, but Jonatan is too busy with some modeling gig to come and pick me up. Luckily, I got it covered: I was close to calling a cab an hour ago, but it seems Andrew got my back. He texted me and said he would pick me up from the hospital. I smile down at our text conversation. Heartbreaker: How are you this lovely morning?Me: Sad...Heartbreaker: Why?Me: I don't have a ride home from the hospital. Jonatan is busy, and I didn't bring my car. And I'm also hungry. Heartbreaker: I will be there in ten minutes to pick you up, and then we will grab some food from the drive-thru. Me: Why does it sound like you're inviting yourself to my place?Heartbreaker: I'm definitely planning on staying for a bit.Me: HMMMMMM...Heartbreaker: Haha, admit you like my company!Me: Questionable...Heartbreaker: I can cook you some nice authentic Korean food if you let me come over. Anything you want. Kimchi... japchae... the possibilities ar
AndrewI'm on the beach with Caroline. We are sitting on our sunbeds underneath the dazzling sun. I'm spread like a seastar while she sits with her knees bent to her chest. A water bottle is held by her hand, and I catch a droplet running down her chin as I eye her in secret. Since her scars are new, Caroline is fully clothed, and I found her shade under a parasol. She is gorgeous and a real doll for saying it won't bother her if I swim. And I will. I'm already dressed in my swim trunks which I luckily had in my car. I like surfing, but I don't have a board. It sucks...How am I now supposed to impress Caroline? She is immune to my flirting, and it won't get me anywhere. And since she is dating a model, she probably isn't amazed by my physique either. Caroline likes paper-thin boys with beautiful faces, and here I am, lean but much larger than her man and less pretty. I kinda wish I had blue eyes or some other interesting trait...I stare at my naked toes, and Caroline turns my wa
Caroline"Take this pea package and hold it against your eye," I give the package to Andrew. He is sitting on a chair in my kitchen, shirtless because his t-shirt is red from his bleeding nose. Jonatan punched him in the face, which wasn't smart. Out of the two, my hockey friend is the better fighter. The model boy didn't stand a chance. Sadly, Andrew has some wounds to lick now. "Thank you..." Andrew winces when the frozen peas connect with his skin and shudders. "It's cold..."I laugh at him. "What did you expect?""I don't know... maybe a thank you kiss for saving your ass? It would make some of the pain go away."I smile down at him, thinking he is joking. Though, I'm now met with entirely solemn eyes and lips that look poutier since Andrew was punched in the face. It's hardly the right time, but his mouth looks so kissable. Andrew was always a good kisser...I stare at those swollen lips and then down at his chiseled abs... damn. Andrew is more ripped now than when we were to
CarolineThis must be hell. Andrew gave me time to think about us, and I didn't have it in me to turn him down right away. I will turn him down, but I will pretend to think about it to make him happy. In my world, that is giving someone false hope, but Andrew doesn't seem to agree. He is happy I "decided" to think about it, and now he lounges in my bed. Shirtless. Delicious, and eating my chocolate bar. "I was going to eat that chocolate bar..." I sound like a brat, but I'm grumpy because it was my KitKat. "You snooze, you lose."I snort. "Excuse me?" I can't hide the smile spreading over my lips. Andrew says the craziest things. "This is my apartment. You don't just go and raid people's fridges. And PLEASE, put on a shirt, will you?""Why?" Andrew looks up at me in alarm, like I'm the crazy one and what he is doing is normal. I can't believe this... I'm standing by the door, unsure what he is doing inside my bedroom in the first place. "Because we aren't together! You shouldn't